Where has the time gone?

Travelling and family.

Nothing exciting, nobody has gotten sick or hurt... yet.

The kids are taking turns with rides on the snowmobile. Sage is complaining of an ear ache, but insists it is from the plane.

My parents gave us money for a Wii! Funny story, I was at Wal-mart, two days before we left and they announced that there were 11 Wii's in the store. I finished picking out my yogurt, thought about how I wished I could get one for us and then thought about how I could sell it and make a profit. I bought it. Drew was excited to sell it, as was I, but it turned out that 22,000 other people were excited about selling one too. So, after it was sold and ebay took their profit, and paypal took theirs, we would have made maybe $20, maybe. We had a couple people express interest but we didn't find out soon enough. I returned it. Then, we open a card from my parents with cash in it and a poem saying they wanted to get us all Wii's! I am so excited to get home and find one.

Not For Lack of Content

Where to begin?

Drew and I were in Minneapolis for the weekend. Target wined and dined us, kind of. It was a great weekend, we completely enjoyed ourselves and would love to move to MN. He is waiting to hear back from a company in Denver. And then, we can begin to make our decision.

My mom came to stay with the boys for the weekend and I totally took advantage of her! Since she was here, I went to Drew's architecture review Friday morning. When I came out, somebody had hit our drivers side mirror and it was hanging. After briefly stopping at home, I went to the car store and got the mirror fixed. $200 poorer and one new mirror, I went to Target to get some essentials for mom since her luggage didn't quite make it to the correct airport. She is such a trooper and wore Drew and my clothes for the weekend. Seriously, my mom is the most flexible woman I know. She proved it time and again this weekend. It started by changing her destination so she could get here and adding a train and bus ride. Then, it was the luggage. Then it was all the running around that I did while she stayed with the boys, I didn't intend to do all those errands, they were the kind of errands that had to be done now and they hadn't even existed the day before.

Kolby had a fever on and off over the weekend and both of the boys' colds got worse. Last winter, we struggled with Kolby and bronchial infections. Looks like this winter is off to the same start. Monday, I took him to the doctor to discover double ear infections and she sent us home with a nebulizer. After the treatment in the office, he was a different kid. He wanted to be out of my lap, looking at books and climbing on the stool. I am smarter this winter and know how to count his breaths and when to take him to the ER. Breathing issues are scary!

While we are on the subject of Kolby, I had emailed Dr. Ponseti to ask him how many hours per day he should be wearing his brace. Kolby should be wearing them 14 hours per day and at naps. I now put his brace on at 6:30 pm and take it off at 8:30 am. It should work since he usually goes to bed by 7:30 or 8 and sleeps until 7. He hasn't minded the extra time in his brace during the day, he is an expert at crawling in it and is working hard on walking! He pulls himself up to things and tries to hold on and walk along. It is a little difficult since the bar sometimes hits what he is walking next to. I will try to get a video!

My To Do list seems to lengthen by the minute! Laundry, pack, Christmas cards, wrap, etc. We have a whirlwind next few days and then we go on our Christmas tour. Blogging will be light.

Farts Are Funny

The other day, Drew was in the living room playing with the boys. Kolby was sitting in the fire truck, leaned to one side like he was looking out the window, pppphhhhttttbbbbb (farted) and laughed!

Drew came and told me while I was washing dishes and I couldn't stop laughing. My Kolby, a little Jim! I'm so proud.

*****************************************

Our internet has been down since Sunday. My house is very clean. And my Christmas shopping is behind.

It's snowing here. Normally, this would excite me. Not today. My mom is supposed to be flying here. Her first flight got cancelled, she got on a later one. I told her to try to get into a New York City airport. She did! The flight summary says IN FLIGHT! Now, pray she is able to land at the right spot. And then pray that my mom, who is almost 60, finds the bus to Grand Central Station and then the train to our city. She has already told me how adventurous she is!

I was explaining to Sage that Grandma, might not make it today. He said, "She will because we asked God." A good lesson that sometimes, God answers our prayers with a no or a wait. Not usually the answers we are looking for, but answers.

Actually, a good lesson for all of us!

What would you do?

We were waiting in line at Target to return a sweater for Sage that did not fit (where can I get sweaters for him that aren't $30?!) behind an African American woman with dread locks. Sage exclaims loudly "Mommy, she has fake hair and we have real hair!" Umm. I explained that she has dread locks in her hair, it isn't fake, just different than our hair. I talked in a normal voice, I didn't lower my voice like I was embarrassed.

Honestly, I kind of was. It's not that he isn't around people that are different from us. In fact, at Sunday school, he is the only white child there.

I guess he just hasn't noticed dread locks before!

Later, I thought I should have thrown out that I really like dread locks. Would that have seemed cheesy? I really do, I have always wished I could have dread locks so I wouldn't have to wash and dry my hair everyday!

Sometimes I Wonder

I wonder if I am crazy, if I want to make my life difficult.

I wonder why I take the boys places.

Tonight, I took the boys to a Happy Hour at Yale. Without Drew. I thought it might be an okay idea.

And at first it was.

We got there early, got some food, staked out a spot. Then the people started to come. And kept coming. The room was small, the people were, I really want to say they were big and I guess if I compare them to my kids they were, so big.

We sang "Winterland". The boys were having a good time, students were playing with Sage and Kolby. One even helped Sage get through the crowd to get more food. Then it was time to go.

We got jackets on in the 180 degree room, made our way, through the people. Sage headed right to the cookies on the table. I was holding his hand and tried to guide him away from the table of cookies, away from the crowd of people standing around the cookies and he yelled at me. Yelled. In the crowded room of Drew's fellow students at Yale. I got him to the other side, squatted down to his level and explained again that we are leaving, no more cookies. He put his hand over my mouth and yelled NO. Again. I stood up, grabbed his hand and got us all outside. I got down to his level and explained that his behaviour is unacceptable and he will get disciplined when we get home.

Not to mention that I was holding Kolby, who is 30 plus pounds and the diaper bag, that just added to the moment.

It's been a rough night.

I am eating marshmallows and twizzlers. I wish it was chocolate.

Here's to a new day tomorrow!

My Celebrity Look Alike, Kind Of

Here is what I do when Drew goes back to school for the night.

%1

Check out more morphs at Steph's!

The Sweetest Thing

My boys (3 and 1) often give each other hug and smooches. They make the smooching noise without actually kissing each other. We do it every night as we walk out of their room and they have both picked up on it and do it during the day.

Just now, Sage and Kolby were hugging and Sage said "Love you." Smooch. Bo said, "Yove you." Smooch

That totally made up for the rough couple of mornings we have had around here!

And instead of running for my camara to catch a video, I reached for my laptop to blog it!

Baby it's cold, outside

We are having some energy issues around our house. Not with our heater, with our three year old. He has a lot of energy and the ways he is choosing to expel that energy is not going over so well with me, or his brother.

I am constantly saying two phrases. "Do not throw things." and "Do not tackle your brother." Hopefully, do not throw your brother will never come out of my mouth. But, I wouldn't be surprised.

I babysit two little girls on different days. Monday and Wednesday mornings a 21 month old girl comes over from 9 - 11am. Tuesdays a one year old little girl comes over from 9 - 5pm. It makes it hard for us to get out of the house. By the time, the 21 month old leaves by 11:15, it is so close to our lunch time, it doesn't make sense to get coats, shoes, clean diaper, and go potty to go outside for 10 minutes before it is time to make lunch.

See our energy problem? My 3 year old boy needs to run and jump and expel his energy. I am not giving him enough time or space to do that without getting in trouble.

