Monday, January 09, 2006

A day I want to move back

Today is a day I want to move back to IA. And there is one main reason and it isn't my family today. Today the reason is the church we left. We left an incredible, awesome, thriving church. Cornerston Chruch of Ames. It is a bigger church with 3 services and a meeting room that holds 650 people. It has an awesome band making worshipping Jesus so easy. The people there are real and genuine sharing real sin struggles and making it easy to relate to them whether they are the pastor or just a member. It was so easy to be involved there. The women's ministry had Bible studies during the day with childcare provided. I had to pay for childcare, but I didn't have to find it myself. There were also connection groups that Drew and I would attend together. They were in the evening, after dinner and again,, they would help find childcare. The only one that we were in after Sage was born, we would take him with and he would play in the basement with a 13year old watching him. That was good since we were right upstairs and were able to hear him if he was crying. I was always challenged at church. Challenged to deepen my faith and grow my relationship with God.

Since moving here. I haven't felt those same challenges. Our pastors style is not as relational, more stories and ancedotes. And I have a hard time following him. And getting involved has been difficult. The nursery is less than stellar because of lack of space. Currently, we share a building but will be moving buildings somewhere at the ten of the month. There isn't much for young married couples but they are starting to develop that area more. Drew and I had offerred to host a young married Bible study at our house beginning in Feb. It would have been a win win situation for us because we could put Sage to bed and then have the study. Which would take care of child care issues. Drew didn't want to lead the group because he is so involved in school and was afraid he didn't have the time to do a good job. So, it is going to be at someone elses house and they are going to lead. THey are actually our good friends and I really want to go but what do we do with Sage? He is too old to take. He won't just sit on our lap and listen. And I have written about babysitters previously. Drew says we will work it out. I just feel so defeated. I have already been struggling with my relationship with God because I don't have as much support here as I did there and now it seems like this is just one more strike against me. I read my Bible and pray most days but not everyday and I don't get as much out of it as I would like and it is always good to be in a study and hear others thoughts and just get to know people.

Plus today is Monday and Mondays are hard for me for some reason. I usually don't have much planned to do besides clean and I feel a little down. Going to church used to be such a joy and I would look forward to it, now I feel like I go because I know it is good for me and I should. I am sure all thiese crazy pregnancy hormones running through my body aren't making things easier for me. It makes me want to start looking for a different church again. And then I think that we already know so many people and the fellowship is good. The church is good, I just feel lost and worn down and sad.


  1. I know what you mean about feeling worn down and sad. I feel the exact same way about our church. We asked about getting involved in a Bible study, and our church said, "There are no Bible studies open right now." Um, now we are thinking about starting our own. But there aren't any Sunday scool classes, just Bible studies. But if we can't get into a Bible study then what are we supposed to do? Some Sundays we don't even feel like going because we barely know anyone. We see my brother and Al some times, and our neighbors who also go. BUt other than that, no one.

    Also, this past Sunday the pastor showed a movie clip from Crash and was talking about how we need to basically not put others into stereotypes and be open to everyone new coming into our church. There wasn't much from the Bible in the message, and it seems like sometimes it's more and more like that. So it's a little frustrating.

    My parents want us to come with them to their new church - but I don't know if Scott wants to or not.

    Anyway, I know what you mean about feeling worn down. Can I call you today? I am feeling really anxious about the surgery - I know I shouldn't and should just put it in God's hands, but it is still hard for me. And when both babies are up, WATCH OUT! It has been alot of work. Now that Lucy is scooting and Hannah is more aware of when I'm not in the room and cries, it really is a full-time job.

    You are not alone!


  2. I think it is so hard to find a church where you fit and can be involved. We are in the same boat a lot with childcare. Do other people in the group have children? If so could you all pitch in for one babysitter? Maybe at the first study you can talk and see if some of the nights it could be at your house.

    Bryce and I having been going to our church for a few year and we are just now finally connecting to people. Part of it was our fault, we were involved but were too intraverted. I'll pray!

    Rachel come to our church!!! We would love for you to at least visit! I can't believe they told you that there weren't any Bible Studies open!

  3. I completely understand. I've had a really hard time finding a church here.. mainly because I feel like Faith is in daycare 5 days a week and I never get to see her. When we have gone to church, the second they ask the children under a certain age to go to the childcare room, I get upset. She doesn't cry in church, she just sits in my lap. I don't want to spend more time away from her.

    It seems like the older you get, the more difficult it is to make friends and really lay a foundation.. but it can be done. It just takes time. God has a plan for you.

    Sometimes when I get upset about my lack of support - I try and focus on the fact that it really is strengthening my bond with Faith. I know that's easier said then done. Eventually they grow older and things get easier.

    I can't imagine going through it with those pregnancy hormones.. they made me insane!! Just hang in there.. Soon enough you'll have more love to fill your heart!


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