Tuesday, December 28, 2010

If You Came To My House Today

You would see a 2 year old in Lighting McQueen undies.

You would see a red Ikea potty in our living room.

You would see a roll of paper towels and 409 at the ready.

You would see a missing rug in the living room.

You would see some sort of childrens show on tv.

You would see crumbs under my table.

You would see Legos on half of the table.

You would see girlie blankets draped across various pieces of furniture.

You would see children and their mom still in pajamas.

You would see toys scattered around the floor. 

You would see a pile of Christmas cards that didn't get hung.

You would see mail waiting for the post office.

You would see a mess.

And I'm okay with that.

What would I see at your house?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Next Step

I feel like I need to catch my blog up to date so when we come back to read this someday,everything will make sense.

We decided to send Kolby to the sweet, little preschool after talking to the director and his teacher.  September brought teacher conferences and we faced a harsh reality.  He's doing wonderfully in school, he's smart and learning what he should.  We have always wondered if we were missing something with Kolby.  We could never really describe it, we couldn't put our finger on it, we could barely describe it, we just weren't quite sure. 

We had already scheduled Kolby for evaluations at a therapy center.  I was confident that he could use some physical therapy to help strengthen his calves.  (A side effect of club foot is small calves.)  And of course, speech.

The preschool teacher confirmed our suspicions.  She mentioned that Kolby had an awkward gait comparitively.  (Remember, we were coming off 2 weeks of a casting and that reallly made his gait awkward)  When we told her we were getting him evaluated, she was very glad.  It confirmed our thinking and at the same time made me sad. 

So, we did the initial evaluations and came back with a low muscle tone diagnosis. 

Kolby has been doing 2 hours of physical therapy, 2 hours of occupational therapy and 3 hours of speech each week (2 at the therapy center and 1 through the public schools). 

His teacher said she has seen big improvements in his big motor skills. 

At the same time, his physical therapist noticed that his feet arent working quite right.  I'm not sure how to describe it, but his heel isn't really hitting the ground all the time when he walks.  She suggested getting some orthotics.  We went today to get the castings of his feet, next Saturday we'll get the orthotics. 

Honestly, when she showed me the orthotics that Kolby is going to wear, I welled up with tears.  I wasn't expecting this.  I've always thought that we would be able to put club foot behind us.  And they just keep coming back.  The orthotist today said he would describe Kolby's feet as resistant club feet. 

There is so much I could say about Kolby.  And so much I don't know if I should.  So, I'm going to stop.

Just know, that I love him with my whole heart.  I love his resistant feet and all his quirks.  He challenges me in ways he doesn't know.  He makes me more dependant on Jesus.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Morning to Evening

Dinner is cleaned up. 

Lunches are packed for tomorrow.

Baths have been given.

Drew is putting the boys to bed after he rocked Annkia to sleep  (she hopefully will be waking up to eat once more).

And the house is quiet. 


I have moments of pure bliss.  The thought "I could have another one."  totally swims through my head.  Followed by, "I want to homeschool." 

Then, I have moments of "What in the heck am I doing?!  I can't handle these kids." 

The moments that I think what in heck are the moments when I'm a) trying to get something done (laundry, sweep the floor, etc) and keep getting interrupted or b) when I'm trying to do something for myself (like on the internet for myself, not go to the bathroom kind of thing). 

So, basically, when I put my kids and their needs first, I feel great and they feel great.  When I try to put my desires before their needs, we spiral downward.  Those are extreme statements but generally true. 

Does that make sense? 

There must be a deeper lesson that I am too tired to convey. 

This morning, I really wanted to go on a walk.  We took Kolby to school and then when we got home, I fed Annika and tried putting her back in her carseat to go in the stroller.  She got mad.  I put shoes on Levi.  She was still mad.  I got the stroller out of the van.  Still mad.  I loaded Levi in the stroller. Still mad.  I put her in the stroller.  Really angry.  We walked 100 feet and I turned around and came home.  Except I got mad.  Mad at the baby who wouldn't stop crying, mad because I wasn't getting to do what I wanted to do.  {Am I 2?! Don't answer that.} 

We got in the house, I took her out of her carseat and she instantly stopped crying.  I held her for a bit and then put her in her bouncy seat.  Where she proceeded to fall asleep.  Really, she couldn't have fallen asleep in the carseat in the stroller?  I had let it go by that point.  And I did get stuff done around the house.  So, there's that. 

After picking up Kolby from school, Levi had fallen asleep in the car and Annika had screamed the whole way there, while waiting in line and the whole way home.  She's persistent.  I got her out of her car seat and she instantly stopped crying (see a trend?).  Then I tried to get Levi out, except he wasn't waking up.  So, I had Annika in one arm and Levi in the other and an SUV slows way down and a lady hands me a business card and says "Maybe I help you?"  She's a cleaning lady.  Wonder why she thought I needed help!

Monday, November 15, 2010

How you doin?

Today was busy.  But, mostly because I made it busy.  I went to three different Targets to find a shirt.  I saw someone wearing it yesterday at church and had to have it.  It's perfect.  An open, drapey cardigan, super soft like a sweatshirt and I was in love.  I found it in heather gray at the first store but thought I wanted black.  The second store didn't have any of them.  And the third store had two in black, both the wrong size.  So, I bought the gray.  And I'm going to wear the threads out of it. 

Tonight I said "Holy Cow!"  Sage told me I said a bad word.  First, I had to ask him what I said.  Second, I had to ask him why it was bad.  I was genuinly confused.  He said "It doesn't honor Jesus.  And you're saying a cow is holy and it's not."  Um, put in place by a 6 year old.  Dang. 

This weekend, we had some friends from college come visit.  Last time we saw them, we had two kids and she was pregnant with their first.  Now, they have two.  It was so fun!  We ate and talked and talked and ate some more.  We played remember when and encouraged each other regarding our parenting skills.  I loved having them here and it just wasn't enough time.  We didn't even take any pictures.  So pathetic.

We're getting our family pictures taken this weekend.  I think I've got our outfits figured out.  I totally over thought them.  That's what I do.  I solicited advice from friends.  That's what I do.  I kind of wish someone would say, here, wear this.  And we'd all look totally fabulous.  You know, put together but not matchy-matchy.  I have a hard time thinking not matchy-matchy.  So, we'll go matchy-matchy this time, but next time, I'm gonna make Annalee help me more.  She did give advice and I did take it.  And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Tonight, we played trust falls.  You know, where one person falls and the person behind them, catches them.  Kolby thought it was so hilarious when Drew caught me.  At first, the boys couldn't fall.  I had to coach them to be stiff as a board.  They got it after I held their feet a couple times.  Drew totally dropped Kolby the first time I held his feet.  Not bad, but it made me laugh.  And Kolby got up and tried it again.  I'm not sure he even realized Drew dropped him. 

Whew.  I feel like I just talked a mile a minute.  {Breathe out.}  How are you?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

No Years Old

Levi's birthday was yesterday and I've been meaning to write a post all about Levi since he was about 15 months old, so I started writing this about a month ago!

The thing is, putting words on Levi is like picking up a raw egg off the floor.  It's so slippery, it can't be done.  I'm afraid that describing him with words just won't be enough.  And weirdly enough, I'm afraid it will sound like I'm bragging, like "Look what my kid can do!"

So, look what my kid can do!

Levi, you are 2 years old or a better definition, No years old.

You have adjusted to Annika beautifully.  You love to hold her (you say hol her?) and bring me diapers.  You also love to climb into my lap while she nurses.  Sometimes I read you a book, sometimes we just talk.  Mostly me telling you that I love you.  And you saying back "I yove you, Mom."  Melt my heart sweet.

You can be super sweet.  You give lots of really good hugs and kisses.  You eagerly tell us you love us.  You yell good night from your crib.  When Drew leaves for work in the morning, you are often sitting in your chair at the table, and yell while he is opening the door "Yove you dad!"