My next problem is that it is cold and often wet. I know the kids don't mind too much, but, um, I do. And really, I don't mind, I like the cold, I am not a fan of standing outside in that cold watching them run around.

Today, though something happened. The one year old actually took a morning nap and so did Kolby! I bundled Sage and I (minus my socks, I was wearing slippers) up and we headed out for thirty minutes. The babies slept, Sage ran around, I froze. Life is good. For now.

I did it!

I posted everyday in November for NaBloPoMo. (I was going to link to it, but it is offline right now)

And here is a picture I meant to post this summer.

Sage is in the Ergo, on my back in about 100 degree weather as we walked around Boston.

Gifts

I love to give gifts. I love finding or thinking of the perfect gift and watching that person open it and (hopefully) show genuine excitement. And at the same time, I love giving people things that they want, getting them the exact gift that they were hoping and hinting (obviously or not) for.

I have to put limits on myself. Or Drew puts limits on me, whatever. We decided that for me to not go overboard for Christmas gifts for the kids, we will limit the number. We chose three. For no reason except it was bigger than two which is what Drew wanted. A want, a need and something fun. The funny thing about those guidelines is that they are just guidelines and I can convince myself that most anything will fit those guidelines. This year, the boys are getting Smartwool socks and Sigg water bottles and something else. I have lots of ideas for the something else, like one of these planes, helicopters, or trucks.

But, I don't want to stop at just those things. There are so many toys that I think the boys would really enjoy. And sure, they are expensive, but they are wood and will last a long time and don't come with batteries! See how I can justify these things?

And then I remember that the gifts aren't what I want my kids to remember about Christmas. I want them to remember the Jesse Tree that we are starting this year. To know that the reason we celebrate Christmas is because of Christ. Because Jesus was born. That is the only reason that we celebrate, not the gifts that we give and receive, the cookies or the parties, but because of Jesus and suddenly, the last something that I want to get them doesn't seem as important.

How Do You Sign An Email?

I was writing an email to someone that I don't know. I came to the end and didn't know how to end. I couldn't just write my name. Sincerely, seems so old fashioned and un-email, but I meant every word that I had typed, so sincerely fit, it made sense. I worried after I sent it that it made me appear older or more formal than I am.

But, how else to sign off? I thought of how my husband signs his. They have his name and title. So mine would say, First and Last Name and underneath Mommy. Hmm. Not really the impression I want to give either.

Or how about xxx or ooo or xoxo? No, those won't do either.

Any suggestions?

Seesaw of Life

We are in a strange season of life. Drew will be graduating grad school in May, he had a great internship this summer and they offerred him a full time job. So many things about this job look perfect. The location is close to our families, we know there are churches we would want to attend, the hours would be good, travel would be minimal, but the location to our families is the one that pulls us the most. But with all those positives, I still haven't felt the peace that it is the job for us. The job for Drew. I wonder if it will get him where he wants to be in five years. I don't see it. But the positives, it would be easy and fun.

He is interviewing other places. Companies that could take us further from our families. It's exciting, scary and nerve-racking.

I like the idea of life being an adventure. I knew I didn't want to live in the city where I grew up. I wanted to experience something different. We have been experiencing something different for the past, almost three years now. Am I ready to go back to the familiar? Or am I ready for a new adventure?

Does it matter?

In either situation, familiar or not, it will be different, new. Not just because the city is new and different but because I am different. I have changed from who I was almost three years ago. I think I am figuring out who I am. Who I am in Christ. And that it doesn't really matter where we live, as long as I take Christ with me. And He is already there. He will be with me no matter where I move and I will learn more about Him and learn to depend on Him more.

I am growing up. I think. Somedays.

Not only am I different but we are different as a family. We have Kolby to take with us. We will have to find a doctor to continue monitoring his feet.

My prayer for this next chapter is that we continue to grow no matter where we are. We grow as a family, grow in our relationship to God, become more compassionate, more loving to others, and serve our Lord no matter where we are or if our family is close or not.

Life is a seesaw. Up and down. Up and down. Going through the same motions but never staying still.

Alarm Clocks

I don't use an alarm clock. I prefer my children to do that job. But, my husband uses one. So, I in a sense, do use one. This morning, it went off at 5:45 am. "Good Morning" from the Deliberate Kids album started playing. Which means, I basically laid there for the next 45 minutes while he walked "quietly" in and out of the room, turning on the closet light retrieving clothes.

And it got me thinking about my hatred for alarm clocks. I know that playing music is supposedly a better way to start my day than "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP" but I don't really enjoy starting my day. So, either of those options are bad in my opinion.

Someone, somewhere needs to invent an alarm clock that can wake one sleeping person in a bed without waking the other. I think maybe something that attached to your arm or leg and vibrated or sent an electric shock. Or maybe it would vibrate to begin with and then if it didn't sense you getting out of bed, it shocks you. Not like a Tazer, just a little jolt to make you jump.

It might work better than coffee!

Hobbies

My husband always tells me to get some hobbies. Hobbies require time and money, well most of them. I have hobbies in mind that I would love to do. Photography, knitting, sewing.

I learned how to knit at one point. I took a class and started a dish cloth. I finished it one year later. Then, I tried to cast on a pink washcloth, I was so excited about the pink color!

And I couldn't remember how to cast on. I read the book, but I am a visual learner. I need to watch someone do it and then I can do it easily, but reading it and trying to do it, doesn't work for me.

I still haven't cast on that second dish cloth. And the first one? Well, it is a little crooked due to some stiches being dropped and added. I didn't catch on to the whole knitting evenly thing. But, it didn't deter me. I wanted to try again.

Photography.

I have a point and shoot Canon camera. I love it. I saved my babysitting money to get it. But I would really love a digital SLR. And I would love to take a class.

Sewing.

I have a sewing machine that used to be my moms. Last year, I was going to remake a skirt that I had sewn. And the sewing machine went crazy. I haven't taken it to get fixed. And in all honesty, I am not that good.

Blogging.

Hey! I do this one and it takes no money! This is a good hobby!

These hobbies get put on the back burner. Why? Because I put myself on the back burner. My family comes first. Drew's school and career come first.

I feel like I have many facets of me that are simmering away on the back burner but when are they going to get turned up to see if they can boil? If I keep letting them simmer, will they evaporate?

I keep telling myself that when Drew is out of school, life will change. We will be able to afford more. Like a babysitter and have a little extra money to explore those hobbies. The reality is, we have a lot of loans that need to be paid off. We will still be living frugally.

And probably, the hobbies will continue to simmer on the back burner.

Maybe when my kids are in college!

But, really, I don't think it is just the hobbies that are simmering on the back burner. It's me. Me as a person. Me who is a wife, mom, and Christ follower.

I feel like that is all I am. That is all there is to me. A wife and mom. A person who cooks meals, washes clothes, sweeps and mops floors, wipes bottoms, dresses the kids, teaches them verses, colors, letter, shapes, disciplines, the list goes on.

I love being that person. But sometimes, a different part of me wants to come out. Is it because I am not satisfied, not content with my life? I am living my ideal life. I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I wanted to bake cookies, bread, fix meals and wash dishes.

And I do all that and I do enjoy it, most days. Is it wrong to want more? Is it a disadvantage to my kids to want to explore other things? Will my attention be diverted from them, will I miss something?

I want others to see Christ in me. I want them to see my love for Him and for people. Sitting here at my computer, it is easy to say that I love others, but when I go out, I don't think my actions are showing it. I have a hard time loving the unlovable.

I think I need hobbies to be a better mom. To be a more rounded person. I don't want my kids going off to college and for me to look at myself like, hello there, who are you? I want to keep living life the way I was when my kids were around.

