Cars!

Sorry for the sideways picture, blogger and I fought and blogger won.


On Thursday, Drew and I went on a date to dinner and Target. (Only parents would consider Target a date!) And while there picked up an assortment of prizes for Sage to tempt him to use the potty. We got some trains, cars, a book and some sidewalk chalk. At breakfast, we explained the only rule: poop or pee must come out of his body while sitting on the potty. We put them in a basket at eye level.

Later, I asked if he needed to pee. He said yes and he successfully pushed out enough drops to earn his first prize, a new train. We called dad. I promised to build a track while he napped. When he woke up from his nap, I asked if he wanted to sit on the potty and he said "No tanks. " A couple minutes later, he came running from the living room yelling "Mama, me need to pee on potty!" We ran in and got him situated and sure enough, he peed! A good amount! We called dad, got a prize and told him he was done with diapers and we are going to Target to buy pull-ups and Cars underwear. He was very excited and very proud! We hooped, hollared and cheered like he had scored the game winning touchdown or hit the last second shot or thrown his first shut out.

We got home, he was so excited for his new Yighting McQueen underwear that we had to put them on immediatly. Of course, we ended up with a puddle. But then he finished on the potty so that was encouraging.

This morning, he ran from the living room to the bathroom with one fist raised yelling "Me get new Cars book!" And he did earn it. And ever since, he told us he would rather wear the pull ups. I asked it is was because the pull up caught the pee and it didn't run down his leg like the underwear did. He agreed and we left him in a pull up. I don't want to push it but I don't want him peeing in a diaper because it is more convenient for him. I wonder what will happen when the basket of prizes runs out. I kind of don't want to know, afraid that I have started a battle that I am not willing to fight. I guess only time will tell.

And that is a whole post all about potty training and this is only the first 2 days!

Good Friday

I have to admit that Good Friday and Easter have snuck up on me this year. Usually, I like to take time to read through the crucifiction and just dwell on what Jesus and God did for little old me. So, I am using this outlet to dwell!

Since I have two sons, I don't have any idea how God was able to give his son Jesus for me. And the death that he died, was not an easy one. Jesus didn't die in his sleep. He was murdered. He was booed and hissed. People hated him. I can't imagine the pain that God was feeling as he watched his little boy go through all that. I can't imagine how his heart broke when Jesus cried "Abba!" or when he asked "take this cup from me, but not my will but yours be done." (Those are both my paraphrases) Nor do I think I would be able to give my sons up for other people. I guess that is why I am not God.

Good Friday. An interesting title. What is good about Jesus dieing on the cross? Shouldn't we be sad and mournful? No! We should be rejoicing because he gives us eternal life. I can't imagine how wonderful it will be! Have you told anyone? I haven't. I should be shouting it. But I am afraid of the scorn. How pathetic I am and yet, he died for me! I am so undeserving.

Thank you Lord, for sending your son. Thank you for allowing him to die on the cross. Thank you Jesus for sacrificing yourself! I can't wait until Sunday to be able to shout out loud HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!!!

Sageisms Part 3

When asked how old he is: "Two half!"

When people come to our house, he automatically turns into the loudest singing guitar player, ever.

Things he asks for most everday: "Mitamin, please!" (Vitamin), Milk, "Me watch somefing, you shower."

Yesterday after being asked his name, he replied "Me Sage. Me go poopy and pee pee in potty!" (We all wish!)

When asked if he wants to go poopy in the potty, he replies "No, tank-you."

His favorite shirt? Guitar shirt.

He told us the other day "Me go Yale, me play hockey!" All on his own!

When asked why he disobyed, He said "Me want to."

As I am sitting here, I asked him if he pooped, he said "Me poop on you, that funny!" Ummm, no.

Kolby

Kolby turned one less than a month ago. His first year has flown by so quickly. And it was not without many milestones! We had his one year check-up today and of course, he is perfect. Except for this lingering bronchial goup (that is the medical term, I'm sure). He is staying steady at around the 25 lb. mark, bringing him down to the 70th percentile for weight and just above the 25th percentile for height at 29.5 inches, which is funny because to me he looks so long and skinny! He is a beautiful boy, his bright blue eyes, round cheeks and quick smile charms all the nurses. He was so good with his shots a small cry and that is it, I was expecting much more since he had missed his morning nap and was once again up at 5am. But, he always likes to prove me wrong!

Sage was quite the charmer with the nurses as well. Kolby was getting some blood drawn for a calcium study (except his vein was too small, so no blood) so the nurse volunteered to take Sage to get some crackers and juice and when we came out, he was sitting at the nurses station, and he had about 5 nurses standing around him, talking and laughing! She told me that he said he likes church and nurses! She said well, these are all nurses and he turned to look at all of them and said "Hi!" He was a hit. While we were waiting to see the doctor, Sage was playing in the waiting area with the other kids and asked the little girl, "Hey, what's that in your hair?" It was fun to see him interacting with the kids his own age. He has ignored them all for so long! He still talks about that boy at the park who pushed him down and then adds "Me no push him back."

Life is good, even admist the tantrums at Target that each boy let loose today. I don't even know why Sage was yelling at me or being disobedient but he was quickly corralled into the cart and then Kolby expressed his annoyance at his milk being gone, that's a common cry from Kolby.

Things I am looking forward to today

1. Going to bed

2. American Idol

3. Nap time

4. Running tomorrow

Kolby was up at 4:30 this morning. Which means I was up at 4:30. He did go back to sleep after I rocked him but 10 minutes later, he was up again. I rocked him again and he went back to sleep and this time I decided to just hold him. It is sweet holding your baby when all is dark and quiet in the house and listening to the gurgle of his breathing. He woke up again not much later and he seemed to be awake for good. Talking and pushing away from me. So I did what any mom who had weaned her baby 4 days ago would do, I nursed him. And laid him down and I got 45 more minutes of glorious sleep. But, it wasn't enough and our coffee maker is in the repair shop. His sleep has been off lately and I can't figure it out. His morning naps are bad, like 20 - 30 minutes and his afternoon naps are from 12:30 - 3ish, so good. But at dinner at 6 he is yawning and looks so tired. Bedtime is between 7:30 and 8 and he has ben waking up at 5 for a week. Help! How can I get him to sleep longer in the morning? I remember with Sage, I just left him in the crib, but he had his own room. I can move Kolby to the living room, but Drew usually gets up at 6:15 and then Kolby hears him. Anyway, advice will be read regarding sleep issues. Everything is a phase, I know but I want this one to be over!

I told Drew this morning that I decided we can't have more babies because he doesn't help with them in the middle of the night and I can't handle all this non sleep I get! He said, okay! And I took it back. But, it got me thinking. With Sage, I had no problem getting up in the middle of the night or really early in the mornig because I knew I would take a nap when he did. Now that is harder to do with 2 kids and I baby sit some days, making a nap impossible. Then I started wondering why we protect his sleep so much. I know he is in school and has to think and learn all day so he can get a job and I totally support him. But, I get up in the morning too and have to take care of our kids, fix our food, clean up messes, build train tracks, wipe noses and butts, read books and discipline our 2 year old and have patience to do all these things. I don't get a day off or even a night off, bedtime means I go on call, not off duty. So, don't I deserve a good nights sleep as much as he does? And, this isn't to diss Drew. I love him. He is wonderful and an incredible dad. And he is a hard sleeper and I am a light sleeper (ever since Sage was born). If I ask him to get up and help, he will but it never seems cheerful but maybe I am imagining that.

But there are a lot of things Drew does great. He takes the garbage out to the curb every week. And he puts shoes on Sage to take him out too. He never complains about going to school or how much work he has to do even when he adds on a book to edit, some pamphlets to design and a million other things. He is a great time manager. He is always home to eat dinner with our family and put the boys to bed. He takes 30 minutes to put Sage to bed because he reads books, talks about Sage's day and then teaches Sage to pray. He teaches Sage how to be a good big brother and watch out for Kolby and help him and cheer him on. I love him so much. I just need to remember all these things and more when I am rocking the baby at 4am or have a 2 year old laying on top of me from 2 - 3am because of a scary dream. How come those are the hard times to remember how great he is?

And now, I am off to read some books!

This is the month.

The month that I post every. day.

Last night, Drew was working on his laptop on the couch and I leaned over and kissed his cheek. And he pushed me away while saying, "Get off me, I am in the middle of a sweet equation!"

And to a totally different topic. I want to meet my niece. I live 1200 miles away. This is the hard part about living so far from family. Missing out on the new, sweet babies. But, in reality, this is the hardest thing about being away from family. And it is surviveable, especially if someone, somewhere would post some pictures! (hint, hint) And how often do people have babies? This could be their last, I have no idea. My sister is done and my other brother is done so that leaves me and I will surely be around when I have more babies (and no that is not an announcement- I will make it perfectly clear when the time comes and no, I probably won't announce it on my blog for you to read, mom).

I'm an aunt! ****UPDATED

For the ninth time. A sweet baby girl, Sophia Rose. Congratulations Eric and Holly! I am eagerly awaiting pictures but reports are that she has a lot of hair and is a mix of her older brothers. She is the 3rd girl out of 11 grandchildren, she will quickly learn to hold her own!

And this isn't an April Fools!

