My husband always tells me to get some hobbies. Hobbies require time and money, well most of them. I have hobbies in mind that I would love to do. Photography, knitting, sewing.
I learned how to knit at one point. I took a class and started a dish cloth. I finished it one year later. Then, I tried to cast on a pink washcloth, I was so excited about the pink color!
And I couldn't remember how to cast on. I read the book, but I am a visual learner. I need to watch someone do it and then I can do it easily, but reading it and trying to do it, doesn't work for me.
I still haven't cast on that second dish cloth. And the first one? Well, it is a little crooked due to some stiches being dropped and added. I didn't catch on to the whole knitting evenly thing. But, it didn't deter me. I wanted to try again.
I have a point and shoot Canon camera. I love it. I saved my babysitting money to get it. But I would really love a digital SLR. And I would love to take a class.
I have a sewing machine that used to be my moms. Last year, I was going to remake a skirt that I had sewn. And the sewing machine went crazy. I haven't taken it to get fixed. And in all honesty, I am not that good.
Hey! I do this one and it takes no money! This is a good hobby!
These hobbies get put on the back burner. Why? Because I put myself on the back burner. My family comes first. Drew's school and career come first.
I feel like I have many facets of me that are simmering away on the back burner but when are they going to get turned up to see if they can boil? If I keep letting them simmer, will they evaporate?
I keep telling myself that when Drew is out of school, life will change. We will be able to afford more. Like a babysitter and have a little extra money to explore those hobbies. The reality is, we have a lot of loans that need to be paid off. We will still be living frugally.
And probably, the hobbies will continue to simmer on the back burner.
Maybe when my kids are in college!
But, really, I don't think it is just the hobbies that are simmering on the back burner. It's me. Me as a person. Me who is a wife, mom, and Christ follower.
I feel like that is all I am. That is all there is to me. A wife and mom. A person who cooks meals, washes clothes, sweeps and mops floors, wipes bottoms, dresses the kids, teaches them verses, colors, letter, shapes, disciplines, the list goes on.
I love being that person. But sometimes, a different part of me wants to come out. Is it because I am not satisfied, not content with my life? I am living my ideal life. I always wanted to be a wife and mom. I wanted to bake cookies, bread, fix meals and wash dishes.
And I do all that and I do enjoy it, most days. Is it wrong to want more? Is it a disadvantage to my kids to want to explore other things? Will my attention be diverted from them, will I miss something?
I want others to see Christ in me. I want them to see my love for Him and for people. Sitting here at my computer, it is easy to say that I love others, but when I go out, I don't think my actions are showing it. I have a hard time loving the unlovable.
I think I need hobbies to be a better mom. To be a more rounded person. I don't want my kids going off to college and for me to look at myself like, hello there, who are you? I want to keep living life the way I was when my kids were around.
Some will say that it is the time of life, I have small children, they need a lot of physical care, it will get easier in some ways and harder in some. Yes, soon I won't be wiping bottoms and they will dress themselves but we will still be working on character issues.
My thoughts are jumbled. I want to be the best mom and wife that I can be. I need an outlet of other things to help me be better. I want others to see Christ. I need to be in fellowship with other believers to help me, in a Bible study, a small group, people who will hold me accountable and encourage me to be better.