Some will say that it is the time of life, I have small children, they need a lot of physical care, it will get easier in some ways and harder in some. Yes, soon I won't be wiping bottoms and they will dress themselves but we will still be working on character issues.

My thoughts are jumbled. I want to be the best mom and wife that I can be. I need an outlet of other things to help me be better. I want others to see Christ. I need to be in fellowship with other believers to help me, in a Bible study, a small group, people who will hold me accountable and encourage me to be better.

Christmas Music is Playing

The decorations have been brought upstairs.

Sage has put shoes on his wish list.

Christmas is near!

We're Home

We left at 5:45 am.

We walked in the door at 7:45 pm with a pizza.

Whirlwind Week

We have had a busy week. Today is our last day visiting my brother and his family.

I have about 5 minutes of peace while the boys are napping and the bigger boys are off playing frisbee golf.

And, I have nothing to say.

Dang, this posting everyday stuff is hard!

I did go to Target this morning because I was completely out of diaper wipes and found some pajamas on sale for the boys and some cheap DVD's. Anybody have any Black Friday shopping stories?

Tomorrow we are leaving bright and early to get a start on our 11 hour drive home. If I actually post tomorrow, it will be amazing. I think I have used all my words between blogging and talking to other adults!

Happy Thanksgiving!

My list of Thanks:

Health
Family
Jesus

Those are the obvious.

The little things:

Coffee
Chocolate
Chocolate and Coffee mixed together
Whipped Creme
Ice Cream
Books

Too many to think of, stuffed full of butter with some turkey on the side!

DC

Our day in DC was cold. Very cold. We walked around for about 2 hours and then we decided to go to the museum to warm up and eat lunch. It wasn't our best day ever. But we all smiled for the pictures!

Washington Memorial

My boys.

Freedom is Not Free.

This was Kolby's first nap, before lunch.

We went to Space Station 3D Imax at the National Air and Space Museum.


Sage got scared when the shuttle blasted off in the first five minutes of the movie. This is what he did while I sat on the floor waiting for Drew and Kolby, who loved the movie.

National Air and Space Museum. Sage is flying a paper airplane. It was supposed to go through the hoop.

Carosoul at the Smithsonian. Kolby started crying before it started.

Just to prove that we were both there.

Washington Memorial. Kolby is out. Again.

The White House. We kept telling Sage that we were going to the President's House. And he would say "Oh! Let's go in!"



Even though it wasn't our best day, now we have the pictures to prove that we took the kids to Washington DC! We do hope to come back. Someday. When it is warm.

Princeton in the Rain

It was cold.

It was pretty.

Sage prefers Yale over Princeton.

All About Kolby

Kolby falls asleep about once or twice a month while eating lunch. I had to document the day he fell asleep with a bite of peanut butter and jelly in his mouth. It is not the cutest picture of him nor his finest moment. And yes, I did make sure to get it out before laying him down. And yes, he stays asleep while I wipe his face and hands and change his diaper.


Kolby wears his Denis Brown bar or Foot Abduction Bar at night only (he was born with bilateral club foot). He crawls with it on, pulls himself to standing and tries to walk around the furniture. It is pretty funny to watch and neat to see that it doesn't hold him back. He used to unscrew the bolt from the bottom of the shoe in the morning, but he hasn't done that in awhile. We expect Kolby to wear it until he is four years old. So far, it doesn't bother him at all, I pray it never does. It would be too easy to take it off and then he could relapse and we would be back to square one.

My favorite thing, rocking Kolby. He doesn't often let me anymore, so I take advantage of it when I can.

Yale Harvard Game

The family with Handsome Dan.

Enjoying the game.

It was an awful game. Yale lost. We left when the score was 27 - 0.

But looking back at the last game we went to is a lot of fun. (Scroll down, it is titled Everything is Free- how do I link to just that post? anyone, anyone?)

Kolby was in my belly. We knew it was another boy. And good news! He wore the sweatshirt that Sage is wearing in the old picture. But, no one saw it under his jacket (also the same one that Sage wore).

Food was still free. Parking was still free. Admission was still free. We didn't buy any clothes for it this year.

But, we lost.

What's A Girl To Do?

I have been to Target three days it a row.

I am not proud of that fact.

Thursday we had to go because we had no food.

Friday we had to go because I forgot we are leaving for a trip on Sunday and I didn't buy snacks.

Today, I had to go because I forgot to buy Kolby diapers for the trip. I used to go to Target with diapers at the top of my list, but since I so rarely use disposables, they totally slipped my mind and I am pretty sure the 4 that we had wouldn't last us a week!

I went by myself today and tried on this dress. It didn't fit in my chest.

I am in between sizes in almost everything. Size 8 jeans, a tad too big, size 6, too small. Size L top, too big, but fits in the shoulders, size M top, fits fairly well except usually a little tight in the shoulders. Even with the length of jeans, a long in jeans, tad too long, regular, tad too short.

This leaves me very frustrated with shopping. A tailor would be ideal. I could go to him/her pick out the style and fabric and get it made to fit ME, not most of America.

But, I settle for a tad big and frumpy or sometimes a tad small.

It is really all about what your face says about what is on the inside of you.

Smiling = Confident

Frowning = Ugly

I try to go with a smile and not compare myself to every other girl in the room and it ends up being a great time!

Haircut and Highlight

Drew doesn't have class on Fridays. Normally, he still goes somewhere and does something. He calls it studying.

I got the brilliant idea that he could come home on Friday afternoon while the boys napped and study at home so I could go get a haircut and a highlight.

His professors schedule changed and they did end up meeting today, so Drew told me he wouldn't be able to come home. I cancelled my haircut and highlight.

Did I mention that I haven't gotten my haircut or highlighted since June?

He called me today. I asked what he was up to. He said, going to get money so I can go get my haircut.

How easy it is for him to go get a haircut.

I am not even going to point out how unfair this is or rant about it. I am just going to leave it at that.

It is raining here.

Not cold, just raining.

One of those days.

Sage isn't a big fan of napping.

Mommy is.

A nap for him.

A nap for me.

A bowl of soup.

All should be right with the world.

But there are still cobwebs in my head.

I can't shake them out.

Maybe a Wild Cherry Pepsi will help.

5 Questions

5 questions from Stephanie at Adventures In Babywearing:


1. I LOVE the name of your blog- where did you come up with the name?

Seagulls in the Parking Lot was inspired by just that, seagulls in the parking lot. We moved from the Midwest to the East coast, two and a half years ago, and I still smile when I see seagulls in the parking lot!

2. Were you ever a cheerleader? If not, did you want to be?

How embarrassing, making me admit that yes, I was a cheerleader. BUT, I also played basketball. How, you ask. I went to a small, private, Christian school and they made it possible to do both! I would play in the girls game, hurry my coach’s post game talk along, and change into my cheerleading uniform!

3. If you're going bringing a dish to a potluck, what do you usually take?

Dessert! Usually something chocolate.

4. You have $500 to spend on yourself at one store. What would you buy and where?

J. Crew for sure. Here is what I would choose:


Cardigan in black or snow $78


Boatneck Sweater in Heather Graphite $78


Solid Silk Taffeta Phoebe Blouse in Black $110


Favorite-fit Super 120s Ludlow Wide-leg Trouser in black $130


Trouser Jean in Antique Blue Denim $130

So, if you added that up, I'm over $500! And I haven't gotten to the headbands, shirts, jackets, handbags or shoes! The list could go on and on. I just want a classic, versatile wardrobe.


5. You're a babywearer, too...What is your favorite way to wear your little ones?

My favorite way so far, is on my back. Then, I sweep, vacuum, wash dishes, make supper, go on a walk, buy groceries and everyone is happy!