***UPDATED: She was born March 31, so she makes all 3 of their kids born in March.

Learning to Link

I am learning to link to websites so that I can enter to win a Dyson vacuum!

The fun thing is that you can sign up too! Click HERE

I'm Back!

and bigger than ever! Seriously, I gained 3 pounds in one day, what is up with that? Anywhoo.

We went to North Carolina to visit my brother and his family. I love his wife! We had so much fun chatting and shopping. She gave me style tips passed on from her sister and I bought camo capris. I am so hip and now. I am waiting for the right time and weather to wear them! My brother is cool too! He really is. He and Drew got to do some fun boy things like go to the batting cage and golf. Drew's computer hands even got callusses! And it was spring there! So warm, at least 60 everyday. I got spoiled running in warm weather with no ear band and having Drew around to watch the kids, making going for a run so easy.

They have a driveway and a yard, the neighbor has a trampoline and the kids can play! Imagine having a yard, somewhere safe for your kids to play. I know most of you don't need to imagine but I am an apartment dweller, no yard and a small parking lot between the apartment and garages for Sage to ride his bike. And no way, is he going out there alone! He loves to run down the side of the building that lead right out to the sidewalk and street. We do go out for him to ride his bike. I put a chair in the driveway so people don't come roaring back there.

Kolby is crawling 85% of the time now. He is so cute. He is so sensitive. If he falls, he cries, bumps his head, cries, Sage brushes him, cries. I think he realizes that when Sage is around and he starts crying, Sage gets in trouble! He is manipulative, already! He isn't feeling well today. Runny nose, coughing, and a diaper rash. I think I see another tooth in his future!

Sage asks why ALL THE TIME. Everything I say, he responds with why? Yesterday, I was so tired of answering why, I said, "Sage, can you please not ask why for five minutes?" He answered "Otay, mama." Pause, thinking I am going to get some relief. "Why?" He has zero interest in potty training. We talk all the time about the m&m's he can earn, the stickers, the Cars underwear, and when he is completly potty trained, the guitar we have already promised. When I ask him if he wants to sit on the potty? No, tank you. Which reminds me of a story. I was going to the bathroom and Sage walks in and proceeds to ask me "Why you no push peepee in, mama?" I'll leave you with that.

Do you ever have one of those days?

I am having a day that seems to be running into all my other days. Know what I mean? I feel tired. The kids are always needy and I have changed two poopy, nasty diapers today and changed Kolby's entire outfit 3 times today. Sage is constantly asking for a snack, the laundry needs changed and folded and then dried again because the machine can't manage to dry a load in one cycle, dinner needs to be made or at least figured out what we are having, Kolby needs/wants to nurse but then pulls off every two minutes to see what Sage is doing and finally, I put in Cars and we have peace in the house.

And then I read a post that brought me to tears. It reminds me to cherish these times that I have snot on every shirt I wear, flaps on my bra, 2 bags to tote to the car, 2 carseats to strap and unstrap at every stop, 8 million questions to answer, a 24 lb. almost 1 year old who can't walk to carry everywhere because it gets easier. They grow up. Sage can already climb in and out of the carseat by himself, someday, he will be able to buckle himself and Kolby will walk to the car, Sage won't poop in his diaper and Kolby will be able to walk, Sage won't ask as many questions, Kolby will be able to walk, Sage will wear underwear and use the toilet and Kolby will be able to walk. See what is on my mind? Sage, potty training and Kolby, walking will be so much easier and you know what, it will probably all happen in a matter of months. And then I will think how much easier things have become and then, I will probably want a newborn!

But, I can look back over the last few weeks and know that we are getting somewhere. Kolby will feed himself bananas and grapes! I have started the fast track to weaning him. He is doing great with a bottle. Tonight will be his first all milk bottle! Tomorrow, he will turn one! I am having a hard time believing it! He has started to creep on his hands and knees some. If I am right behind him, making him use his legs, he will! As soon as I move, he plops to his belly and army crawls. He knows the exact length of his body so he can stop crawling and reeeaaach to grab something.

Tomorrow, my friend offerred to come over while the boys nap so I can run errands without answering 8,000 questions and buckling two kids in and out of the car! My agenda? Laundry mat to wash our comforter and couch cover, Target and Babies R Us.

Happy March!

My original idea was to post everyday in March. You can see how that started off with a big ole BANG!

Updates in our lives: Kolby will turn one on Friday. That is all I want to say about that. We will be moving for the summer for an internship for Drew. We will be living with his parents. That is all I want to say about that.

And here is why I won't be posting everyday in March, because I've got nothing to write about. I could babble on and on about my boring everday life, but that would be boring.

Peeps

Have you ever shoved a whole peep in your mouth so you don't get caught eating it by your toddler?

Man, I love those things. I don't know why I love the marshmellowy, sugary goodness, but they are so yummy I can eat a whole package in one sitting. My favorite way to eat them is to open them and let them sit out for about a day or a week until they harden.

Peeps are keeping me sane as I sneak off to eat 1 or 5, maybe I should go to Target to pick up some more...

It's advice day!

I need advice and you people need to help me. I don't promise to take your advice but will log it in my brain, maybe.

1) My thumb and pointer finger have callussed and started to peel by the fingernail and on the finger. It hurts! And makes doing things like zipping a jacket, changing a diaper and things like that just a little painful and difficult.

2) Kolby has yet another diaper rash. This one started to bleed on Saturday (first day I noticed it) and it is still open today. I have been applying Balmex and Airbornne's diaper rash cream, whichever happens to be where I am. It isn't looking better, should I try to take him to the dr. or are they just going to tell me to keep doing what I am doing?

I mainly want help with my finger problem, webmd didn't help and I tried to get into a dr. here but since I haven't actually been to a dr. besides an ob, they told me I can't get in for a couple of weeks.

I am probably totally jinxing myself for writing this, but Kolby slept until 6am without waking up! In his crib! He has only done that once before, yes he is almost one. He hasn't been nursing for quite sometime, just waking up and being relocated to the pack-n-play. Also, is sleeping from 8 to 6 enough for a one year old or should I try to get him to sleep longer?

And, Kolby and eating equals problem. He isn't such a fan of feeding himself. He will feed himself cheerio type things, bread and teething biscuts. When I put fruit or cheese or pretty much anything else on his tray he cries. He won't touch it and he spits it out if I put it in his mouth. BUT if said fruit is purreed, he loves it. What do I do? My mom says let him get hungry. Today I tried giving him his food before he nursed and he cried. He didn't want peaches or provolone cheese. He did put one piece of cheese in his mouth, made an ugly face and spit it out. Even Sage says "MMMMM, Holby!" whenever Kolby puts something in his mouth.

Lately, Sage thinks it is funny or whatever to put a blanket over Kolby (when I am not in the room) and watch Kolby pull it off. Except that Kolby is screaming the entire time he is trying to escape the blanket.

Oh, and while I was changing Kolby's diaper today, Sage bit two markers! And we found a whole crayon in Kolby's mouth this morning. That is why I buy only the washable markers and crayons.

From the Mouths of Babes

Sage: "No talking, Holby! No saying bababba, Holby! No yooking my dow, Holby!"

Drew: "Sage, you are being rude and unkind by talking to Kolby that way. You are sinning."

Sage: "No me sinning. Holby sinning."

Humbled, Again By a Two Year Old

Last night we made a quick run to DSW and the mall in search of shoes for Drew. He has yet another weekend interview trip but this is a casual interview and his shoes are about a year old and looking well, bad. Anyway, we were in Journeys when I asked Drew "When do I get to go away by myself for 3 days?"

He said "I don't know."

And I said 'Your snotty answer is supposed to be 'When you get a company to pay for all the expenses.'"

Sage looked up at me and said "You being sassy, mama?"

I looked down at him sitting in his stroller, strapped in and said, "Yes, Sage I am being sassy. Drew, I am sorry for being sassy, please forgive me."

And Sage said "You sorry, you sassy mama?"

"Yes, Sage, I am sorry."

Life lessons.

I started a post...

Sunday, we got into a very minor accident. Very minor. No one was hurt. Both kids were in the car, Sage cried and Kolby slept. Drew was driving, we were in a turn left or go straight lane, going straight. The car on our right side decided to turn left. He was probably one car length ahead of us. Drew said he was looking at a pothole that he was intent on missing. I was saying "OOOOHHHHHHH". He slammed on his breaks and started turning left but it was too late. We hit their back left hubcap on their tire. Their car, perfectly fine. Our car, minor dent, some paint missing on the bumper and that is it. It took the police an hour to arrive. If it hadn't been such a cold day, I would have popped the boys in the stroller and walked the last couple of blocks home. The insurance wants us to get our car seats inspected for hairline fractures or something. It seems like a big headache for such a small thing. Drew offerred to settle right there, but the man wanted to send it in to insurance.

The other night, Kolby slept in his crib until 6am! I don't know how long it has been since he or I slept through the night. He isn't consistent by any stretch of the imagination, but we are making progress. When he wakes up, which seems to be getting later and later or earlier and earlier, Drew or I moves him into the pack-n-play in the living room where he spends the rest of the night. My goal is 7am. I can get up 7, 6:59, no go, but 7 is okay.

I am keeping busy with all my babysitting. Between babysitting, housework and errands, I don't get much time to write on the blog anymore.

