He Needs Me

I change his diaper

He needs me

I bathe him

He needs me

I tickle his feet

I wipe off his sticky hands

He needs me

I lay him down for a nap

He sleeps

He cries

I lay down with him

He needs me

He snuggles his chin to mine

He needs me

He rests his arm on me

Alway touching me

He needs me

He sleeps

Again

I need him

I need to rest

We rest together

We need each other

Weaning rethought

Nursing isn't hurting as badly and so I have decided to forego the weaning process for now. I might still give Kolby a bottle or two everyday so that I can make sure I stay pain free. I missed it, it made me sad to be stopping. So, I decided why stop. He is doing great with going back and forth so I feel confident that we can keep this up longer.

I also learned that I might have been attaching him wrong. Did you know you are supposed to line up their nose with your nipple?

I'll leave you with that thought.

Poop stories

I got to go out last night and Drew fixed dinner and put the kids to bed. At dinner, Drew farted silently. Sage immediatly looks at him, points his arm and hand and says "Dada. Poopy. Bopper (diaper). Change. Now. Please!"

Also, yesterday afternoon Drew was home with the boys and he told Sage he was going to take a nap on Sage's bed with Kolby. Sage left the room, shut the door then peeked it back open and said "No talking!"

This morning, Sage was standing in the living room looking at a book, looked up, smiled big and said "Me fart!" followed by "Me poopy gain." Good morning to you too.

Boggled Thoughts

*************WARNING**************Breastfeeding talk*************

I have decided to wean Kolbs. Nursing started to hurt about a month ago. Just on one side and just for the first few minutes. I tried a couple different things like switching to a cotton bra and just getting through it. Then both sides started to hurt. Then it wasn't just for a few minutes, it was the whole feeding. I tried to go to a breastfeeding support group but they said I couldn't bring Sage. Thanks for the support! (that was sarcastic, if you didn't catch it) So, I just kept going on. And then the thought entered my mind, wean him. I didn't feel at peace about it and then I talked to my mom, husband and friends and they said, "You have done a great job, he is a very healthy baby, do what is best for you." Everyone is so supportive but I still don't feel right. I feel like I am giving up, quiting. He is fine. He takes the bottle. He gets excited when he sees me making it. And then I think maybe I should just keep nursing him. And then I nurse him again. And it hurts. And then I think I am doing the right thing. But, man, bottles are a pain. Making them, washing them, carting them around and the formula. Maybe I am just sad to let the nursing relationship end. I think I am doing the right thing. And then self-doubt comes back. Maybe I should just keep on and nurse through the pain. And then i nurse him and wince the whole time and wonder how long one baby needs to nurse anyway. So, I'm weaning. He takes 3 bottles a day and nurses twice right now, early morning and right before bed.

Also, Kolby is a punk. He still wakes up during the night. Some nights as many as 5 times, others just once. Sometimes, he just needs his passy and then he goes back to sleep but sometimes I have to rock him back to sleep. He eats between 4 and 5 am still. I am tired. 3 bedrooms would be nice...

Sage is so excited to fly on the pairplane and see everyone! Drew told him that he gets his own seat this time but he has to keep his seat belt buckled and that his ears might hurt. Later in the day, he said "Pairplane, ears hurt?" And covered both ears with his hands.

He has been asking to sit on the potty, runs to the bathroom and then doesn't want to. He has sat many times and produced nothing. He knows if he does, he will get m&m's. Today, he looked at me, yelled "POOPY!", ran to the bathroom, then yelled and ran out when I came in to help, then ran in again and wanted to sit on the potty. Do you think he hears voices?

When should kids start learning their colors? Sage thinks everything is red or black or geen. But rarely gets them right.

Sageisms Part 2

He will ask to ride the Nascar car at the mall everytime. Today I said yes and plugged in my dollar. If you have never seen this car, you pick a course and the car moves like it would if you were really racing it, so it tilts and shakes. As soon as it starts to tilt, Sage's eyes get big and the fear comes over his face. Then it starts to shake and the screams start and I can't get him out fast enough. I felt bad when he wouldn't get back in when it was all done because he was scared.

Whenever I am in the kitchen, he asks "What makin, mama?"

Foffee.

Yog. (yogurt)

If I leave my Dt. Coke glass out, he will always pick it up and try to drink that last dribble.

He takes his shoes and socks off in the car and doesn't care that the ground is cold when I make him walk from the garage to the house without them on. It is supposed to deter him from doing it next time, but it has happened 3 times.

At the mall, if I mean, when I walk in to the Gap, he says, "No yooking, mama!"

If the stroller stops and he deems it unnecessary, he says "Push me!"

Q: How can you make both boys cry at the same time?

A: Yell "Hip, Hip Hooray!" loudly.

You will see two chins quiver, four eyes fill with tears, two mouths drop open and hear two loud cries. Then you will see two parents laughing as they each reach for a little boy to comfort.

Conversation

Me: "Sage, what are you doing?"

Sage: "Umm, pickin nose."

Heavy Breathing

Incident relayed to me by my husband:

Drew, hearing noise coming from the boys room, sounding like Sage singing and talking to no one in particular, opens the door. The room is quiet, Sage is laying motionless in his bed. Drew walks over and says,

"Sage, no singing, talking or making noise."

Sage breathes heavily.

"Sage, if you talk, sing or make noise again, you will get in trouble."

Sage breathes heavily.

Drew stands silently, watching.

Sage's head moves slightly, his eyes slitting open, and quickly shut, more heavy breathing.

Drew covers Sage with the blanket, what he has termed 'the final test'*.

"Bankie off!"

*'the final test' refers to Sage's hatred of being covered with the blanket. He will only allow a sheet to cover him, if you violate these terms, he will let you know.

Baby vs. Puppy

Someone told me that a dog is harder than having children. Her reasoning? Because you can take kids with you everywhere you go. Hmm. A dog is easier than having a baby. After having thought about it, I wonder, should I be offended? I am a stay at home mom, to kids, a baby and a toddler. I don't have a dog, I am not a stay at home dog-carer. And would a dog be harder? I haven't owned my own dog as an adult yet. But we did have one as I grew up and I am going to say that taking care of kids, much harder than a dog. Here are my reasons.

1. A child, you have to shepherd their heart. A dog, you have to train them to pee and poop outside and not chew things.

2. A child, you have to take with you everywhere you go. It is illegal to leave them home caged up.

3. I wipe poop off their butts, enough said.

4. I make milk for them and let them suck it out of me, do you do that for your puppy?

This is just a small list, I am sure there are others that I can't think of right now. As I reread this, I am thinking, I can't believe I am even defending myself that children are harder to take care of than dogs.

Love-Hate

***********Warning**************Breastfeeding*Post************************************************************************


I have a love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. Actually, hate is too strong of a word. I usually like it, most of the time love it, especially while I am nursing. But sometimes, it hurts again, like a newborn is learning to nurse and everything has to get worked out hurt. Like he is latching wrong or lazily. And then my mind plays tricks on me like I can't leave Kolby EVER because he has to nurse and no one else can nurse him and aaaaaagggggghhhhh, too much pressure. But I love knowing that I can comfort him like no one else can. I love knowing that he is getting the best of what he needs. I love knowing that he is so chubby because of what I fed him. I love that is always with me, no bottle required to leave the house. I love the ease. I am tired of nursing him in public. He wants to look around too much and flash me to the world. I am tired of wearing nursing bras. And they are too big because I have shrunk again but I bought a new one, wrong size and the stupid company won't return a stupid email or a stupid phone call so now I have a stupid bra that doesn't stupid fit and I spent stupid money on it and the company is stupid. I am tired of always having to think about what I am wearing, where we are going and what will be easiest to nurse in and not flash the world my boob or my stretch marked stomache and side.

