I have been doing some thinking lately, on semi related topics.

Materialism: I would say that I am a materialistic person trapped in a cheap persons body. Does that make sense? I like nice things, but don't like to pay for nice things. However, I do believe that if we are going to buy something, it is going to be quality. I would rather pay for quality than quantity. For example, last Christmas, our phone pooped out on us. I had it since high school so it wasn't a huge surprise. We went to Sam's Club and decided on the $40 vtech model. This Christmas, the rechargeable base pooped out on us. Now, instead of having 2 phones, we only have one and feel like we should replace it at some point but we are both too cheap to spend money on a stupid phone. But for our double stroller, we are willing to spend a large amount of money, because we believe we are buying a quality product. And we are saving Christmas money and have asked our parents for money towards the stroller so most if not all will be a gift, and that makes us not feel bad for spending so much money. Clothing, I am more likely to go the cheaper route, sales. When we lived elsewhere, I would go to garge sales but here that has proved more difficult and now with two boys... doubtful that on a Sat. morning, I am going to pack up and haul around two babies.

In general, I am content with what I have. Of course, I do suffer from the wants occasionally. Like this morning with my maternity clothes. I hate most of them. A lot of them are borrowed and don't fit quite right. The shoulders aren't broad enough and the sleeves not long enough making me feel like a giant. Back to being content. The apartment that we live in is great. It is just the right size for our family and even adding one more person, doesn't seem like it will be a problem. Yes, sometimes, I wish we had a backyard to set up a blow up pool, but then I can go to a friends and use theirs. Sometimes, I wish we had a full size washer and dryer, but I am so glad that I don't have to go to a laundrymat. And I have friends who have offered their washer and dryer in case I ever get behind! All, in all, I am content, life is good and can only get better!

Confession: We use government programs. I am embarressed to admit that. My husband is in grad school and our income is very low. We live off student loans. Sage and I are on state health insurance and we get WIC. We qualify for a lot more programs. I haven't paid one dime for any of my pre-natal care or Sage's well baby check ups. The only thing I pay for is parking. $2 an hour. Which isn't much. WIC gives us checks for certain items at the grocery store. We get milk, eggs, peanut butter, juice, beans, and cereal. It really helps our grocery budget. I don't know why I am embarressed to be on these programs, but I am. It is something that I want to hide from people and not tell them, which makes me think that I should tell them. BUT, we will celebrate the day that we can get off all government assistance!

Sage is sleeping so long today that I am sure if I get up to do something useful, like swiffer my floor, he will wake up. So, off to do something useful!

Thankful Thursday

1. Only 6 more weeks of pregnancy (unless I go past my due date)
2. The maternity belt my friend gave me, holds up the belly and takes pressure off my pelvis!!!!
3. We decided on a name (at least for the last 3 weeks, we take no responsibility if it changes)
4. Sage can say the name (if you know what he is trying to say)
5. NAPS!!! for me and Sage
6. 8 oz. cans of Coke
7. 3 Musketeers and Twix

33 Weeks 4 Days

Weight: 172
Heartbeat: 120
Measure:33

Weight gained in two weeks, 2.5 lbs. I am getting closer and closer to the 178, gained as much as I want to mark. That will be a total of 35 lbs. Nothing else exciting, just another long wait at the office. 3:30 appointment, get home at 6:00, spent 15 minutes with the midwife. Another appointment in two weeks.

More updates on life to come. I've been doing some thinking...

Hide and Seek

Today, I was in our bedroom putting stuff away and Sage was in there with me and then he left. I didn't think too much about it and then noticed that I wasn't hearing him in other rooms. So, I walked out to the kitchen/dining area calling his name, no response. I walked past the bathroom and noticed I forgot to close the door, but no Sage. Still calling his name, I go into his bedroom and then back to the kitchen to check the space between the cabinet and the wall where he fits perfectly. No Sage. I walk to the living room still calling his name and see the blanket that is always out on the couch with 2 legs sticking out. I call his name again and he is quiet! I go over to the blanket and pick it up and his face erupts into a huge smile with a great big laugh to follow! I couldn't believe that he hid from me! And he was quiet the entire time I was calling his name! We had a good laugh!

Free Flights!

Did anyone hear about the Wendy's and Airtran promotion? Collect 64 coupons on a Wendy's medium or biggie cup, send them to Airtran and get credit for a free roundtrip ticket? Well, my brother and sister-n-law were collecting them and slowly but surely getting free tickets. Christmas break, my brother suggests that he and Drew go dumpster diving for Wendy's cups. They went two nights to a total of 6 Wendy's and got like 550 cups. Drew and I each got enough for 2 free roundtrip tickets plus 32 more coupons for a one way ticket. What were we going to do with a one way ticket? We decided to sell them on Ebay. It has been a nightmare. Apparantly, there are some weird travel and ticket rules on Ebay and our auctions kept getting pulled. Finally, we got it right and sold 2 packs of 16 coupons each for $39! We made $80 plus the 4 free airline tickets! It will be slightly annoying to travel Airtran since we have to fly out of NY and through there hub in Atlanta, GA. But, it will only cost us the amount of tax so, we will just deal. Beggars can't be choosers!

Emergency?

The other night, I was laying on our couch watching tv when I heard some shouting. I muted the tv to hear what they were saying and then all of a sudden there was banging on the door to our building. My living room, is right next to that door, so it was loud and scary. There were several voices and I heard something about money being shouted. I ran to the kitchen to call the police, couldn't find the non-emergency number, tried dialing 911, got cut off, called Drew who gave me the number and finally called the police. By that time, my neighbor had come out of her apartment and yelled through the non-locked door for the man to go away, you don't live here (benefits of living in a small building). She is an older woman and I told her she was brave to open her door. She told the police that there were 3 African American boys beating up a 50 year old white man. He had cuts and blood on his face and he was the one pounding on the door. Thank God he didn't try to open it and come in. Our front door locks, but has to be relocked each and every time someone unlocks it to come in. I am going to start locking it every night. I think I will also talk to the other tenants and ask them to try to remember to start locking it after they enter.

My thoughts probably scare me the most. When I ran out of the living room, I thought that I should crawl so I don't get hit by any bullets. I hadn't heard any shots. And then I thought maybe I should get my son out of bed and hold him while this got figured out. He didn't make a peep. But he seemed safer with me than without. I didn't get him out of bed, by the way.

My question is this: What constitutes an emergency? When should I call 911 and when just the non-emergency number? I tried calling 911 on my cell, but should have called it from my home so they could trace the call. Not that I was under such stress that I couldn't remember my address.

Just another difference of living on the east coast versus the midwest. The one time my husband called the police in the midwest, we were apartment managers and there was a very loud, drunk party going on across the street. Nothing scary, just loud and annoying. We have each called the police once so far while living here. I forget why the first time, but I don't remember being scared, but Drew was here that time.

Room Time

I started something new with Sage about a week or two ago. Room time. He gets a snack and juice and I turn on the music in his room and I keep some toys in there and he plays by himself in his room for about 30 minutes. It started out that he would cry for like 30 seconds when I shut the door and then it went to a whine but he was always agreeable about going in for room time. Today when I shut the door, and said love you, he looked at me and smiled! I am glad that I am establishing this room time before the baby is born. It is time for me to get some chores done around the house that aren't easy to do with him around or blog or shower, whatever I want to use it for.

He is a really good little boy. We definitly have our moments but overall, he is sweet and loving. He says juice very clearly and everything in his sippy cup or a cup is juice, even a water bottle is juice. He also says bye, ball, bath, on or off (not sure) and others that I can't think of. Many are b words and they tend to sound alike. But we can usually understand because of the context in which he uses them. This morning while coloring, I was telling him the colors and then saying can you say ..... And it sounded like he said blue but again, it is a b word, so I wasn't sure and he wouldn't repeat it. He asked to go bye this morning. I think he is bored. I slept terribly last night, waking with braxton hics and an aching lower back so I cancelled our museum plans. I slept for a couple hours on our big, comfy, black chair in the living room. It is similar to a lazy boy and it really helped my back to sleep sitting up somewhat. Drew came out worried about me at 5:30. I didn't wake him up to tell him what I was doing. I figured he might as well get some good sleep.

Tonight Drew and I are going to the Yale vs. Harvard basketball game. Yep, for free. And then I think we will go out to eat. Should be fun. Hopefully, it is a fun game!

Are braxton hics supposed to wake you up in the middle of the night?

Week 31 and 4 days appointment

Weight: 169.5
Belly: 32 cm
Heartrate: 140

Everything looks great and is going along normally. I asked the policy on breaking water if I was dialated and she said they will not break my water even if I am in active labor. They like it to break on its own because once it is broken, the risk of infection goes up. Bummer. I was hoping that things would go similar to my first, dialted to 3 at 36 weeks and to 5 at 38 weeks, get my water broken a few days later and four hours later, have a baby! Now, I think I might be pregnant longer than with Sage. I am hoping and praying that this baby comes during spring break for Drew so he won't have to miss any classes. My mom is planning to come as soon as possible after the baby is born. We will call her when labor starts or we have a hint the baby could be coming soon and she will buy a ticket and come! There are so many small details that I pray go well with this delivery. Sage. I hope we can get him somewhere he and we are comfortable with him staying. I hope that we don't take him with us to the hospital but if worse comes to worse that isn't the worst option. Drew. School. My mom. Getting a flight and getting from the airport to our house. But I have faith that God will work everything out in His own perfect way and I am excited to see how he does it! My mind tends to think of the dramatics of everything. Like maybe my labor will be not horrible like it was with Sage before they broke my water and then whoosh here comes the water and Drew has to ride his bike home from school and I am ready to push and we have Sage and nothing packed and we have to hurry to make it to the hospital and Drew ends up pulling over and the baby is born in the car! Whew.