Kolby Bo

I hadn't mentioned that the pediatrician recommended that Kolby be evaluated by a physical therapist because he seemed a little delayed in his large motor skills. I didn't mention it because I didn't think it would be a big deal, I thought they would come, observe him, ask me questions and then say, he is great, I can't believe he is doing so well and he has only had the brace off for 4 months! I was very surprised when they said, well he qualifies for therapy. They seemed happy about it. I am not so happy. I am a little sad. I can't even express why. Just that, I guess I thought I would have perfect kids in every way. I wouldn't need to seek help for them and I kind of feel like it is one thing after another. First the bilateral club foot and the treatment that goes with that and now this. I didn't let myself feel when we found out about his club foot and I realized later that was a mistake, so this time I am letting myself feel and vent. I feel sad that he needs therapy that he is "slow", I feel like I failed him somehow. I should have played more with him on the floor and gotten down there with him. His speech and fine motor skills are delayed also. He should be doing the pincer grasp better and be able to hold 3 objects in his hands. He shoud be babbling mamamamama and dadadadada, but he isn't. He makes more vowel sounds and less consenant (if any) sounds. Is that because I stick his passy in his mouth all the time? I don't know. I should have been feeding him more finger foods. (Foods is a whole different post with Kolby.)

BUT

I am glad that they are doing something now and not later when it could be more difficult. I am glad that there is something and someone who can help. I am glad that I am not left on my own to deal with this. I know that God is going before us in this and I trust Him and trust His plan for Kolby and for us. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not in control that God already knows the outcome (that makes me relax, so much) and that I have to be faithful to my big God who gives me things that I don't expect to see if I will trust Him or trust man. I am going to trust Him for this one, because I am pretty sure that I can't do it alone. And, remember my prayer for Kolby to roll? I serve a great big God that can do anything and I have another opportunity to ask, trust and see what else he has in store for my sweet Bo. See, already I feel better! God is big and mighty and He wil show that in my life and in the life of Kolby.

What happened?

I feel like the new year started without me. I missed January birthdays, playdates and pretty much all of January. Where did it go? Travelling and illness made the month go right around me. But, it is a new month, so I'm declaring a new start. Birthday cards will go out on time (except for yours, Glen, the 3rd is too close to the end of January, not that you read this anyway), playdates will be had, the library will be visited, groceries will be bought and dinners will be fixed. Hamburger Helper totally counts as dinner.

A new start will also bring new things in my life. Like the little baby girl I will be watching every Wednesday and some Saturdays. She is only 2 months old! So sweet. I'm sure there will be other new things, if only I could think of them right now. Oh, running. I started running last Sunday. I really like it, the time away, time to myself and time to listen to music on the Ipod. And then, I cut my heel yesterday on some leftover glass from a frame that broke. I hobble around trying to not put weight on it so it won't start bleeding again. So, running will have to be restarted sometime this month. And my ever present nursing dilemma, it hurts again. Over the holidays, I talked to a lactation consultant and she said it sounded like a yeast infection so I started taking measures to fight that and then it seemed to get a lot better, healed, I thought. Now, it is hurting again so badly, I wince when Kolby nurses, mostly when he latches on, but there is pain the entire time. And if Sage is in the room and Kolby wants to see what he is doing, OH MY! He latches on, pulls around to see Sage, lets go, latches on, pulls around, lets go, on, off, on, off, on, off. It is enough for me to tell Sage to leave or I quit nursing Kolby. He is almost 11 months, the 9th, so I could try milk, but I don't know if I am ready to be done. And a new month, a new night of sleep. Kolby wakes up between 3:00 and 4:30 to nurse. I am tired. I think he can sleep all night, he is just into a great routine of waking up and getting nursed back to sleep. That needs to be nipped in the bud. But, do I have the strength?

Sage is talking so much. He is learning to spell his name, can point to an "A" on a sign and has learned a memory verse. Proverbs 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." We call it his name verse because we engraved it on his baby book and Sage means wise one. When he starts counting things, he always starts with 2. He always says me instead of I, sometimes, he will say Sage instead of I. He went poop on the potty! It only took an hour of sitting there and one bag of m&m's as bribery, but he did it! But, don't think we are on our way, because we aren't. The next time, he preferred his diaper even with the m&m bribe.

And I'm off for a nap, did I mention I'm tired?

Brain Spew

Kolby had another bronchial infection this week. Yesterday was spent at the doctors office where they threatened sending me to the ER to admit Kolby. He was breathing too fast, 60ish breaths per minute, a healthy baby would be 30ish breaths per minute. They ended up sending me home with more breathing treatments, this time an inhaler made for babies, way easier than the nebulizer! It only takes 2 minutes, literally instead of 15. He does cry through it but he doesn't fight it. Last night, he had a fever and his breathing was really fast again. We almost took him to the ER but the on-call ped. was so great. He told me to give him Tylenol, that with a fever, babies will breath fast anyway, so Kolby kind of had a double whammy going. The fever came down, his breathing went to high 40s, low 50s so we stayed home and woke up every four hours for treatments. We were all in bed by 8:30 last night! The bummer thing the ped. said at the dr. office was, let's hope this doesn't turn in to asthma. Hopefully, we are on our way to mending and we can keep his breathing under control. I can start to wean him from the inhaler when i think he is ready and then keep giving him doses as long as he is coughing.


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Kolby is almost 11 months old, February 9 is just around the corner. He signed "all done" today. I think he has done it before but today it was after lunch, when i asked if he was all done. He is so cute. I can't even describe it! I am sad that he is almost a year. My baby is growing up way too fast. I like having a baby. He is growing up so fast and yet, not as fast as Sage did. I remember when Sage was 10 months feeding him thinned peanut butter sandwiches and he had 4 teeth. Oh! Kolby finally got a tooth over Christmas! So, my baby is more of a baby than Sage was at his age but I still don't want him to get bigger. I had weaned Sage by this age. I am not really ready to start thinking about weaning Kolby yet. It doesn't hurt anymore and it is easy and we both enjoy it. I like that cuddle time with him. I used to be so excited for March to get here so I could wean him, now I am thinking that might not happen.


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I love being a mom to 2 boys. i was doing the dishes, Sage was riding his trike around the dining room table in circles and Kolby was playing on the floor, scooting himself backwards into the desk and I looked at them and thought "I love being their mom, I love that I have 2 kids, 2 boys. They are so much fun!"

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I can't wait to have more babies, more kids. No, mom, this is not an announcement, I just know our family isn't complete, we aren't done yet. I kind of think it would be nice to keep going, not take a break and get out of the baby, diaper cycle but Drew would like to wait until he is done with school and has a job. No idea why. JK. So, it also makes me a little sad that I won't have a baby for a while, if all goes as planned, which we are so great at planning our kids.

That's it, all my random thoughts that aren't long enough for a post individually and I just had to get out.

Tales from the Trip

My New Year hasn't started off so smooth. We were all perfectly healthy before we boarded the plane. The day after we got there, Kolby started coughing. Then Sage, finally I succumbed to the cold. We weren't miserable, just a cold. Kolby had a bit of a fever with it, but with Tylenol, it was no big deal. A runny nose, low grade fever, and a cough. The fever cleared up, we drove to our second place to stay, my sisters.

The cough stuck around, the fever and runny nose cleared up. After a week, we transferred to our third place to stay, my brothers.

Kolby had started to get a little worse but wasn't terrible. Then he got terrible. He was so clingy and fussy. He only wanted to be held by me. He was warm, but was it because I was holding him all the time or did he have a fever. I didn't check. A mistake that I hopefully won't make again. For two nights, I was up with him a lot, like a couple hour chunks at a time. I was exhausted. Finally, my mom says she thinks I should take him to the ER (it was a Sunday). I hemmed and hawed and called my mother in law who works as a pediatric triage nurse. She said take him in. I hemmed and hawed. We called my brothers neighbor who used to be an EMT. He said take him in. I decided to take him in.

He was diagnosed with a bronchial virus, probably RSV, but the nurse didn't realize it was a nose swab test and kept waiting for the blood test to come back and a double ear infection. We were sent home with a nebulizer for albueteral treatments every 4 hours around the clock and amoxicillin. I was already tired. I got more worn down, but a little more sleep. The amoxicillin gave him diarrhea but not enough to be of concern.

My mom decided we should come and stay in a hotel with her so she could help me with the night time treatments. During the two hour drive, Sage wasn't looking so hot. But he wanted milk and food and treats so I of course, gave him everything he asked for. We stopped to nurse Kolby and my mom bought Sage a sucker. I put a bib on him because he is such a drooler and I didn't want chocolate, sticky, drool on his clothes. Then he barfed. Everything. I don't handly puke. My mom cleaned it up. All of it. She is a great mom.

Kolby slept through the 11 pm and would usually wake up to nurse after the 3 am time. Sage slept through all the treatments. The first one, he woke up and I explained that I had to give Kolby his treatment and did he want to help. He sat with me on the bed, with his hand on my lap while I held the nozzle to Kolby's face. The treatment took about 10 - 12 minutes and about half way through, he got up, walked to his bed and half laid, half stood there. Then he announced "Me poopy."

