Morning to Evening

Dinner is cleaned up. 

Lunches are packed for tomorrow.

Baths have been given.

Drew is putting the boys to bed after he rocked Annkia to sleep  (she hopefully will be waking up to eat once more).

And the house is quiet. 

Ahh.

I have moments of pure bliss.  The thought "I could have another one."  totally swims through my head.  Followed by, "I want to homeschool." 

Then, I have moments of "What in the heck am I doing?!  I can't handle these kids." 

The moments that I think what in heck are the moments when I'm a) trying to get something done (laundry, sweep the floor, etc) and keep getting interrupted or b) when I'm trying to do something for myself (like on the internet for myself, not go to the bathroom kind of thing). 

So, basically, when I put my kids and their needs first, I feel great and they feel great.  When I try to put my desires before their needs, we spiral downward.  Those are extreme statements but generally true. 

Does that make sense? 

There must be a deeper lesson that I am too tired to convey. 

This morning, I really wanted to go on a walk.  We took Kolby to school and then when we got home, I fed Annika and tried putting her back in her carseat to go in the stroller.  She got mad.  I put shoes on Levi.  She was still mad.  I got the stroller out of the van.  Still mad.  I loaded Levi in the stroller. Still mad.  I put her in the stroller.  Really angry.  We walked 100 feet and I turned around and came home.  Except I got mad.  Mad at the baby who wouldn't stop crying, mad because I wasn't getting to do what I wanted to do.  {Am I 2?! Don't answer that.} 

We got in the house, I took her out of her carseat and she instantly stopped crying.  I held her for a bit and then put her in her bouncy seat.  Where she proceeded to fall asleep.  Really, she couldn't have fallen asleep in the carseat in the stroller?  I had let it go by that point.  And I did get stuff done around the house.  So, there's that. 

After picking up Kolby from school, Levi had fallen asleep in the car and Annika had screamed the whole way there, while waiting in line and the whole way home.  She's persistent.  I got her out of her car seat and she instantly stopped crying (see a trend?).  Then I tried to get Levi out, except he wasn't waking up.  So, I had Annika in one arm and Levi in the other and an SUV slows way down and a lady hands me a business card and says "Maybe I help you?"  She's a cleaning lady.  Wonder why she thought I needed help!