Guess what Sage and I did today?!

We walked to the scary grocery store. Come to find out, not that scary and actually quite nice! There are verses on the walls of the grocery store as are the Ten Commandments. The bags say, "Smile God loves you!" The walk there is the scary part and even that, not so scary. It just looks scary because you walk under the interstate where it is darker and there is a lot of broken glass. I stand out in the neighborhood with my bright blonde hair, but no one batted an eyelash at me. So, I probably won't be buying regular groceries there, it is nice to have for things I have forgotten or need to fill in like milk, bread and eggs. And it is nice to be able to walk there.

Guess what else I did today? Nearly finished Sage's month by month book. I have journaled all but month 12. I need a picture for month 9, 10 and 12, add some stickers and journal on month 12 and all done. Now, he will know that I love him. And I can show him this book when the new baby comes and say see how tiny you were? Now, for the one year scrapbook, maybe I should try to do a few pages a day instead of watching tv in the evening.

I haven't been sleeping all that well. Not surprising. I wake up every couple of hours and have had trouble falling asleep at night. But I shouldn't complain because I know there are others who sleep a lot worse than me. I have started sleeping with a pillow between my legs and under my belly and that has helped. I also have had a lot of dreams. I don't like dreaming, it makes me feel unrested. My husband says the opposite.

Baby Book

Am I the only first time mother out there with her first sons baby book of his first year not done and he is now 18 months old? I feel pretty guilty about this. I am the fourth child. My baby book consists of my name, maybe how much I weighed. I won't go into it because I know my mom feels guilty about this. Do you think there is more pressure on us as moms today with the whole scrapbooking world? I mean, a lot of baby books, you fill things in and then add a few pictures. Scrapbooking and journaling is a whole different story.

I got Sage's out today to work on. I also for some idiotic reason decided I would do a small month to month book. It is a 5x7 album that I took a picture of him each month by the same bear that his nana bought for him as a newborn. And then on the other side of the page, I write about what he did that month, new things he learned, his first airplane ride etc. The problem is, months 10,11, and 12, I didn't write anything down. Not that he stopped growing, learning and doing new things, I just didn't write them down. In my defense, we moved month 10 across the country and well that is my excuse. Today, I am trying to finish that book. I am also missing 3 pictures, months 9, 10 and 12. Those just need a run to Target or a quick send off to clarkcolor.com (11 cent Kodak prints!).

And then there are the 1000 pictures we have of him and I already sorted through those and printed off 300 for his album. 300 pictures are not needed nor will they fit. It is ridiculous. I have to remind myself that his life is well documented and I can't fit them all in one book, but he will have them on cd's forever.

Have I mentioned that my mom sells Creative Memories? So, all of my supplies (until Drew gets a real job) are free. Looking at everything that I have, I feel more guilty. She has invested a lot of money into me and scrapbooking. Not only that, I can't go the cheaters route and buy the pre made baby scrapbook and stick in my pictures and add some journaling. Nor can I buy the albums where you just stick your pictures in and say nothing! I am trying. I just wish she could come for a week and all we do is work on this baby book. Because having someone by your side while you do it, telling you good job, that looks good, good work, and having ideas for when you feel like every page looks the same, really, really helps. But she is planning on coming for the birth of the baby, not the finishing of the first baby's scrapbook. Maybe another time.

And now, I need to be done with this blog so I can finish that book!

New baby, New ways

I have been thinking more about how I am going to be with this new baby. And I think I am leaning toward a mixture of attachement and scheduling. Does that make sense? For example, Sage slept one or two nights in the same room as us besides when we travelled. This baby is actually going to be sleeping in a co-sleeper right next to me. (A friend is giving it to me after her last baby outgrows it.) I am excited for this and concerned all at the same time. I am excited to try it but am worried about such things as my husband waking the baby early in the morning. It isn't uncommon for Drew to set the alarm for 5:30 or 6:30 and I don't want to start my day at that time. And I wonder how well I will sleep. I will probably get used to all the baby noises but I do wonder. I am also going to try swaddling this baby. Sage was born in July and it always seemed too hot and I ended up letting him sleep on his tummy because he would wake himself on his back by flailing his arms. I bought this cool Kiddopotomus swaddler that is the right size and uses velcro to keep the baby tight. And I have a Baby Bjorn carrier that I imagine I will use a lot more with this second baby than I did the first. Errands such as grocery shopping and trips to Target will be made easier if Sage can continue to sit in the seat which means to have room to buy anything, I can't put the carrier in the back but need to also have my hands free to grab my purchases. It sounds so exciting and new and scary!

I have decided not to take Sage out of his crib. Maybe we will try around his two year birthday which would make the baby 4 months old. Then we will see about making the transition fromour room to Sages room. The co-sleeper can be used until he is 6 months old and then if we have to, he can sleep in the pack-n-play. Sage does so well in his crib and he seems so little for a huge bed. Not to mention that he stands up and jumps in his crib and talks to himself which usually buys me a bit of time in the morning before I get him out of bed. I wonder too about how I am going to feed both boys right away in the morning. Sage still gets a sippy cup of milk warmed up right away in the morning and I always hold him while he drinks it. It is like our cuddle, wake up time. I don't want to give that up. I am just not worrying about it and hoping it works itself out!

I am also going to try desperatly hard to get this baby to take a pacifier. I just like the idea that it will calm the baby, reduce the risk of SIDS, and when I think he is too old, I can throw it away. Have I mentioned that Sage has just recently started wanting a pacifier? Only in the car, but I am thinking I should throw them away so that habit gets kicked before the baby comes. Silly that at 18 months, he all of the sudden is interested in a pacy.

I am getting more and more excited to see what this baby looks like. I think I have been so preoccupied with how I am going to handle two kids that I haven't thought too much about how sweet it will be to have a newborn and change 10 - 12 diapers a day and to nurse every 3 hours and to not get a full night of sleep and to be spit up on and to see his first smile and to watch him grow and develop and interact with Sage. There will be good times and bad and I am guessing that the good will outweigh the bad!

I am 31 weeks yesterday, down to single digits for how much time is left. I bought the changing pad mattress today for our dresser. We still need a dresser and I need to wash the clothes, and buy the double stroller. Not too much to do. After we decide about a dresser, that will help so I can organize Sage's room. Currently, he has a stack of clothes on top of his dresser. Some for next winter for him and some of the babies and the babies are scrunched into half of his dresser. I also need to buy a storage container and put away Sage's t-shirts from last summer that don't fit anymore. It won't take that long, just waiting for a dresser decision. We thought about buying plastic drawers from Target but that will be a temporary solution for a long term problem. Anyway... I need to give Sage a bath and put him to bed!

Thankful Thursday

I almost forgot!

1. For my friend, Tasha, who buys me lunch at the mall. Unnecessary but sweet. And she makes me laugh while we are together!

2. Sage being nice to the other kids at the play area at mall today. Exept for the one he smacked in the face. But then he was nice and petted his head!

3. Sage giving me random hugs, kisses and snuggles!

4. Drew sending me a very sweet text message (since he has been at school for 15+ hours today).

5. People who are kind enough to tell an 8 month pregnant woman that she looks great! Liars, but it makes me feel good!

18 Month Well Baby

I took Sage to his 18 month well baby check up yesterday. He weighs 28 lbs 11 oz and is 33 inches tall. I forgot to ask where that is on the growth chart. He was really good. He wouldn't say any words for the dr but he did let her examine him without crying and he did cry during the shots but not for very long.

I felt like a bad mom. I didn't change his diaper before we went. We got there and his diaper had leaked. His onesie was all wet as were his jeans. He had to wear wet jeans home. He could have cared less. He never cares if his diaper is wet or poopy. He would stay in it for as long as I would let him, which isn't long when I figure it out! Oh well, I am sure they have seen worse.

He is still into coloring except the most fascinating parts are taking the marker caps on and off and putting the crayons into and out of the bag. Not much coloring actually takes place. Why does he put crayons and markers in his mouth? At least they are non-toxic.

We were at the mall today and he was playing in the playland and smacked a little boy on the face. Then he started "petting" him on the head since that is how we taught him to be gentle. Maybe petting the head wasn't such a great idea.

I am loving buying matching shirts for the boys. The other day I got excited because I will be able to buy them matching shirts for Easter! What a dumb thing to get excited about. But Drew even piped up and said yeah, all 3 of us could match! How cute!

Not much to say

A random family picture taken at Rockefeller Center.

I missed delurking week last week. I don't know why. I delurked on some of my favorite sites. I have also found some new blogs to read daily. I haven't figured out how to make a blogroll but have thought about trying to figure it out.

30 weeks and counting now. It has gone really fast. He moves a lot and is starting to not just kick but stretch and push against me. I have braxton hics daily. I counted 3 during church on Sunday, so nothing to be worried about, but I definitly notice them!