Speaking of your chair at the table, you can buckle and unbuckle it.  You started unbuckling yourself right after Annika was born.  Unlucky for your mama who needs you to be safe and in one spot sometimes!  Luckily, you haven't figured out your car seat buckles!

You talk!  A lot! And repeat everything!  You have been talking since right around a year, maybe earlier.  You have amazed us with your talking.  You know how or at least you used to say mine correctly but now you say mise.  I have a hard time correcting that one because who wants their kid to say mine all the time?  You say never all the time.  It makes Kolby so mad.  But when someone asks a question, usually to go somewhere or eat something you respond with "No. Never." 

For a couple of months, you were crying when we put you to bed.  It was just about 10 minutes but we couldn't figure out why you were crying.  And then we went on vacation and you slept in the same room as Sage and Kolby and you didn't cry.  When we got home, we moved your crib into the boys' room and you stopped crying!  (This was a month or two before Annika was born.)

Then you started crying again.  We would tell you to climb into your crib and watch as you tried so hard to get into bed.  And then we'd laugh a little and lift you in.  We soon realized that you were upset that you couldn't get into your bed like your brothers did.  So, now we make sure to lower the crib rail, you climb in and no crying!

You count to nine.  I'm not kidding and no I didn't teach you.  We were driving home after dropping Kolby off at school and I hear your little, high pitched voice counting to nine.  I couldn't believe it.  I made you do it again and you couldn't.  Then a week or so later, you did it again.  You love to look at books and count things in the book.  You also know some colors.  Again, I didn't teach you.  You know blue, green and red every time.  Sometimes you get yellow and purple.

You point out every school bus and motorcycle you see.  You used to point out every car or truck.  So, when I was driving you would look out the window and say "Car, truck, truck, car, car, truck."  On and on.  And you were excited about everyone that you saw!

You can name a monkey, tiger, squirrel, giraffe, elephant, bird, snake, dog, and cat.  You love to tell us what they say.  I love to ask you what a monkey says because I love the way you say ooh, ooh, aah, aah. 

You like to pretend that you are a dog.  You crawl around and bark, which is more like a yap.  If you were classified, you would be one of the annoying yip yap dogs!  And you lick us when you are pretending to be a dog.

You have also been seen pretending to be a frog.  Hopping around on all fours saying ribbit!

When you play with your trains and track, you yell "All aboard!"

You have been pretending for a long time, since around 15 months.  You would feed us pretend food from pretend dishes.   

You can name everyone in our family from a picture or when someone points to them.  You call Kolby, Bolby.  (Sage used to say Holby)  You say Anka.

When asked:

What's you name?  Yebi!
How old are you?  BIG!
How old are you? One.
Who made you?  God.
Where is God?  Everywhere. (while spreading both of your arms out)

You love cheese sticks.  You will literally eat as many as I let you.  You eat whole grapes and have for a long time.  I would cut them up and you wouldn't eat them because they didn't look like the ones on your brothers plate.

You chew gum.  It rarely makes it to the garbage, you swallow it first! 

You want to do everything your brothers do and generally, you keep up and do what they do!

You are either Kolby's best friend or worst enemy.  You enjoy antagonizing him.  If he yells yes, you yell no.  If he yells no, you yell yes.  It' s really fun in the van as you make Kolby cry just because you are yelling the opposite of whatever he is saying.  (Totally sarcastic.)

As soon as you are sitting on the time out step, you yell "Sowwy mom, sowwy!"  Sometimes, it gets you out early.

So many times a day, you say "Noise?"  And then you answer yourself "Anka cwying?"  Or you start guessing other people's names.  Or if we're in the car, you say "Car honking?" And you look at me with a questioning look on your face and will continue to guess until I tell you the source of the noise.

Levi, you are complete sunshine, except when you're laying face down on the floor crying.  But, even then, I still (usually) smile and laugh a little, but not while you are looking at me.  I look forward to you waking up in the morning.  You make me laugh.  You make me smile. You are the perfect third born son.  I love you to the moon and back.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010


Pretend we're somewhere together, preferably comfortable like Starbucks with venti hot chocolates and we snagged the comfy chairs.

Or my living room.  And all the kids are sleeping or at school.  I like that better.  I have homemade chocolate chip cookies and I can brew coffee or make hot chocolate.  With marshmallows!

It's time to pick Kolby up from preschool, but I'm not picking him up because he isn't there.  He has impetigo.  So, we're home and it's the perfect day to be home.  50's, rainy and cold.  I'm wearing my new comfy socks that I won at Bunco for losing the most games.  

Except I dressed Annika like we were going to run errands and go to church tonight.  So she looks cute.  With a bow!  I mean she's cute everyday even if she just wears pajamas, but today, I changed her out of her pajamas.  And yes, somedays she stays in her jammies all day.  And somedays I don't change her into clean jammies before I put here to bed. 

My house is quiet.  I made Kolby and Levi lay down for naps at 11.  I wanted them to sleep so they will be awake to pick up Sage after school.  And Annika fell asleep while I nursed her and I just laid her down.

I can say it's cold here.  And I love it.  I dressed all my kids in pants yesterday and today.  I pray that this cooler weather stays and we aren't wearing shorts at Christmas. 

Somedays I feel like I really suck at being a mom.  Okay, a lot of days I think that.  I am impatient more than patient.  I am not slow to anger.  It all comes back to selfishness.  I want my house to stay picked up and looking clean.  I don't want to wait for them to learn how to do something, I just do it myself because it's quicker.  I constantly feel rushed even if we have a lot of time.  I constantly feel like there is something I should be doing. Laundry. Picking up. Cleaning.  Buying something.  Someone usually needs something.

Even right now, I should be sweeping and mopping.  Instead of writing.  

Everyday, I pray for patience, calmness and to be filled with love.  I pray that for the boys' teachers too.  I pray it for the boys too. 

And now, I can't think of anything else except that I should be sweeping, mopping, putting away laundry and picking up.  I guess that's my cue to go.  These opportunities are rare.  I don't want to waste it.  Or am I? 

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

stream of camping

We went camping last weekend. 

We didn't leave when we planned.  We got there after dark.  And it was cold.

Annika cried 3/4 of the drive.

I forgot ketchup, syrup, eggs and the sleepywrap

I'm a babywearing mama who forgot her sling.

Drew had already set up the tent that morning.  And then drove home. 

Drew did all the work. 

He set up the tent. 

He blew up the air mattresses.

He rolled out the sleeping bags.  Set up the pack-n-play.  Laid out the pillows.

I changed the boys into warmer clothes.

Annika cried.

The boys went to bed.  I laid in there with Annika to nurse her to sleep.

I ended up falling asleep too. 

And then waking up at midnight FREEZING!  Seriously, 40 degrees. 

Saturday, Drew fixed bacon.  I forgot eggs and syrup so we skipped those. 

We ate hostess donuts.

The boys explored around our campsite. 

The boys played baseball.

I hit a homerun.

Drew struck out.

I held Annika.

We took a walk.  Taking turns who carried Annika and who took pictures. 

We ate hot dogs with no ketchup roasted over the fire for lunch.  

Drew took Sage and Kolby on a paddle boat.

Levi took a nap.

I read and held Annika. 

Drew packed up the tent.  I stuffed the sleeping bags and packed the bags back up.

He put away the camp kitchen.  Took the tent down, rolled it and put it in the bag. 

I rolled sweet potatoes in foil to cook in the fire. 

Annika cried.

I made a tin foil dinner of ham topped with pinapple and honey. 

Annika cried.

We ate dinner.

Roasted marshmallows for s'mores. 

Didn't eat enough s'mores.

Packed up. 

Drove home.

Sage slept.

Kolby slept.

