Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Facing My Fear

Fear of failure, of not measuring up, of not getting it right, of disappointing.

My life could be summed up by fear.

In college, I couldn’t decide on a major. More like I couldn’t find something that I wasn’t afraid of failing at. I wasn’t the best student and there was always one class that kept me from staying in a major. Fear of failing. I could write a list of what the major was and what the class was that kept me from pursuing it.

The one that I regret the most is journalism. I took Journalism 101, twice. I had to improve my grade and it kept me from pursing it as a major. Also, I was afraid to take the English proficiency test. You had to take the test and pass to get into the journalism school.

Now, I realize that is what I wish I could do when I grow up.

My blog is my writing outlet. I read blogs and read that they make money and I want to do that too. But, I don’t really know how to do it, to get it started. Fear. Excuses. Those two go hand in hand.

I am taking the plunge. I am applying for BlogHer ads. Maybe they won’t accept me, maybe they will. I won’t know unless I try.

I'm also going to start writing more. For me. Maybe you will get to read it, maybe you won't! Time will tell.

My new life verse needs to be Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

But I also have to look to the source of that strength, ask for it and believe it.

As Sage was laying in bed with us, he told me he wants to be a doctor when he grows up. I said “Oh, what kind of doctor?” He said, “Dr. Seuss!” And then he asked what kind of doctor he is. Maybe we’ll have more than one writer in the family or maybe not.


  1. Wanna hear something really weird? When you were in college and kept switching your major I knew the reason. It's the same reason I do alot of the things I do. GOOD FOR YOU, KIKI!!!!!!!!! I will be praying that you are accepted!!!!!!!!

  2. i think that is awesome that you can clearly identify what holds you back. That is a huge step in the right direction to have satan lose his grip on you. Keep laying those fears and doubts at the feet of Christ.


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