Drew is going to London for a few days next month. I must admit that I am a little jealous. I would love to go to London! Normally, I would try to figure out how to get out of here but by that time, I will be 34 weeks pregnant. I don't know what the cutoff is for flying but I decided that I would be uncomfortable enough that it wouldn't be worth it flying with 2 infants in my lap! I think I will go stay with a friend for a few days who lives about an hour away. Hopefully, we can make it to a mall in NY that she has been telling me about! The loneliest part of the day will be dinnertime without Drew. I don't love cooking so making dinner for Sage and I seems boring. Of course, I will feed us, it just won't be gormet or anything, not that it ever is.

Tonight we had taco soup and corn bread. I have declared Sunday nights a "no cook" night for me so everyone (except Sage) is on their own. Drew isn't usually home anyway, so it means I feed Sage either leftovers or something that I would normally give him for lunch. Speaking of lunch, any ideas for a toddler? I am not too creative. He gets peanut butter sandwiches, cheese and crackers (whole wheat), macaroni and cheese, and sides of varying fruit. Any ideas? I would really appreciate them.

Pregnancy Update Week 29

Weight: 168

I had my dr. appointment today. It had been 6 weeks since my last visit and my weight gain was 14lbs! Yikes. I knew that was coming. I measured 30, but technically I will be 30 weeks Saturday so that doesn't seem like a big deal to me. My total weight gain is 25lbs so far. My goal was less but, what can you do? I would really like to see myself not go over 178, that would be 35lbs total. Think I can do it?! We'll see. More fruits and less crap for me! Well, for today.

I told her about some wierd movements that I have felt. It feels like a spastic movement. All of the sudden I will feel a rapid fast movement. I haven't felt it for 2 days now but it is something that I have noticed again and again. She said it is probably just a weird movement that my baby does! All his other movements are normal and getting stronger. Also, I asked about braxton hics and she said up to 8 an hour is normal but if it starts feeling like the beginning of labor to call. I don't think I get that many an hour, just more than I did with Sage.

I now start going to the dr. every 2 weeks. And my appointments are later in the afternoon like 3 which means a longer wait because she has had all day to get backed up. Bummer. But it means I am closer to the end of pregnancy! Today, they told me she was 2 hours behind but then I got called about an hour after my scheduled appointment and ended up seeing someone else. I saw a midwife (which I normally see), but this one could actually deliver me. I also asked about what to do when I go into labor, who to call etc. and who might deliver me at the hospital. The run down is since I am a midwife patient, I will most likely be delivered by a midwife. Currently, there are 3 midwives at the hospital whom I won't meet before delivery and two that deliver and see patients in the office. I have met one. Unfortunatly, they are 1 person short, so if I go into labor on a Sunday or Monday night, I will be delivered by a resident midwife.

A first year med student is "shadowing" me to learn more about pregnancy. He is about 21 or 22 and his knowledge of pregnancy is very limited. Anyway, he is very nice and has been coming to my appointments. He will also try to be at the labor and delivery. It is strange, especially after the first week and I saw him at church! Kind of weird, but he is learning and I am glad to help. He told the midwife and me today that until last week, he didn't know what a tampon was! Kind of funny. Too bad, he can't shadow me for a day and I could relay all the aches and pains and other no fun stuff that goes with pregnancy! He was curious why I prefer a midwife to deliver me. I said because typically, midwives are more apt to let things take a natural course which is what I prefer. I don't want to have drugs and I don't want to be offered them, making it easier to take them. I did it with Sage, so why not try again. With Sage, I started dialating at 36 weeks and by 38 weeks was 5cm dialated at my office visit. I went in one night with consistent contractions but by the time I got to the hospital, they stopped. I was sent home with instructions to come back in if anything started again and they would break my water. That night at about 10 I went in, they broke my water and Sage was born at 2:18. I am not saying that was the easiest 4 hours of my life, but it was bearable. By the time, I said I can't do it anymore, I was dialtated to 9.5, so no turning back. Anyway, since he asked me that, I thought I better write a birth plan and take it to one of my next appointments. I also need to set up a time to tour the hospital so we can figure out where we go during the day and after hours.

New Bib

Since Sage has started to feed himself more and more, I noticed a step up in a bib might be necessary. Food tends to spill more easily. I bought a Baby Bjorn soft bib. You know the ones with the big pocket to catch dropped food. He has used it once and it is great! I didn't have to pick food out from in between and beneath his legs. It was a little pricey, $7, but so far seems to be worth it. If only I had it this morning for breakfast when he kept dropping cheerios off his spoon. There is always tomorrow!

I have a dr. appointment today so will post later all the exciting details!

Sage was sitting on my lap and I was showing him how to put his hands on my belly to feel the baby move. Of course, the baby didn't move but then Sage looked at me and put his hands on his own belly! It was so cute! He is so funny!

Not going to throw in the towel yet

Today has been better. I don't want to quit and leave... as much.

Sage and I went to a playgroup this morning at Timbertown. It is a store that sells outdoor play equipment and have a bunch set up in 2 big rooms. For $5, you kid can play on all the equipment. Sage stayed very entertained for an hour and a half! Pretty good. I would always want to go with another mom to talk to but wouldn't mind taking him myself either.

Sage is getting so independant. He really likes to feed himself all meals. He is still sometimes okay with me spoon feeding him, like at lunch when I forgot his bib and didn't want applesauce all over his shirt! It takes him forever to eat, which makes me eat slower or do other things while he is still eating. Sometimes, I read or get on the computer, or shower. And his spoon abilities have improved a lot. I now understand why people spend $10 on the baby bjorn bib because it looks like it will actually catch the food he drops, his bib now has a pocket but food pretty much slides over the pocket.

It has been very warm here. Yesterday, we took a walk outside and I let him play at the playground. It was 50 degrees! Not the winter I am used to or was expecting! I wish I had taken my camera but of course didn't think about it!

A day I want to move back

Today is a day I want to move back to IA. And there is one main reason and it isn't my family today. Today the reason is the church we left. We left an incredible, awesome, thriving church. Cornerston Chruch of Ames. It is a bigger church with 3 services and a meeting room that holds 650 people. It has an awesome band making worshipping Jesus so easy. The people there are real and genuine sharing real sin struggles and making it easy to relate to them whether they are the pastor or just a member. It was so easy to be involved there. The women's ministry had Bible studies during the day with childcare provided. I had to pay for childcare, but I didn't have to find it myself. There were also connection groups that Drew and I would attend together. They were in the evening, after dinner and again,, they would help find childcare. The only one that we were in after Sage was born, we would take him with and he would play in the basement with a 13year old watching him. That was good since we were right upstairs and were able to hear him if he was crying. I was always challenged at church. Challenged to deepen my faith and grow my relationship with God.

Since moving here. I haven't felt those same challenges. Our pastors style is not as relational, more stories and ancedotes. And I have a hard time following him. And getting involved has been difficult. The nursery is less than stellar because of lack of space. Currently, we share a building but will be moving buildings somewhere at the ten of the month. There isn't much for young married couples but they are starting to develop that area more. Drew and I had offerred to host a young married Bible study at our house beginning in Feb. It would have been a win win situation for us because we could put Sage to bed and then have the study. Which would take care of child care issues. Drew didn't want to lead the group because he is so involved in school and was afraid he didn't have the time to do a good job. So, it is going to be at someone elses house and they are going to lead. THey are actually our good friends and I really want to go but what do we do with Sage? He is too old to take. He won't just sit on our lap and listen. And I have written about babysitters previously. Drew says we will work it out. I just feel so defeated. I have already been struggling with my relationship with God because I don't have as much support here as I did there and now it seems like this is just one more strike against me. I read my Bible and pray most days but not everyday and I don't get as much out of it as I would like and it is always good to be in a study and hear others thoughts and just get to know people.

Plus today is Monday and Mondays are hard for me for some reason. I usually don't have much planned to do besides clean and I feel a little down. Going to church used to be such a joy and I would look forward to it, now I feel like I go because I know it is good for me and I should. I am sure all thiese crazy pregnancy hormones running through my body aren't making things easier for me. It makes me want to start looking for a different church again. And then I think that we already know so many people and the fellowship is good. The church is good, I just feel lost and worn down and sad.

Making Life Easier

We made life a little easier this weekend by removing the keyboard tray from our computer desk and setting the keyboard higher where Sage cannot reach. Our computer is in our dining room, which I like because it is in the open and it is where people aren't napping or sleeping. We want our computer in the open and where the family is so that when our kids are old enough to be on it, they can be easily monitored by anyone who happens to be in the room or walks by. So, we might as well get used to it and keep it out now. The problem is that Sage is fascinated by the keyboard and loves to touch it. I am sure this isn't uncommon. So, he was getting disciplined a lot for touching and personally, I was getting tired of it and probably too relaxed and would say Do not touch and then not follow up. My question is, is it bad to remove all temptation from his life? I mean there are other things we don't want him playing in or with so we have eliminated those things too. For example, the bathroom, I don't want him getting toilet paper and kleenex by himself or getting into the dangerous chemicals that are stored under the cupboard so I put a doorknob cover on and shut the door. What is the line between keeping him safe and not allowing him to learn self control? And can self control be learned at 18 months?