Annika cried.

Levi talked.

We'll do it again.


And plan better.

Camping is a lot of work.

(Sorry no pictures, I have just enough time to write this. Maybe I'll add pictures later. I want to.  Life is busy.)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Fluke or a Big Joke

Annika slept through the night last Monday (yes, it's been that long since I started writing this) night.  And when I say slept through the night, I mean all the way.  10:30 to 8:00am.

I know!  I couldn't believe it!  She's my first baby to sleep through the night so young. 

I think it was a fluke or a big joke.  It was, she hasn't done it, nor come close again.

Maybe she did get switched at birth. 

That (Monday night) evening I had 31 minutes in which I didn't have to hold her.  I knew time was limited so I was scrambling to do something I enjoyed.

It was enought time to do nothing.  And I didn't enjoy it enough.

She's kind of high maintance.  During the day, she likes to be held.  A lot.  Kind of all the time.  She'll only sleep, in my arms.  She'll only look around happily, in my arms.

It doesn't help that almost every afternoon is spent waiting somewhere for someone.  The opportunities for her to sleep in her bed and not on me are few.

And I know that someday, I'm going to miss this.

But right now, I miss being by myself.  I miss coming here and writing something, anything. 

And then I feel guilty.  Guilty for not wanting to hold my sweet girl. all. the. time.

Guilty for wanting some time away from my sweet baby.

Guilty that the time she sleeps in her bassinet isn't enough for me.

I crave more time alone.

Changing topics:  I want to make my pictures, unclickable.  A friend linked to this but it is different than what my html code is for my pictures.  Anyone want to help me out?  

Thanks Grandma for our shirts!  (Kolby's matching shirt was in the wash)

Catching a smile before church last Sunday.

Kolby wanted in on the photo shoot. 

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

I'm That Mom

I'm that mom who after Annika drenched herself in spit up, changed her outfit.  I tried wiping it off, thought about letting it air dry and then I put my hand on her little chest and realized how wet she got herself.  We were sitting in Sunday School and I changed her into my spare outfit from the diaper bag (not the first time I've used the spare outfit on a Sunday, apparantly she likes to do damage on Sunday mornings).

I'm that mom who cringed and giggled a little, a few minutes later as she filled her pants, quite loudly.  Loud enough to make the people around us giggle.

I'm that mom who cringed and giggled a minute later as she let out a man-fart that resulted in more giggling around us.  You know the farts, the ones that the baby lets out but it leaves you wondering who it really was. 

I'm the mom that dutifully took my sweet girl out of Sunday School to change her diaper.

I'm that mom who cringed as I put my hand in something wet oozing out the side.

I'm that mom who realized she had one outfit soaked with spit up and one outfit with poop.  And that it left no outfits.  No onesies.  Just a diaper and a swaddling blanket.

I'm that mom who bummed a onesie off another mom in the nursing room.

I'm that mom who dressed her first daughter after three sons in a boy onesie.  A brown boy onesie.  A brown boy onesie that said "handsome".

I'm that mom who put her pink bow on with the brown onesie that said "handsome".  And then wrapped her in the swaddling blanket.

I'm that mom whose son ran around the therapy center wearing a diaper and a shirt for two hours on Monday. 

I'm that mom who thinks I should start carrying more clothes in my van.

I'm that mom that probably won't.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I need a shower.

I want to put this baby down.

Why does Levi hit Kolby and only Kolby?

Why does Kolby cry so much? 

How do you teach self-control?

Am I going to get a shower today?

If I do get a shower, will I be able to put make up on and do something besides a pony tail to my hair?

Why is my diaper bag 8000 pounds and awkward to carry?

I have a weird bruse on the inside of my upper arm.  Maybe I have leukemia. 

I hate waking up Levi and Annika to pick up Sage.

Carrying a car seat in one arm and Levi in the other better tone my arms.

How many more minutes will Annika lay there quietly?

How many minutes will the boys ignore her crying? 

Should I buy her a different headband if the one she has leaves marks on her head?

How much is too much to pay for bows? 

What's the perfect diaper bag?

Maybe having a baby doesn't make me think deeply. 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Maybe having a baby makes me think deeper...

Seriously, so many thoughts rushing through my head.  I've been reading Radical by David Platt along with Marla.  I can call her my friend.  I met her last January.  Anyway.

Did you know that there isn't a place in the Bible where it says to bow your head and pray to ask Jesus into your heart? 

I guess I did.  But I never really thought about it.  Jesus says "Come, follow me."  He tells us to give up everything for him.  E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Kids, husbands, parents, brothers, sisters, stuff.  Everything. 

Do I?  No.  Have I?  No.  Will I?  I really want to.

I want to live radically.  I want to be able to give up everything. 

Part of me thinks that if I'm willing, God just might call me out on that.  And then what? 

I'd really have to trust him. 

My heart and flesh are so weak. 

I can only do anything by the grace of God. 

Everyday, I realize more and more how I can't do anything without the grace and love of God in me to do the work through me. 

Because me, by myself?  Am selfish and prideful.

And that's why I need Him.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

stream of conciousness

I have so little time for myself these days.  How do I forget the newborn days of holding a baby, rocking, nursing and slinging a baby all. day. long.  Somedays when I finally lay her down for bed around 10ish, I try to think of how many times I've actually laid her down that day.  It is usually not many.

But today! I just got Annika to lay down for a nap and Kolby and Levi are also napping.  I don't know how I did it.  She might be sleeping in a dirty diaper but I won't tell. 

I went to the ER last weekend because I broke out in hives.  From a fire ant bite.  I was flipping out.  I am normally calm and can handle a crisis but I was totally and completely flipping out.  My fingers and wrists were swelling so much that it hurt to bend them.  That's when the nurse told me to go to the ER.  Long story short, I now carry an epi pen.  I'll be tested for fire ant allergies in 2 weeks and supposedly can be cured within 2 - 3 years receiving some shots.  I have no idea how it works.  And I felt really bad for Kolby when he reacted to his shot.  It was awful.  Not something that I want to repeat again.

I have thought of so many things to write about but just don't have the time.  And now that I'm sitting here at my computer in a quiet, messy house with laundry that needs folding and put away, listening to the baby on the monitor stirring and hoping she's not waking up yet and looking at the clock counting down the minutes until I need to wake everyone up to go pick up Sage and I can't think of a thing to write.

Apparantly, I'm still in the mushy baby brain stage.  I can't say that I ever really came out of that stage.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Love Mercy

I don't know where to begin.  I don't know what to tell you.

I've had a stirring in my heart for quite some time.  A stirring to do more.  Do more for the widows, the orphans and the poor.  Like Jesus commands.

Sure, we sponser two Compassion kids.  But, it's not enough.  We can do more.

There is a ministry that is in the beginning stages, called The Mercy House . My friend (I use that term loosely, I met her once at a blog meet up dinner and haven't spoken to her since!) went to Kenya.  And from that trip, God stirred a passion inside her for Africa.  So, she's obeying what God has laid on her heart.

Her family is starting The Mercy House .

Please go to their site and click around.  

What is it?  A maternity house for pregnant girls in Kenya.

Why?  Because every 30 minutes a girl is raped in Kenya.  Because mothers often sell their daughters bodies for food for the family.  Becasue 26,000 girls die from an infection from having an illegal abortion.

The Vision:

Provide a safe place-a guarded home with six maternity beds
Prenatal Care-vitamins, checkups
Proper Nutrition-protein and regular meals
Counseling-post abortion/prostitution
Ministry-prayer, Biblical teaching
Skills-jewelry, soap, sewing (future products will be sold here)
A nurturing environment in-which to give birth
A safe place to stay and learn and heal until they graduate from the program
A fund to start small business or go to school

I'm excited about this.  I want you to be excited about this too!  Please, go visit The Mercy House and see if the Lord stirs your heart.  And then answer that stirring. Or just go look around.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Happy Birthday Drew!