Now it's your turn. If you want to be interviewed, leave me a comment including the words "Interview me." I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you don't have a valid email address on your blog, please provide one. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My Job

I am a stay at home mom. That is what I do. When people ask me what I do, I say, I just stay at home with the boys. Did you catch that? I say "just". Like my job is not that important. I want to drop that word. It is like a nasty four letter word in that sentence. Just.

I take my job seriously. I do a lot of work around our house. I plan meals, grocery shop, cook meals, clean up meals, bake things, laundry, clean the house, play with the kids, bathe the kids, the list goes on. It isn't a "just" type of job. Is there any job that is a "just"? I just design buildings. I just flip burgers. I just defend the law. I just take care of other peoples kids. Every job is important in our society. If no one flipped burgers, some people wouldn't have anything to eat, if no one designed buildings, people wouldn't have a place to go to work. It goes on and on.

But here's the thing. I enable Drew to do his job. I do a lot for him, so he is able to do a good job at his job, school and looking for a job.

Sometimes, I get bent out of shape that Drew doesn't do more around the house to help out. But, it isn't his job. It's mine. He doesn't get bent out of shape with me because I can't draw a building for him or fill in an excel spreadsheet.

But, I help him, so he should help me. And he does. He helps bathe the kids when he is home. he reads them a story, prays with them, sings with them and tucks them in, he changes Kolby's diaper, and once in a great while, he will wash the dishes, if I ask.

Sometimes, the people at my job drive me crazy!

Holiday Shopping Carnival

I love shopping. I love picking out gifts for people. But there are those people who are so hard to buy for. They buy everything for themselves, what is left? Here are a few of my ideas. Melanie is hosting a Holiday Shopping Carnival, where I hope to get ideas for those hard to buy for people. To play along, you make a list of 5 things that you are going to be giving this year along with a link as to where to buy them. Enjoy!

1. Pop Up Books by Robert Sabuda These are so fun to look at for everyone. You can also find them at Amazon.

2. Smartwool Socks I know Melanie said no socks, but these shouldn't even be called socks, they should have a much more delicious name. I love these, my husband loves these, my 3 year old son loves these. I will definitely be handing these out come Christmas time.

3. I am in love with Etsy. I have written about it before, but check out these hats for babies or kids I love the cupcake hat. There are so many great things on Etsy, it is hard to pick one!

4. I love headbands. This year, I am really wanting a headband from J. Crew, but it is hard to spend that much money on a headband for myself, so I think it would make a great gift! I can see it with hair swept up or all down, curly, straight, just an easy accessory for that holiday outfit or with jeans and a t-shirt. Here it is.

5. Music is always a great gift. I love getting new cd's because I rarely buy them for myself. Deliberate Kids is by Phil Joel, it is a Christian kids cd. Phil Joel used to be in the band, Newsboys. And oh so fun! We listen to it nearly everyday.

What is it about breakfast?

Sage told me "Mommy, I have Holby's little sister in my belly!"

And then he told me "I am going to name my baby brother Bulldog!"

And no, I am not pregnant.

Saturday

It's off to a good start.

Drew is staying home.

I slept in, until 8:30!

I'm enjoying my coffee and muffin while the boys ask endless questions to Drew. I love it when Sage has someone else to talk too.

Sage woke up at 4:30 with a bad dream. He came running, screaming and crying into our room. He said "Someone shoot a bad guy in my room, or not." It must have been disturbing because he wanted to sleep with us and he keeps talking about his bad dream this morning. He also said "Mommy, I am happy because I poop in potty but I am sad because I have a bad dream."

I remember having bad dreams and being so scared that I couldn't run to my parents room. It was so real. I dreamed that their were snake like animals with gerbil heads all over my floor that could eat me. I think I even woke up and could "see" them and couldn't run to my parents room because I was so afraid.

I am off to pack up Sage's 3T clothes and help Drew put plastic up on our windows. Our goal is to not turn on the heat until after Thanksgiving. It is 65 degrees in our house. We double jammied the boys last night. Only a week and a half to go!

An Early Morning Conversation

Sage: "What are you making?"

Me: "Coffee."

Sage: "Mmm, I yove coffee!"

Me: "You don't know, you've never tasted coffee. You have to be in college at least to drink coffee."

Sage: "No, when I am a mommy I will drink coffee."

Me: "One problem, you won't ever be a mommy, but you will be a daddy."

Sage: "Oh, and daddies drink coffee?"

Me: "Yes."

Sage: "When I am a daddy, I will ask you, please will you make me coffee?"

Me: "When you are a daddy, you will have a wife and I bet she will make you coffee."

Sage: "Oh."

Why didn't I tell him he could make his own coffee?

My Life as a Celebrity

I was thinking after I wrote On Running what would happen if I could switch lives with a celebrity for a day, week or month?

Well, it wouldn't be so much a switch since a celebrity wouldn't really be able to live my life of grocery shopping and going to Target with a stop in at Starbucks, inside Target.

More, what would happen if I lived the life of a celebrity for a little bit. I mean the whole thing, kind of. What if I had a nanny, cook, house cleaner, whatever celebrities have for themselves? But, also the paparazzi, the bodyguard, the wearing disguises etc.

What would life be like? Would I be able to handle it?

My first thought, is of course! Who couldn't handle it?

And then, I think of the scrutiny. I can hardly handle my self imposed guilt let alone someone mentioning out loud to my face (on a tabloid) that I gained weight, went outside without make-up or whatever. I would probably melt down at the first criticism.

Would it be fun for a day, week or month? Or would it be awful?

Would it be worth it to be able to afford those clothes and have someone do your hair? It would be fun. Maybe. For a little bit.

But it wouldn't bring my life more joy or more meaning. I would still struggle with being content. I still wouldn't have all the answers to life's big questions. Basically, it boils down to this, money won't bring me happiness, contentment, self-worth, just things. And reallly, life is not about things.

What is life about? That is a post for a different day.

Don't forget, you read it here first when you see this as a reality series!

Facing My Fear

Fear of failure, of not measuring up, of not getting it right, of disappointing.

My life could be summed up by fear.

In college, I couldn’t decide on a major. More like I couldn’t find something that I wasn’t afraid of failing at. I wasn’t the best student and there was always one class that kept me from staying in a major. Fear of failing. I could write a list of what the major was and what the class was that kept me from pursuing it.

The one that I regret the most is journalism. I took Journalism 101, twice. I had to improve my grade and it kept me from pursing it as a major. Also, I was afraid to take the English proficiency test. You had to take the test and pass to get into the journalism school.

Now, I realize that is what I wish I could do when I grow up.

My blog is my writing outlet. I read blogs and read that they make money and I want to do that too. But, I don’t really know how to do it, to get it started. Fear. Excuses. Those two go hand in hand.

I am taking the plunge. I am applying for BlogHer ads. Maybe they won’t accept me, maybe they will. I won’t know unless I try.

I'm also going to start writing more. For me. Maybe you will get to read it, maybe you won't! Time will tell.

My new life verse needs to be Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

But I also have to look to the source of that strength, ask for it and believe it.

As Sage was laying in bed with us, he told me he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. I said “Oh, what kind of doctor?” He said, “Dr. Seuss!” And then he asked what kind of doctor he is. Maybe we’ll have more than one writer in the family or maybe not.

Deceptively Delicious

I bought it. I own it. I read about it on the internet and thought, hey! I know how to puree food. I can hide vegetables in my dinners without my kids figuring it out!

I pureed my heart out yesterday, broccoli, carrots and sweet potatos.

I made Spagheti Pie, page 116. I even used ground turkey instead of beef.