The other day, he brought his blankie out of his crib after his nap. Later, when he had dropped it, I asked him to pick it up and take it back to his crib. He picked up the blankie and threw it back down on the floor and yelled. I told him no that isn't the way we behave and asked again. Same thing. I spanked him. He cried. I asked again but changed it to ask him to put it in his room. He picked it up walked to his room and dropped it into his room. Man, I was so happy that disciplining worked and once again, amazed at how much he understands!

He said juice the other day too! A couple of times. Today, he was playing with his new alphabet Leap Frog refrigerator game and had pushed the P and made the puh sound when the song said every letter makes a sound and p says puh. Drew and I both heard it and looked at him in amazement. Will we be this amazed when the second child does something or learns something? I hope so. I hope we can always be amazed at our children and what they are learning and doing. However, this second pregnancy hasn't been as talked about as the first. I have still been reading the week by week book and still am amazed at the movements but I feel like this is more of a countdown to unknown and with Sage it was a countdown to excitement of when we bring the baby home. I do feel excited about bringing the baby home but I feel a lot more nervous too. Funny, since I already have the newborn experience under my belt. Maybe that is what makes me more nervous, I know what to expect and I wonder how I will handle it with an older child also.

I know I will figure it out and life will go on, it has to! I am telling myself to be more relaxed with things. I think I am so into my routine of keeping the house this clean, the dishes done, groceries bought, meals planned and made, and myself showered everyday that I don't want that to change and if it doesn't change after the baby is born, I would be superwoman! I have to relax with things more. But that scares me because if I don't do it, no one will so it just won't get done and then we won't have food to eat! RELAX. Things always get done somehow, food gets eaten, dishes get cleaned up, dust bunnies get swept... eventually! I need to change my mindset and let myself adjust to life with two kids. Okay enough, there are plenty of women who have done it before me so it can be done and it will get done.

I think we have solved our double stroller dilema. We are going to save money that we receive as gifts and put it towards the stroller that we both think solves all the stroller issues the best and it happens to be the most expensive one that we were looking at! It is a Phil and Teds Most Excellent Buggy. I would link it but don't know how, so google away if interested. It is a three wheeled stroller with the front swivel wheel. It can be a single or double stroller. It can be used as a jogger or at the mall or around town. We have many things to look for in a double stroller. The first being, can it fit in our Saturn? Graco duoglide? Tight, maybe, maybe not. If it does, it is our whole trunk. Maclaren? Yes. Those were the top 3 strollers. Phil and Ted's? Yes and it takes less space than our current stroller, Graco metrolite. Those are the top 3 strollers. We considered a sit and stand and then thought that Sage is still a little too little for that and when you put the carseat in the front so an infant can sit there, the child in back is forced to stand and not sit, making it a bad fit for our family. Second question. Is it a good stroller for at a mall as well as navigating bumping sidewalks and using it to take walks for exercise? Graco. It seems to handle those situations well. Maclaren. Mall, yes sidewalks and for exercise not the greatest. It has small wheels making it easy to get caught on bumps. Phil and Teds. Yes. And it can be used as a jogger. I would like to say that I will definitly use that feature but don't want to make a liar of myself or use it only once. I imagine that I will jog and be oh so fit and cute this summer, but I know walking is probably what I will end up doing the most. As you can see, the three most important questions only one stroller answered yes to all three with an exceptional yes. The only concern is the NY subway. But in all actuality all three of these strollers would be a concern riding the NY subway and since we don't live there and just go visit, we will have to make it work. So, if anyone wants to contribute to our double stroller fund, we accept paypal, debit only =) Just kidding.

What about Levi or Augustus? Levi is my pick for the day and Augustus is Drews. Then again...

Randomness

Sage has added two new words to his vocabulary this week. Bible and baby. Bible was all on his own. Every night before bed, we read to him from a Bible story book while he drinks his milk. One night this week, he pointed to it and said Bible! Today, I was looking at the magezine, American Baby and he pointed to a baby and I said baby, can you say baby and he said baby! But only once.

Sage's favorite word is dada. All day long, everything is dada, dada, dada. Walking through Target, he is yelling dada. Dada is at work Sage. DADA. Dada is at work Sage. DADA, DADA. All day long. Everything he points to is dada, dada. Cute, but come on, what about mama?! Yesterday, it sounded like he said nana and the day before, papa. But when he only says things once, I wonder if he really meant to say them?

This baby growing inside me is a mover and a shaker. Sage was a non-mover kind of baby, and his personality has shown that to be true. He is laidback and pretty easy going. Very flexible and goes with the flow. If he misses a nap, no big deal, he usually isn't any worse off. Back to the subject at hand. This baby moves and kicks with such intensity. It will catch me off guard. The other day, I was walking into a playgroup and almost said ow outloud twice in a row!

Naming the baby, we are at such a loss. We ordered a book and it should be coming soon. But I don't know if we can find something that we like. We would like our kids names to have meaning. Sage means wise and we want him to be wise and his middle name is Andrew after his dad. We also want something unique. No name from the top 100 baby names for us. That is more me than Drew. I don't want my kid to be Aiden S. in his kindergarten class. Although, I like the name Aiden. And on the other hand, we don't want to have to explain his name for the rest of his/our life. So, we don't want something totally normal or totally weird. What a quandry!

Yesterday, I was thinking about how much I love Sage and love to kiss his cheeks and hold him and hug him all the time. Do you think I, as a parent will feel that same love toward him when he is a teenager? I don't think my love for Sage will diminish, but does it? I hope not. It will just change forms in how I show my love.

This pregnancy, I have had so many more aches, pains and braxton hics. Yesterday was especially bad. I went to the mall to walk and it had been a couple of weeks because of the holidays and being gone. Well, I only walked for 20 minutes and felt very tired and achy. I had some returns and a little shopping I wanted to get done then we ate lunch and Sage played in the playground for about a half hour. We were both exhausted and as soon as we got into the car, Sage settled in to fall asleep. We both took naps when we got home, but that didn't help or ease my achiness or tiredness. I went to bed at nine last night, got up at 12 to go to the bathroom and eat two choc. chip cookies (first time I have been hungry in the middle of the night) woke up at 6 when Drew woke up Sage by coughing in the bathroom right next to Sage's room. But we both went back to sleep until 8! Today, we are taking it easy. Maybe a little housework, maybe a trip to Target, we'll see how much I feel like doing! It is getting harder and harder to carry Sage. I let him walk quite a few places, but it also makes me so nervous. Especially walking in a parking lot out to our car. We have a basic Saturn. No auto locks. So, I have to hold his hand, get my keys, unlock the front door, hold his hand, while not dropping my purse or bags on his head, reach in and unlock the back door while not letting go of his hand, once his hand is let go of, he is gone. It is very challenging!

Sage's newest favorite activity is coloring! He will color twice a day. He prefers markers, not crayons! He can take the lids on and off by himself! And thinks it is funny when he "accidently" colors on his hands and thinks it is amazing when the marker washes off! If we talk about coloring, he will look at his hands to see if there are any marks on them from before! He did color on a pair of pants, on purpose. I bet it will happen again!

As you can see by this blog, my life is Sage and being pregnant right now! They are the top two things on my mind and what is on my mind comes out in this blog!

Something New

I am starting something new that I read off someone else's blog. It is called Thankful Thursday.

1. I am thankful for an incredible son who has been a huge blessing in my life.

2. I am thankful for an incredible husband who is so supportive of me staying home with our incredible son!

3. I am thankful to be pregnant with a second son and having the pregnancy going so well.

4. I am thankful that we found such a great apartment when we moved here.

5. I am thankful for the mall playground so Sage can burn some energy and I can sit!

6. I am thankful for goldfish to keep Sage quiet while I shop and walk!

There are really so many things to be thankful for and I could go on and on but dinner needs to be made and I need to figure out how to make potato soup!

Another post on the pregnancy later...

The Smartest Toddler Award

And it goes to...

SAGE! Of course! Today I had a conversation with him Sage style. I asked him if he would like a snack, he answered by signing hungry and nodding yes. I gave him a bowl mixed with cheerios and ginger cookies (they really are decently healthy). He picked through the bowl eating only the cookies. When they were gone, he signed more please. I said you don't want the cheerios? He shook his head no and I said oh only the cookies, he shook his head yes and signed more please. I gave him more and he signed thank you!

I can't believe how much he understands and then it frustrates me that he doesn't speak. He always gets his point across. Usually by signing or pointing. He does say dada, ba (bath), ba (ball) and those two really do sound different, and mama. He signs or has made his own signs for hot, water, music, more, hungry, banana, please, thank you, and milk.

He doesn't drink much water. He asks for milk and if I give him water he makes a yucky face. But I think he drinks too much milk and I don't want to give him too much juice. I tried having him drink a cup of water today and he only drank about half.

Anyway... he is so much fun. It is hard to believe how much and how fast he has grown over the last 17 months.

I leave you with a picture of Sage and all his cousins at Christmas. Yes, there are 7 boys under the age of 5 and I will add another boy to the group this March! And yes, my child is the one screaming his head off!