Today is a big birthday for Drew.  He's turning 20-10.  He says he has felt thirty for a long time, so he's glad it's finally here.  Having 4 kids before you're 30 might do that!

Drew is the best husband.  He doesn't seem to ever get annoyed by me.  Even when I'm reallly trying to annoy him!   

He is so wonderful with the boys and so sweet with Annika.  He calls her beautiful already and has taught the boys to say the same.  Seriously, so sweet to hear Levi say "Hello booiful."  Melt your heart.  And melt it again knowing he's copying his daddy. 

He makes me laugh even when I'm not feeling like laughing. 

He makes me feel beautiful even when I'm not feeling beautiful.

He makes me want to pursue Christ more and deeper because he is doing it.

He makes me want to do more than my best raising our kids together. 

He makes me feel like nobody can do what I do.

He provides every need and a whole lot of our desires.

He loves to give. 

He likes to explore with our family. 

He's ready for adventure. 

He comes home and is a dad and husband after a really long day of work, he always has more to give us.

And then he works a little more after the kids are in bed. 

He's the best. 

Love you Drew!

Thanks James and Judy for raising such a great son.  Thanks Judy for birthing him 30 years ago today!

Thursday, September 02, 2010

A List

My mind is mushy. 

I blame the baby.

So, a post, in list format.

1.  We changed our minds.  Kolby's going to pre-school.  I talked to the director and the teacher and feel better about that.  After we changed our minds, I bought him bigger underwear.  And since then, he hasn't pooped in his pants once.  Go figure.

2.  At Sage's school, hot lunch is $2, including milk.  That seems really cheap to us, is it?  We made a deal with him that he can buy lunch twice a week and I'll pack a lunch 3 times a week.  I really love the days he buys lunch.  He also has to take a snack since lunch is at 10:50!

3.  We've got the routine of Sage going to school and next week, we add Kolby.  Sage gets dropped off at 8 and Kolby's school starts at 9.  Um, what am I supposed to do for an awkward hour?  That really isn't an hour after you drive to Kolby's school.  It's going to make driving through McDonald's to get a mocha frappe way too easy.  I love those.

4.  Kolby started speech yesterday.  He'll go Tuesday and Friday.  Those days are going to be rough.  Levi will either get no nap or very little. 

5.  I was thinking woe is me with all the dropping off and picking up I'll be doing and how much it's going to mess with naps for my littles.  And then I remembered it's only a phase.  This is the only year it will be like this.  Remind me of that, kay?

6.  I started reading Radical by Dave Platts last night.  It already started messing with me.

7.  The heat is bringing me down.  It puts me in a bad mood and causes me to research jobs in Alaska for Drew.  Okay, not really, not Alaska, but seriously, the humidity is oppressing me.

8.  Annika is all kinds of cute. 

9.  I get some sleep.  Some nights are better than others.  She sleeps in her bassinet next to our bed and usually makes her way in our bed.  I can't be bothered to sit up to nurse her in the night.  I wake up occasionally and switch sides with her.  So, I really don't know how long or how much she is eating in the night.  See number 3 and my new love of mocha frappe. 

10.  Seriously, she is the cutest.  She is also an amazing pooper and spitter.  She's pooped on me twice.  And she spits up a lot.  Usually getting more on me than herself. 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

First Day of Kindergarten

The First Day
I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave 
And know your child must stay.
You've been with him for five six years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come 
To leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll love him as I would my own
And help him learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
As I remember the day it was my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love him and take him in 
When you leave him at my door.
~Author Unknown

The teacher handed me this poem as we dropped him off at her door.  I had choked back tears already and then almost did the ugly cry reading it in the van.  I didn't have time to cry, we were off to Annika's 2 week check up!  I made cookies as a special first day of school snack.

The little boy sitting across from Sage we "met" at meet the teacher.  I asked his name and he said "I don't talk very much.  I do tai kwon do.  I defend myself."  And that was that.
Because my sister asked nicely.  And she's really cute.  No, I don't know who she looks like. 

Sunday, August 22, 2010

stream of conciousness

Last week, Annika and I continued to get her heel pricked and I continued to be Queen of the Valet as Gretchen kindly named me!  Seriously, I parked valet almost everytime, and everytime, they greeted with me a big "Hello!", left my van in the circle and put my key in a special place.  It was especially helpful on Friday when I took all 4 kids by myself.  It was our first outing the five of us and it went really smoothly.

Sage starts kindergarten tomorrow!  We met his teacher and got to see his classroom.  I am so excited for him, he's so excited.  I can't believe he's going to kindergarten.  He got the teacher that I would have chosen for him.  She seems so sweet.  I'm preparing for his first week to be emotional for both of us.

Kolby gets his cast off on Tuesday!  And we'll find out the next step.  I'm excited and of course, nervous.  We've made some big decisions regarding Kolby.  We decided to not send him to preschool and Drew and I will do preschool with him at home.  I'm reallly excited about it for a number of reasons.  I think he and I will love having this time together and he will really thrive with one on one attention from me.  I pray that he and Levi will learn to love each other more and play together better.  Sometimes, they do great and sometimes, Levi is an antagonist.  We're going to take it one year at a time and see what he needs.  He'll still do some speech through the public school.

Last week, Drew's sister, Krista came to help.  She was such a help!  This week, I'm all on my own.  I can do it!

The boys have adjusted really well.  They aren't overly excited about her, but they are sweet towards her.  Does that make sense?

I need to write a post about Levi.  I start and stop in my head because to describe him in words is so hard.  He's so funny.  And so smart.  And so naughty.  And so funny.  He can buckle and unbuckle his high chair.

I can't believe Sage is starting kindergarten tomorrow!

Our house got really small, how did that happen?  And I got really anal about having clutter out, it makes me twitch.  Sage loves to clutter the top of our bookshelf because he can reach it and the other boys can't, so he puts things up there that he doesn't want them to get and it drives me crazy!

I need to stop writing.  I could go on and on. 

I will get out of the house today.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


We had picked up Drew's sister from the airport and Annika decided she was hungry.  We were still 30 minutes from home so I decided to find a parking lot and feed her.

I heard Kolby say "Drive, Mom!"

Sage responded "She can't!  She's milking!"

Sunday, August 15, 2010


I messed up last night and wrote that Titi broke my water at 9:32, it was actually 9:45 and she was born at 10:32.  I really want to remember that correctly!  

In honor of August 15th, Annika's due date,  I thought it appropriate to write out her birth story.

Last Sunday, I was feeling so great, so content to be pregnant.  Then I woke up on Monday.

I didn't feel good.  My body hurt.  And just ugh.  I had begged kindly asked a friend to take Sage for the day because we'd had a really low key weekend with Levi being sick and I knew I wasn't going to be able to take them anywhere because Levi was still sick and I wasn't sure where we could go with Kolby's cast.  It just seemed too much.

We took him to the meeting place since they had to come near our house for a dentist appointment.  I had asked if I could pack him an overnight bag "just in case".  This is a family with 4 boys, the youngest 2 being 6 and 8.  Later that day, she offered to keep him overnight and I decided that was a great idea. 

I had contractions on and off all day, but nothing really significant.  Probably about one an hour.  From 3 to 4, they started coming more frequently.  But the more I moved around, packing a bag for the other boys, picking up the house, the less I felt them.  I just felt so irritable and yucky.  I would read a blog comment about how great it was that I was so content and feel worse because I was feeling so yucky! 

Drew was working late that night.  He had a ton of work to do last week with a presentation on Tuesday morning.  I felt some pressure not to have the baby since he had so much to do.  I guarantee that was all in my head and Drew didn't put that pressure on me.