I set it on the table, everyone oohed and aahed. Or maybe that was in my head.

I dished up a plate for Sage, Drew and Kolby. I cut Kolby's into bites. Drew did the same for Sage.

Sage said "Hey! Mine has broccoli in it!"

And he was right. Broccoli puree was in the meatballs. Apparantly not pureed enough for his eyes!

On Running

Remember when I wrote about running a 10K? And then sometimes, I would mention every once in a while that I ran this morning or that it helps to keep me sane?

I have gone running once in the last three weeks. It did not go well. I knew it would be hard, I was dreading it and I didn't feel good starting out. I didn't run my usual route, I went for a shorter one and still didn't run the whole thing. I estimate I ran a mile and a half.

Today, I read that Katie Holmes ran the NYC Marathon and I was jealous. I should have ran that. Nevermind the fact that I haven't run more than 6 miles since my 10K in April. It just made me think, if she can do it, so can I!

I don't doubt that I could do it. If I had someone to watch my kids while I go running, clean my house, do the laundry, fix dinner, wash dishes etc. Am I making excuses? Kind of. But at the same time, I haven't been able to get out of the house to go for a 3 or 4 mile run let alone train for a marathon!

It's hard being so dependant on Drew's schedule for me to be able to exercise.

I just have to get my lazy butt out of bed at like 6 to be able to run and get back for Drew to get to school. It shouldn't be that hard, right?

But it is. It is that hard. It is hard to get out of a nice toasty bed and go outside in the wind and cold.

I need to do it. I want to do it. Do I want to do it badly enough?

300th Post

In honor of my 300th post today, I am going to give you a list of 300 things about me. Just kidding. Only 100 things. Most people do this for their 100th post because it seems to make more sense that way, but hey, my way is fun too.

1. I am a natural blonde.
2. I always will be.
3. I get highlights (figure that out!)
4. I kind of want to go less light blonde, more natural.
5. I don’t make sense.
6. I graduated high school in a class of seven.
7. I am the youngest of four kids.
8. Mom says I am the “frosting on the cake.”
9. She was enjoying the cake, God decided it needed frosting.
10. She will deny that, kind of.
11. I have the best mom ever.
12. She loves Christ with her whole heart.
13. Don’t tell her, but I wouldn’t mind if I turned out like her.
14. I am a Midwesterner living on the East coast.
15. I want to move.
16. I have two boys.
17. I want more kids.
18. Sometimes, I want to be pregnant now.
19. But, more, I want everything in God’s timing.
20. I kind of want to adopt.
21. That kind of scares me.
22. I want to live in a city.
23. I don’t want to live in a suburb.
24. I live in a city and I like it.
25. I do wish we had a backyard.
26. But we have parks!
27. I still carry my almost 20 month old, 30 pound baby in a sling and the Ergo.
28. I am excited to use a sling more for my next baby.
29. I use Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers.
30. I love them.
31. I am excited to buy smalls for my next baby.
32. I nursed both my boys, Sage for nine months, Kolby almost 14 months.
33. I think next time it might be longer.
34. I kind of want twins.
35. I would want them to be identical but would take fraternal.
36. I don’t care if they are girls or boys.
37. I daydream.
38. Good and bad things.
39. I have to turn the bad things over to God.
40. My thoughts can really run away from me.
41. I am a consumer.
42. I don’t like it.
43. I struggle with being content.
44. With everything- what I look like, what I drive, what I wear, what my boys wear.
45. I have a great husband.
46. He is younger than me.
47. I wish he was home right now.
48. My favorite colors are pink, green, blue, black, and grey.
49. I wear mostly black and grey.
50. I tell myself that patterns and colors will go out of style.
51. I wear mostly plain colored shirts.
52. I branched out and bought two button down striped shirts.
53. If I could dress from only one catalog, it would be J.Crew.
54. Most of you thought I would say the Gap.
55. I can afford the Gap, when it is on sale.
56. I don’t like extreme weather.
57. And I like October to be about 50 – 60 degrees.
58. Actually, I think it should be 50 – 60 degrees everyday all year long.
59. I should live in the Northwest United States.
60. I probably never will.
61. This is hard.
62. And boring.
63. Do you really want to know this stuff?
64. I read “Confessions of a Jane Austin Addict” and it made me want to read all the Jane Austin books.
65. I have read “Pride and Prejudice”.
66. I have read half of “Sense and Sensibility”
67. I am going to re-read it and finish it.
68. I like to read.
69. I don’t watch tv, that much.
70. I used to be addicted to tv.
71. I watched Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, America’s Next Top Model, Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, The Bachelor and that probably isn’t the end of the list.
72. That was last year.
73. My husband is in grad school.
74. He isn’t home a lot of nights,
75. Hence the ridiculous amounts of tv.
76. Now, I read.
77. I tried to learn to knit.
78. I knitted one wash-cloth.
79. It’s yellow, and my favorite one.
80. It’s not very good.
81. I can’t remember how to cast on.
82. “Knitting For Dummies” doesn’t help me.
83. Does that mean I am more than a dummy?
84. In my mind, I am crafty.
85. In my mind, I can sew and knit.
86. In my mind, when I sing, it is pretty.
87. It isn’t.
88. I was in choir in high school.
89. They let anyone who signed up.
90. I argue with Drew that shopping is a hobby.
91. It probably is, but just not a good hobby.
92. I want to love Jesus more than anything.
93. Why is it so hard?
94. Living 1200 miles from family has made me grow (up).
95. It has been good.
96. Sometimes, I don’t want to move back.
97. Only sometimes.
98. I wash dishes 3 or 4 times a day.
99. Our dishwasher leaves sand and grime stuck to our dishes.
100.My best friend, Loopty, remembers details better than anyone I know. Like who my first kiss was.

My Cousin, The Hero

My cousin made news back home.

That's just how good folk are in Iowa.

Garage Band

And he pooped in the potty happily ever after.

Drumroll Please

And the winner is: # 98! Tyna!

Thanks for playing everyone, it has been fun to get so much email!

Maybe some day, Rocks in my Dryer will host another giveaway and I can again reach 428 comments. That is probably more comments than on the whole life of my blog!

Meet Gregory

Gregory is what we named our GPS system. We chose the British man to give us our directions. He sounds less irritated than the American woman when he says "Recalculating", which he says when we miss a turn he told us to take. (Disclaimer: My in-laws gave us this for an early Christmas present.)

Today, Sage was asking me what we are going to do today. I told him that we are going to a park this morning, have lunch at home, play, take naps, play, eat dinner, play and then it will be time for bed.

He told me that I could stay home and he will take Kolby to the park.

Me: "How are you going to get to the park?" Thinking about transportation.

Sage: "Gregory will tell me where to go!"

Me, laughing: "Your hilarious, Sage."

Sage, laughing: "Yes, I'm hilarious."

It makes me giggle just thinking about it!

Grocery Shopping Day

I'm participating in NaBloPoMo. I will be posting everyday in the month of November. Every. Day. Saturday and Sunday included. And Thanksgiving. Hold on to your chairs, I know you are excited.

Thursday is my grocery shopping day, the Thursday closest to the first and fifteenth are my BIG grocery shopping days because that is when we withdraw money for our budget. That would be today.

I say BIG because I plan meals for 2 weeks and get everything that I need for those meals and hopefully I just have to do fill in ingredients that I missed, milk, bread and fruit runs.

Today, our stops were:
Babies R Us – not groceries but it is on the same road as all my other stops
Trader Joes
Sam’s Club
Stop and Shop
Target

And yes, I do buy groceries at Target, have you seen how cheap their shredded and string cheese is? And yes, I pick up other Target necessities, like shirts, I mean shampoo.

