Why do I do that?

Why do I check on Sage before I go to bed? I went in to check him because I put him to bed with a 102.6 degree fever. Yes, I gave him Tylenol but I just wanted to check him. His floor squeaks so I snuck over to the side of his crib and looked at him. Yep, still there. I reach for his forehead, my hand makes contact and POP goes his head and up he stands reaching for me. Bummer. I hold him and lay him back down to listen to 4 minutes of crying.

I hate waking him up. Can you imagine being woken up from a perfectly good sleep. Everything is going well and BAM someone is touching you. Then they don't even stick around.

He is only 16 months old, I feel like I still have the right to check on him before I go to bed. But, it doesn't seem worth it when he wakes up. I mean, I can turn on the monitor and listen to him breathing. Isn't that good enough? NO, I want to see him. I want to see how he is laying in his crib. Is he on his tummy or his back? Is he covered? Does he need to be? I like to watch him sleeping. Slowly, I am losing him. This is just the first of many small steps on the road to independence.

Have I told you how he likes to hold our hand now when he walks? I love it. I say, Let's go to the living room to play and he comes to me and takes my hand. He will hold my hand as we walk into a store or church. Usually, as soon as we see unfamiliar people, he wants to be picked up, but we are making progress. I love the feel of his small, chubby usually cold hand in mine, feeling his long fingers wrap around mine. He is so sweet. Today at MOPS, he didn't cry when I left him in the nursery. He was interested in the toys. That is a good and a bad feeling. I want him to be well adjusted and know that I will always come back for him, but maybe just a wimper as I walk out the door?