The next morning, we made our way back to my in laws, our fourth and final destination before glorious home. Sage threw up some toast and water breakfast at the hotel in the breakfast room, on a paper plate and the floor. I don't think it totally counted as throwing up because he was coughing pretty hard and then it came up and it wasn't everything he ate, just a little bit.

The drive part went great. We stopped at Culvers to nurse Kolby, give him a treatment and feed ourselves. Sage was on a bread and water diet. I sat down to start nursing Kolby and felt a wet spot. He had a blow out. At that point, I should have thought, of course, we are just one disaster after another this trip.

The rest of the trip was smooth driving.

The next exciting thing that happened was going to church with my in-laws. I wasn't going to risk putting the boys in a nursery the day before we are supposed to fly out, so I kept them with me. They did great, that isn't the good part. During the closing song, the fire alarm went off. The song leaders kept singing, no one seemed to notice. I immediatly gathered our coats and started putting them on and was explaining to Sage what was going on and what we are doing. Then everyone started moving and I was in the way. It isn't a small task putting coats on two wiggly boys and trying to do it quickly and calmly. There wasn't a fire, but a flood. A pipe froze from the sprinkler system and flooded the front of the worship space.

I think I will talk to Sage about what he should do if he hears a fire alarm at our house. We should all have a plan.

Almost MIA

We finally returned home from a month long hiatus called "My husband went to China for 2 weeks right after the new year and I am not staying 24 hours away from all relatives while he is gone." Whew.

Sage, Kolby and I moved from house to house for almost a month, stayed at 4 different places, took Kolby to the ER once, gave him countless albueterall treatments and amoxicillan for a double ear infection. I was so looking forward to being home. My own stuff! My bed! My car! My kitchen! My space! My kids beds! Then, the morning we were supposed to get on a plane and fly home, I got sick. I felt awful. But that was not stopping me. Drew arrived home the day before and I was not going to spend one more night away from him. I showered, dressed the boys, packed the bags, loaded the van, strapped in the boys, and stopped at Target for Immodium AD where I was told the manufacturer says it's not safe for nursing moms, American Academy of Pediatrics says it is safe. I took the second opinion. And it worked! I still felt awful and nervous for action down there. But I made it.

The plane was delayed. Kolby had already missed his morning nap. Finally on the plane he konked out while nursing. But then Sage needed a dvd switch and with the rummaging, he woke up, never to return to lala land again while flying. He was so fussy. I kept trying to nurse him, switching sides, he would suck then start crying. I was rocking him and rocking him. He was the kind of fussy where it wasn't constant but as the mom I felt like I had to constantly soothe him because i just didn't know what would set him off. But i kept telling myself, make it to baggage claim, Drew will be there and he will solve everything.

As we got off the plane, Sage wanted to walk and then said "Me, wet." I look down to see his jeans are drenched. I had changed him before the first time we were supposed to get on, not the second and actual time. So, what I thought was going to be a 4 hour diaper (long stretch, I know but how was I going to change it on the plane with two kids) turned into about a 6 hour diaper with a couple of milks and juices so his ears wouldn't hurt. Do you think I had extra pants for him in my carry on? No. Kolby? Yes. Good planning. I found a bathroom, changed him decided to go myself and then change Kolby also. Drew starts calling. I explain. He keeps calling as I am trying to push a double stroller, carry my overflowing carry on, not drop or roll over our coats and not think about the fact that my 2 year old is sitting in the stroller wearing no pants. And I am out of breath because I am so sick and I am sweating.

I answer as I walk in to baggage claim and say "I'm here, at baggage claim 2." I start looking for him, I just want a hug. I don't see him.

He says "I am here and all the luggage has come off and yours wasn't here."

I look around, see a piece of our luggage coming around the bend and say "I see a piece, come to baggage claim 2." We hang up. I collect all 4 pieces of luggage which now that I have all 4 bags, 3 rolling and one duffell, I can't physically move us and Drew isn't there yet. I move us to the side. I get an offer for a baggage cart then for someone to send a porter. No thanks, my husband will be here in one minute.

Drew calls again. "What airport are you at?"

"JFK"

"I'm at Laguardia."

I hang up, sit down in front of the stroller and sobbingly say "Sage, dada went to the wrong airport, he isn't here." Sage yells at me "No sad!" Like pull it together woman! Then a few minutes later, he is starts to cry, "Dada!" A nice man, a porter I think, helps me move out of the baggage claim and by a door. He refuses my tip. Kindness of strangers. I pull out the Starburst that I hadn't given Sage on the plane since he is demanding to eat and the machine won't take my $1 so I can buy crackers. About a half hour later, Drew is there, gets us to the car and we barely pack in our luggage and start the 1.5 hour ride home. I had collapsed into his arms, started crying and then he pushed me out and said "I'm illegally parked, we gotta go!"

When we finally got home, I collapsed into bed with chills and shakes. A day passed and then Drew and Kolby got it. Last night and today were no fun. I am exhausted and not sure why I am still awake.

He Needs Me

I change his diaper

He needs me

I bathe him

He needs me

I tickle his feet

I wipe off his sticky hands

He needs me

I lay him down for a nap

He sleeps

He cries

I lay down with him

He needs me

He snuggles his chin to mine

He needs me

He rests his arm on me

Alway touching me

He needs me

He sleeps

Again

I need him

I need to rest

We rest together

We need each other

Weaning rethought

Nursing isn't hurting as badly and so I have decided to forego the weaning process for now. I might still give Kolby a bottle or two everyday so that I can make sure I stay pain free. I missed it, it made me sad to be stopping. So, I decided why stop. He is doing great with going back and forth so I feel confident that we can keep this up longer.

I also learned that I might have been attaching him wrong. Did you know you are supposed to line up their nose with your nipple?

I'll leave you with that thought.

Poop stories

I got to go out last night and Drew fixed dinner and put the kids to bed. At dinner, Drew farted silently. Sage immediatly looks at him, points his arm and hand and says "Dada. Poopy. Bopper (diaper). Change. Now. Please!"

Also, yesterday afternoon Drew was home with the boys and he told Sage he was going to take a nap on Sage's bed with Kolby. Sage left the room, shut the door then peeked it back open and said "No talking!"

This morning, Sage was standing in the living room looking at a book, looked up, smiled big and said "Me fart!" followed by "Me poopy gain." Good morning to you too.

Boggled Thoughts

*************WARNING**************Breastfeeding talk*************

I have decided to wean Kolbs. Nursing started to hurt about a month ago. Just on one side and just for the first few minutes. I tried a couple different things like switching to a cotton bra and just getting through it. Then both sides started to hurt. Then it wasn't just for a few minutes, it was the whole feeding. I tried to go to a breastfeeding support group but they said I couldn't bring Sage. Thanks for the support! (that was sarcastic, if you didn't catch it) So, I just kept going on. And then the thought entered my mind, wean him. I didn't feel at peace about it and then I talked to my mom, husband and friends and they said, "You have done a great job, he is a very healthy baby, do what is best for you." Everyone is so supportive but I still don't feel right. I feel like I am giving up, quiting. He is fine. He takes the bottle. He gets excited when he sees me making it. And then I think maybe I should just keep nursing him. And then I nurse him again. And it hurts. And then I think I am doing the right thing. But, man, bottles are a pain. Making them, washing them, carting them around and the formula. Maybe I am just sad to let the nursing relationship end. I think I am doing the right thing. And then self-doubt comes back. Maybe I should just keep on and nurse through the pain. And then i nurse him and wince the whole time and wonder how long one baby needs to nurse anyway. So, I'm weaning. He takes 3 bottles a day and nurses twice right now, early morning and right before bed.

Also, Kolby is a punk. He still wakes up during the night. Some nights as many as 5 times, others just once. Sometimes, he just needs his passy and then he goes back to sleep but sometimes I have to rock him back to sleep. He eats between 4 and 5 am still. I am tired. 3 bedrooms would be nice...

Sage is so excited to fly on the pairplane and see everyone! Drew told him that he gets his own seat this time but he has to keep his seat belt buckled and that his ears might hurt. Later in the day, he said "Pairplane, ears hurt?" And covered both ears with his hands.

He has been asking to sit on the potty, runs to the bathroom and then doesn't want to. He has sat many times and produced nothing. He knows if he does, he will get m&m's. Today, he looked at me, yelled "POOPY!", ran to the bathroom, then yelled and ran out when I came in to help, then ran in again and wanted to sit on the potty. Do you think he hears voices?

When should kids start learning their colors? Sage thinks everything is red or black or geen. But rarely gets them right.

Sageisms Part 2

He will ask to ride the Nascar car at the mall everytime. Today I said yes and plugged in my dollar. If you have never seen this car, you pick a course and the car moves like it would if you were really racing it, so it tilts and shakes. As soon as it starts to tilt, Sage's eyes get big and the fear comes over his face. Then it starts to shake and the screams start and I can't get him out fast enough. I felt bad when he wouldn't get back in when it was all done because he was scared.

Whenever I am in the kitchen, he asks "What makin, mama?"

Foffee.

Yog. (yogurt)

If I leave my Dt. Coke glass out, he will always pick it up and try to drink that last dribble.

He takes his shoes and socks off in the car and doesn't care that the ground is cold when I make him walk from the garage to the house without them on. It is supposed to deter him from doing it next time, but it has happened 3 times.