So, around 5 I started to get the feeling that these weren't really going away, maybe we should be prepared to do something about them.  I finished packing my bag, packed a bag for Kolby and Levi, and texted Drew.

I started to get irritated around 6 that Drew was still at the office and not on his way home.  I had been texting him the contractions, from 5 - 6, they were about every 10 minutesish.  Not super consistent but some bringing tears to my eyes.  Did I mention that the previous Wednesday at my appointment I was dialated to 4, probably 5?  And received instructions for what to do if we delivered in the car?  We were told not to mess around with contractions.

I called Drew and talked to him about the contractions.  He asked what I thought we should do.  I said "I think you should come home!" 

When he got home, I called the midwives to let them know what was happening.  We still needed to take our boys to a different friends house, so I told her we were probably still about an hour and 15 minutes away by the time we dropped them off and then drove back to the med center.  She seemed a little like hmm, your still an hour away?

Drew took the boys inside, I said good bye from the van, I was crying a little because of a hardish contraction.  Our friends were so sweet yelling encouragement as we gave them no instructions for our kids and took off.

As we drove towards the hospital, my contractions kept coming but kind of further apart.  I started to think we might get sent home.  Maybe laughed at.

We pulled into the valet and a wave of pain overcame me.  I told Drew I would get out in a minute.

After we got admitted, Titi, the midwife, checked me and said I was 7, probably 8.  A wave of relief overcame me and I smiled.  I was so glad she wasn't going to send us home!

We asked what she thought about breaking my water.  (Some of the midwives would be a little more hesitant and want to see what happens)  She said it's up to us.  We said, bring it!

We told her we really wanted an 8-9-10 baby, she smiled and said "Well, lets get this going!"  You have to imagine a beautiful black woman with long dread locks saying that in a British accent.  She is Nigerian British.  Her voice is incredibly smooth and calming.  

She struggled breaking my water saying I had a hard bag of waters.  I guess that was a good thing!  After she broke my water, the contractions changed dramatically.  It was 9:45 pm.  I have no idea how often they came, but they hurt, a lot.  She monitored the baby through a few of them and then let me get off the bed.

I immediately moved into a position of leaning on Drew and rocking side to side.  She was rubbing my lower back, the perfect place where it had hurt all through my pregnancy.

I moved to leaning on the bed and even squatted through a couple.  She was really encouraging and told me to think about those muscles relaxing and opening up and bringing the baby down.

She suggested getting back on the bed at one point so I climbed up.  I remember gasping and Drew asking "What's wrong?!"  I gave him a dirty look and said "It hurts!"  I was proud that was the only mean thing I said through the labor.

She checked me again and said I was complete but still at a plus station.  Here's where it might get too graphic.  She kept doing something, pulling something back(? fuzzy details, for a reason! I can't remember and it's probably a good thing!).  I just know it hurt terribly.  And I wanted her hand out of there! 

At that point, she said if I gave her two or three good pushes, I'd be done.

Then she made me turn around and face the back of the bed.  It felt worse, so I turned back around.  Later, she told me she saved me from a lot of pushing by having me do that.

It probably took 5 good pushes with me telling myself I can do it and Drew and Titi kept encouraging me that the baby was coming.  She's right there.

With one of the pushes, I felt her right there, I felt her coming and pushed harder.  There may have been some screaming involved.

I heard Titi explain to Drew that she would deliver the head and then he could catch the baby.  I heard her explain how to position his hands.  I remember wanting to open my eyes and see what was happening but I couldn't.  I had to keep pushing.

It was 10:32 pm.  47 minutes.

Drew describes catching her like catching someone who had bathed in plaster of paris.  And it was beautiful.  He laid her on my stomache and there she stayed for awhile.  Then she went over to be weighed, 8lbs. 9oz. We were surprised she was so big, our second biggest after Sage, 8lbs. 14oz. 

After she was weighed, measured (19in.) and swaddled she came back to me to be nursed for the first time.  After nursing, her blood sugar was low, so I gave her an ounce of formula by syringe.  It came right up and stayed up after the next time I nursed her.  She scored an 8 then 9 on her apgar.  

I loved the midwife that I delivered with, Titi.  She stopped the nurse from giving me an iv and she kept reassuring the nurse that she wasn't worried about my bleeding.  The nurse seemed to think it wasn't enough.

I also loved the hospital.  They were very hands off.  I even gave her first bath.  The second night, they didn't come in once, just let me take care of her as need be and get as much sleep as possible.  I enjoyed not being poked or prodded all night long.   

I'm hitting publish because I want to be done and Annika needs me again!  Sorry for any typos, I'm trying to remember everything for my sweet baby girl.

She is perfect in every way.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Saturday Thoughts

Annika's billirubin is still high.  15.0 today, down from 15.1 yesterday.  She's supposed to be in the billi bassinet as much as possible.  Right now she is sleeping on my chest which is absolute perfection.  Not as perfect was when she spit up on me after nursing, all over my clean nursing tank!  Oh well, she's worth it.

We've been to the hospital everyday since Thursday and will go back again tomorrow and probably Monday.  And yes, I 've parked valet everyday for free and they even leave my van in the circle, moving it only if needed.  In fact, yesterday, they didn't let me walk the 100 feet that they had parked it, instead having me wait for them to drive it around the circle again.  And then he folded up my stroller for me. 

And yes, they smile, wave or say hello when they see me get out.

The boys seem to be adjusting well.  Kolby and Levi are pretty enamored with her.  They ask to see her and ask about her.  Kolby likes to hold her.  Sage is more like "eh, whatever, a new baby."  He's adjusting to being a big helper as I need him to hold Levi's hand to get to our house from the van. 

I look forward to having a morning where I don't get up and get ready to go to the hospital for a heel prick.  But putting it in perspective helps, she's not in the hospital, it could be so much worse.

Physically, I'm feeling really great.  I know it is God's grace and his face shining down on me. 

Kolby got his cast changed yesterday.  He wasn't scared of the saw at all!  He laughed the entire time they used the saw.  He picked blue this week.  He'll wear it until next Tuesday when the doctor is back in town and at that appointment, the doctor will determine if he needs surgery on his foot to move a tendon.  I'm not thinking about it unless we have a need. 

And in total honesty, Kolby is having many accidents again.  Both.  It started before he got the first cast but got worse with the cast.  I'm at my witts end with this.  I kind of feel like he's playing us.  He stops getting candy and praise for doing what he needs to do and then he goes back to going in his underwear.  It's really frustrating.  We keep telling him his preschool won't let him come if he doesn't act like a big boy.  I'm really considering pulling him out.  Maybe he just isn't ready. 

If only each kid came out with an individualized instruction manual.  

Sage starts kindergarten a week from Monday.  I still need to register him.  It's on the list of things to do Monday before noon.  Along with get another billi check (most likely) and pick up Drew's sister from the airport. 

In other news: life, it just doesn't stop.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

First Day Home

We got up early and started getting ready to go back to the hospital for a simple billiribon test. 

Sage, Annika and I went, Kolby and Levi were still at a friends house. 

To make things even simpler, I parked valet. 

After we waited to be admitted for 30 minutes, the heel prick went fast. 

We paid for valet and sat down to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Then, we waited some more.  After 20 minutes, the valet man came up to me and asked if it was a single key or if it was on a keychain and what color is the key.

Then we waited some more.  After about 10 more minutes, I started to walk towards the valet desk, as they walked towards me. 

My key is lost.  They're going to look a little more. 

More waiting and 15 minutes later, the key is really lost. 

Arrangements are made to drive the 3 of us home, get a spare key and come back to pick up the key. 

I had seperated the van key from the rest of my keys so I had the clicker to get the infant seat. 

Drew taught me that.  Always seperate the keys.  Don't give them all the keys.  I always rolled my eyes. 

Thankfully, today, I rolled my eyes as I did it myself. 

And then, they lost my key. 

