Today, 6 Months Ago

I went to my 37 week ob appointment. I found out that I was dialated to 6cm and the head was low, so low. "Let's go over what to do if you deliver this baby at home." Said the midwife. I went over the basics and then thought, no way am I allowing that to happen. This baby needs to come out now. I went about my day. Sage took a nap. I laid on the chair and contractions started. Not hard, a little painful and so I started timing. They were sporadic and not too intense. I called Drew so he would be on guard. He came home at a normal time and we decided to go to the mall for dinner and a long walk. We called our friends to be on guard so we could drop Sage off with them. We decided to take him with us for dinner and a walk. As we walked, the contractions got more intense but I never needed to stop walking through them. I wasn't convinced this was real, we got in the car and drove toward our friends house. We called the hospital and they said come on in. I was convinced, worried and upset they would send us home. The contractions had become very irregular since getting in the car. Getting farther apart. They were 5 minutes apart. We got to the hospital, she checked me and said I can't send a woman home who is 7 cm dialated. We got all checked in, laughing and joking through paperwork and being hooked up to the monitor. I was having contractions, the monitor confirmed it. Phew. Then they went to break my water. The student midwife too her turn and I have to admit, it was painful and she didn't get it. So, the expert took over and whoosh came the water. I guess it was hard because the baby's head was so far down and she didn't want to snag his head. Thanks for that. And then the most intense contractions started almost immediatly. I was laying on the bed, still hooked up to the monitor and asked how long do I have to wear the monitor? 20 minutes to make sure the contractions are coming strong. Take it off, I can't stay on the bed. Shower? Yeah, let's try that. I get out of bed, making my way to the bathroom and decide against it. I sit in the rocker and rock back and forth back and forth finding a rythm. The student midwife stayed in the room to help or watch or whatever. She said to tell her when I felt like pushing. Pushing, I thought, I haven't been having contractions for long enough. Then the next contraction I said yeah I felt like pushing with that one. Back in to bed. The real midwife telling me I shouldn't have to push, this baby should slide right out. Then saying give me one push. I pushed. Then stopped. And yelled "I AM NOT PUSHING!!" But this baby was coming out. I could feel him coming out, moving his way down. From the time I said I wanted to push to Kolby coming out? 6 minutes. 6 painful minutes.

I was ecstatic, they laid him on me. What is that matter with his feet? They wisk him to the warmer and start rubbing and diapering him. They pick up the RED phone. I look at Drew and say they are using the red phone. Almost feeling like I am not really there, like this is joke that they would use the RED phone. It calls the NICU without them dialing, meaning something is wrong with my baby. They are not supposed to use the RED phone with my baby. He is perfect. I get distracted by the pain of delivering the placenta. Then a NICU person introduces herself and explains she is there because Kolby was born with club foot. No problem, very correctable and so forth. Oh and also, Kolby is having a little bit of difficulty breathing because he came out so fast and didn't get the extra squeeze as he came out.

We get moved to our room and the move Kolby to the nursery and say they will bring him in soon. I had already nursed him and he was doing great. Then after I get my percaset (love it!) the nurse tells me he has been moved to the NICU nursery because of his breathing. But he should be fine and I shouldn't worry. I fall asleep crying because my baby isn't in my room and he has club foot and what does that mean?

The next day, I spend mostly alone in my room. Kolby is in the NICU and I go down to hold him for awhile and nurse him but it is a little sad and scary in that room. They do let me change his diapers and I am feeling better.

Drew brings Sage to see me but he can't meet Kolby. The anticipated meeting is put off until the next day. One visitor. That is how many people came to meet Kolby at the hospital. One. Our associate pastor from church. He had to track me down in the NICU.

I had so many emotions. Kolby had an IV coming out his head and his feet are pointed the wrong way. I passed another new mom in the hallway and noticed her new baby all bundled up and I could only think about his perfect feet and how my sons feet aren't perfect.

6 months. So many changes. His feet, perfect. When he doesn't have his brace on, no one would know he was born with feet pointed the wrong way. He is perfect. So happy and smiley.

When he was in the NICU, they gave him a bottle. I didn't know until I went down to nurse him. The next time I tried nursing, he had a hard time. I thought that might be the end. And then told myself to try again next time. He latched on like a pro. I even had a lactation consultant sitting there and she felt unneeded.

6 months. So many changes. He nurses so fast sometimes I am sad he is done so quickly. He eats solids. 2 meals a day.

After his 3 day appointment, they said he wasn't gaining enough weight. He had to come back in a couple days to get re-weighed.

6 months. So many changes. He weighs 20+ pounds. And still growing.

6 months. It has flown by. Half a year.