Monday, January 02, 2006

Something Changed

All 3 of us were in IA, Drew was getting ready to come home and work for a week before classes started again. And I had an unexplainable desire to be home. I didn't want to stay in IA for a week longer, I just wanted to come home. There were many reasons, I didn't want to be away from Drew, I was exhausted from so much traveling and living out of a suit case for 2 weeks, and I just wanted to be home. Home is CT, not IA.

We got home yesterday and guess what, I was sad. Sad because the much anticipated trip of going to see our family is over. Sad because, our apartment is so lonely with only us three. Sad because our families are so far away. Sad because even though we saw everyone, we didn't get to spend time with everyone. Especially my family. The time with my family was chaotic. I didn't really get to talk to my brothers or sister or in-laws. We all have kids and time was short. I love being with them all but I wish I could spend more time just talking. Not about anything deep just being together and talking and laughing about nothing at all.

The big trip is over. The next big thing coming up is the birth of the new baby. And I am scared. Scared that I won't be able to hack it as a stay at home mom of two. Scared that I am going to be so tired. Scared that Drew will be in the middle of his semester and won't be able to help me adjust. Scared that I will be stuck at home, and all my feelings of lonliness will come back. Scared. But I do know that God will help me and I just have to ask. Asking is the easy part, it is believing that he will help that is hard. I know he will help but truly believing is difficult. I know too that I am borrowing worries about tomorrow when I need to concentrate on today. I need to get back into a routine and get my apartment in order. I feel tired and overwhelmed. But I just have to take one small step at a time. Everything will get done and put away eventually.

Sage was such a good traveller. He woke up some in the night but usually went back to sleep himself and his naps were mostly non-existent. He did great on the plane trips there and back. I was thankful to have Drew with us. My belly is getting bigger and harder to hold Sage. Amazingly, we didn't use as many toys like when I travelled alone with Sage. Drew held him, let him get between his legs, showed him the air buttons and I don't know. The flight home was at 7:30 so we got up at 4:30 and woke Sage at 5:30. He actually fell asleep on Drew! That is a rarity with a 17 month old. I think they both enjoyed sleeping on the plane together.

We had a great trip and wouldn't change. We definitly wouldn't want to stay home!

2 comments:

  1. When I first had Faith - they just sent me home.. to a state all by myself. Just me, a crazy dog and a baby.. I knew nothing about babies and I was so scared. But you can do it - and when you do.. you'll look back and think - this is what it's all about, and I am amazing!!!!

    I've been very lonely and isolated away from my family and friends.. but the love of your children can carry you through alot.

    I'm cheering for you!!!!

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  2. Wow! I have to say I almost bawled reading your blog. I have so many of the same feelings...not that I'm pregant and expecting a second one yet....but I feel scared about those issues too. I totally know what you mean about being sad after seeing family. It's like it's built up so much and then it never meets your expectations....I feel that way about a lot of things. Thanks for sharing and being so honest!

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