The manager thanked me for not freaking out and for seperating my keys.  She felt like they would find it by noon tomorrow.  If not, we'll take steps to replace the key.

I got two complimentary valets.

5 minutes after we drove away, she called. 

They found my key.

So, tomorrow when we go back for another billirubin test, valet or no valet?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Annika in Pictures

Moments after delivery. 

Proud Daddy

Sweet Sister

Birth Story Coming Soon...

And Pictures with Brothers (Maybe)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Annika Louise

Made Her Grand Debut 8-9-10 at 10:32pm.  

Weighing in at 8lbs. 9oz! 

19 inches long.

  Pictures coming soon.  Like when we're home from the hospital and have a faster internet connection.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

39 Week Thoughts

I can't believe I haven't met our sweet girl.  But, I'm strangely, rarely anxious about getting her out!

God's timing is perfect as he showed us this weekend when Levi came down with the flu Friday night.  If we had agreed to breaking my water last week like the midwife suggested, we would have been bringing a newborn home to a flu infested home.  I'm so glad Levi is feeling much better this evening.  He was back to his naughty self, climbing the fridge and bugging his brothers.

I'm 5cm dilated as of last Wednesday.  The midwife was willing to break my water the next morning.  But I really wanted to take Kolby to his doctor appointment.  After we got home, I kept thinking, anytime, I'm ready, maybe this weekend.  And then Levi got sick and I thought, not this weekend, please don't make me pass off a sick kid to a friend.

Tomorrow, I'm ready!  I always kind of wanted tomorrow because of the date, 08/09/10, but I didn't really think that I would keep her in this long.  Sage was born 11 days early, Kolby was born 16 days early and Levi was born 15 or 6 days early depending on which due date you go by.

I'm starting to wonder if my body will just keep dilating, but will contractions start, will my body really go into labor or will I get to 10 and then just push and there she comes!  My sister was dilated to 4 or 5 with her fourth baby, her doctor sent her to the hospital with no contractions and her baby was born 38 minutes after they broke her water.  My midwife did tell me what to do in the event we have a car birth.  I'm more nervous about giving birth at home.  The mess, and what would the boys see and do?  I'll just push that thought back to the back of my mind.

I've had my bag packed and have been driving around sitting on a towel, just in case.

Me, today. 39 Weeks.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Kolby's Casted

It felt like forever in coming and then such a non-exciting event. I've been anticipating this doctor's appointment for 2 weeks. Will I like the doctor? Will he agree with the first prognosis? I didn't sleep well at all last night. Not surprising being 9 months pregnant but worse than usual. I could tell I was anxious. I kept giving it back to God, but it kept eating at me.

He listened to my story, felt Kolby's foot for dorsiflexion, asked if I wanted to start casting today and told us to meet him in the casting room while asking Kolby what color cast he wanted.


Walking into the casting room, a flood of memories came rushing back. A little baby boy lay on one of the casting tables waiting to get his tiny blue casts removed. He didn't look like Kolby in anyway. He had dark hair and smooth chocolaty skin. But, I saw my little Bo. I saw my little white, chubby, dark haired baby. Kicking his legs a little as he waited so patiently for one of the cast men to remove his casts. His mom stroked his face, just like I used to stroke Kolby's, knowing that as soon as the saw started, there would be tears and cries, but all because we love you and want to see you walk and run someday. I choked back tears as I situated Kolby on his cast table.

Kolby immediately turned against the cast as soon as he heard the saw. He didn't want red anymore. He didn't want any color. His way of saying he didn't want a cast. I talked about how the cast will help him to be able to play football, baseball, basketball and to run fast. He protested but didn't fight.

And then we found out he gets to wear a special boot so he can walk. I was relieved we don't have to deal with crutches. When he hopped off the table, he needed a hand on each side but then he got it, it all clicked and he was hobbling around.

My own little Tiny Tim.

We have a week to talk about the saw and how it doesn't really hurt. I think we'll wait a few days to bring up that conversation. And maybe his mom won't be so emotional in the cast room next time.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Shout It From the Rooftops!

So, my blog is close enough to a rooftop, right?


I might have cried when I got the text from Drew.  And seemingly appropriate, David Crowder was playing How He Loves on our cd player. 

We have an appointment on Friday, I am so excited to get the process started and get this show on the road!  It's been two weeks of making him wear jeans and socks, his bites have all cleared up, now we need to keep him bug bite free for 2.5 more days. 

A First

Not a first that I'm proud of like first tooth, first step, first day of kindergarten.

No, this is my first child to cut his hair with scissors.

The scene: Yesterday during rest time, while I blissfully typed that post and ate two Swiss Cake Rolls. He was supposed to be resting in my room under strict orders to not touch anything that is mommy's or daddy's. He had drawing supplies and a car. It was our first attempt at a rest in my room rather than a nap. Crucial mistake.

As I walked the stairs to get him, ready to clear my room of the Goodwill clutter, I got a bad feeling in my gut. I thought, "I hope I don't have a huge mess to clean up." And then I opened my bedroom door and smelled a mix of hairspray, baby powder and Mrs. Meyers Clean Day Surface Scrub in Lavender. My heart sunk. I noticed some hair on my bed.

Drew's clippers were strewn about the floor mixed with the white powder. My Aveda hair spray was empty.

Kolby's clothes were an incriminate white color.

At first, I thought the hair on our bed and on the floor was from the clippers box and had gotten spread around.

As I looked closer at Kolby, I realized it was his hair spread around.

After the Self Inflicted Hair Cut:

Today, After the Haircut of Shame

Monday, August 02, 2010


Today, I woke up knowing I wanted to get our floor mopped.  I knew it needed done.  It was gross.  And I have told myself that it could be the last time I mop before our baby girl gets here!

And then,  as I looked in our laundry/pantry area, I knew.  I needed to clean it out and organize it.  The boys watched, ahem, 2 hours of tv so I could accomplish both those tasks.  And I feel so good about it! 

Tomorrow, the boys bathroom will be cleaned (one of my most unfavorite jobs) and I have some bananas that need baked into some bread. 

Before this baby gets here, I feel like I need to simplify everything.  My purse seems too big.  I want something smaller and simpler.  Something like this, maybe?  Just dreaming here. 

My bedroom feels much too cluttered.  That's because it is.  It is embarrasing.  There are piles of the boys clothes that need to be put in a bin for Kolby and Levi to grow into.  There are piles that need to fnd a home until winter.  There is a pile to take to Goodwill.  And there are 2 bins of baby boy clothes that need to get tagged and ready to take to consignment. 

And our house is being painted, so there is plastic over every window.  Including the sliding door to the outside storage area of where those bins are.  We did not pick this time to paint and block ourselves out of being able to get things put away. (townhome association = usually good, not having to do the work ourselves, but not so convenient this time)

I can get those clothes bagged and read to take to Goodwill.  I think I will do that. 

Did I mention that when we sorted Levi's closet, we finally unpacked our last box from our move?  2 years ago.  And our bedroom still isn't finished and decorated?  And I already have plans to redo our kitchen?  Will it all ever get done? 

Did you read to the end?  I feel like I need to apologize for such a boring post.  Just writing what's on my mind today. 

I'm going to declutter something!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

You Capture: Play

This is my first time participating in You Capture. Beth from I Should Be Folding Laundry hosts it. Go check it out!  This is another attempt for me to get better at photography and have fun with my camera!

I love his little foot in the background.

This is under our train table.  A huge battle!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

stream of conciousness

I went to the midwife this morning.  On the way there, Sage asked if I had to pee in a cup again.  Am I scarring him for life?  I missed my appointment last week because Kolby woke up with a 102 fever.  I tried a couple of babysitters but it didn't work out.  I didn't get my Group B strep test last week, so I got it today and she checked me because of my history with early dialation.