So, basically, I am selfish and selfishly tired of nursing and it is not all wonderful and happy. Some of it is stupid. And I am stupid and selfish. And so I must continue. I told myself that I would make it to one year, less than 4 months to go. Should I buy another stupid bra? Stupid company. Don't buy from breakoutbras.com, sure they give you free shipping but zero customer service. I should have dragged the boys to the store where they measure you and you pay more for it and you have to have an appointment but the bra would have fit. Lesson learned.

My God is so BIG!

Last Wednesday or Thursday, I can't remember, I decided that I needed to start praying that Kolby would roll over from his back to his front. It has been over a month since he got his bar off during the day and he was showing no signs of rolling over. The pediatrician said not to worry, she expected a delay because of the bar, but worry I did. So, I told God, I am worried about him not rolling and I am asking You with faith that only You can make this happen that Kolby will roll from his back to his tummy by next Friday the 19th. I wanted to ask for a specific time and something that would seem impossible to me. When Kolby would be laid down on his back, he would lay there and move his head to look around. It was like he didn't realize that the bar was off and his legs and feet could move. After I started praying Kolby started showing huge signs of improvement. He started to lift both his legs and play with his feet. Then he kind of started rolling toward his side. Last night, he was all the way on his side and just couldn't make it over. I knew God was doing this. I did however doubt God on Tuesday, I confessed it and went back to praying in faith.

This morning I laid him down on the floor while I changed Sage's diaper. And he immediatly rolled to his side and almost all the way over but got stuck on his arm, of course I started cheering, he whipped his head around and back to his back he went. I started crying because I knew today is the day. God is going to show himself to me. I asked and he is answering in a big way. After his morning nap, back to the floor he went. I didn't give him any toys but put them around him just out of his reach. He laid there and was content to just look around for about 10 minutes. Then he looked behind him, and rolled from his back to his tummy. Again, I started crying and cheering and Sage started cheering and we were yelling "Praise the Lord!" and he immediatly rolled to his back again!

Why is it that I can give total credit to God for this yet feel so silly doing so? I prayed, he answerd yes and now I feel silly that i prayed for that. It is just Satan trying to rob me of my joy in my God. My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there is nothing my God cannot do, for YOU!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 5 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Been thinking...

Never a good sign, I know!

I have been thinking about where we are going to be this summer. You see, Drew has to do an internship. It is looking like Minneapolis is out of the running. Not for sure, but looking that way. I realized that I was looking forward to an adventure for the summer. Something different. Going somewhere. Not staying here. I am ready for a change. And that got me thinking. I have always thought that I wanted Drew to graduate, get a job, move to Minneapolis and settle. Stay there for the rest of our lives. Stay put. Put down roots. Settle. Now, I wonder if I really want that. I kind of want to move somewhere else exciting, not back to the midwest. Am I always going to feel this way? Am I ever going to want to settle? Put down roots?

I grew up in the same city, we never even moved houses. I always assumed that is how I would want my family to be. And then we moved. And I have survived and come to like it! I like living here. Sure, there are still things I miss. Like Cornerstone and food prices. But I like living here. I like walking to Trinity, the grocery store, to vote and the park. I like Pepe's pizza. I love Pepe's pizza. It will be hard only having normal chain pizza.

My answer to both questions. I don't know. I don't know where we will be this summer or when Drew graduates but I know that I am not in control and that is good for now. I pray about it and talk to God about my desires and dreams, but ultimatly, it isn't up to me and that makes me feel...peaceful, at ease, I can only pray about it and it will work out how it is supposed to. It is that easy!

Swimming Lessons

I have always said that my kids were going to take swimming lessons very young. I don't want them to be afraid of the water and I want them to know how to swim. I love swimming. I swam competitively while growing up and it is a great sport and a great life skill.

Sage has yet to take a lesson. Not for the lack of trying. It seems that lessons are either very expensive or for older children, like 4, when fear of the water has already set in. My only hope is open swims. Saturdays from 11 - 2. Already this Saturday, we have a conflict, a birthday party and next Saturday, Drew is going to be gone, so no one to watch Kolby. Frustrating.

Sageisms

Sage says pairplane for airplane. Tonight, Drew decided to teach him to say airplane. Now he says airpairplane.

I tried to teach him the other day that what state we live in. I told him we live in Connecticut and he said, "No, pairplane."

He now describes things as "Neat!"

Tonight, Drew was taking Sage to pick up a pizza and I stood back and said, "bye, have fun" and he ran back down the hall with his arms outstretched and said "Tiss, mama."

He gives the best kisses at bedtime. I lean down and he wraps his little arm around my head and holds my head into his lips and gives me a smack, smack, smack. And I have to pry myself away from his grasp or the smacks would continue indefinitly.

"Tornertone!" He watches a dvd from Cornerstone almost daily and then later will get his toy guitar and point to himself and say "Me, Wally." And he will sing and raise his hands in the air.

Consequently, he prays for Wally almost everyday at lunch or bedtime and sometimes both!

And he asks/tells me everday, Tornertone, Iowa?! He is looking forward to attending Cornerstone when we visit!

He is getting sassy and will talk back. One day I told him he was being sassy and right on que, he looked at me and yelled "Sassy!"

He calls yogurt, yog.

He finally added ton to but. For a long time a button was a butt!

He is learning to say "May I be excused, please?"

Bootball!!! (football) He always wants to watch bootball on tv. And he loves to sit on the touch and eat a nat. (snack)

Baball hoop. He spots them everywhere while we are driving or walking. And he makes buckets, laundry baskets, or containers into his hoops during the day. He shoots with whatever ball he finds first, even if it is a football. When he misses, he says "Ohhhh, miss!"

He will tirelessly throw a football down the hall, laugh, run and get it and throw it the other way.

He can catch! Once every fifteen times and if the ball hits him squarely in the chest, but a catch is a catch!

Ebay is stupid.