Back Row: Samantha and Britta
Front Row: Chase, Tate, Ethan, Noah, Sage, Daniel and Caleb

Something Changed

All 3 of us were in IA, Drew was getting ready to come home and work for a week before classes started again. And I had an unexplainable desire to be home. I didn't want to stay in IA for a week longer, I just wanted to come home. There were many reasons, I didn't want to be away from Drew, I was exhausted from so much traveling and living out of a suit case for 2 weeks, and I just wanted to be home. Home is CT, not IA.

We got home yesterday and guess what, I was sad. Sad because the much anticipated trip of going to see our family is over. Sad because, our apartment is so lonely with only us three. Sad because our families are so far away. Sad because even though we saw everyone, we didn't get to spend time with everyone. Especially my family. The time with my family was chaotic. I didn't really get to talk to my brothers or sister or in-laws. We all have kids and time was short. I love being with them all but I wish I could spend more time just talking. Not about anything deep just being together and talking and laughing about nothing at all.

The big trip is over. The next big thing coming up is the birth of the new baby. And I am scared. Scared that I won't be able to hack it as a stay at home mom of two. Scared that I am going to be so tired. Scared that Drew will be in the middle of his semester and won't be able to help me adjust. Scared that I will be stuck at home, and all my feelings of lonliness will come back. Scared. But I do know that God will help me and I just have to ask. Asking is the easy part, it is believing that he will help that is hard. I know he will help but truly believing is difficult. I know too that I am borrowing worries about tomorrow when I need to concentrate on today. I need to get back into a routine and get my apartment in order. I feel tired and overwhelmed. But I just have to take one small step at a time. Everything will get done and put away eventually.

Sage was such a good traveller. He woke up some in the night but usually went back to sleep himself and his naps were mostly non-existent. He did great on the plane trips there and back. I was thankful to have Drew with us. My belly is getting bigger and harder to hold Sage. Amazingly, we didn't use as many toys like when I travelled alone with Sage. Drew held him, let him get between his legs, showed him the air buttons and I don't know. The flight home was at 7:30 so we got up at 4:30 and woke Sage at 5:30. He actually fell asleep on Drew! That is a rarity with a 17 month old. I think they both enjoyed sleeping on the plane together.

We had a great trip and wouldn't change. We definitly wouldn't want to stay home!

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Eve. A day we should take time to stop and think about what we are celebrating. I am celebrating the birthday of Jesus Christ.

Because Jesus was born, I will live for eternity.
Because Jesus was born, I live with joy.
Because Jesus was born, I live with grace.
Because Jesus was born, I live with peace.
Because Jesus was born, I will live for eternity.

The best part, everyone can! I am not saying life will be peaches and cream. I have trials in my life, same as everyone. But because of Jesus, I can live with joy, grace and peace. I won't always, but I can by looking to Jesus everyday and relying on Him. The one and only person who will not fail me.

In other news, we have been in MN for a week now, eating too much food and watching too many movies. Movies that I mostly slept through and didn't really care about. I slept through Bewitched and Star Wars 3. We went to see Narnia. I thought it was really good and would recommend seeing it. We leave tomorrow for IA. I am excited to see my family. Our families are so different. His is scheduled, mine is fly by the seat of your pants. And am I ready for that!

The Apprentice

Did anyone watch the finale last night?

I did and I must say that I am disappointed. Mr. Trump hired Randall. Randall was an incredibly talented man with an incredible education and work experience. A good pick. I had respected Randall through out the show and was glad to see him win. Personally, I liked Rebecca better, but they were both such great choices. But then a question was asked by Mr. Trump to Randall. Mr. Trump asked Randall if he would hire Rebecca too. Randall answered with the stupidest most selfish answer I have ever heard. He said Mr. Trump, this is The Apprentice, not the apprenti, I think there should be only one. WHAT? That is the most selfish thing I have ever heard. If that was my husband saying that on live tv, I would have been so disappointed in him. He had power in his hand to give Rebecca a job too. And he blew it. He blew it in a big way. I lost all respect for him as that one sentence rolled out of his mouth. He wanted the spotlight to himself. He didn't want to share the limelight with another incredibly talented human being. Selfish. I couldn't believe it. I went to bed sad for Rebecca and disappointed with Randall.

He had been on the same team with Rebecca, worked with her, sung her praises several times and then dismissed her.

Rebecca, sorry you aren't the apprentice. You should have a job with Mr. Trump today.

Randall, nothing to say to you.

Mr. Trump, I think you lost a great employee. It would have been neat to see you stand up to Randall and hire her anyway. Maybe you will down the road.

Merry Christmas!

Why do people not say Merry Christmas anymore and instead say Happy Holidays? I realize that there are many holidays celebrated this time of year but I celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Christ's birth to this world to save my soul and anyone else who chooses to believe in Him. When I say Merry Christmas to someone, I mean it. I mean have a Merry Christmas. Take time to think about what Christmas is, Christs birth, His coming into the world.

I don't want to wish people Happy Holidays because I am not celebrating the holidays. I am celebrating Christmas. I would not at all be offended if someone said Happy Hannikah to me because that is what they are celebrating.

I do think that Christmas is downplayed. I heard a story about Wal-Mart this year, they had a Hannikah aisle, a Kwanza aisle and a Holiday aisle. WHAT?! We can call Hannikah and Kwanza what it is but not Christmas? Sounds like discrimination to me. One woman wrote several letters and they changed the name. That is outrageous.

I am a Christian in the Biblical sense of the word. I believe that God sent his son Jesus to this world as a baby (Christmas) and that he died on a cross (Good Friday) and he rose again the third day (Easter). I celebrate and cherish these holidays. What has our culture done to these holidays? Commercialized them. Christmas is all about Santa and gifts. Easter is all about the bunny, eggs and candy. These have been turned into "me" holidays. Everything is about me and what I want and what I get. I don't want Sage to grow up with that mentality. Sure, we will talk about Santa. But I won't let him believe in him. I will never tell him Santa is real. In fact, I will probably tell him it is fine to pretend that Santa is real and is coming but we don't really believe that and if he wants a certain gift, he better tell mom or grandma, cause he'll be disappointed if he only tells Santa! And yes, we will hunt Easter eggs and he will get a basket of candy but he will know the true meaning of Easter and why it is such a special day.

I love to think about Christmas and the coming of God's son to earth. Can you imagine how excited God was that time of year? He knew that he was sending his son to earth to teach us about himself and to die for our sins. I bet he was thinking, oh, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they figure out that I am taking away the sins of this world. And how sad he was when we crucified him 33 years later. He sent us his only son and we killed him. I realize it was many years ago, but I can imagine that if I had been alive during that time, I would have been yelling Crucify, Crucify! Why? Because I am a sinner. And I don't like to think about being a sinner. I don't like to think that I was born a sinner. But I see it in Sage already. He is a sinner. He hits other kids. He yells meanly at other kids. He doesn't come when I say come here. I didn't teach him to do these things, he just does. Why? Because he is a sinner. He needs Jesus to help him to obey and to be kind. Just like I do. Everyday, I need Jesus to help me be patient with Sage, to help me not judge others, to help me live a life that reflects the goodness of Jesus.

Merry Christmas!

Busy

We have been busy the past couple of days and I am tired! Sunday, we went to NYC to see Rockefeller Center, VanGogh drawings at the Met and see some friends who were visiting. It was a fun day with a lot of walking and for a 25 week pregnant, out of shape girl with braxton hics, made the day kind of long. But we did have fun.

Monday, I had a dr. appointment and did the glucose test. That night, we got our first professional photograph taken at Picture People. Our appointment wasn't until 8pm, so I didn't know what to expect from Sage. He did great! We haven't seen the pictures yet because we couldn't wait around for them to be developed, Sage needed to go to bed! We will go look at them tonight!

Tuesday, Sage and I met a friend at a mall about half hour away and hung out with her and her 8 month old. Then we had a playdate later in the afternoon and then I got to go hang out with some friends. It is actually a moms club and I am still getting to know everyone. But they are really nice and we will meet during the day to do stuff too and then have one night a week called moms night out. I don't usually make it to those but had fun last night.

Today, Sage and I are both still in our pajamas at noon! I love these days. We ate breakfast, I read my Bible for an hour while he destroyed the living room, I did some laundry and some cleaning and now he is happily eating leftover mac-n-cheese for lunch! This afternoon, we need to go to Target for diapers and such and then pick up Drew from work and off to the mall for a no cooking kind of day dinner at McDonalds and to view/purchase our pictures. We will probably only buy one or two because we are cheap and I don't mean poses, I mean actual pictures!

I need to finish Christmas cards tonight! And pack tomorrow and make a cheesecake for Friday morning! We will fly out, weather permitting, Saturday and Sage and I will not return until Jan. 9! We are so excited to see family and friends and be in the good ole Midwest again! And when we return, I will be in my third trimester and will have to start getting ready for the baby to come... switch Sage to a big boy bed and many small detail things!

So, I will try to blog while I am away, but, might be having too much fun or nothing to write!

