Pretend we're somewhere together, preferably comfortable like Starbucks with venti hot chocolates and we snagged the comfy chairs.
Or my living room. And all the kids are sleeping or at school. I like that better. I have homemade chocolate chip cookies and I can brew coffee or make hot chocolate. With marshmallows!
It's time to pick Kolby up from preschool, but I'm not picking him up because he isn't there. He has impetigo. So, we're home and it's the perfect day to be home. 50's, rainy and cold. I'm wearing my new comfy socks that I won at Bunco for losing the most games.
Except I dressed Annika like we were going to run errands and go to church tonight. So she looks cute. With a bow! I mean she's cute everyday even if she just wears pajamas, but today, I changed her out of her pajamas. And yes, somedays she stays in her jammies all day. And somedays I don't change her into clean jammies before I put here to bed.
My house is quiet. I made Kolby and Levi lay down for naps at 11. I wanted them to sleep so they will be awake to pick up Sage after school. And Annika fell asleep while I nursed her and I just laid her down.
I can say it's cold here. And I love it. I dressed all my kids in pants yesterday and today. I pray that this cooler weather stays and we aren't wearing shorts at Christmas.
Somedays I feel like I really suck at being a mom. Okay, a lot of days I think that. I am impatient more than patient. I am not slow to anger. It all comes back to selfishness. I want my house to stay picked up and looking clean. I don't want to wait for them to learn how to do something, I just do it myself because it's quicker. I constantly feel rushed even if we have a lot of time. I constantly feel like there is something I should be doing. Laundry. Picking up. Cleaning. Buying something. Someone usually needs something.
Even right now, I should be sweeping and mopping. Instead of writing.
Everyday, I pray for patience, calmness and to be filled with love. I pray that for the boys' teachers too. I pray it for the boys too.
And now, I can't think of anything else except that I should be sweeping, mopping, putting away laundry and picking up. I guess that's my cue to go. These opportunities are rare. I don't want to waste it. Or am I?
Wow! I think you could have written that second half about me...so true! I have really been working on and praying about not getting so frustrated with my kids and I feel like I've been failing even more.
ReplyDeleteI have to remind myself to sit down and play with them instead of finding something that needs to be done around the house and then taking time for myself when they do happen to nap at the same time.
glad i'm not alone!
ReplyDeletelove it.
ReplyDeleteohh! I just love it. It was pleasure reading your post! Thanks for the great share!
ReplyDeleteYou are so not alone with always feeling like you should be doing something else... or the impatience! I pray EVERY DAY for the fruits of the Spirit to be evident in my life, as well as for lots of wisdom and grace. And ever so slowly I'm starting to see a bit of progress - but it's taken a long time and a lot of apologies to my kids and a lot of praying to get here!
ReplyDeleteI think how you're feeling is normal for this stage of life... so accept it for what it is, and don't beat up on yourself :)
Donna from NZ
My friend and i were just talking about how we should be enjoying the moments with our kids instead of trying to get them to get out of the way so we can get to the laundry. Key word being should.
ReplyDeleteAnd, when I was teaching, a kid got sent home with impetigo. I asked the nurse what it was and she told me that the kid got it because his house was dirty, that only dirty neglected kids get it. I believed her.
Yeah. We've had it twice. So far. The dirtiest, nastiest thing about impetigo is that they get sent home from school and it takes a doctor trip and copay to make it go away.