I have been using ebay for a couple of years. I like selling stuff that I don't need and buying stuff I do, or sometimes, don't need. I have had good experiences with buyers and sellers. Until I decided to buy some cloth wipes. This was an impulse buy. I looked them up and bid on the first auction because it was ending SOON and there were NO bidders! I won and then felt stupid because I paid way too much for used wipes. Which, I still haven't used. Anyway, they took ffffoooorrrreeeevvveeerrr to arrive. I actuall emailed the seller and asked when I would receive them and I had waited a while because, let's remember, I felt stupid for buying them. Bring on the sob story. Her mother in law is sick and dying. I totally get that and empathize. And I don't really care that the package is taking fffooorrreeevvveeerrr to arrive, I just want to make sure I am actually getting something that I have already paid for. Oh, I forgot to mention that right after the auction, she contacted me to see if I wanted another burp cloth, and would I pay more for that one too. Umm, no, I don't want another burp cloth, thanks, I have more than I use since Kolby has practically stopped spitting up. So, the package arrives and everything is as it should be. Does she deserve positive feedback? Not in my book. Communication on her end was not great. Remember when she contacted me and asked if I wanted to pay her more money for more of the same product I had already bought from her? She didn't mention her ailing grandmother and a slow shipping schedule. Then I didn't hear from her until after I had received the item and I noticed the date sent was the day after I had emailed. Coincidense? I doubt it. And then she was asking if I had received and could I leave positive feedback. Now, to her credit, she did offer to mail me some more burp cloths (Again, no thanks) or if I wanted, she could refund some money for shipping charges. She only offered, she put the ball in my court. I replied saying that the transaction hadn't been the best I had on ebay and thought leaving no feedback was better than leaving someone neutral. It wasn't horrible, just slow, confusing and I felt slightly lied to. I don't think she has been honest in her dealings with me. I just got a lengthy reply about the mother in law having less than a month, dealing with lawyers and I forgot the other part of the sob story, she sells things on ebay for her daughters astronimical tuition which her friend is now doing for her, bless her heart. And she mentioned that she hasn't told many fellow ebayers about her mom in law but the few she has, have been so understanding and nice (cough,cough, you haven't, jerk) So, my few readers, what do I do? Ignore it and hope it goes away? Reply and ask for a refund and offer positive feedback or stick to my guns and reply and say sorry, charlie. I mean all this for one stupid positive feedback. Go sit by your mother in law, talk to your husband and kids, there are bigger things in life than this stupid positive feedback! And that is why ebay is stupid.

But I am so addicted, this won't deter me! I wonder if anyone is selling...

I don't get it.

I don't get abortion. I don't get why it is legal. I don't get why parents would not want to know that there teenage daughter is pregnant and making a hard decision. I was reading a blog, www.citymama.typepad.com and she wrote about Prop 85, something that is being voted on only in California, at least this particular Prop. What it boils down to is this, "it would prohibit California teens from getting an abortion until 48 hours after their parents have been notified." And I am thinking, this would be a bad thing because??? According to citymama, it would be bad because "If your daughter came to you and told you she was pregnant, perhaps you'd be supportive and try to help her figure out next steps. But think about teens that live in households with violence, rape, incest or abuse. Prop 85 puts those teens in danger. Passing Prop 85 will not instantly make their family situations better. No law can mandate family communication."

What about the families that don't have violence, rape, incest or abuse and the daughter is ashamed, scared of her parents reaction, sad, or disappointed?

And how many of the 1.3 million cases of abortion each year are because of incest or rape? "On average, women give at least 3 reasons for choosing abortion: 3/4 say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about 2/3 say they cannot afford a child; and 1/2 say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner (AGI)" (www.abort73.com)

The 3 reasons that women give for choosing abortion? They can be answered with one word. Adoption.

I found my facts on abort73.com. Warning, it is graphic.

First Haircut, Finally!

First, Kolby the pumpkin, so he doesn't feel left out! This pic and the one below of Sage are their Halloween costumes.


Before and the reason, I got it cut, at the Halloween party, another mom that I had just met said, "She has beautiful hair."


Sage was not a fan of putting the cape on, once I bribed him with a cookie and got his hands out from under it, we were good to go!


One side done.


Raphael cutting Sage's hair.


After


Sage and mommy

I'm so proud.

Kolby slept from 8pm to 5:55am. What more is there to say? And at 5:55, he didn't eat, but got his passy, came to my bed (long story*) and went back to sleep until 7:30.

*WARNING! This will be too many dumb details that you probably don't care about but for some reason, I feel the need to explain, so if you continue reading, just remember, you were warned!

We have a 2 bedroom apartment, making it difficult to sleep train Kolby without disturbing anyone. Kolby and Sage share a room but for the past 5 nights, I have been putting Kolby down in our room in the pack-n-play and then we move him into the hallway for him to sleep the rest of the night so when he wakes up, he can't see us. Last night was no different, he slept soundly in the hallway but at 5:55 when he woke up (after sleeping all night, did i mention that;) Drew was about to get up, I debated about what to do but did our normal routine, rocked him with his passy and laid him back down. At 6:15 when Drew got up, he wasn't back asleep yet and when Drew walked out of our room and passed him without acknowledging him, that made Kolby very sad, so I got him, his passy and his cute puppy blankie (thanks Joyce!) and brought him to my bed where he laid next to me, sucking his passy, clutching his puppy, holding my hand and fell back asleep until 7:30!

Someday maybe I will write about other things than my kids sleep patterns! But, it is oh so important to me right now!

Sleep Training

Remember how gung-ho I was on Wednesday? Yeah, well we didn't have such a great night. I forget that his shots affect him a lot. He gets a low grade fever and his legs are so sore, he groans every time you touch him or move him. He went to bed fine and then from 10 - 11:30 he cried out every 20 minutes for 1 or 2 minutes. Then at 11:30, full on crying. I went to comfort and nurse him and he was again really hot. I gave him Tylenol and tried to nurse him but he didn't really want to. He was however, wide awake. I sat up with him from 11:30 - 2 am and then his fever broke and I put him in the magic swing. He fell asleep almost instantly and slept until 5. Then nursed and slept until 8:15.

Thursday night, he went to bed like normal also. And then at 9 woke up and didn't want to comfort nurse or be rocked, was just wide awake until 11. Finally, he nursed and I was able to lay him down. Sometime he woke up, and I waited until he was full on crying and then picked him up and gave him his passy. He took it and i rocked him and he fell back to sleep within 10 minutes and slept until 7:30. So that was about 8 hours without nursing.

Last night, he was so exhausted he barely nursed (I had to pump because he hadn't nursed well all day and I was so full). And immediatly fell asleep at 8 pm. At 1:30, he woke up and I got him pretty quickly because he was in the boys room with Sage and moved him to the living room and the awaiting pack-n-play. I put his blanket bag on him and gave him his passy and laid him back down. 10 minutes later, he was crying but hadn't been full-on crying, I decided to get him and rock him with his passy. He seemed wide awake just looking around but not at all like he wanted to nurse. He was perfectly content in my arms with his passy. I laid him back down and he talked and cried for about 10 minutes and I went out and gave him his passy again and he must have fallen asleep!

At 6 am, Sage woke up crying and I went to comfort him and groggily realized it had been 10 hours since Kolbs last nursing. And immediatly went back to bed. A little before 8 this morning I hear Kolby talking all happy in his pack-n-play. That is my story. Now, if we can get to a point where I just have to give him his passy and he goes back to sleep and then doesn't wake up at all!

Pretty boring post, but that is how it is going around our house. I decided that the bottle of water idea was stupid because that would probably just make him mad. He doesn't normally take a bottle and I would like him to think of it as something that he can get food from if I am not around. So, the passy is working for us, for now!

Sage gives Kolbs kisses


Kolby discovers his tongue!


Sleep Kolby


Rockstar Sage


Sage at the park

7 month Check Up

Kolby had his 6 month check up today, at 7 months. Good news, his weight is back on the charts! 97% at 24lbs. 9oz. Length was 27 3/4 inches at the 25%. Short and fat. He is doing great. She (Dr. Ann) suggested that he doesn't need to eat in the night anymore. I have known that he probably doesn't need to but am struggling with how to get him to sleep through. I admit that I haven't really tried... except for the one night that I forgot to turn on the monitor. Did I mention that was the one night we had friends in town who were sleeping on our living room floor. Drew and I didn't hear a thing, they however heard a lot. Kolby usually wakes up anywhere from midnight to 3am and I hear him cooing and talking, not crying. I go get him because he and Sage share a room and I would rather deal with one awake baby, not a baby and a toddler. Well, this particular night, Kolby woke up and then started screaming at some point (I assume he had been awake for a little while and was wondering why no one came to get him) then Sage woke up to Kolby screaming. Naturally, Sage thought it would be helpful to yell at Kolby. "Holby, no, Holby, nigh-night." When that didn't work, it was "MOMMA" And when that didn't work, alternating back and forth until Kolby fell back asleep. A little while later, Kolby cried out again but not as long and apparently Sage slept through that one. At 6:39am I woke up and rolled over and processed the time. "Kolby slept through the night!" Then I instinctively checked the monitor channel and heard a screaming baby. I felt awful. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't known the details to the middle of the night cry/yell fest. I am sure the elephants upstairs loved that night!