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Why I blog

I blog because it is a release. I blog because I live away from family who love to know all the small details of my life, which is my son, Sage. I blog because I can reflect on things that Sage is doing, I am struggling with, things that happen to be mommy things. Why? Because I am a mommy. I am a mommy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. At this time in my life, it seems it is all I do. When do I wake up? When Sage wakes up. When do I eat? When Sage eats. Everything that I do is for my family. I make breakfast, we eat, and I clean up. I shower (sometimes) or go mall walking, or go to a playgroup. I make lunch, we eat, and I clean up. Sage takes a nap and so do I (sometimes). We might go to the grocery store or Target and then I make dinner, we eat and I clean up. In between those things, I wash a load of clothes, hang them up and put the washer away, I clean the bathroom, sweep and mop the floor, swiffer the floors and while I do those things, I listen for what Sage is doing. As I type, I listen as he crawls under the table and plays with his Thomas train. I listen as I sweep to make sure he is playing in the living room and not destroying the Christmas tree. I listen as I clean the bathroom or watch to make sure he doesn’t put his hand in any harmful chemicals. I also think. I think about what I need to do today, can I play with my son a lot or a little? Do I need to bake anything to take somewhere? Do we have enough milk, bread, and cheese? Do I need to go get anything? My thoughts and actions revolve around being a mommy. I am also pregnant and I worry. Do I pray enough for the child growing inside me? Do I think of him enough? Do I eat right so my new son can have great health?

Some of my blogs are my frustrations with my life, husband or son. Some are funny or at least I try to make them funny. I blog to brighten others day. I blog because it brightens my day.

This blog is in response to a blog I read about not wanting to read about mommy blogs. It upset me at first. But now, after blogging, I realize that for me, it doesn't matter if people read my blog, it is an outlet for me. Maybe I don't have the most creative subject matters, but it is a way for me to release feelings and opinions. As my name states this blog is about my thoughts and happenings. Some good thoughts, some bad, some good happenings, some bad. I choose to share with you, the blogging world. Sometimes, I don't share things because I don't want to offend anyone. But not offending people is not my purpose for this blog. So, from now on, I am going to be more real with you. By more real I mean tell you more of my thoughts. Not more gritty details but thoughts about life. It seems scarier to put my thoughts out for your consideration than it does the details of my day. You will judge me. And, at this moment, I don't care.

A Little, maybe a Lot Deeper

As I read one of my normal blogs of a long time friend, she wrote about why people don't write about deeper issues on there blogs. Most are about kids and work, a documentation of peoples lives. Mine has mostly been about my son and living in a new state and city and how it is affecting our lives. I am excited to be able to look back and read my posts and see how far we have come. Kind of like my online journal that I let you read, if you want. But today, I am going to do something different. I am going to talk about a deep subject that I have read a few posts about and today something clicked in my mind.

Believing in the death penalty and anti-abortion

I believe in the death penalty. I think it is right for a murderer to be executed. I also don't believe in abortion. I don't believe that an innocent baby should be murdered. Today, as I was reading a blog, I realized, these two completly opposite subjects are getting pushed together by people and they are saying people who believe in both are hypocritical. I think they are wrong.

A person who is sitting on death row, waiting to be executed has received a trial, he has had opportunities to prove his innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt. He understands why he is being executed. He understands the choices he made through his life and now he has to be punished for his wrong choices. Jesus was crucified next to two thieves. They crucified two thieves. A thief. I don't know what those thieves stole but evidently, it was bad enough to be crucified.

A baby inside a mothers womb has not been given a fair trial, he has not even seen the light of day. A baby inside a mothers womb does not realize that he doesn't get a try at life, he doesn't understand why he is being killed. He hasn't made a wrong choice.

In life, a lot of wrong choices are made. Parents first shape our wrong and right and we also look to society. Laws are made. But still we choose wrong. And punishment must follow.

A baby doesn't choose to be aborted. A mother chooses to have sex with someone which results in a pregnancy. That baby didn't choose to be created and he wouldn't choose to die. A criminal chooses to commit a crime. He probably wouldn't choose to die either, but he did have a choice to start.

One elephant...

TWO ELEPHANT!

The boy elephant that lives upstairs has returned from his sailing trip. He is a sailor. A real live sailor/elephant. And he is home. And boy elephants have bigger feet than girl elephants and they make more noise. A lot more noise. Sometimes, I wonder if the ceiling is going to fall.

But, we get back at them, ha ha ha. Sage's bedroom is right under theirs. And we let him cry for at least 10 minutes if he wakes up in the middle of the night. Ha ha ha. And they probably hear him. Ha ha ha. And when the new baby sleeps through the night. Ha ha ha. They will both be under their bedroom. Ha ha ha. (No, mom, we don't make Sage cry in the middle of the night on purpose just to get back at them.) I know, they can't help that they are a strange breed of elephant people.

Why do I do that?

Why do I check on Sage before I go to bed? I went in to check him because I put him to bed with a 102.6 degree fever. Yes, I gave him Tylenol but I just wanted to check him. His floor squeaks so I snuck over to the side of his crib and looked at him. Yep, still there. I reach for his forehead, my hand makes contact and POP goes his head and up he stands reaching for me. Bummer. I hold him and lay him back down to listen to 4 minutes of crying.

I hate waking him up. Can you imagine being woken up from a perfectly good sleep. Everything is going well and BAM someone is touching you. Then they don't even stick around.

He is only 16 months old, I feel like I still have the right to check on him before I go to bed. But, it doesn't seem worth it when he wakes up. I mean, I can turn on the monitor and listen to him breathing. Isn't that good enough? NO, I want to see him. I want to see how he is laying in his crib. Is he on his tummy or his back? Is he covered? Does he need to be? I like to watch him sleeping. Slowly, I am losing him. This is just the first of many small steps on the road to independence.

Have I told you how he likes to hold our hand now when he walks? I love it. I say, Let's go to the living room to play and he comes to me and takes my hand. He will hold my hand as we walk into a store or church. Usually, as soon as we see unfamiliar people, he wants to be picked up, but we are making progress. I love the feel of his small, chubby usually cold hand in mine, feeling his long fingers wrap around mine. He is so sweet. Today at MOPS, he didn't cry when I left him in the nursery. He was interested in the toys. That is a good and a bad feeling. I want him to be well adjusted and know that I will always come back for him, but maybe just a wimper as I walk out the door?

Do you have...

family "traditions" that you have started in your own family?

My mom used to make homemade pizza. She would make the dough and add toppings. I always thought it was so great. So, we have incorporated that into our family. I try for Friday or Saturday nights. I make the dough ahead of time so when it is time for dinner, spread sauce, sprinkle cheese and bake! So easy and yummy and for some reason, I feel like it is healthier than ordering pizza. I even make whole wheat crust!

time to pee alone during the day?

Not very often. Only if Sage is sleeping. And sometimes, he wants me to hold him!

Well, I am off to Target now that Sage is awake!

Do you ever...

have to pee so bad you can barely walk to the bathroom?

That happened to me last night. I was laying on the couch watching tv, feeling the baby move around inside me and all of the sudden my lower abdomen started to ache and gets really hard. Now, this has been happening a lot and I attribute it to the stretching of ligaments and muscle. Just another joy of being pregnant. Then I sit up and feel like ohhh my. I have got to go. I walk to the bathroom half bending over, Drew passes me in the hallway and gives me a funny look.

lay your hand on your husbands belly and try to imitate the baby movements?

I did last night. Drew thought it was funny. This occurred after he asked if it is weird having a person moving around inside of me. My answer, yes and especially because you don't know when or where you will feel the next movement. Here let me show you I said. I put my hand on his belly and pushed hard 3 times. Stop. Wait. Once. Hard. That's when he pushed me away.

ask people for money instead of gifts?

I would like to ask for money for this baby so we can put it toward the insanely priced double stroller that we love. I have only mentioned this to my mom and sister and now the rest of the internet world.

bake your own bread?

My dad does for special occasions. So I wanted to. Surprisingly, easy and oh so yummy! People are amazed when they ask how I make it. Do you have a breadmaker? No, I say, I do it by hand. Even my dad was skeptical of the kneading by hand obstacle.

Living Away From Family

We survived our first Thanksgiving away from family and it wasn't too bad. We were a little homesick but we have some awesome friends and I am used to spending Thanksgiving with friends and family so it wasn't too big of a stretch.

The hardest thing about living away from family: a babysitter. Finding someone or a couple you trust. Plus, not wanting to pay for one or really being able to afford one. Babysitting is like a business out here. I could make the same per hour babysitting here as I did at my full time job there! Sage gets to go with us a lot of places because of this reason, for example, the football game. It wasn't our first choice and we had asked some friends to watch him but they seemed aprehensive or like they had something else come up so we changed our minds and took him. No big deal, he is a great kid and we had a great time as a family. But, Drew has a fancy, schmancy dinner/dancing Christmas work party that we would really like to attend. We are on strike 2 with a sitter. I am going to ask our neighbor tonight and if that is strike 3, then we are going to have to ask someone whom we will have to pay, $10 an hour. Making a free night out, not so free. But I guess it will be better to pay someone and not have to pay for dinner! But man, do I miss our family right about now. They were always up for it and always free! I can't wait to go home for Christmas and take advantage of those facts!

Drew and I have talked about living away from family long term and how that would affect our lives. Of course, we would want to "get home" about twice a year which means those times would be our family vacations which means, no Disneyland, no camping, no Washington DC etc. Not that family isn't worth that. I just love vacations and seeing new things.

23 weeks

The first belly picture! Poor baby, with Sage we already had about one a month!