At the mall, if I mean, when I walk in to the Gap, he says, "No yooking, mama!"

If the stroller stops and he deems it unnecessary, he says "Push me!"

Q: How can you make both boys cry at the same time?

A: Yell "Hip, Hip Hooray!" loudly.

You will see two chins quiver, four eyes fill with tears, two mouths drop open and hear two loud cries. Then you will see two parents laughing as they each reach for a little boy to comfort.

Conversation

Me: "Sage, what are you doing?"

Sage: "Umm, pickin nose."

Heavy Breathing

Incident relayed to me by my husband:

Drew, hearing noise coming from the boys room, sounding like Sage singing and talking to no one in particular, opens the door. The room is quiet, Sage is laying motionless in his bed. Drew walks over and says,

"Sage, no singing, talking or making noise."

Sage breathes heavily.

"Sage, if you talk, sing or make noise again, you will get in trouble."

Sage breathes heavily.

Drew stands silently, watching.

Sage's head moves slightly, his eyes slitting open, and quickly shut, more heavy breathing.

Drew covers Sage with the blanket, what he has termed 'the final test'*.

"Bankie off!"

*'the final test' refers to Sage's hatred of being covered with the blanket. He will only allow a sheet to cover him, if you violate these terms, he will let you know.

Baby vs. Puppy

Someone told me that a dog is harder than having children. Her reasoning? Because you can take kids with you everywhere you go. Hmm. A dog is easier than having a baby. After having thought about it, I wonder, should I be offended? I am a stay at home mom, to kids, a baby and a toddler. I don't have a dog, I am not a stay at home dog-carer. And would a dog be harder? I haven't owned my own dog as an adult yet. But we did have one as I grew up and I am going to say that taking care of kids, much harder than a dog. Here are my reasons.

1. A child, you have to shepherd their heart. A dog, you have to train them to pee and poop outside and not chew things.

2. A child, you have to take with you everywhere you go. It is illegal to leave them home caged up.

3. I wipe poop off their butts, enough said.

4. I make milk for them and let them suck it out of me, do you do that for your puppy?

This is just a small list, I am sure there are others that I can't think of right now. As I reread this, I am thinking, I can't believe I am even defending myself that children are harder to take care of than dogs.

Love-Hate

***********Warning**************Breastfeeding*Post************************************************************************


I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. Actually, hate is too strong of a word. I usually like it, most of the time love it, especially while I am nursing. But sometimes, it hurts again, like a newborn is learning to nurse and everything has to get worked out hurt. Like he is latching wrong or lazily. And then my mind plays tricks on me like I can't leave Kolby EVER because he has to nurse and no one else can nurse him and aaaaaagggggghhhhh, too much pressure. But I love knowing that I can comfort him like no one else can. I love knowing that he is getting the best of what he needs. I love knowing that he is so chubby because of what I fed him. I love that is always with me, no bottle required to leave the house. I love the ease. I am tired of nursing him in public. He wants to look around too much and flash me to the world. I am tired of wearing nursing bras. And they are too big because I have shrunk again but I bought a new one, wrong size and the stupid company won't return a stupid email or a stupid phone call so now I have a stupid bra that doesn't stupid fit and I spent stupid money on it and the company is stupid. I am tired of always having to think about what I am wearing, where we are going and what will be easiest to nurse in and not flash the world my boob or my stretch marked stomache and side.

So, basically, I am selfish and selfishly tired of nursing and it is not all wonderful and happy. Some of it is stupid. And I am stupid and selfish. And so I must continue. I told myself that I would make it to one year, less than 4 months to go. Should I buy another stupid bra? Stupid company. Don't buy from breakoutbras.com, sure they give you free shipping but zero customer service. I should have dragged the boys to the store where they measure you and you pay more for it and you have to have an appointment but the bra would have fit. Lesson learned.

My God is so BIG!

Last Wednesday or Thursday, I can't remember, I decided that I needed to start praying that Kolby would roll over from his back to his front. It has been over a month since he got his bar off during the day and he was showing no signs of rolling over. The pediatrician said not to worry, she expected a delay because of the bar, but worry I did. So, I told God, I am worried about him not rolling and I am asking You with faith that only You can make this happen that Kolby will roll from his back to his tummy by next Friday the 19th. I wanted to ask for a specific time and something that would seem impossible to me. When Kolby would be laid down on his back, he would lay there and move his head to look around. It was like he didn't realize that the bar was off and his legs and feet could move. After I started praying Kolby started showing huge signs of improvement. He started to lift both his legs and play with his feet. Then he kind of started rolling toward his side. Last night, he was all the way on his side and just couldn't make it over. I knew God was doing this. I did however doubt God on Tuesday, I confessed it and went back to praying in faith.

This morning I laid him down on the floor while I changed Sage's diaper. And he immediatly rolled to his side and almost all the way over but got stuck on his arm, of course I started cheering, he whipped his head around and back to his back he went. I started crying because I knew today is the day. God is going to show himself to me. I asked and he is answering in a big way. After his morning nap, back to the floor he went. I didn't give him any toys but put them around him just out of his reach. He laid there and was content to just look around for about 10 minutes. Then he looked behind him, and rolled from his back to his tummy. Again, I started crying and cheering and Sage started cheering and we were yelling "Praise the Lord!" and he immediatly rolled to his back again!

Why is it that I can give total credit to God for this yet feel so silly doing so? I prayed, he answerd yes and now I feel silly that i prayed for that. It is just Satan trying to rob me of my joy in my God. My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God cannot do, for YOU!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 5 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Been thinking...

Never a good sign, I know!

I have been thinking about where we are going to be this summer. You see, Drew has to do an internship. It is looking like Minneapolis is out of the running. Not for sure, but looking that way. I realized that I was looking forward to an adventure for the summer. Something different. Going somewhere. Not staying here. I am ready for a change. And that got me thinking. I have always thought that I wanted Drew to graduate, get a job, move to Minneapolis and settle. Stay there for the rest of our lives. Stay put. Put down roots. Settle. Now, I wonder if I really want that. I kind of want to move somewhere else exciting, not back to the midwest. Am I always going to feel this way? Am I ever going to want to settle? Put down roots?

I grew up in the same city, we never even moved houses. I always assumed that is how I would want my family to be. And then we moved. And I have survived and come to like it! I like living here. Sure, there are still things I miss. Like Cornerstone and food prices. But I like living here. I like walking to Trinity, the grocery store, to vote and the park. I like Pepe's pizza. I love Pepe's pizza. It will be hard only having normal chain pizza.

My answer to both questions. I don't know. I don't know where we will be this summer or when Drew graduates but I know that I am not in control and that is good for now. I pray about it and talk to God about my desires and dreams, but ultimatly, it isn't up to me and that makes me feel...peaceful, at ease, I can only pray about it and it will work out how it is supposed to. It is that easy!

Swimming Lessons

I have always said that my kids were going to take swimming lessons very young. I don't want them to be afraid of the water and I want them to know how to swim. I love swimming. I swam competitively while growing up and it is a great sport and a great life skill.

Sage has yet to take a lesson. Not for the lack of trying. It seems that lessons are either very expensive or for older children, like 4, when fear of the water has already set in. My only hope is open swims. Saturdays from 11 - 2. Already this Saturday, we have a conflict, a birthday party and next Saturday, Drew is going to be gone, so no one to watch Kolby. Frustrating.

Sageisms

Sage says pairplane for airplane. Tonight, Drew decided to teach him to say airplane. Now he says airpairplane.

I tried to teach him the other day that what state we live in. I told him we live in Connecticut and he said, "No, pairplane."

He now describes things as "Neat!"

Tonight, Drew was taking Sage to pick up a pizza and I stood back and said, "bye, have fun" and he ran back down the hall with his arms outstretched and said "Tiss, mama."

He gives the best kisses at bedtime. I lean down and he wraps his little arm around my head and holds my head into his lips and gives me a smack, smack, smack. And I have to pry myself away from his grasp or the smacks would continue indefinitly.

"Tornertone!" He watches a dvd from Cornerstone almost daily and then later will get his toy guitar and point to himself and say "Me, Wally." And he will sing and raise his hands in the air.

Consequently, he prays for Wally almost everyday at lunch or bedtime and sometimes both!

And he asks/tells me everday, Tornertone, Iowa?! He is looking forward to attending Cornerstone when we visit!

He is getting sassy and will talk back. One day I told him he was being sassy and right on que, he looked at me and yelled "Sassy!"

He calls yogurt, yog.

He finally added ton to but. For a long time a button was a butt!

He is learning to say "May I be excused, please?"

Bootball!!! (football) He always wants to watch bootball on tv. And he loves to sit on the touch and eat a nat. (snack)

Baball hoop. He spots them everywhere while we are driving or walking. And he makes buckets, laundry baskets, or containers into his hoops during the day. He shoots with whatever ball he finds first, even if it is a football. When he misses, he says "Ohhhh, miss!"

He will tirelessly throw a football down the hall, laugh, run and get it and throw it the other way.

He can catch! Once every fifteen times and if the ball hits him squarely in the chest, but a catch is a catch!

Ebay is stupid.