All that to say, Dr. Ann suggested giving Kolby a bottle of water instead of nursing him. That will discourage him to wake up because it isn't as comforting or as yummy. In my mind, I am resolved to start tonight. I am going to move the pack-n-play into the living room and when he awakes I will give him the bottle of water and then his passy and his blanky and put him in the pack-n-play. Hopefully, my resolve will be so strong at bed time and again in the middle of the night. I really need some sleep. Especially when Kolby thinks 5:30 is a good time to wake up for the day and my sweet hubby thinks 6 is a good time to have the alarm go off. So, after I nurse Kolby and I think he is finally settling down in his pack-n-play in our room, the alarm goes off causing him to wake up. Then I get him out and snuggle him in our bed, again more nursing, sweet hubby decides to open bedroom door and let light stream in so he can find his shoes or whatever. So, we are up for good. Not that I have slept since 5:30 and I am sobbing. I rock Kolby for awhile and then put him in the magic swing. I hop in the shower for a long hot shower and prayer time asking for help and being reminded of a song about my soul resting in the Lord, and Kolbs is asleep in the magic swing. A cup of coffee* later and all is okay with the world.

Why is it when I try to take a nap during the afternoon, I receive 3 phone calls and one package? I didn't answer the phone, but the door, I couldn't ignore. I never get calls. Such is life. I did get rest and maybe that is all I needed.


*When I say coffee, I mean chocolate coffee with 4 scoops of hot chocolate and french vanilla creamer mmmm good. They are called Kristychinos around our house.

Almost Embarrassing & Other Random Thoughts

Tonight Drew, Sage, Kolby and I were in Target getting some groceries. Sage is in the cart and Drew is pushing him. Sage says "Dada, poopoo." Drew had farted! No one heard. Drew even had to tell me. Someday, I hope Sage uses that to embarrass Drew and not me!

Kolby is enjoying life without his brace. I worry that his leg strength is weak and behind. We have a dr. appointment in 2 weeks so I will talk to the pediatrician about it then. He doesn't roll at all when he is on his back. One time, he rolled to his side on his back but I haven't seen him do it since. I worry that I don't give him enough time to play on the floor. Like today, he didn't play on the floor at all. He was in the exersauser for a little bit and I think that is helping his leg muscles some. But then we were at a park and then McDonalds and then he was either sleeping, nursing or being held the rest of the day and evening. We went out to eat and I held him and then we were at Target and he was in the Ergo. My prayer is that he gets on track devolpmentally. Nights have not been so easy with the shoes. He doesn't seem to mind getting them put back on and will fall asleep okay but then he will wake up, usually twice and then settle down for the night around 10 but that is with me nursing or at least rocking him for a good bit. Of course, once I think I have him figured out, he will do something entirely different. When do babies not need to nurse in the night? Kolby still wakes up once and sometimes twice. I am tired. When can I sleep again? Seriously, I am doing good if I get 4 hours in a row. And that is only once a night.

In other news, I bought a new camera with my babysitting money. I sound like i am 14. I should get it next week. A Canon SD70 IS. Go ahead, google it. It is really cool. It has image stabilization which means, Sage can be running around and the picture does not come out fuzzy or out of focus. When I get it, I will post pictures of all the cool things it can do. Next up on my babysitting purchase list. Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers.

I realize that I haven't talked about cloth diapering in a while. I did it for a while then we went on vacation in July and when we got back, I had a hard time starting again. Kolby had outgrown the covers that I had for him and I didn't want to put more money into cloth diapers. Finally, I did and I am so glad. The more I read, the more I am convinced of health benefits and environmental benefits. And honestly, it is so easy. I wash diapers every other day. I do them at night, which sometimes causes me stay up a little too late. I don't have a wet pail of stinky diapers in my bathroom, in fact, they have never stunk. I love not buying diapers again and again. I love that if I need diapers, I am just a load of laundry away. I don't love the diaper that I have. I have fitted diapers which means I don't fold them but they do need a cover. I don't like changing his wet diaper and putting said wet diaper on the floor until I put a clean one on and reclothe him and then pick up wet diaper and carry it to the bathroom to put in the pail. Which is why I want to purchase Fuzzi Bunz! They are a pocket cloth diaper. Which means, that I will stuff the absorbant part into the cover. So, when I change him, it is one step like a disposable except I don't throw it away, I shake out the liner, wash it, stuff it and reuse it. Now, I don't think disposables are awful or that people that use them are awful, I just like cloth for me and mine, for today.

Cute pics

What I see in my kid rear view mirror. So sweet. Yes, I took this while driving and no, I caused no accidents...yet. However, this scene is not so sweet when Sage is yanking on Kolby's hand yelling "Holby, wake!" But I want to remember the sweet times.

Kolby and Sage. We were trying to take a picture of Kolby learning to sit up and Sage jumped right in!

"Perfect Feet"

Picture of Kolby, Dr. Thomson and Sage


And that is a direct quote from Dr. Thomson regarding Kolby's feet.

He also said that his feet might be pointed out a little too far now. I didn't ask but he didn't say that is a problem. He did change the setting. Originally they were pointed 70 degrees out, now they are 60. Kolby has to wear them at night still and Monday, Wed, and Friday naps. The naps are more so Kolby stays used to wearing them. The last couple of days he has done really well. He is enjoying being on his stomache more and rolling a little more. He doesn't know exactly what he is doing yet so doesn't do it every time. He rolled to his side when he was on his back the other day which he has never done before. Perfect feet!

Sage vs. The Duvet Cover

Sage got stuck in his duvet cover. He pulled part of the blanket out and then climbed in the hole. He was supposed to be sleeping. He started crying and I listened for a minute then decided that I should check on him. He was starting to cry pretty hard. I opened the door and tried to let my eyes adjust to the dark. I saw a form with a blanket over it and assumed that the blanket was over his head so I started pulling but it wouldn't move. I figured out that he was inside and turned the light out and got him out. I laughed just a little. Then Kolby started crying because we had woken him up. I retucked Sage in, Kolby fell back asleep and now Sage is talking to himself.

I guess I will get out his quilt instead of the duvet cover!

Why I am Not Up for Mother of the Year

I forgot to nurse Kolby this morning.

I got him out of bed, took him to the bathroom with me, got a cover for his diaper, went to the bathroom, took him back to the changing area, changed his diaper and put his clothes on. We went out to the dining room and I put him in the swing and I went downstairs to start a load of laundry and put the diapers in the dryer. I came back up and got Sage milk and eventually breakfast, made Drew and me hot chocolate, and sat down to eat with Sage. Kolby started fussing so I picked him up while I ate. He stopped fussing. I thought he seemed interested in my oatmeal and watching Sage and I eat. Then I put Boz on for Sage to watch while I showered and decided to be a good mom and not put my 6 month old in front of the tv...today. I put him in the bouncy seat in the doorway of the bathroom. When I got out of the shower, he started fussing. I picked him up. He stopped. Fast forward through 2 more loads of laundry, washing dishes, Kolby going down for a nap that he seemed to fuss longer than normal before he fell asleep, the 7 month old getting to our house, me finishing dishes, and laundry, feeding the 7 month old food and then finally then at 11, I realized I had yet to nurse Kolby. Last time I nursed him you wonder? 3:45am.