Grocery shopping is not my favorite thing. It might be one of my least favorite things. I mean, to take the boys with me, it is my least favorite thing. I don’t mind it on my own; I enjoy it!

Today, Sage was in rare form. Not so rare, just naughty. Touching everything, picking everything up, climbing on the displays, stepping on things. He is so curious and just like his father, he wants to figure out how it works. So he pushes it, pulls it, fiddles with it and drives me crazy!

But, we made it through all those stops. I caved and we ate pizza at Sam’s Club for lunch. And it made Sam’s and Target much more enjoyable for all! (I say caved because I was completely planning on coming home for lunch, it was just taking too long and I knew it would be easier to eat out to be able to get home and take naps.)

On Hand Washing

First, one word or two? Hand-washing. Hand washing. Hmm.

I hate hand washing. I mean, strongly dislike, we don’t use the word hate in our house. (A whole different post.)

But I do it.

About 8 million times a day. Not kidding. Wake up, go to the bathroom, wash my hands. Help Sage into underwear, change Kolby’s diaper, wash hands. Empty bathroom garbage, wash hands. Make breakfast, wash hands. Maybe twice while I am making breakfast. Dress kids, shower, wash dishes, wash hands. Change Kolby’s diaper again. Wash hands. Play with the kids or “work” on the computer, wash hands. Fix snack. Wash hands.

Do you see the pattern? It just goes on and on. And that isn’t counting the times that I rinse my fingers off as I prepare food.

My fingers have had it. Seriously. For the second time this fall, my thumb and pointer finger just start protesting by peeling all layers of skin off. I am pretty sure all seven layers of my fingertip is coming off.

It is not pretty. Nor does it feel good.

So now after I wash my hands all the time, I am trying to put lotion on too. So, now I am washing hands and putting on lotion. Between those two things, I barely have time to change diapers and fix meals!

Ah, the joys of being a stay at home mom.

Great Expectations

Everyone has them for themselves. What they should get done in a day. How much money they should make. How big their house is. What kind of car they drive. How cute their kids will be dressed.

That’s mine. How cute my kids will be dressed. Specifically my girls. (Which I don’t have, yet) I expect that my little girl will wear a super cute outfit everyday. With matching hair bow. And socks. And shoes.

I look at my boys who each own one pair of shoes that fit them, running shoes to be exact. Okay, so Sage has flip flops and crocs that fit too.

And I can’t imagine my little girl only having one pair of shoes. I mean, she will need a cute pair of practical shoes for everyday, which will be hard to choose just one and at least one pair of dressy shoes. That is just the essentials for a little girl, and then you look at all the cute shoes that are just cute and therefore, she needs them.

And then I look at my boys’ hair. I haven’t cut it since August. And I don’t plan on it. For two reasons, I am lazy and cheap and I like it a little longer, okay that was three. I also, don’t brush or comb it everyday. That is evidenced by one day when I decided to gasp! brush Sage’s hair before we left the house and he said “Mom, we don’t brush my hair in the morning, silly!” About the only time, I brush their hair is right after a bath. I am not going to get into how often or not I bathe my boys!

And I remember my expectation of the matching hair bow everyday. Which would require it to be put into her hair everyday, and her hair to be brushed everyday. Okay, so I plan on at least brushing it everyday, maybe. I do remember going through a period of time when I would not allow my mom to brush my hair, except for church, once a week.

So, I have to ask myself, will I be able to live up to my expectation when or if I have a little girl? Part of my head, says yes. But, reality crowds in and I think she might be lucky if she isn’t wearing blue!

A Contest

I know, you guys are rolling your eyes, thinking, she is doing it again, entering another contest.

But this time, it is YOU who gets to enter the contest! Right here! On my blog!

I know! Exciting!

Guess what it is for?!

$20 Target gift card! You can get something for yourself, make-up or a shirt or shoes or candy or whatever your heart desires!

Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer is hosting The Fall, Y'all Giveaway and I have decided to play along.

All you have to do is leave me a comment. That's it. Am I paying for readers here? Maybe. I will draw the lucky winner, Friday morning. Please make sure you leave me an email address that you check regularly. Oh, and I will only be mailing to an address in the United States.

If you want, click on the The Fall, Y'all Giveaway and enter some more contests!

Because I don't want to forget

Me: "Sage, what is your favorite color?"

Sage: "Pink!"

Brothers

Ring around the Rosy.
Steamroller.
Building towers.
Knocking towers down.
Jumping on the couch or bed (until they get caught).
Laughing.
Tickling.
Rough housing.
Running.
Spinning.
Looking at books.
Matchbox cars.
Going down the slide.

Playing together.

I Made A Mistake

I bought Halloween candy 2 weeks early.

I bought bite size.

I opened it the same day I bought it.

I told myself not to count the wrappers because they hardly count, they're bite size.

Not the Point

I have been trying to live a greener lifestyle. Trying is the key word. I bought Tide because we used it all summer at my in-laws and the smell oh the smell. I grew up on it and so did Drew and it smells “clean”, that is just what Proctor and Gamble wants to hear, darn them. I know clean doesn’t have a smell, yada, yada.

Anyway, one of the things that I have been doing is taking bags with me to the grocery store and sometimes Target, but I do use those to line our bathroom garbage with so sometimes, I need them because I am too cheap to buy the little garbage bags.

One day, I had to return something to the mall and stuck it in my Trader Joe’s cloth bag and off we went. As I purchased Sage’s jeans and shirts for fall, I said, no thanks to the bag, I brought my own. At GAP, the sales lady said, “Oh, it is store policy to give you a bag, so they know you didn’t steal it.”

Right away, I thought of several holes in her theory. Like, ummmm a receipt. Do I need to go on?

But, it was my last store, the boys were anxious to be leaving the mall, as was I, and I took the bag that she folded around the jeans and stuffed them both in my own bag.

I used the GAP bag to line my bathroom garbage.

Parks and Coffins

We walked to the park today. The one that is next door to the parking lot and garage of a funeral home. I haven't seen much activity there before, one funeral I think.

Today, as we walked up I noticed two men rolling a coffin into the garage. I wondered if there was a dead guy in it. I didn't pay attention to the garage much as the kids played. I was too nervous that Kolby was going to step face first off the climbing wall about 9 feet up.

As we were walking home, I noticed two guys wheeling a gurney with a body bag on it. No joke! The coffin was open and it looked like they were doing a little rearranging.

I thought about saying "Hey, kids! Want to watch a dead guy get put in his coffin?" And then I just decided to walk a little faster as I started typing this out in my head.

Names, Again

You can probably tell by my kids names that I don't want them to have the same name as five other boys in their class at school. We thought long and hard about what to name them.

We picked Sage Andrew because Sage means wise and we want him to be a wise boy/man. Andrew is after his dad.

We picked Kolby Bo___ because I had nannied for a Kolby all through college and loved the name. Bo___ is my maiden name.

After naming Sage, we realized that it was a unisex name.

I was okay with that, at first. I mean, we can't rename him, especially now that he is 3!

But, here is what really bothers me. We met a couple out here and they are acquaintence's. We saw them only when our mutual friends invited us all to a bar-b-que or a birthday party.

They had a little girl this summer. They named her Sage. They too want her to be wise. Sophia also means wise.

We had laughed that we liked the meaning so much we could name a girl Sophia! Don't worry, Holly, we won't name our girl, Sophia, you already have that name in the family!

I was (ehem, maybe still am) bothered by this. I am irritated that they named their little girl Sage after meeting our boy Sage.

Am I justified in that?

At least, we will probably never see them again.