I have been using ebay for a couple of years. I like selling stuff that I don't need and buying stuff I do, or sometimes, don't need. I have had good experiences with buyers and sellers. Until I decided to buy some cloth wipes. This was an impulse buy. I looked them up and bid on the first auction because it was ending SOON and there were NO bidders! I won and then felt stupid because I paid way too much for used wipes. Which, I still haven't used. Anyway, they took ffffoooorrrreeeevvveeerrr to arrive. I actuall emailed the seller and asked when I would receive them and I had waited a while because, let's remember, I felt stupid for buying them. Bring on the sob story. Her mother in law is sick and dying. I totally get that and empathize. And I don't really care that the package is taking fffooorrreeevvveeerrr to arrive, I just want to make sure I am actually getting something that I have already paid for. Oh, I forgot to mention that right after the auction, she contacted me to see if I wanted another burp cloth, and would I pay more for that one too. Umm, no, I don't want another burp cloth, thanks, I have more than I use since Kolby has practically stopped spitting up. So, the package arrives and everything is as it should be. Does she deserve positive feedback? Not in my book. Communication on her end was not great. Remember when she contacted me and asked if I wanted to pay her more money for more of the same product I had already bought from her? She didn't mention her ailing grandmother and a slow shipping schedule. Then I didn't hear from her until after I had received the item and I noticed the date sent was the day after I had emailed. Coincidense? I doubt it. And then she was asking if I had received and could I leave positive feedback. Now, to her credit, she did offer to mail me some more burp cloths (Again, no thanks) or if I wanted, she could refund some money for shipping charges. She only offered, she put the ball in my court. I replied saying that the transaction hadn't been the best I had on ebay and thought leaving no feedback was better than leaving someone neutral. It wasn't horrible, just slow, confusing and I felt slightly lied to. I don't think she has been honest in her dealings with me. I just got a lengthy reply about the mother in law having less than a month, dealing with lawyers and I forgot the other part of the sob story, she sells things on ebay for her daughters astronimical tuition which her friend is now doing for her, bless her heart. And she mentioned that she hasn't told many fellow ebayers about her mom in law but the few she has, have been so understanding and nice (cough,cough, you haven't, jerk) So, my few readers, what do I do? Ignore it and hope it goes away? Reply and ask for a refund and offer positive feedback or stick to my guns and reply and say sorry, charlie. I mean all this for one stupid positive feedback. Go sit by your mother in law, talk to your husband and kids, there are bigger things in life than this stupid positive feedback! And that is why ebay is stupid.

But I am so addicted, this won't deter me! I wonder if anyone is selling...

I don't get it.

I don't get abortion. I don't get why it is legal. I don't get why parents would not want to know that there teenage daughter is pregnant and making a hard decision. I was reading a blog, www.citymama.typepad.com and she wrote about Prop 85, something that is being voted on only in California, at least this particular Prop. What it boils down to is this, "it would prohibit California teens from getting an abortion until 48 hours after their parents have been notified." And I am thinking, this would be a bad thing because??? According to citymama, it would be bad because "If your daughter came to you and told you she was pregnant, perhaps you'd be supportive and try to help her figure out next steps. But think about teens that live in households with violence, rape, incest or abuse. Prop 85 puts those teens in danger. Passing Prop 85 will not instantly make their family situations better. No law can mandate family communication."

What about the families that don't have violence, rape, incest or abuse and the daughter is ashamed, scared of her parents reaction, sad, or disappointed?

And how many of the 1.3 million cases of abortion each year are because of incest or rape? "On average, women give at least 3 reasons for choosing abortion: 3/4 say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about 2/3 say they cannot afford a child; and 1/2 say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner (AGI)" (www.abort73.com)

The 3 reasons that women give for choosing abortion? They can be answered with one word. Adoption.

I found my facts on abort73.com. Warning, it is graphic.

First Haircut, Finally!

First, Kolby the pumpkin, so he doesn't feel left out! This pic and the one below of Sage are their Halloween costumes.


Before and the reason, I got it cut, at the Halloween party, another mom that I had just met said, "She has beautiful hair."


Sage was not a fan of putting the cape on, once I bribed him with a cookie and got his hands out from under it, we were good to go!


One side done.


Raphael cutting Sage's hair.


After


Sage and mommy

I'm so proud.

Kolby slept from 8pm to 5:55am. What more is there to say? And at 5:55, he didn't eat, but got his passy, came to my bed (long story*) and went back to sleep until 7:30.

*WARNING! This will be too many dumb details that you probably don't care about but for some reason, I feel the need to explain, so if you continue reading, just remember, you were warned!

We have a 2 bedroom apartment, making it difficult to sleep train Kolby without disturbing anyone. Kolby and Sage share a room but for the past 5 nights, I have been putting Kolby down in our room in the pack-n-play and then we move him into the hallway for him to sleep the rest of the night so when he wakes up, he can't see us. Last night was no different, he slept soundly in the hallway but at 5:55 when he woke up (after sleeping all night, did i mention that;) Drew was about to get up, I debated about what to do but did our normal routine, rocked him with his passy and laid him back down. At 6:15 when Drew got up, he wasn't back asleep yet and when Drew walked out of our room and passed him without acknowledging him, that made Kolby very sad, so I got him, his passy and his cute puppy blankie (thanks Joyce!) and brought him to my bed where he laid next to me, sucking his passy, clutching his puppy, holding my hand and fell back asleep until 7:30!

Someday maybe I will write about other things than my kids sleep patterns! But, it is oh so important to me right now!

Sleep Training

Remember how gung-ho I was on Wednesday? Yeah, well we didn't have such a great night. I forget that his shots affect him a lot. He gets a low grade fever and his legs are so sore, he groans every time you touch him or move him. He went to bed fine and then from 10 - 11:30 he cried out every 20 minutes for 1 or 2 minutes. Then at 11:30, full on crying. I went to comfort and nurse him and he was again really hot. I gave him Tylenol and tried to nurse him but he didn't really want to. He was however, wide awake. I sat up with him from 11:30 - 2 am and then his fever broke and I put him in the magic swing. He fell asleep almost instantly and slept until 5. Then nursed and slept until 8:15.

Thursday night, he went to bed like normal also. And then at 9 woke up and didn't want to comfort nurse or be rocked, was just wide awake until 11. Finally, he nursed and I was able to lay him down. Sometime he woke up, and I waited until he was full on crying and then picked him up and gave him his passy. He took it and i rocked him and he fell back to sleep within 10 minutes and slept until 7:30. So that was about 8 hours without nursing.

Last night, he was so exhausted he barely nursed (I had to pump because he hadn't nursed well all day and I was so full). And immediatly fell asleep at 8 pm. At 1:30, he woke up and I got him pretty quickly because he was in the boys room with Sage and moved him to the living room and the awaiting pack-n-play. I put his blanket bag on him and gave him his passy and laid him back down. 10 minutes later, he was crying but hadn't been full-on crying, I decided to get him and rock him with his passy. He seemed wide awake just looking around but not at all like he wanted to nurse. He was perfectly content in my arms with his passy. I laid him back down and he talked and cried for about 10 minutes and I went out and gave him his passy again and he must have fallen asleep!

At 6 am, Sage woke up crying and I went to comfort him and groggily realized it had been 10 hours since Kolbs last nursing. And immediatly went back to bed. A little before 8 this morning I hear Kolby talking all happy in his pack-n-play. That is my story. Now, if we can get to a point where I just have to give him his passy and he goes back to sleep and then doesn't wake up at all!

Pretty boring post, but that is how it is going around our house. I decided that the bottle of water idea was stupid because that would probably just make him mad. He doesn't normally take a bottle and I would like him to think of it as something that he can get food from if I am not around. So, the passy is working for us, for now!

Sage gives Kolbs kisses


Kolby discovers his tongue!


Sleep Kolby


Rockstar Sage


Sage at the park

7 month Check Up

Kolby had his 6 month check up today, at 7 months. Good news, his weight is back on the charts! 97% at 24lbs. 9oz. Length was 27 3/4 inches at the 25%. Short and fat. He is doing great. She (Dr. Ann) suggested that he doesn't need to eat in the night anymore. I have known that he probably doesn't need to but am struggling with how to get him to sleep through. I admit that I haven't really tried... except for the one night that I forgot to turn on the monitor. Did I mention that was the one night we had friends in town who were sleeping on our living room floor. Drew and I didn't hear a thing, they however heard a lot. Kolby usually wakes up anywhere from midnight to 3am and I hear him cooing and talking, not crying. I go get him because he and Sage share a room and I would rather deal with one awake baby, not a baby and a toddler. Well, this particular night, Kolby woke up and then started screaming at some point (I assume he had been awake for a little while and was wondering why no one came to get him) then Sage woke up to Kolby screaming. Naturally, Sage thought it would be helpful to yell at Kolby. "Holby, no, Holby, nigh-night." When that didn't work, it was "MOMMA" And when that didn't work, alternating back and forth until Kolby fell back asleep. A little while later, Kolby cried out again but not as long and apparently Sage slept through that one. At 6:39am I woke up and rolled over and processed the time. "Kolby slept through the night!" Then I instinctively checked the monitor channel and heard a screaming baby. I felt awful. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't known the details to the middle of the night cry/yell fest. I am sure the elephants upstairs loved that night!