What kind of horrible mother forgets to nurse her sweet baby? ME! I totally and completly forgot. And you know what I really wonder, why can he go 7 hours during the day and not at night?

A Rare Moment

I have the house to myself! I folded laundry, made dinner, washed dishes and now get to blog!

Drew took the boys to the park, Sage riding his trike and Kolbs in the stroller. When I say riding his bike I mean, pushing with his legs as fast as he can go. Yesterday, he did use the pedals for about 50 feet. But he can go faster the other way. And then he threw a fit because he didn't want to get off the bike to walk across the street and he had to walk home. Crying all the way, still wearing his helmet while I pushed the stroller and carried the trike. Fun times.

One week and two days and Kolby will be brace free during the day. I won't have to answer questions anymore! I won't have to ignore peoples stares and pointing. I won't have to talk nicely to people who ask why he is wearing roller skates. And hopefully, Kolby will start to move! Roll and get around the floor.

And dinner is done and they are home...

A New Day

Today is a new day, a new day that the Lord has made and we can be glad.

The weather makes me glad, it is turning cool and fall like. Jeans and jackets come out of the closet but flip flops and sandals stay out. Soon, it will be time to replace them with shoes...

2 weeks from tomorrow and Kolby will be able to wear real shoes, shoes without a bar! Now to find some cute shoes to celebrate! I am so excited to balance him on my hip and wear him in the Ergo as much as possible. I am excited for him to get stregth in his legs and start to roll both ways... I am excited to see what he does with his new freedom.

Drew's birthday is Thursday and I already have a babysitter lined up so he and I can go to dinner! That is also exciting and makes me glad.

I Remember

September 11, 2001.

I was in my fifth and final year of college. I lived in an apartment with two other girls. I got ready for my 9:00 class and started to leave, my neighbor next door whom I had said hi to a couple of times opened her front door as I was locking mine. She asked if I had been watching the news. I replied no. She explained how a plane flew into the world trade center. I went back into my apartment and started to watch tv. I didn't know what to do, go to class, stay home or drive the two hours to my parents. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn't even know what the Twin Towers were. I didn't even realize the extent of what was happening. I lived in the middle of Iowa and hadn't ever been to NYC. I decided I better go to class but called home on my way. I asked my dad what I should do and he calmly replied to go to class, he was sure everything would be okay, it was just a scary time.

In my first class the mood was somber and the professor announced that the Twin Towers had fallen. Somehow, we all got through the lecture.

I was desperate to find a tv. In the Union of the campus they had set up a projector and screen and were airing the news. I watched horrified. I was surrounded by so many people and didn't know anyone in the room or anyone that lived in NYC but we were all shocked. The gravity of the situation was starting to sink in.

I went to my nannying job that afternoon and didn't watch tv again because of the kids. That night my church held a prayer service but I didn't go. The parents of the family that I nannied for went and I stayed with the kids. I remember feeling so alone and sad. I felt so alone all day surrounded by so many people who were hurting and scared and I didn't reach out to anyone.

I have always regretted not going to the prayer service. Instead, I fed 5 kids dinner and put them to bed.

Since moving to the East Coast, I have had the opportunity to visit the World Trade Center site three times. Every time is powerful and emotional. I can't hold back the tears. I don't hold back the tears. The last time I visited they had photos displayed of the scene unfolding. I walked in front of Sage so he couldn't see the terrifying photos. And then I came to one of a little girl, probably 3 or 4, on a mans shoulders and someone had placed a respirator over her face. Probably to protect her from the air, but also it protected her from seeing the horrifying images that she was living in.

I will not forget 9/11 or the people that died.

Today, 6 Months Ago

I went to my 37 week ob appointment. I found out that I was dialated to 6cm and the head was low, so low. "Let's go over what to do if you deliver this baby at home." Said the midwife. I went over the basics and then thought, no way am I allowing that to happen. This baby needs to come out now. I went about my day. Sage took a nap. I laid on the chair and contractions started. Not hard, a little painful and so I started timing. They were sporadic and not too intense. I called Drew so he would be on guard. He came home at a normal time and we decided to go to the mall for dinner and a long walk. We called our friends to be on guard so we could drop Sage off with them. We decided to take him with us for dinner and a walk. As we walked, the contractions got more intense but I never needed to stop walking through them. I wasn't convinced this was real, we got in the car and drove toward our friends house. We called the hospital and they said come on in. I was convinced, worried and upset they would send us home. The contractions had become very irregular since getting in the car. Getting farther apart. They were 5 minutes apart. We got to the hospital, she checked me and said I can't send a woman home who is 7 cm dialated. We got all checked in, laughing and joking through paperwork and being hooked up to the monitor. I was having contractions, the monitor confirmed it. Phew. Then they went to break my water. The student midwife too her turn and I have to admit, it was painful and she didn't get it. So, the expert took over and whoosh came the water. I guess it was hard because the baby's head was so far down and she didn't want to snag his head. Thanks for that. And then the most intense contractions started almost immediatly. I was laying on the bed, still hooked up to the monitor and asked how long do I have to wear the monitor? 20 minutes to make sure the contractions are coming strong. Take it off, I can't stay on the bed. Shower? Yeah, let's try that. I get out of bed, making my way to the bathroom and decide against it. I sit in the rocker and rock back and forth back and forth finding a rythm. The student midwife stayed in the room to help or watch or whatever. She said to tell her when I felt like pushing. Pushing, I thought, I haven't been having contractions for long enough. Then the next contraction I said yeah I felt like pushing with that one. Back in to bed. The real midwife telling me I shouldn't have to push, this baby should slide right out. Then saying give me one push. I pushed. Then stopped. And yelled "I AM NOT PUSHING!!" But this baby was coming out. I could feel him coming out, moving his way down. From the time I said I wanted to push to Kolby coming out? 6 minutes. 6 painful minutes.

I was ecstatic, they laid him on me. What is that matter with his feet? They wisk him to the warmer and start rubbing and diapering him. They pick up the RED phone. I look at Drew and say they are using the red phone. Almost feeling like I am not really there, like this is joke that they would use the RED phone. It calls the NICU without them dialing, meaning something is wrong with my baby. They are not supposed to use the RED phone with my baby. He is perfect. I get distracted by the pain of delivering the placenta. Then a NICU person introduces herself and explains she is there because Kolby was born with club foot. No problem, very correctable and so forth. Oh and also, Kolby is having a little bit of difficulty breathing because he came out so fast and didn't get the extra squeeze as he came out.

We get moved to our room and the move Kolby to the nursery and say they will bring him in soon. I had already nursed him and he was doing great. Then after I get my percaset (love it!) the nurse tells me he has been moved to the NICU nursery because of his breathing. But he should be fine and I shouldn't worry. I fall asleep crying because my baby isn't in my room and he has club foot and what does that mean?

The next day, I spend mostly alone in my room. Kolby is in the NICU and I go down to hold him for awhile and nurse him but it is a little sad and scary in that room. They do let me change his diapers and I am feeling better.

