Today is a day I want to move back to IA. And there is one main reason and it isn't my family today. Today the reason is the church we left. We left an incredible, awesome, thriving church. Cornerston Chruch of Ames. It is a bigger church with 3 services and a meeting room that holds 650 people. It has an awesome band making worshipping Jesus so easy. The people there are real and genuine sharing real sin struggles and making it easy to relate to them whether they are the pastor or just a member. It was so easy to be involved there. The women's ministry had Bible studies during the day with childcare provided. I had to pay for childcare, but I didn't have to find it myself. There were also connection groups that Drew and I would attend together. They were in the evening, after dinner and again,, they would help find childcare. The only one that we were in after Sage was born, we would take him with and he would play in the basement with a 13year old watching him. That was good since we were right upstairs and were able to hear him if he was crying. I was always challenged at church. Challenged to deepen my faith and grow my relationship with God.
Since moving here. I haven't felt those same challenges. Our pastors style is not as relational, more stories and ancedotes. And I have a hard time following him. And getting involved has been difficult. The nursery is less than stellar because of lack of space. Currently, we share a building but will be moving buildings somewhere at the ten of the month. There isn't much for young married couples but they are starting to develop that area more. Drew and I had offerred to host a young married Bible study at our house beginning in Feb. It would have been a win win situation for us because we could put Sage to bed and then have the study. Which would take care of child care issues. Drew didn't want to lead the group because he is so involved in school and was afraid he didn't have the time to do a good job. So, it is going to be at someone elses house and they are going to lead. THey are actually our good friends and I really want to go but what do we do with Sage? He is too old to take. He won't just sit on our lap and listen. And I have written about babysitters previously. Drew says we will work it out. I just feel so defeated. I have already been struggling with my relationship with God because I don't have as much support here as I did there and now it seems like this is just one more strike against me. I read my Bible and pray most days but not everyday and I don't get as much out of it as I would like and it is always good to be in a study and hear others thoughts and just get to know people.
Plus today is Monday and Mondays are hard for me for some reason. I usually don't have much planned to do besides clean and I feel a little down. Going to church used to be such a joy and I would look forward to it, now I feel like I go because I know it is good for me and I should. I am sure all thiese crazy pregnancy hormones running through my body aren't making things easier for me. It makes me want to start looking for a different church again. And then I think that we already know so many people and the fellowship is good. The church is good, I just feel lost and worn down and sad.