All that to say, Dr. Ann suggested giving Kolby a bottle of water instead of nursing him. That will discourage him to wake up because it isn't as comforting or as yummy. In my mind, I am resolved to start tonight. I am going to move the pack-n-play into the living room and when he awakes I will give him the bottle of water and then his passy and his blanky and put him in the pack-n-play. Hopefully, my resolve will be so strong at bed time and again in the middle of the night. I really need some sleep. Especially when Kolby thinks 5:30 is a good time to wake up for the day and my sweet hubby thinks 6 is a good time to have the alarm go off. So, after I nurse Kolby and I think he is finally settling down in his pack-n-play in our room, the alarm goes off causing him to wake up. Then I get him out and snuggle him in our bed, again more nursing, sweet hubby decides to open bedroom door and let light stream in so he can find his shoes or whatever. So, we are up for good. Not that I have slept since 5:30 and I am sobbing. I rock Kolby for awhile and then put him in the magic swing. I hop in the shower for a long hot shower and prayer time asking for help and being reminded of a song about my soul resting in the Lord, and Kolbs is asleep in the magic swing. A cup of coffee* later and all is okay with the world.

Why is it when I try to take a nap during the afternoon, I receive 3 phone calls and one package? I didn't answer the phone, but the door, I couldn't ignore. I never get calls. Such is life. I did get rest and maybe that is all I needed.


*When I say coffee, I mean chocolate coffee with 4 scoops of hot chocolate and french vanilla creamer mmmm good. They are called Kristychinos around our house.

Almost Embarrassing & Other Random Thoughts

Tonight Drew, Sage, Kolby and I were in Target getting some groceries. Sage is in the cart and Drew is pushing him. Sage says "Dada, poopoo." Drew had farted! No one heard. Drew even had to tell me. Someday, I hope Sage uses that to embarrass Drew and not me!

Kolby is enjoying life without his brace. I worry that his leg strength is weak and behind. We have a dr. appointment in 2 weeks so I will talk to the pediatrician about it then. He doesn't roll at all when he is on his back. One time, he rolled to his side on his back but I haven't seen him do it since. I worry that I don't give him enough time to play on the floor. Like today, he didn't play on the floor at all. He was in the exersauser for a little bit and I think that is helping his leg muscles some. But then we were at a park and then McDonalds and then he was either sleeping, nursing or being held the rest of the day and evening. We went out to eat and I held him and then we were at Target and he was in the Ergo. My prayer is that he gets on track devolpmentally. Nights have not been so easy with the shoes. He doesn't seem to mind getting them put back on and will fall asleep okay but then he will wake up, usually twice and then settle down for the night around 10 but that is with me nursing or at least rocking him for a good bit. Of course, once I think I have him figured out, he will do something entirely different. When do babies not need to nurse in the night? Kolby still wakes up once and sometimes twice. I am tired. When can I sleep again? Seriously, I am doing good if I get 4 hours in a row. And that is only once a night.

In other news, I bought a new camera with my babysitting money. I sound like i am 14. I should get it next week. A Canon SD70 IS. Go ahead, google it. It is really cool. It has image stabilization which means, Sage can be running around and the picture does not come out fuzzy or out of focus. When I get it, I will post pictures of all the cool things it can do. Next up on my babysitting purchase list. Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers.

I realize that I haven't talked about cloth diapering in a while. I did it for a while then we went on vacation in July and when we got back, I had a hard time starting again. Kolby had outgrown the covers that I had for him and I didn't want to put more money into cloth diapers. Finally, I did and I am so glad. The more I read, the more I am convinced of health benefits and environmental benefits. And honestly, it is so easy. I wash diapers every other day. I do them at night, which sometimes causes me stay up a little too late. I don't have a wet pail of stinky diapers in my bathroom, in fact, they have never stunk. I love not buying diapers again and again. I love that if I need diapers, I am just a load of laundry away. I don't love the diaper that I have. I have fitted diapers which means I don't fold them but they do need a cover. I don't like changing his wet diaper and putting said wet diaper on the floor until I put a clean one on and reclothe him and then pick up wet diaper and carry it to the bathroom to put in the pail. Which is why I want to purchase Fuzzi Bunz! They are a pocket cloth diaper. Which means, that I will stuff the absorbant part into the cover. So, when I change him, it is one step like a disposable except I don't throw it away, I shake out the liner, wash it, stuff it and reuse it. Now, I don't think disposables are awful or that people that use them are awful, I just like cloth for me and mine, for today.

Cute pics

What I see in my kid rear view mirror. So sweet. Yes, I took this while driving and no, I caused no accidents...yet. However, this scene is not so sweet when Sage is yanking on Kolby's hand yelling "Holby, wake!" But I want to remember the sweet times.

Kolby and Sage. We were trying to take a picture of Kolby learning to sit up and Sage jumped right in!

"Perfect Feet"

Picture of Kolby, Dr. Thomson and Sage


And that is a direct quote from Dr. Thomson regarding Kolby's feet.

He also said that his feet might be pointed out a little too far now. I didn't ask but he didn't say that is a problem. He did change the setting. Originally they were pointed 70 degrees out, now they are 60. Kolby has to wear them at night still and Monday, Wed, and Friday naps. The naps are more so Kolby stays used to wearing them. The last couple of days he has done really well. He is enjoying being on his stomache more and rolling a little more. He doesn't know exactly what he is doing yet so doesn't do it every time. He rolled to his side when he was on his back the other day which he has never done before. Perfect feet!

Sage vs. The Duvet Cover

Sage got stuck in his duvet cover. He pulled part of the blanket out and then climbed in the hole. He was supposed to be sleeping. He started crying and I listened for a minute then decided that I should check on him. He was starting to cry pretty hard. I opened the door and tried to let my eyes adjust to the dark. I saw a form with a blanket over it and assumed that the blanket was over his head so I started pulling but it wouldn't move. I figured out that he was inside and turned the light out and got him out. I laughed just a little. Then Kolby started crying because we had woken him up. I retucked Sage in, Kolby fell back asleep and now Sage is talking to himself.

I guess I will get out his quilt instead of the duvet cover!

Why I am Not Up for Mother of the Year

I forgot to nurse Kolby this morning.

I got him out of bed, took him to the bathroom with me, got a cover for his diaper, went to the bathroom, took him back to the changing area, changed his diaper and put his clothes on. We went out to the dining room and I put him in the swing and I went downstairs to start a load of laundry and put the diapers in the dryer. I came back up and got Sage milk and eventually breakfast, made Drew and me hot chocolate, and sat down to eat with Sage. Kolby started fussing so I picked him up while I ate. He stopped fussing. I thought he seemed interested in my oatmeal and watching Sage and I eat. Then I put Boz on for Sage to watch while I showered and decided to be a good mom and not put my 6 month old in front of the tv...today. I put him in the bouncy seat in the doorway of the bathroom. When I got out of the shower, he started fussing. I picked him up. He stopped. Fast forward through 2 more loads of laundry, washing dishes, Kolby going down for a nap that he seemed to fuss longer than normal before he fell asleep, the 7 month old getting to our house, me finishing dishes, and laundry, feeding the 7 month old food and then finally then at 11, I realized I had yet to nurse Kolby. Last time I nursed him you wonder? 3:45am.

What kind of horrible mother forgets to nurse her sweet baby? ME! I totally and completly forgot. And you know what I really wonder, why can he go 7 hours during the day and not at night?

A Rare Moment

I have the house to myself! I folded laundry, made dinner, washed dishes and now get to blog!

Drew took the boys to the park, Sage riding his trike and Kolbs in the stroller. When I say riding his bike I mean, pushing with his legs as fast as he can go. Yesterday, he did use the pedals for about 50 feet. But he can go faster the other way. And then he threw a fit because he didn't want to get off the bike to walk across the street and he had to walk home. Crying all the way, still wearing his helmet while I pushed the stroller and carried the trike. Fun times.

One week and two days and Kolby will be brace free during the day. I won't have to answer questions anymore! I won't have to ignore peoples stares and pointing. I won't have to talk nicely to people who ask why he is wearing roller skates. And hopefully, Kolby will start to move! Roll and get around the floor.

And dinner is done and they are home...

A New Day

Today is a new day, a new day that the Lord has made and we can be glad.

The weather makes me glad, it is turning cool and fall like. Jeans and jackets come out of the closet but flip flops and sandals stay out. Soon, it will be time to replace them with shoes...

2 weeks from tomorrow and Kolby will be able to wear real shoes, shoes without a bar! Now to find some cute shoes to celebrate! I am so excited to balance him on my hip and wear him in the Ergo as much as possible. I am excited for him to get stregth in his legs and start to roll both ways... I am excited to see what he does with his new freedom.

Drew's birthday is Thursday and I already have a babysitter lined up so he and I can go to dinner! That is also exciting and makes me glad.

I Remember

September 11, 2001.

I was in my fifth and final year of college. I lived in an apartment with two other girls. I got ready for my 9:00 class and started to leave, my neighbor next door whom I had said hi to a couple of times opened her front door as I was locking mine. She asked if I had been watching the news. I replied no. She explained how a plane flew into the world trade center. I went back into my apartment and started to watch tv. I didn't know what to do, go to class, stay home or drive the two hours to my parents. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't even know what the Twin Towers were. I didn't even realize the extent of what was happening. I lived in the middle of Iowa and hadn't ever been to NYC. I decided I better go to class but called home on my way. I asked my dad what I should do and he calmly replied to go to class, he was sure everything would be okay, it was just a scary time.