Drew brings Sage to see me but he can't meet Kolby. The anticipated meeting is put off until the next day. One visitor. That is how many people came to meet Kolby at the hospital. One. Our associate pastor from church. He had to track me down in the NICU.

I had so many emotions. Kolby had an IV coming out his head and his feet are pointed the wrong way. I passed another new mom in the hallway and noticed her new baby all bundled up and I could only think about his perfect feet and how my sons feet aren't perfect.

6 months. So many changes. His feet, perfect. When he doesn't have his brace on, no one would know he was born with feet pointed the wrong way. He is perfect. So happy and smiley.

When he was in the NICU, they gave him a bottle. I didn't know until I went down to nurse him. The next time I tried nursing, he had a hard time. I thought that might be the end. And then told myself to try again next time. He latched on like a pro. I even had a lactation consultant sitting there and she felt unneeded.

6 months. So many changes. He nurses so fast sometimes I am sad he is done so quickly. He eats solids. 2 meals a day.

After his 3 day appointment, they said he wasn't gaining enough weight. He had to come back in a couple days to get re-weighed.

6 months. So many changes. He weighs 20+ pounds. And still growing.

6 months. It has flown by. Half a year.

Long Time, No Post

It has been awhile, I might forget how to do this. Oh, right, just write whatever personal information I want anyone on the internet to read. Got it, will do.

Drew surprised me with a laptop! It is an Apple iBook, green. It is really old but I have always wanted a laptop for some reason and now I have it! What do I do with a laptop? I don't know, it hasn't left the computer desk yet! But, in my defense it hasn't left because the battery will die within 5 minutes and honestly, what am I going to do in the living room with a computer? I guess I could blog...

We went to Boston! I love Boston. It is my new favorite city. NYC is out, Boston is in! It is so cool, historical and beautiful. We walked the freedom trail. We just drove in for the day so we will have to go back at least once if not twice or more. I love it.

Kolby is eating two meals a day. And he is fat. Not sleeping through the night, but he did roll over the other day when he had his brace off. He was laying on his stomache having tummy time and he was trying to look at Sage or something and his big ol' head helped him roll over. We were all there and clapped and cheered and his face looked confused and startled. And then he did it a second time! He tries to roll back to tummy but only with his brace on and that gets him stuck in the middle. When his brace is off, he is just so happy to kick his legs individually. I am counting down the days until his dr. appointment and he goes to wearing it only at night. It will be so much easier to be able to balance him on my hip. He has become Mr. Mellow. He is generally very happy and smiley unless of course i want to cook dinner or shower then he is demanding and wants to be held.

Sage is talking more, putting more words together. And is still as obsessed with music as ever. He sings all the time and plays his guitar or piano. He raises his hands and sings holy and hallelujah. He loves to watch this Cornerstone music dvd everyday. Mu ddd? He asks over and over and over and over again.

Drew has started school again. I don't even want to think about how many years he has been going to school. 21. Enough said. He needs to be done. 2 more years, including this one. So far, his schedule is pretty good. He generally leave by 7 or 8 and is home around 6. He does have quite a few evening things he has to attend. And those stink because they are during the dinner hour, ending around 7 or 7:30. That makes a long day at home with the kiddos for me. By the time he gets home I am starting baths or done and getting them ready for bed. But, he has been able to do homework during the day keeping the late evenings free to do some other work, oh and spend time with me.

I have not been getting out of the house as much lately and am okay with that. Kolby is getting to the age of 2 naps a day and I hate messing up his schedule. Probably because I am a freak and not because he seems to care. Again, he is a really easy baby. I have also started babysitting a 7 month old girl on Monday and Friday mornings and Monday afternoons. So far, I have only done it once for a morning and it went okay. We just hung out and played with toys and tried to keep all babies happy. Sage enjoys singing and entertaining and the stretches aren't too long, like 3 hours so it seems like it will be manageable.

Life is pretty routine right now. I don't have anything exciting or funny stories. Oh, Sage loves cheese. He saw Drew put it on his sandwich this morning and all morning asked for cheese. Finally, lunch time. I made him a ham and cheese sandwich and blueberries and put another slice of cheese on the side. He eats the cheese, blueberries and then looks at me. I said "Eat your sandwich." He takes off the top slice of bread, picks up the slice of ham and gasps when he sees a second slice of cheese! It's the little things in life.

Big Changes

So, I haven't posted in a while. We went camping last weekend, we had so much fun and both the boys did awesome sleeping in the tent. One afternoon we all laid down in the tent for a nap!

Big Change 1: Kolby now sleeps in the crib in "the boys room". Sometimes Sage wakes up when Kolby cries out letting me know it is time to eat and says "Holby, ssshhhh." His voice is the I am sooo annoyed with you right now, voice. And Kolby usually cries louder because it startles him!

Big Change 2: Drew started school today. 2 more years, 2 more years, that is my almost daily chant.

Big Change 3: Kolby is eating solids. I started him about a week ago and he is doing great! After his first meal was done, he cried. That was a pretty good sign that he was ready.

Big Change 4: Kolby is in the big boy car seat, no more infant carrier. His weight wouldn't allow it! Grocery shopping and errands are a bit trickier. I carry Kolbs in my Ergo and Sage sits in the cart. It is kind of a pain since when we get there I have to take Kolby's shoes off and then put him in the carrier so that he can have his shoes off some other part of the day also.

Sage gets annoyed with Kolby on a regular basis. For example, if Kolby's leg drifts toward Sages when they are in the stroller, Sage yells "Holby, no touch you!" Or if Kolby's hand drops over the edge of his car seat and happens to touch a toy of Sages that was not previously being played with or even cared that it was there he yells "Holby, no!" Now Sage has been kicked by Kolby in the stroller while Kolby was wearing his bar so he probably is a little extra sensitive. And since I have been on the receiving end of those kicks, I can understand why he is extra careful! I do have bruises on my legs.

I have a new friend, actually lots of new friends! But one, I really click with. She is down to earth and has a nine month old little boy. We plan on swapping kids and getting together as often as possible! And we relate to each other really easily.

God is so good, he is moving our best friends that we had here away and he immediatly filled the gaping hole that they would have left.

I went to a partners lunch for Drew's school today and the one comment that sticks in my head is "Remember it will get better, fall semester is really tough on these students." 2 more years, 2 more years, 2 more years. And "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Actually, I will be leaning more on Him and He will drag me through!

First Meme

ABC's from Rachie

A is for age:
27

B is for booze of choice:
vodka or rum, anything that mixes to make a sweet drink

C is for career:
stay at home mom, assistant property manager (seems like a long, long time ago)

D is for your dog's name:
no dog yet, but someday Corbu after the architect Le Corbusier

E is for essential items you use/love everyday:
computer, mascara

F is for favorite song(s) at the moment: "Flip Flops" by Paul Wright

G is for favorite games:
peek a boo

H is for hometown:
I'm paranoid about internet stalkers

I is for instruments you play:
none, I wish piano and violin or fiddle

J is for jam or jelly you like:
raspberry jam

K is for kids:
Sage, 2 and Kolby 5 months

L is for last kiss:
Gave: Sage Received: Drew

M is for most admired trait:
integrity

N is for name of your crush:
Drew

O is for overnight hospital stays:
having Sage, having Kolby, stayed with Kolby while he was being observed after falling off the bed at 2 months old

P is for phobias:
snakes

Q is for quotes you like: "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

R is for biggest regret:

comparing myself to others, not being comfortable in my skin, but getting better

S is for sweets of your choice:

chocolate

T is for time you wake up:
7:00

U is for underwear:
Victoria's Secret cotton bikini

V is for vegetables you love:
corn

W is for worst habit:
procrastination

X is for x-rays you've had:
wrist when I fractured it

Y is for yummy food you make:
chocolate chip cookies, chocolate cake, cupcakes

Z is for zodiac sign:
Taurus

Now you know my ABCs... Won't you play along with me!
Do it on your blog and then leave me a comment that you did it.