First, she felt my belly and said this will probably be my smallest baby and that's okay because girls tend to be smaller.  If only that had translated to less weight gain!  She felt her back and where I'm getting all the feet kicks, she said her head was down but didn't feel too low.  I agreed, I've had some pressure but nothing too incredible.

After the test, she checked me out and said her head is really low.  Lower than she had thought, she didn't want to do an invasive check but she was sure I was 3 probably more towards 4 cm.

After having 3 babies, I kind of knew this is the information we would get, but it still makes me nervous.  She also told us to keep some stuff in the car so we don't ruin it.  Maybe I should have asked what kinds of things.  I just pictured puppy's pee pads.  Do you think that's what she meant?  She also suggested trying to stay off my feet as much as possible.  "I don't know if you have help at home..."  I've gotten that question a couple times in the last couple of months.

Kolby's scabs are healing slower than we thought, so no cast this week.  God's timing is perfect.  God's timing is perfect.  God's timing is perfect.  Drew is fighting our insurance company to get the Ponseti certified dr. in Houston covered.  His benefits advocate found some loophole about a certified doctor being covered within 75 miles.  I'm still praying that God will guide/force us to the right doctor.  The Houston dr. would be so much more convenienant but we haven't met him, what if he's not nice or is just wrong for us?

Also, since I just had the Group B strep test, if I were to go into labor before next week, I would be treated like I was positive just in case.  I'm really praying to keep her in at least one more week and then we'll reevaluate.

My thoughts go back and forth from Kolby to the baby, Kolby, baby, Kolby, baby.  With a little of Sage is starting school soon.

We got Kolby's new shoes to wear at night and I'm so happy to tell you that he has adjusted perfectly to them.  He's worn them 4 nights and it's kind of like he never stopped wearing them.  Click here to see what they look like.  They keep his feet turned out at 60 degrees.

I feel like we are totally ready for this baby, except the whole Group B strep thing.  God's timing is perfect.  God's timing is perfect.

Do you think there is a lesson for me to learn here? 

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Non-Feet Related News

Levi now sleeps in the room with the other boys!  I had questioned my sanity earlier in my pregnancy for thinking we could attempt this.  He used to scream at bed time.  Turns out, it might have been because he wanted to sleep with his brothers.

While on vacation, we had them all in the same room, Levi in a pack-n-play.  Some nights went better than others, but it gave us hope. 

So, we got home and set up the pack-n-play in the boys' room.  Some nights are better than others, but for the most part, it goes really well.

One night, Levi would not stop talking.  Drew threatened to put him in his crib in his room.  He didn't believe Drew.  Drew put him in his crib in his own room and he was really mad.  (I was not actually home at this time)  Somehow, Levi calmed down enough for Drew to decide he could switch back to the boys' room.  Sage had told Drew not to put Levi in his own room but to give him a time out or some other form of discipline. 

We have taken that as a sign that everyone agrees with this new arrangement. 

And in honor of my 37th week of pregnancy beginning on Sunday, we're going to switch Levi's crib and clothes into the boys room and officially call it the boys room.  We'll also be spending quite a bit of time cleaning out the junk closet Levi's closet and getting that room as ready as we can for Annika. 

We're leaving it green, we don't have a crib for her yet, although we have a generous offer to borrow one which we will be taking them up on soon, and no she doesn't have special bedding.  I did buy one sheet with tulips on it because it was marked down to $2.98. 

I will be washing, folding and hanging her clothes too.  I've never been so excited to do laundry! 

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Worst Fears Realized

We saw the doctor yesterday. He confirmed that Kolby's left foot is definitely relapsing. Clubfoot isn't just a foot that turns in slightly, it is a foot or both that would turn in so much that the child would walk on their ankles. Here's a summary of part of what we went through when he was a baby.

Even though we thought we knew we were dealing with a relapse, we really thought we would be dealing with wearing shoes and the bar at night again.  But, Kolby is going to have at least two casts.  The cast will start at his toes and go up to his thigh.  The cast will get changed to change position of his foot once a week.  After two weeks, the doctor will be able to determine if he needs to do another tenetomy.  This would be done in an OR, with Kolby under general anesthesia and the doctor would again cut his heel chord.  If that surgery happens he would be in another cast for 3 weeks while that heeled. 

The frustrating part is that Kolby didn't get a cast yesterday.  On Friday, he walked through a fire ant mound and his left foot and leg got attacked and bitten.  He probably has 15 bites on his left foot and calf.  The doctor didn't want to put a cast on because then we can't see if anything is getting infected.

Our first challenge is to get these cleared up and prevent Kolby from getting more bites of any kind.  It is almost laughable.  Kolby gets mosquito bites just walking to the car!  We decided he has to wear long pants until he gets a cast.  Long pants during the day and night. 

So, we have answers.  We have a plan.  And we know God will work out the details.  Right now, we're planning on going to the doctor in Dallas because he is covered by our insurance.  And we've met him, we like him and we trust him. 

And don't forget Annika is coming soon, probably in the middle of all this.  Just to make things a little more exciting.  It means I can't go or take Kolby, it will be up to Drew.  And it makes me a little nervous thinking that he'll be gone all day and it will get closer and closer to my due date.  I might need a volunteer labor coach! 

I have cried over this, it's my trial and I can cry if I want to!  But in all seriousness, this is a minor trial.  We didn't get news that one of our children may be dieing, we will have some things that will be challenging, but nothing that isn't manageable.  Especially with God.  He'll see us through.  He is good.  He is faithful.  

Thursday, July 15, 2010

It's the Little Things in Life

1. Kolby says gum. Gum. He has always said num. And I couldn't understand him. And then one day, he walked up to me and asked for gum. He gets gum just about every time he asks for it!

2. Levi peed on his potty today. I'm not sure he even realized what he did, but he got skittles! He farted while sitting in his chair and said "Potty?" I asked him if he had to go potty and he said yes. So we went upstairs, looked at a few books, nothing. I asked him if he wanted to sit on his potty and watch Curious George. I turned it on and walked away (I know, bad mommy!). He came over to me and said "Potty?" I said, Let's go sit down! And then noticed there was already pee in it!

Monday, July 12, 2010

stream of conciousness

We went on vacation.

And then we got back.

And I didn't write about it. I've been thinking about what to write and how to incorporate our pictures.

But, while there, we noticed Kolby's left foot turning in a little bit. Drew's mom had been to Houston in early May and said she noticed it then too.

So, I've been on the phone and online trying to figure out what to do. The dilemma has been whether to take him to a Ponseti certified doctor or not. We hadn't been for seeing one for our yearly check ups, which was coming up at the end of this month. I had thought it would be okay because they were just check ups. As long as I didn't think anything was going wrong, we'd stay in network with our doctor.

The more I talked to Drew, he discerned that I was going to want a second opinion from a Ponseti certified doctor even if I took Kolby to this doctor. Primarily, because I didn't trust him. When we first moved here, I took Kolby to see him and one of his residents saw Kolby first (at age 2) and he told me we could probably be done with wearing the bar at night. Ponseti clearly recommends until age 4. After the appointment, I emailed the doctor and expressed my concerns. He admitted that he would have been comfortable with letting us stop wearing the bar at night.

Fast forward to his 3 year old check up and the shoes were too small. I was there to request a fitting for a new pair. Surprise to us, he discontinued use of the bar, said Kolby's feet were great! We were ecstatic.

I wish I would have followed my first gut feeling and insisted on new shoes and insisted on keeping him in them until he was 4.

I have an appointment in Houston for the end of this month with a Ponseti certified doctor who is out of our network. I have a call into a doctor in Dallas, in network, to see if we can get in to see him sooner. So many details need to work out. I keep reminding myself that I'm not in control. God is. And he will do what is best for us.

Sage's birthday is this week. We're having a small party for him on Saturday. And I'm trying to get things ready for that too.