The problem is that boys names are difficult to pick and find and just when a cool, strong, solid boys name is found, a little girl pops up with the same name.

There are not too many names that are only boys names. There are a lot of girls names that are only girls names, so can't parents of girls just back off?!

I have a slight double standard because I thought it would be kind of cool to name a girl Andrew and call her Drew. But we aren't going to do that, I promise!

Man of the House

Drew has taught Sage that when he isn't home, Sage is the MAN OF THE HOUSE (said is a low, growly voice).

His job? Kill bugs and therefore, protect his mother.

He has completely embraced being the Man of the House. We were reading books on the couch and I notcied a small bug crawling up the wall. I said "Sage, there's a bug, what are you supposed to do?" Without flinching or thinking twice, he reached out to grab and squash the bug. Unfortunately, his skills aren't as good as his fathers, because the little bugger scurried away behind the couch. He looked up at me, startled and said "Oh no, it got away!" And sometimes, he brings me small pieces of dirt and shows me the dead bug.

Yesterday, Drew took the boys to the park while I hosted a baby shower. At the park, Drew saw a professor and his wife, Drew was chatting with the wife and suddenly Sage ran up, hit her on the hip and yelled "Me just killed a bug on the slide, me the MAN OF THE HOUSE!" Of course, she didn't understand what he said and after Drew translated, Sage was brought back to apologize for hitting. She in turn gave him a high five for killing the bug.

This all started because one day I told Drew that I had killed a spider in our house all by myself. I took a picutre of the monster and then prepped myself by saying "You can do it, you are bigger, you can do it, you can do it", before I grabbed it in a paper towel and ran to the bathroom to flush it. I was scared to squash it because I didn't want to feel the sqaush in my fingers so I only grabbed it lightly and of course, it fell out on the floor in front of the bathroom. I screamed, waking Kolby from his nap, picked it up again and threw it in the toilet and flushed almost in one motion. I quickly closed the lid and hoped nothing would ever crawl back up for revenge.

Sage also likes to tell everyone "That when Sage and Daddy are gone, Holby is the Man of the House! And when Sage, Daddy, and Holby are gone, Mommy is the Man of the House!"

More Stories From the Toilet

I want to write something, but am having a hard time coming up with anything besides more poop stories and how I want to give my 3 year old away and have him come back after he learns to poop in the potty and not his underwear.

My mind is consumed with poop right now.

I can't tell you how much of my day I am thinking, Does he have to poop, now? Did I give him enough fiber filled foods today? Should I ask him if he needs to go poop? Do I smell poop? Is it Kolby or Sage? Did he just fart? Does that mean he might need to poop? I fart without needing to poop. Should I make him sit on the potty to poop?

That is what I think about all day long (and world peace). And then, after he poops in his underwear, I think, should I spank him? Is he being disobedient? Is he exercising his strong will with poop? I am a failure. I don't know what to do. I should google poop.

My google search from Wed. said that he has had a bad experience with pooping on the potty. It hurt and now he associates pain with the potty. So, I have to make sure that he eats fiber foods. Foods that get things going. He has been drinking straight juice (oh the horror!), eating peaches or pears. His poop is the perfect poop. Not too hard, not too soft, slides right out kind.

It said I should let him poop in a diaper in the bathroom. Except, he won't tell me he needs to poop so how am I supposed to put said diaper on?

My friend said I should sit him on the potty the same time everyday and train his bowels.

I think that is my next step. And maybe spanking.

My First Challenge

Challenge: Finding joy in poopy underwear.

Joy: Drew was home and took care of it!

My Second Challenge

Challenge: Finding joy in figuring out how to get Sage to use the toilet and not his underwear

Joy: Undiscovered



So, he gets it, he understands the process, he just doesn't want to go through the process. This morning, he was holding the doorknob of the bathroom, talking to Drew about what it means to be a big boy and use the toilet. He said "I want to be a big boy and poop in the toilet." (Insert small grunting noise here) "I pooped in my underwear." Drew made him stand in the grossness of poop in his underwear and that made him (and me) upset. (I was not about to discredit Drew in that situation, though, Sage needed to realize how upset Dad was) It did make him mad when Drew said he wasn't going to clean him up.

The consequences that we are all sufferring, will be no Cubbies tonight and no dvd's until he poops on the potty. The big fat tears of sadness at no dvds and no Cubbies, hopefully, show me that these are rewards that will work with him.

I'm having a hard time finding joy in potty training. In fact, I dare say, Sage isn't really potty trained, but I am. I am trained to remember how long it has been since he last went and tell him to go. He doesn't go so willingly anymore. He says "Otay, but, I sink that maybe not today." Or something to that effect. He hasn't peed in his underwear in a while, but also, rarely does he say "I have to go to the bathroom!" and go. Once in a while that happens. I think if I let him, he would pee in his underwear all the time, I think.

Potty training is stinky.

A New Day

I like that I can tuck yesterday behind me and start a new day today. It helps that Drew encouraged me to go running this morning. Time away and exersing does a world of good for me. And the weather is cooler. I am not sweating today!

I have taken care of 3 kids all day, my 3 year old and 18 month old and my friends 9 month old. In addition, I have done 2 loads of laundry, dishes, swept and mopped the floor, swiffered the other floors, did a Bible study on joy and baked a cake. And fed all three of them and kept them in clean diapers, well not the three year old!

Why is today so different from yesterday? I have still dealt with poop, although not on me!

I am so affected by weather. It has been so hot here for far too long. It cooled off today.

I went running.

And most importantly, I read my Bible and did a study on Contagious Joy, a Women of Faith study guide series.

I want people to think of me as joyful and I want them to catch joy from me. The thing with joy, is that it is always there, but I don't always choose it. I have to ask to see it. Sometimes, every day requires me asking for joy, many times a day.

One of the quotes in the side of the study from Barbara Johnson says "We all have seen dreams turn to ashes- ugly things, hopeless experiences- but beauty for ashes is God's exchange. In the midst of the darkness, you will learn lessons you might never have learned in the day."

I am going to start asking God to show me joy that's unaffected by the changes in my circumstances or emotions. Easier said than done!

My Life

I heard Kolby walk into the dining room while I was showering (Blues Clues doesn't keep his attention) I towelled off and my mama instincts told me to check on him. He was standing on the dining room table.

After lunch, I finished putting the dishes in the sink and then came to the living room, thinking it's really quiet. Sage is half laying on the couch and looks at me guiltily. He said "I just pooped and peed." Wonderful.

I went to the front door to sign for a UPS package. Kolby followed. I scooped him up to carry him back inside. I got a woof of something awful. I went to change his diaper and noticed poop was oozing out the leg. I looked at my shirt. Of course.

This is just today and it is only 2:30 pm.

Wine anyone? I mean, whine anyone?

Thoughts on Prayer

I was reading something and the writer said that God didn't answer her prayer. She was writing in reference to her three year old son being killed in a car accident and her prayer as the doctors were trying to revive him were "Please, Lord, not my baby boy, take me, not him." Then she said that God did not answer that prayer.

It got me thinking.

Does God answer all of our prayers?

I think he does.

I think sometimes, I just don't want the answer He gives. Sometimes, it would be easier to think that he left one unanswered rather than accept His answer.

I think, His answer might be no or wait. And those answers might feel unanswered to me.

But if I don't accept an answer, is that letting Him be God of my life?

I think that if I believe everything in the Bible than I have to believe He answers all my prayers.