4 month check up

So, as you can see, Kolby is almost 5 months! But we had his 4 month well baby check up today.

Weight: 19 pounds 11 ounces putting him... off the charts!
Height: 25 inches putting him in the 40%

Creative Memories

I have had creative memories stuff (scrapbooking supplies) since I was a senior in high school. My mom and I started because we wanted to get stuff together for my high school graduation. Like a baby book. I started a book about high school and never finished it. I wish it was done, but someday...

Mom became a consultant. I kept thinking how many albums and pictures I have to scrapbook. It does make sense, it is fun and I love to look at picture albums that she had made of some family vacations. Then I had Sage.

I had always vowed that I wouldn't be like my mom. That I would finish all my kids' baby books. We bought a great digital camara and my husband was picture happy. We have a bazillion gazillion pictures of Sage as a baby. And I have barely started that album. Pictures are printed, too many to fit in one album and I always feel overwhelmed.

Then Kolby was born. I haven't finished Sage's one year baby book and now I have two kids! And he was born with club foot. Of course, right away I wanted to make a special scrapbook of Kolby's feet. When I was home in July, I picked out an album, 8 x 10, denim, with natural pages. I was excited and my scrapbooking sense was renewed! I went through the pictures and printed them off at Sam's club.

I have started and am not up to date yet, but close on Kolby's Foot Book. It is really cool. I am a plain scrapbooker. Pictures, paper and a lot of writing. Every page is with a different primary color. Red, green and blue to start. And of course, the pen matches the paper.

When I put it away today after nap time. I was overcome with thankfullness to my mom. She has given me something that I can pass down to my kids. Something special. Something that only I can give them. And I now have a scrapbooking passion! For now, it will remain in my dining room and someday I will have a scrapbooking room.

Thanks mom!

Breastfeeding

I breastfeed. In public. In my house. In my car. Where ever we happen to be, I breastfeed Kolby. I am not ashamed or embarassed. I discreetly whip it out. I rarely use a blanket. I wear an Isabelly cover. It looks like a tank top that stops right under the bra leaving your nursing bra available. I wear one almost everyday. It makes nursing anywhere easier. I don't use a blanket because my back and side are not exposed to the world. And Kolbys head is large enough to cover everything else!

I am not embarrassed when other women breastfeed. It is normal, natural and a lot easier than bottles. I nursed Sage until he was 9 months old and then weaned him to formula and a bottle. I had to think about how long I would be gone and take the appropriate bottles and formula. I probably should have been taking water too. When I nurse, it doesn't matter how long I am going to be gone. I just take a couple diapers. And when Kolbs is hungry, I feed him. It is easy. I know not everyone has an easy time of breastfeeding, but I do.

Now, I am not saying this is all roses. Because every rose has thorns. Kolby is with me all the time. I am the only one who can feed him. Sometimes, comfort him. And sometimes, that feels suffocating. He does take a bottle veeerrryyy slowly, but he will take it and I am blessed to have a patient husband to feed him, about once a week when I leave the house without the kids.

And, right on time, Kolby cries because he is hungry and I will go nurse him!

Andrea Yates

Andrea Yates got a not guilty verdict by reason of insanity. It seems obvious that she is/was insane. Is that an excuse? Does that mean she is less guilty? Wrong is wrong. Murder is murder. It shouldn't matter what her state of mind was. It is so sad and will continue to be so sad for the rest of her life. And she is the one who has to live with the guilt the rest of her life. Would you feel more guilty for "getting away" with it rather than being punished? Or is living in her torment punishment enough?

My Favorite

Do you ever play the my favorite game with your spouse? We played yesterday. It is amazing how much we learn about each other just asking what our favorite things are.

Favorite State: His- Minnesota Mine- Colorado (so I have only been there once, but in my mind it is the perfect state)

Favorite Color: His- Black Mine- Green, pink, blue or black (not all together, one at a time, except black, black goes with everything and can be worn all the time)

Favorite Book: the duh factor- Bible for both, non-Bible His: Three Muskateers (who knew?!) Mine: No idea

Favorite Movie: His- the second Lord of the Rings Mine: again, no idea

Favorite Candy: His- 3 Muskateeers Mine- M&M's plain

And as an add on to yesterday's post, Mia Hamm and Kristi Yamaguchi, both born with club foot!

Boyz II Men

We saw them in concert last night. It was the boys first concert! It was free, like we would actually pay to see them! We forgot the camara, of course. We got there and sat in the rain for almost an hour. They are great singers, not so great entertainers. After an hour of sitting in the rain, we had to tell ourselves it was fun!

Troy Aikman, who knew?

Did you know that Troy Aikman had club foot? "Troy Aikman was born with what doctors call "Thrid Club Foot", Troy was in plaster till he was 8 months old, then he wore speical shoes till he was 3 years old, since then he has not suffered from any form of Club Foot." Quote taken from clubfeet.net. An interesting web site that I stumbled upon after googling club foot. So maybe Kolby is going to be like Troy Aikman. He is big enough to be a football player!

Kolby giggles now. He is such a happy baby! I remember not too long ago writing about how much he cries! He still cries but not nearly as much. It is much better for my sanity!

Drew is at work today, for the 11th day in a row. Basically, we got back from vacation and he has been working everyday since. I did get to go out the other night. It was so nice to have a break from the boys and talk to grown ups. And Drew said the boys were angels. And it took him until 9:30 to get the dishes done and have time for himself after getting the boys to bed and he didn't have to give anyone a bath!

2 Year Old Check Up

Sage is 2! And along with a birthday comes a trip to the pediatrician. He weighs 32lbs putting him in the 95th percentile for weight and is 35 in. tall which is the 75th percentile for height. He gained 4 lbs in the last 6 months! She said that is a big jump, has there been an increase in appetite? Ya think?! Since he eats a kids meal at restaurants and can eat as much as me? And then she looked at porker Kolby and just smiled.

Sage is so sweet. At the mall the other day (escaping the heat of our apartment), I got him out of the stroller and had him stand next to me while I got the high chair ready. He was supposed to hold my leg so I knew where he was and he wouldn't run off. I felt him let go and turned around to see what he was doing. He was leaning over Kolby, kissing his head. Precious. His new word yesterday was "Hollllbbbeeee". I interpret that as Kolby, finally Baby has a name! And Sage is very protective of Kolby. As we had driven to the mall, Sage had falled asleep. I got the stroller out, set it up, put Kolby in and Sage slept on. I got Sage out of the car and as I lifted him into the stroller he said, "Baby?" Making sure that I remembered to get Kolby too. I have yet to forget but he always makes sure that I get him.

The boys took their first bath together. I put Kolby's baby bath in the big tub and filled both up. Sage thought it was pretty cool to bathe with Kolby.