And Annika is due in less than 5 weeks. I don't even want to list out what we need to do for her arrival. Her clothes are literally heaped on the bed in Levi's room. Nothing has been washed. I don't really know what I have and what I need. I'm going by the seat of my pants this time! And this is not like me at all.

Kind of a downer post to come back with, huh? This is life right now for us. Get on and enjoy the ride with us!

I feel like I have to write a disclaimer. I'm not overly worried about Kolby. I trust God that what has to happen will happen. But, man I want to know the details of how it's going to work! Drew might have to take Kolby by himself and that tears me apart. I need to be with him. I was at every. single. appointment when he was a baby and now... I'm crying just thinking about not being with him. I might disobey doctors orders and go anyway. But, maybe I won't tell you until after we get back!

I missed posting a picture of the kids on July 1. Maybe I'll take it on Sage's birthday and try to get back on track in August.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

My Poopy Day

My tag line on Facebook is something like "I'm living my dream; I just never realized it would involve so much poop."

That could be interpreted two different ways, like life is full poop and you just have to deal with it. Or, my way, literally poop.

My mom always told the story about my sister smearing her poop all over her crib. Spindle bars, of course. But that was her only poop story. That I remember anyway.

Yesterday, we had some errands to run. Post office, book store, mall, and the library. I am usually not that adventurous in my errand running. I stick to two but we were moving fast and making progress.

We ate lunch at the mall and Levi told me "Peeyou!" Meaning he needed his diaper changed. We did the deed. But the diaper was strangely dry. I changed it anyway, using my only diaper in my purse. (Note: I used my only diaper. No, I don't take a diaper bag with me. I keep a diaper and wipes in my purse. Note: that is stupid.)

We had one last stop at the library to pick up Adventures in Odyssey on cd, it was on hold so it should be a quick in and out. Except that my hold had expired the day before and they are really quick to put those holds back on the truck to some other lucky family.

So we were perusing the book on cd selections. When I heard a sound. A very liquid sound. And Levi said "Peeyou!" And boy was he right. Remember how I used my one and only diaper? And how I don't carry a diaper bag? (I'm so keeping it in the van.)

Being the laidback kind of mom, I just finished my perusing, a little more quickly and we got out of there. I stripped Levi of his overalls and found a gross hand towel to cover his carseat. Calm, cool and collected. We made it home and I got him cleaned up. Drew cleaned up the stroller when he got home. Oh, yes, the stroller was quite disgusting.

Then, we went to swimming lessons for Sage and Kolby. Kolby had an accident in his swim suit. I was not so calm, cool and collected this time. He'd done it last week too so I knew what was coming as to the clean up of him and the bathroom that would need disinfecting. And it broke me. I was a less than stellar mommy. I was a pretty horrible mommy.

I really wanted to end the day and the story on a funny note, but I just can't get over the fact that I was a downright terrible mommy. I have many excuses for acting so terrible. But they don't matter. I was not letting the Holy Spirit help me. Sure I prayed. I prayed "I can't do this!" Um, not really a helpful prayer. I have apologized and reapologized to the boys. I've talked about how I wasn't acting the way that I try to teach them to act. I talked about how mommy needs Jesus. And how mommy had to ask for forgiveness from God and how isn't God's grace amazing? I didn't promise I wouldn't ever do it again. Because I'm a sinner. But, I'm going to pray that I don't break down like that again. It was rough on all of us.

So, poop! It's gross and there is a lot of it in our house. And I'm about to have another pooping machine! But girls poop is cuter and doesn't smell, right?!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm Just Going to Write so I Can Write Something

I haven't been feeling the bloggy love lately. Meaning, I haven't wanted to write anything. So, I'm just going to write and see what comes out.

I've been feeling discontentment lately. I want a bigger house, a yard and a dog. I want to live closer to family for the reasons of having people to lean on and not having to vacation in our home states. I like where we live, don't get me wrong.

I wonder if I feel this way because we've never lived somewhere permanently before. We're as permanent as God has us. In the past, we were on a countdown. A countdown for Drew to finish school and we would move somewhere new. We've been here 2 years now and it seems like much longer. We don't have something in our future. We're living life here for as long as God allows.

We took our first exploratory trip in Texas last weekend. By first, I mean, we didn't go visit friends, we went by ourselves and stayed in a hotel. We went to San Antonio. Sage declared it the best trip ever! We visited the Alamo and learned about the war. We ate on the Riverwalk and did the boat tour. We went to El Mercado where I got a Mexican tunic shirt and a dress for Annika! As my friend, Annalee, pointed out, we're set for Cinco de Mayo now!

We went because we listened to a timeshare presentation. 2.5 hours of my life that I will never get back. And we had the boys. Never mind the fact that Drew and I are not on the spot decision makers. We, I should say, Drew, researches everything. We don't make a purchase without talking, thinking, praying through it.

But, we got two free nights in a hotel! And we said no to the timeshare. And it wasn't hard at all to say no to it.

We can't remember the last time we took our family on a trip and didn't stay with friends or family. When we lived in CT, we did mostly day trips with a little camping.

So, yeah. I'd like a bigger house, with some storage and a way for us to host our families more comfortably.

I'm kind of ready for a new adventure. And at the same time am loving living life.

Maybe I should look at my new adventure as becoming a mom of four and sending my oldest to kindergarten.

Or maybe I shouldn't think about sending my oldest to kindergarten. I'll just let that happen when it comes, that way I can't cry over it before it happens.

And that's what came out.

Monday, June 07, 2010

While Daddy Was Away

We ate dessert for dinner!

Brownies and ice-cream were requested.

Levi ate only the ice-cream.

Is it bad that my 18 month old can say ice-cream? And has been saying it for a while? Maybe I don't really want you to answer that!

Friday, June 04, 2010

Friday Morning Ramblings

I took the boys to get their haircut this morning.  Drama free.  Not one good story came out of it.  Except they look adorable.

Sage and Kolby are constantly playing war.  They fight against the British army.  Sometimes, one of them is the British army.  Usually, Kolby.  Kolby usually gets pegged as the bad guy or the monster.  I can't decide if he likes it or he just wants to play with Sage.

Yesterday, while I was at Bible study, the boys made a booklet about themselves.  Kolby's said Sage is his friend.  So sweet.

Bible study ended at 12 and I left the boys in childcare until 2, to accomplish two things that I can't take them with me to do.  1) Get my eyebrows threaded. 2) But a new undergarment.  Yes, I wrote a whole post about needing bigger panties and I can't bring myself to type the other word.  I'm weird.  I accomplished neither of those things.  But, I did go to Costco and get us milk and bread for the weekend.  And I bought lunch for myself at Chick-fil-A.  Surprise, surprise.

I went to an orientation for a midwifery service on Wednessday.  I am really excited about it!  The only reason I would have to get an iv is if I test positive for Group B strep or am anemic.  The baby will stay with me and will only be taken away if I ask for her to go to the nursery.  There were other things that I was excited about but can't remember right now.  I signed for them to transfer my files immediately.  I can also take the boys with me to appointments.  Not that I love that idea, but it will save us money. 

Did you know that in the state of Texas, if you refuse to have the baby get the eye drops, they have to report you to CPS and then you are on file at CPS? 

Did you know that the eye drops are to protect the baby from sexually transmitted disease?  Of which, I don't have.  So, there is no point in getting the eye drops.  With Kolby, I tried to refuse them and they said if the baby doesn't get the eye drops, he can't go to the nursery.  He got the eye drops. 

I have four minutes to hit publish before it is Friday afternoon. 

I don't know where Levi is right now. 

Have a great weekend!  We're dropping the boys off at Parents Night Out and going to an Astro's game!  I surprised Drew by getting the tickets when he was in Sudan. 

I love having Drew home.