***********Warning**************Breastfeeding*Post************************************************************************
I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. Actually, hate is too strong of a word. I usually like it, most of the time love it, especially while I am nursing. But sometimes, it hurts again, like a newborn is learning to nurse and everything has to get worked out hurt. Like he is latching wrong or lazily. And then my mind plays tricks on me like I can't leave Kolby EVER because he has to nurse and no one else can nurse him and aaaaaagggggghhhhh, too much pressure. But I love knowing that I can comfort him like no one else can. I love knowing that he is getting the best of what he needs. I love knowing that he is so chubby because of what I fed him. I love that is always with me, no bottle required to leave the house. I love the ease. I am tired of nursing him in public. He wants to look around too much and flash me to the world. I am tired of wearing nursing bras. And they are too big because I have shrunk again but I bought a new one, wrong size and the stupid company won't return a stupid email or a stupid phone call so now I have a stupid bra that doesn't stupid fit and I spent stupid money on it and the company is stupid. I am tired of always having to think about what I am wearing, where we are going and what will be easiest to nurse in and not flash the world my boob or my stretch marked stomache and side.
So, basically, I am selfish and selfishly tired of nursing and it is not all wonderful and happy. Some of it is stupid. And I am stupid and selfish. And so I must continue. I told myself that I would make it to one year, less than 4 months to go. Should I buy another stupid bra? Stupid company. Don't buy from breakoutbras.com, sure they give you free shipping but zero customer service. I should have dragged the boys to the store where they measure you and you pay more for it and you have to have an appointment but the bra would have fit. Lesson learned.
That could have been me writing that same post this time last year. Lucy was the same age and I loved it and hated it both. When we stopped at 11 months I wasn't sad...I don't know if that's bad, but it's just the way it was. When they start wanting to look around and you get dirty looks for flashing your boob you want to smack someone.
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you for doing the breastfeeding thing this long...