Setting up the Charlie Brown Tree

Sage helps daddy put on the lights. Drew is already teaching him the "man" jobs.
Putting on ornaments. Now it is hard to tell him do not touch!
The big finale!
It's a Charlie Brown Christmas tree!

Baby Update, Thanksgiving etc.

Weight: 154
Babies heart rate: 124

Everything is going well. I measured 24 but am 23 weeks along. I have been wearing maternity jeans for a little over a week and I try to not wear the shirts yet since most of them are huge still.

Thanksgiving was fun. It was different and we didn't stuff ourselves to oblivion like normal but we had a good time. We tried to set up our Christmas tree when we got home but our lights were all burnt out. We got an okay picture for our Christmas cards. I am hoping that they come in the mail today or tomorrow. I really need to finish the letter but am waiting for creative inspiration. Hopefully, it comes sooner than later!

Update on Sage staying dry through the night: If I put his overnight diaper on, chances are he won't leak. If Drew puts it on, chances are he will leak. I just figured this out with Drew being home for the past couple of days. So, which do I enjoy more, getting a break from putting Sage to bed or not doing as much laundry? I am going with the laundry at this moment. Ask me around 7:15.

Sage is officially ready for snow. A friend gave us some snow pants and we bought $10 boots at Wal-Mart. We are excited to get some fun pictures! He is really funny to watch walk around in the boots! Such a little man. He still isn't talking with words yet, but he babbles a lot and has a lot of influctuation. He also sings. And his dance changes with different forms of music. He bobs his head for rock and he sways back and forth for jazz. It is really funny. He will often point to the computer and bob his head. That is his way of asking for music to be put on. He has started to throw more fits lately. He will lay on the floor and scream. It is hard to know how to react to him. It seems like he always throws fits when Drew and I are getting ready to go to church. He is never happy when we are at church either. He doesn't cry the whole time or anything, he just isn't himself around people after we pick him up from the nursery. Normally, he is very social and smiley and waves at a lot of people but at church, he just gives them the cold stare.

I just noticed he is getting more teeth! He is getting some in the back of his mouth. What a big boy! He has 4 on top and 4 on bottom and on the bottom right side of his mouth he is getting 2 more! They skip a space and then 2 more have broken through.

He is especially whiny today because I had my dr. appt. He fell asleep in the car and stayed asleep in the umbrella stroller half of the time. Then he didn't sleep when we got home. Making for a grouchy Sage and a grouchy mommy!

Everything is FREE!

Sooo tired! He didn't like it when the crowds cheered- he would cry! No pic of that, too bad.
Mommy and Sage enjoying the game!
"The Game" One t-shirt read, Harvard sucks, Princeton doesn't matter, The Game!
Handsome Dan and the fam!




Except for the $32,000 per year tuition.

I am talking about Yale. Drew is studying to get his masters in architecture. Saturday was the Yale versus Harvard football game. So, we went! It was so much fun!

Free parking, free burgers, free hotdogs, free cookies, free chips, free Coke, free water, free admission!

The weather was perfect, a little chily in the shade but no complaints. We took Sage and had so much fun! It was weird being at an Ivy League football game and realizing that it is a lot like a big high school. I mean nothing seemed better than the public university that I attended. The students that attended the game were still drunk and yelled obsentities. One chant was "School on Monday!" because Harvard has school Monday and Yale doesn't. I thought, you guys go to an ivy league school and that is the best you can come up with?

I will give Yale props though. They have made a sense of community within their colleges. Everyone lives in a different college, I think there are 11. And there is a lot of pride that goes into each college. It is neat to see. I compare it to a giant Greek system except these kids are more privalaged. Drew was telling me that they will have teas with very important people so the students can network and make connections.

I should mention that we spent a small fortune on Yale gear to wear to "The Game"! But we will get our use out of it. Sage's is a 2T so, next year it better fit also!

Different

I am feeling more pregnant. I feel the baby move more, even during the day which is exciting. My hips hurt when I sleep. I look more pregnant. And my maternity jeans are not falling down as much today! So, I can be comfortable without wearing sweatpants! My size bigger jeans still fit but by the end of the day, are not very comfortable. I will definitly wear maternity jeans to Thanksgiving dinner!

What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving? Ours will be different this year. We always went to my parents city and got together with 4 other families. We have been doing that for years. Ever since I can remember. It worked in our marriage to do Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. But this year lots of things are different. We moved half way across the country and can't get back but even more of a change, one of the families that we got together with, moved to Kansas City. My parents are going to KC, my sisters family is going with her husbands family, my brothers family is going with his wifes family and my other brother lives in NC and will be with his wifes family also. So different! Selfishly, I am glad that none of my family will be together because then I don't wonder what I am missing. The other day was my sisters birthday and she had gone to my moms house to scrapbook all day and go out to lunch with friends while her husband took care of the kids. But they were all going to have dinner together and I just felt lonely. I wish I could go to stuff like that. Maybe someday. Anyway, we are going to a friends house for Thanksgiving. It will be small, just the 2 friends, their baby daughter, his parents and us. I am used to a lot of people around for Thanksgiving. 4 original families plus the kids getting married and then adding kids. Of course, not everyone could come every year, but that was the fun, getting to catch up with someone! We announced we were pregnant there 2 years ago and then last year got to bring Sage with us! Usually, they would do a thing where we would share what we were thankful for but it was very big that year and we didn't do it so, one of the "kids" asked me when Drew and I were going to start having kids and I answered actually, this July! My sister was sitting there and was like what, what did you say. Then my niece went running to tell Grandma (whom i told that morning). It was fun.

Anyone have any fun Thanksgiving traditions? Memories?

Decisions

Nothing crucial, just trying to decide which double stroller would be the best. If I want to spend in the $500 - $600 range, Phil and Ted's Excellent Buggy would win without a doubt, but we could almost buy a new car for that price! I need to decide which is better, side by side or front and back. Everyone has a different opinion and the reasons all make complete sense. I like Phil and Ted's the best because when Sage is done riding in a stoller, it can be a single stroller very easily. I also like the sit or stand stroller but don't think Sage will be quite big/old enough for that. One of the criteria is that is be easy to take on the NYC subway system. Not that we go there a ton, but when we do, our Graco is a PAIN! Too bulky to carry. It seems like our best option is the Maclaren Twin Traveller. Most people give it a big thumbs up, but shopping with it will be difficult because of the side by side issue, stollers are hard enough to get around stores! Then I think, Graco duo glider. Huge, will it fit in our trunk? And HEAVY. So, do you understand my dilemma? Our car is a Saturn so everything will be a question of whether it fits in the trunk!

And a name! But we won't be revealing that until he is born, because we could change our minds and you already know it is a boy which narrows the name field down considerably!

I hit up an Old Navy store and got 3 packs of cute onesies for $4! That is like his whole summer wardrobe!

Any ideas on the double stroller, I would be glad to hear!

What do you do all day?

Today is a day where I try to figure out what to do all day with Sage and myself. We went to church as a family, came home, made lunch, ate lunch, cleaned up from lunch, Sage went down for a nap, I cleaned up after Drew's closet cleaning and made the bed, "rested on the couch", and now we are both up and I am wondering what to do for the rest of the day. I try to take one day a week where I only do normal cleaning things like dishes. And I try to make that day Sunday but I get so bored since Drew is typically not around. Sage is currently eating a snack while I blog. And I would like to go someplace but that usually involves spending money and that isn't the best idea either. I thought about walking to see Drew but he is working on a group project so if we walked there, we would walk right back without really seeing him. So we have almost 4 1/2 hours until bed time and nothing constructive to do.

What is it like to have a "normal" family life? And what is "normal"? I think of normal as being a mom and dad and kids and the dad has a job working 40 to 50 hours per week and the mom stays home and takes care of the kids. I totally realize that this is not "normal" but it is the normal that I want for my family. But our "normal" is the mom stays home and takes care of the kids and all household duties minus taking the garbage out and the dad is in school. He goes to school by 7 in the morning and comes home around 6 for dinner and goes back to school around 8, after Sage is in bed. Fridays, he doesn't have class so he might sleep in and go to school around 10 and then it depends on what is going on in school if he will come home for dinner and go back or stay home. Usually, he stays home. Saturdays, he tries to go to school early again to get a head start and then come home for dinner around 6 and sometimes go back and sometimes stay home. Sundays, we sleep in (kind of), go to church at 10, come home, eat lunch and he is back to school until the wee hours of the night, usually midnight but a lot of times later. He just informed me today that this week is going to be especially bad because they have a review a week from Monday. Especially bad means that he will get home much later and still have to go in at the same time. So, the way our family is affected is that when he is home from 6 to 8, he usually will take a half hour nap. This is our "normal".

Please don't think I am ripping on my husband. He is a wonderful man and a wonderful father. He hates that he is gone so much and loves to spend time with us. But by working so hard now, he hopes to make a better life for us later by being able to get a better job and better pay. I love him so much and support him in all he does and in all his dreams. I want him to be successful and to feel success in all areas of his life.

I guess, right now I get lonely. We don't have family around that we can go visit and we don't have a ton of friends. And it is the same dilemma I face every weekend, people with families and jobs are home on the weekends and want to spend time with their families, not their wives frineds and kids.