In my first class the mood was somber and the professor announced that the Twin Towers had fallen. Somehow, we all got through the lecture.

I was desperate to find a tv. In the Union of the campus they had set up a projector and screen and were airing the news. I watched horrified. I was surrounded by so many people and didn't know anyone in the room or anyone that lived in NYC but we were all shocked. The gravity of the situation was starting to sink in.

I went to my nannying job that afternoon and didn't watch tv again because of the kids. That night my church held a prayer service but I didn't go. The parents of the family that I nannied for went and I stayed with the kids. I remember feeling so alone and sad. I felt so alone all day surrounded by so many people who were hurting and scared and I didn't reach out to anyone.

I have always regretted not going to the prayer service. Instead, I fed 5 kids dinner and put them to bed.

Since moving to the East Coast, I have had the opportunity to visit the World Trade Center site three times. Every time is powerful and emotional. I can't hold back the tears. I don't hold back the tears. The last time I visited they had photos displayed of the scene unfolding. I walked in front of Sage so he couldn't see the terrifying photos. And then I came to one of a little girl, probably 3 or 4, on a mans shoulders and someone had placed a respirator over her face. Probably to protect her from the air, but also it protected her from seeing the horrifying images that she was living in.

I will not forget 9/11 or the people that died.

Today, 6 Months Ago

I went to my 37 week ob appointment. I found out that I was dialated to 6cm and the head was low, so low. "Let's go over what to do if you deliver this baby at home." Said the midwife. I went over the basics and then thought, no way am I allowing that to happen. This baby needs to come out now. I went about my day. Sage took a nap. I laid on the chair and contractions started. Not hard, a little painful and so I started timing. They were sporadic and not too intense. I called Drew so he would be on guard. He came home at a normal time and we decided to go to the mall for dinner and a long walk. We called our friends to be on guard so we could drop Sage off with them. We decided to take him with us for dinner and a walk. As we walked, the contractions got more intense but I never needed to stop walking through them. I wasn't convinced this was real, we got in the car and drove toward our friends house. We called the hospital and they said come on in. I was convinced, worried and upset they would send us home. The contractions had become very irregular since getting in the car. Getting farther apart. They were 5 minutes apart. We got to the hospital, she checked me and said I can't send a woman home who is 7 cm dialated. We got all checked in, laughing and joking through paperwork and being hooked up to the monitor. I was having contractions, the monitor confirmed it. Phew. Then they went to break my water. The student midwife too her turn and I have to admit, it was painful and she didn't get it. So, the expert took over and whoosh came the water. I guess it was hard because the baby's head was so far down and she didn't want to snag his head. Thanks for that. And then the most intense contractions started almost immediatly. I was laying on the bed, still hooked up to the monitor and asked how long do I have to wear the monitor? 20 minutes to make sure the contractions are coming strong. Take it off, I can't stay on the bed. Shower? Yeah, let's try that. I get out of bed, making my way to the bathroom and decide against it. I sit in the rocker and rock back and forth back and forth finding a rythm. The student midwife stayed in the room to help or watch or whatever. She said to tell her when I felt like pushing. Pushing, I thought, I haven't been having contractions for long enough. Then the next contraction I said yeah I felt like pushing with that one. Back in to bed. The real midwife telling me I shouldn't have to push, this baby should slide right out. Then saying give me one push. I pushed. Then stopped. And yelled "I AM NOT PUSHING!!" But this baby was coming out. I could feel him coming out, moving his way down. From the time I said I wanted to push to Kolby coming out? 6 minutes. 6 painful minutes.

I was ecstatic, they laid him on me. What is that matter with his feet? They wisk him to the warmer and start rubbing and diapering him. They pick up the RED phone. I look at Drew and say they are using the red phone. Almost feeling like I am not really there, like this is joke that they would use the RED phone. It calls the NICU without them dialing, meaning something is wrong with my baby. They are not supposed to use the RED phone with my baby. He is perfect. I get distracted by the pain of delivering the placenta. Then a NICU person introduces herself and explains she is there because Kolby was born with club foot. No problem, very correctable and so forth. Oh and also, Kolby is having a little bit of difficulty breathing because he came out so fast and didn't get the extra squeeze as he came out.

We get moved to our room and the move Kolby to the nursery and say they will bring him in soon. I had already nursed him and he was doing great. Then after I get my percaset (love it!) the nurse tells me he has been moved to the NICU nursery because of his breathing. But he should be fine and I shouldn't worry. I fall asleep crying because my baby isn't in my room and he has club foot and what does that mean?

The next day, I spend mostly alone in my room. Kolby is in the NICU and I go down to hold him for awhile and nurse him but it is a little sad and scary in that room. They do let me change his diapers and I am feeling better.

Drew brings Sage to see me but he can't meet Kolby. The anticipated meeting is put off until the next day. One visitor. That is how many people came to meet Kolby at the hospital. One. Our associate pastor from church. He had to track me down in the NICU.

I had so many emotions. Kolby had an IV coming out his head and his feet are pointed the wrong way. I passed another new mom in the hallway and noticed her new baby all bundled up and I could only think about his perfect feet and how my sons feet aren't perfect.

6 months. So many changes. His feet, perfect. When he doesn't have his brace on, no one would know he was born with feet pointed the wrong way. He is perfect. So happy and smiley.

When he was in the NICU, they gave him a bottle. I didn't know until I went down to nurse him. The next time I tried nursing, he had a hard time. I thought that might be the end. And then told myself to try again next time. He latched on like a pro. I even had a lactation consultant sitting there and she felt unneeded.

6 months. So many changes. He nurses so fast sometimes I am sad he is done so quickly. He eats solids. 2 meals a day.

After his 3 day appointment, they said he wasn't gaining enough weight. He had to come back in a couple days to get re-weighed.

6 months. So many changes. He weighs 20+ pounds. And still growing.

6 months. It has flown by. Half a year.

Long Time, No Post

It has been awhile, I might forget how to do this. Oh, right, just write whatever personal information I want anyone on the internet to read. Got it, will do.

Drew surprised me with a laptop! It is an Apple iBook, green. It is really old but I have always wanted a laptop for some reason and now I have it! What do I do with a laptop? I don't know, it hasn't left the computer desk yet! But, in my defense it hasn't left because the battery will die within 5 minutes and honestly, what am I going to do in the living room with a computer? I guess I could blog...

We went to Boston! I love Boston. It is my new favorite city. NYC is out, Boston is in! It is so cool, historical and beautiful. We walked the freedom trail. We just drove in for the day so we will have to go back at least once if not twice or more. I love it.

Kolby is eating two meals a day. And he is fat. Not sleeping through the night, but he did roll over the other day when he had his brace off. He was laying on his stomache having tummy time and he was trying to look at Sage or something and his big ol' head helped him roll over. We were all there and clapped and cheered and his face looked confused and startled. And then he did it a second time! He tries to roll back to tummy but only with his brace on and that gets him stuck in the middle. When his brace is off, he is just so happy to kick his legs individually. I am counting down the days until his dr. appointment and he goes to wearing it only at night. It will be so much easier to be able to balance him on my hip. He has become Mr. Mellow. He is generally very happy and smiley unless of course i want to cook dinner or shower then he is demanding and wants to be held.

Sage is talking more, putting more words together. And is still as obsessed with music as ever. He sings all the time and plays his guitar or piano. He raises his hands and sings holy and hallelujah. He loves to watch this Cornerstone music dvd everyday. Mu ddd? He asks over and over and over and over again.

Drew has started school again. I don't even want to think about how many years he has been going to school. 21. Enough said. He needs to be done. 2 more years, including this one. So far, his schedule is pretty good. He generally leave by 7 or 8 and is home around 6. He does have quite a few evening things he has to attend. And those stink because they are during the dinner hour, ending around 7 or 7:30. That makes a long day at home with the kiddos for me. By the time he gets home I am starting baths or done and getting them ready for bed. But, he has been able to do homework during the day keeping the late evenings free to do some other work, oh and spend time with me.

I have not been getting out of the house as much lately and am okay with that. Kolby is getting to the age of 2 naps a day and I hate messing up his schedule. Probably because I am a freak and not because he seems to care. Again, he is a really easy baby. I have also started babysitting a 7 month old girl on Monday and Friday mornings and Monday afternoons. So far, I have only done it once for a morning and it went okay. We just hung out and played with toys and tried to keep all babies happy. Sage enjoys singing and entertaining and the stretches aren't too long, like 3 hours so it seems like it will be manageable.

Life is pretty routine right now. I don't have anything exciting or funny stories. Oh, Sage loves cheese. He saw Drew put it on his sandwich this morning and all morning asked for cheese. Finally, lunch time. I made him a ham and cheese sandwich and blueberries and put another slice of cheese on the side. He eats the cheese, blueberries and then looks at me. I said "Eat your sandwich." He takes off the top slice of bread, picks up the slice of ham and gasps when he sees a second slice of cheese! It's the little things in life.