I have been thinking a lot lately about Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsamane, Mark 4:36 "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will but what you will." I have to admit to reading about this on another blog but I can't find the exact post. The last line is what I have been thinking about the most. "Yet not what I will but what you will." Jesus prayed these words while waiting for the Roman guards to come arrest him and sentence him to be crucified. He didn't want to be crucified for my sins, but he wanted to do the will of his father, God. He asked God to take this cup from him, he asked him to save him, please, daddy, he said, don't let them crucify me, but not what I want, Lord, but what you want.

I don't have a tragic story to compare this to, I haven't had to ask God to save my child or my husband. I pray that if I ever do, I will be able to say, "Not my will but yours be done."

Another prayer for me, is that I will accept the Lord's answers.

For me, these are profound prayers that I have been dwelling, for you, they may be like duh. I feel like I have to apologize for writing these things because I haven't experienced deep sorrow or tragedy in my life. I feel like I haven't lived through the test.

And then, I remember my childhood. And I remember that God is faithful. And that, my life isn't what I would have willed as a 6th grade girl. And for that, I am thankful.*

God does answer prayer. All of them.

*If you would like to know the rest of this story, please email me through my profile page. I am not sure I am ready to write out that story for all of the internet to read.

The Right Time

Drew and I have been talking lately about the right time to have another baby. This is not an announcement, don’t read ahead!

Okay, so I have been thinking about it and talking to Drew. Not much talking about it from his side.

My thoughts are, I kind of want to get pregnant in February or March and have the baby in Ocotober or November. That way, we will move the end of May, beginning of June, we will have time to get settled, get Sage in a preschool, Kolby would be 2.5, Sage would be 4. Kolby could be walking in and out of stores, Sage might even be able to buckle himself in the car. And Sage, Kolby and I should be able to have a pretty fun summer going places. But it is the beginning of flu season, and if a newborn were to get the flu or a fever, it’s just not good.

My other thought is to wait until after we move to get pregnant. Then the baby would be due in March or April, flu season would be over. Sage would still be 4 and Kolby would be 3. He should be potty trained (I’m still hopeful that he will be easy, although, I thought he would be an easy newborn since Sage wasn’t and that didn’t happen) or at least close. He would be able to help a lot and then the baby would be fairly small and easy to take places for the summer.

My last thought is, how silly am I to think we will get to choose when we will have our next baby!? It’s not like our first two have been in our perfect plan but they sure were in God’s perfect plan and we have learned that His plan is best.

Sometimes, I just wish I knew His plan, so I could make mine.

And sometimes, I think I want identical twins.

Overdone MasterCard Commercial

"Everybody Poops" $6.95

"Does A Pig Flush?" $5.95

Sage pooping in the toilet today without crying.

Priceless

No Cable

We cancelled our cable subscription. It didn't get us too many channels but it assured us the major networks. Now, those channels don't come in, we get fuzz. So, we watch lots of dvds.

Drew has always wanted to cancel our cable and not have a tv. We kept it because I wasn't on board with that for a long time. And then, this summer, I hardly watched tv at all and it was great. So, I mentioned we should cancel cable when we get home. He didn't forget. And cancelled it right away.

I wanted to take it back.

I didn't.

I found a way to cheat.

I watched Grey's Anatomy online today.

I think I will all season.

Maybe Desperate Housewives too.

Yes, mom, I choose to watch trashy tv. And I like it.

A Prayer Request

I found this blog through Rocks In My Dryer yesterday. I went back and read the whole thing beginning to end and now can't stop myself from hitting the refresh button every two minutes.

In case you just keep reading without clicking over to their blog, Copeland was born Sept. 18. She was born with trisomy 18. I don't even know exactly what it is, but the outcome is death. Babies with trisomy 18 do not live very long. In this case, they were hoping for a few hours and have been given a week so far. It has been a daily, hourly, minute struggle for Copeland, her mom, dad and big sister.

I have been praying for this family as soon as I started reading the story. The strength and faith of the mamma, who is my age, 28, is incredible. The sermon that I heard on Sunday and now reading through this blog continually reminds me of God's sovereinty. I want to pray for a miracle for baby Copeland. And I don't think it is wrong to pray for that. But, I have to pray for God's will to be done.

It has also made me think about how they are just treasuring every minute they have with Copeland and rightly so. They don't know how many minutes they have with her. It made me think of my two boys and how I don't treasure every minute. I don't treasure every minute because I expect to have hundreds, millions of minutes with them. But, I have no idea how many minutes I have with them. I could have millions or hundreds or only five. I don't know.

It scares me and it is one of my biggest fears, to lose a child or my husband. I don't find comfort in the fact that I know God is sovereign or that He will give me grace to walk through whatever His path for me may be. Everyday, I have to give myself to His will. Everyday, I have to ask/tell Him that I want to walk in His will, whatever that is for my life. And that, is all I can do. I can't worry about tomorrow or the next 10 minutes because I don't know what it will bring but I know Whom I can count on. I know I can count on Him because He has been there for me every step of my life. Protecting me from things I didn't see, He has been faithful. He has proved to me that He will always be faithful.

And now, I am going to read some books with breakfast dishes in the sink, pajamas on, and the wonder of when the window guys will knock on my door.

Sometimes, I just don't know what to say

I don't have a cute story.

I don't have a cute picture.

I am not depressed or sad.

I am just here.

Living life. Getting through. Enjoying it. Just being.

Drew is in Rome, he left Saturday. Sage and I are using a red marker to cross out each day and there is a heart around Sunday when Sage will get to see him again.

And that is it. The boys and I are just exisiting. I am praying everyday for patience, help to not lose it, to keep our house running smoothly while dadda is away.

And again, I think, how in the world do single moms do it.

Sage has done and said some cute stuff. Kolby too. He just is cute. His little legs that carry him around the apartment. He drags bags of toys around with him while his tongue sticks out in concentration. He screams every time Sage tells him no, which is, approximately, every minute. Sage will tell Kolby not to breathe because it is bothering him. He cries in frustration when he falls or is bumped. Then they will be sweet and Sage will give Kolby a hug while simultaneously pulling him over.

I have a new approach to potty training. This is day #2. I set the alarm on my watch for every hour and 15 minutes and make Sage go to the bathroom. I realize that most of you are probably thinking duh! But, come on. He was doing so well that I started to ask instead of tell. And then he started wetting his pants. But, I can hardly remember to go to the bathroom myself, so I needed a reminder. It is going well so far. He did wet in his underwear this morning but I had started off every 2 hours and have since made it more frequent. I need to teach him the self-discipline to go to the bathroom.

This is #1,578 approach to potty training. We even went back to diapers for a couple days. But I decided he was too smart for that when he would say "Me just peeing in my diaper."

I am not worrying about #2 in the potty yet. Let's get #1 consistently in the potty and then we will go back to trying for #2. He will be potty trained in time for prom, I think.

Life is mundane. Life is good. Life is all about pee in the potty.

A Conversation

The scene: Kolby is laying on the changing table while I change his diaper. Sage is standing next to me.

Sage farts.

Kolby giggles.

Sage: "Farts aren't funny, Bo!"

Me: "Oh, Sage farts are very funny!"

How to Shoplift At Target

1. Take a preschooler and a toddler with you (I take boys)

2. Seat one in the seat and one in the cart

3. Use the underneath part to hold your bags that you brought with you

4. Also use the underneath part to pile your intended purchases

5. Remove items from underneath and place on conveyer belt

6. Pay for items

7. Bag your own items in your own bags (Why is it that no cashier knows how to bag things in bags you bring yourself?)

8. Wheel cart with kids still in it, out to your car

9. Put bags in trunk

10. As you start to lift the preschooler out of the cart, notices items still in the underneath part that weren't paid for

11. Wheel cart and kids back inside store

12. Pay for items you almost shoplifted

13. Don't expect a thank you, it was only $10 worth of stuff