Is it bad that we are listening to Christmas music already? And I want to start a countdown of when we leave to visit family? Today is the 13th, we leave the 17th. Okay, maybe I should wait until it is at least one month.

Pregnancy update: 21 weeks I feel the baby move now but not a ton. Mostly when I am laying down. And I am not wearing maternity clothes yet, well some shirts because they are longer but I have always had that problem. But not my jeans yet. I have tried, don't get me wrong, they are just too big and I am constantly pulling them up and I have a major saggy butt when I stand up after sitting. And I noticed yesterday that I have some braxton hics. Usually when I wake up in the morning or after a nap. I need to take a picture of my belly so I can post it and so that I can have it for the baby book!

Napping, Showering and Laundry!

Sage slept for 2 hours after going to Rascals Gym and 2 hours yesterday afternoon. The thing both days had in common was that he slept in the car for about 10 minutes in the morning and then went down for a nap about 1. Today, no car ride so we will see if his nap lasts as long.

Drew and I went on a date last night! Our friends watched Sage at their house and even put him to bed successfully in a pack-n-play! We ate at Arby's because we were trying to catch a movie. We saw the movie about Edward Murrow. It was interesting and we both really liked the black and white effect. Then we went to Starbucks and got hot chocolate. It was so nice to hang out with Drew and really be able to talk instead of having an interruption to tell Sage to do something or stop doing something.

This morning was kind of lazy. I did a load of laundry and showered and that is about it. Drew got sick during the night so hung out at home this morning instead of going to studio to work. Again, so nice to have him around even if we were both kind of doing our own thing. Sage went into the bathroom while Drew was showering and acted like he wanted to get in so Drew agreed. He screamed and screamed hating the shower. I washed him while Drew held him and then took him out, but I did get one picture!

And Sage helps me with the laundry and Drew got the pics and a movie to prove it! It is so cute!

And apparently, I haven't figured out how to put the pictures where I want them yet! The laundry pictures go from the bottom up.

Rascals Gym

Sage and I went to a gym class this morning. We went for free since we were trying it out. We both had a lot of fun! And I learned how coordinated Sage is! He climbed up ladders and bounced on a trampoline holding onto a bar, both things I didn't think he would be able to do. I also let him hang by himself from a bar and I would catch him while he dropped although I missed the last time because he dropped so quickly! Oops. There was a giant mat to soften his fall and he didn't even cry! He was not impressed with circle time. It was kind of a beginning and ending time with some songs and "stretches". He was more into running around and playing.

I would like to join for the cold winter month but it will have to be a discussion since it is kind of pricey although I heard that it is one of the cheaper kids gyms. Tomorrow morning, we are going to tour the YMCA and look into membership and swimming lessons.

And I have friends! I joined a Mothers and More group. I found it on the internet and there is a local chapter just starting so I decided to check it out. I have been to 3 events and then this girl invited me for this morning and to go to a museaum this afternoon! And we went to McDonalds for lunch! It is fun to have friends with kids about the same age so we can do things together!

I need to get some stuff done while Sage naps, he was exhausted!

So sweet

Sage is the sweetest little boy. As he plays during the day, he will often come to me for a quick hug. Those hugs always brighten my day and bring a smile to my face. I hope that I never forget those sweet little hugs during the day. I am sure there will come a time when he is embarrassed to hug his mama. And much to soon for me!

This morning, after he waited patiently for me to drag myself out of bed to get him out of his crib, he signed to me that he was hungry. I asked him if he wanted milk first, he shook his head yes and started signing milk. I asked him if he wanted milk in a sippy and again he shook his head yes. This is the first morning in almost 16 months of life that he hasn't nursed or taken a bottle first thing in the morning. My little boy is growing up! The night time bottle is a different story. I don't think I am ready to give that up. It is such a sweet time to cuddle with him.

I sometimes wish that we had gotten Sage used to sleeping in our bed. I long for the time when he wants to come jump in our bed with us. Right now, he sees it as play time. And on the other hand, I am glad he is an independant sleeper. I wish I could have the best of both worlds!

Yesterday, we went to a new park. It was so nice. Sage had so much fun climbing, sliding and exploring the wood chips and sand. None was eaten, that I saw. He is so independant and doesn't care if he wanders far away from me. And he isn't intimidated by anyone. He just looks at them and sometimes waves and goes on his way. Often in the store while my back is turned, he will wave at someone. It is fun to have such a sweet boy who can bring a smile to other people.

I love Sage.

Houston, we have a climber

Sage just conquered his first chair climbing! He is so proud!

A few rants and updates

So, we moved to CT in May. Here are the things that I have a hard time getting used to and frankly, don't really like. In no particular order.

1. Bad Drivers!!!! CT is full of bad drivers! They must teach bad driving 101 instead of drivers education like the rest of the country. Lane markers are a suggestion and if you feel the need to cross over, go ahead. The car in that lane will move, don't worry. Streets are narrow and usually one way with parking on both sides but feel free to stop in the middle of the lane and put your flashers on to let someone in or out of your vehicle or sometimes just to chat with someone on the sidewalk. On a side note, honking at someone is like saying get going, helll-llo green light for .5 seconds now or i am going through this yellow more like red light so you better stay where you are.

2. Pedestrians and Bikers. They will walk out or ride out in front of any moving vehicle if they are within 5 feet of a crosswalk. The crosswalk will stay stop but they know that vehicles will stop for them. So, I sit at a red light waiting to turn right (no right turn on red) and when the light turns green if you don't gun it and get out there, you will sit through the green light waiting for the pedestrians to get out of the way!

3. Babysitters. We had our second paid babysitter for Sage this week. The first was in Iowa and I paid the highschool babysitter $2 per hour to watch Sage. She was also watching his cousins so she made out with $6 an hour. I asked our sitter how much she usually gets and I was expecting $5 - $7 an hour. She said $8 - $10!!!!!!! No freakin way! She is in college and I was ready to pay a college girl more, but $8 - $10!!!!!?????

4. Seagulls and fish smell. I can't get used to hearing and seeing Seagulls when I walk out of Target. And the fishy sea smell is right outside my door! It is just weird, nothing wrong with it.

Updates

Today we went to NYC to see the Statue of Liberty. This summer, we just saw it from Battery Park but didn't want to wait in the lines. Today, it was the only thing on our list. We took the ferry from Battery Park and walked around the Statue. Pretty impressive. Thanks France! Sage was so tired and crabby. I was holding him on the ferry and he was so crabby. Drew was happily taking pictures (he did offer to switch- sweet husband of mine) but I declined. As soon as we got off the ferry and put Sage in his stroller, he was out. It was amazing. Not a minute after being in his stroller. We got off at Ellis Island but then got right back on the ferry, I was starving and Drew was really wanting to go to Gray Papaya for hot dogs and papaya juice. Going to the Statue was a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of waiting. We got there at 9:30 and got to Liberty Island at 11, walked around for an hour and then waited for the ferry to take us to Ellis Island. I would have liked to walk around more at Ellis Island but my belly was growling! I would imagine that some friends will want to do this again so maybe we will tag along and see it more in depth. We got back to Battery Park about 1 and got on the Subway and made our way to Gray Papaya and surprisingly, I like the papaya juice and the hot dogs but Sage loved the papaya juice! He was slurping it down! We also went to McDonalds because Sage wasn't biting the hot dog very well and they were a in and out, no sit down kind of place to eat. Anyway, I also really needed to change Sage's diaper and was surprised when there was no changing table. So, I laid back the stroller seat and changed him in the womens bathroom while he proceeded to scream and thrash about the entire time. He is not usually like this during diaper changes but I had to take away the papaya juice to change his diaper and he was not happy about that at all. We fed him half the cheeseburger and then walked to Washington Park where he finished his burger while Drew went to get us Chipotle (yea!). And then we let him play/walk around for awhile. I have never seen so many $700 strollers (Bugaboo Frog) in one place before! I felt cheap and like a bad mama for pushing my son in his $100 Graco. That was our day. We made it home for dinner, Sage is in bed, dishes are done, and Drew is back at studio. And I am off to soak in the tub and call my mom and thank her for the calendar she sent me!

I h-e-a-r-t NYC!

Halloween?

Drew was busy with school so I took Sage to a church fall festival party. He could have cared less that we were there. He was so happy walking around, picking up leaves and bottle caps and didn't care about anything else. We went through McDonalds for dinner and went to my friend, Jenna's house to eat and hang out since her husband was working late. We stayed too late and Sage was exhausted when we got home. Maybe that had something to do with no nap yesterday?! Surprise, surprise! I put him right to bed and picked up the house and did the dishes and went to bed myself. Drew crawled in around quarter to three!

Sage has slept through the night the past 2 nights! When Drew got home last night we heard Sage jumping in his crib through the monitor. We wonder if he is awake and jumping and then laying down and going back to sleep or if he is sleep jumping. If he is sleep jumping, that makes me a little scared to have him move to a big bed. Speaking of moving him to a big bed, should I do that before the baby is born? I am planning on having the baby sleep in the pack-n-play in our room for the first couple of months and then having them share a room. Would it be better to have Sage out of the crib and into a big bed before the baby comes and just leave the crib up in his room for when they share? I found a twin bed at Ikea today that I really like. It is only $109 and it is low to the ground, although I would still get one of those rails.

Enjoy the pics!