Sage also says cool, sounds like cooohh. And dude, duuuu. He is talking a lot and always asks for daddddyyy in the morning. When I tell him that daddy is at work, he says "Bike?" "Yes, daddy rode his bike." "Hat?" "Yes, daddy wore his bike hat." And then he says "Baby?"

The neighbors across the street bought Sage a kiddie pool for his birthday. We have been enjoying it a lot! Last night, Sage spent about an hour in it. We squirt water guns at each other and he will splash and even try to stick his head in the water. How do we teach him to close his mouth?

Sweet Sage. Sweet Kolby. My two favorite boys.

Today we went to my friends house, had lunch and played in the kiddie pool. Sage thought it was great fun. At first, the water was cold and I made him sit down and he cried and then quickly got over it. Of course, I left the camara at home! These are my best friends in the state that I live in, which you probably know but ahem anyway. They are moving. To Texas. I am so sad. I am happy for them because they will be much closer to family and have a wonderful job opportunity but am selfishly sad. I have only known them a year, but it seems like much longer. She is goofy and always makes me laugh and brings a smile to my face. I will miss them a lot. A lot. Tears are now in my eyes threating to spill. And they will move soon. By September 1. And they have 2 vacations to take before then. Time is precious to spend with them. I hope we get to see them often in the next month and a half.

Uh, hello. I forgot to tell you the exciting events that occurred for Sage's 2nd birthday! We went to Friendly's as a family. Sage cried as they sang Happy Birthday and Kolby screamed after they were done! Kolbs was tired though, not sad that they were done. But all was good when he realized they brought him ice-cream (Sage not Kolby, do you really think I would feed my 4 month old ice-cream). Then we came home and sang again, no crying this time and ate cupcakes. He blew out the candle perfectly. I can't get him to say two though. The icing had melted because it was about 8000 degrees in our house. It did that last year too. Someday, we will have central air and the icing on Sage's birthday whatever will not melt. We had considered taking him to Chuckee Cheese and then thought, why start that madness? We had considered having a party for him and again thought, why start that madness? He wouldn't know and would probably be rude to all invited.

Have I told you how rude he can be? It is amazing. And of course only to people we know. At the store, he says hi and bye to everyone. At church, no one and gives them an evil look and turns his face away from them. I talk to him a lot about being kind to everyone. It hasn't worked so far.

Vacation etc.

So, we went on vacation, to the midwest. We saw family and friends. Blah, blah blah. Seriously, it was really great and we loved every minute. Now we are home sufferring in the humidity with air conditioning only in our bedrooms.

As we left for vacation, Drew pulls the back door shut, CLICK, and asks
"Do you have your keys?"
"Nope, do you?"
"No, we just locked ourselves out."
"At least we have both kids!"

I look at Drew about to explode and say "We have to laugh and keep going."

The taxi honks out front waiting to take us to the train station. Drew starts walking down the driveway, Kolby is in the Baby Bjorn and Sage runs after his dada. And trips. And scrapes his knee. And cries. Drew doesn't look back. I scoop up Sage and continue rolling suitcase to the taxi.

The taxi and train ride are uneventful. The flight was pretty uneventful except that we sat on the runway for 2 hours. When we got to MN at 10pm that night, I said to Drew "Do you realize we were on the plane long enough to fly internationally? And the kids did great!"

Coming home, took 14.5 hours. Flight, bus, train, taxi. What some people will do for free airline tickets. Airtran.

Breastfeeding. There is your warning. I have been nursing Kolby for 4 months. We have had some problems, reflux but have overcome. Tonight, it seemed like he couldn't get enough. He nursed for a long time on both sides, long time for Kolbs is like 7 minutes per side, pulled off the second and cried. Normally, he would lay down and put himself to sleep. Tonight, he kept cried even after I gave him the pacifier. I picked him up to rock and and give him his passy. He stopped and then realized it was just the pacifier and SCREAMED. I fixed a bottle, he drank 2 ounces and fell asleep. Normally, I would have tried nursing him again, but it had been half an hour. And I have been really sore lately. Also, yesterday since we were travelling, he nursed whenever he made a peep because seriously no one likes a crying baby. I thought today I would be huge and uncomfortable and haven't been at all. Very strange. Thoughts?

Sage turns 2 tomorrow. 2. 2. Let me type it again, 2. Hopefully I can post how sweet he is. The sweetest. 2!

Do you ever feel like you can't do anything right?

Today at Target, Kolby wants to be held so I whip out the new sling and stick him in. Crying continues except louder. I take him out. Crying simmers. I face him outward. Crying stops. The rest of the Target trip I holding him on one hip, facing out trying to push the cart. Lately, I feel like the worlds worst mother. I am short with Sage and can't seem to keep Kolby happy. There are many factors entering this equation.

Factor 1: Kolby likes to be held. I like holding Kolby but when I hold him, little gets accomplished. Enter Baby Bjorn. It helps a lot. Kolby is happy, I am happy and able to get a little more accomplished. Kolby weighs about 17 lbs. That is a lot of weight on my shoulders in the Bjorn, too much weight. It hurts, it kills my back. Some chiropractor is going to make a lot of money off me someday. I start searching for other options. Remember, Kolby is in a Dennis Browne Splint 22 - 23 hours a day. I email a couple different companies asking for advice. Rockin Baby Slings emails back right away saying they think a sling could work. I order immediatly. Receive it yesterday. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't work, I insist to keep trying. It doesn't work. The snuggle hold which they suggested, keeps his bar in the sling and he kind of squats in the sling and is facing me. It is okay for about 5 minutes if I put him in happy then the crying starts. I think it might hurt his legs. I think I am going to send it back.

I had also emailed the Ergo company. They never got back to me. I don't think that one would work either.

I am stuck until Sept. 27th when we go to the doctor and supposedly Kolby can start wearing the bar only at night. And then any kind of carrier will work because he won't be wearing the bar.

Factor 2: Sage is almost 2 and his favorite word is no and he dawdles everywhere. Especially when I am carrying Kolby in the "break my arm" carrier. The thing that Sage is the worst at being obedient is when we say come here. He walks from our apartment to the garage. And sometimes does a really good job and comes right to the car but most of the time, he walks around the lot and looks at dirt and the trash cans and sticks and rocks and anything. I know it is his age but come on already. It takes 5 minutes just to get to the car. I would just carry him when I am in a hurry but I am already carrying Kolby, the diaper bag and whatever else we need for that particular trip.

Both of these things are wearing on me. A lot.

Good news? Kolby only woke up once last night to nurse! Sage has been going down for naps without crying! Sage also told me today that he was poopy! It is the little things in life.

Sage wears Pampers and they feature Elmo. So whenever we change his diaper, he says Melmo? And when we change Kolby's diaper, Melmo? Even though Kolby's diapers don't have Elmo on them.

Off to do more laundry!

Spinning and Spinning and Spinning some MORE

Today at Trader Joe's an older gentleman told me Sage is going to be a good skier because he is pigeon toed. Thank you old man. Sage the skier and Kolby the snowboarder.

Sage loves to spin. He will spin and spin until he is so dizzy he falls over. Example: Last night, he was spinning in the hallway, hit the wall and bounced off the opposite wall and fell over. He cried and got back up and started spinning. At the park today, there was something like a sit and spin. He loved it. He got off and couldn't walk. My fear is that one of us will have to take him on spinny rides at amusement parks. We'll have to play rock, paper, sissors.

Kolby can be such a good baby and such a difficult baby. It is like he has two personalities. As if to prove that point, he just started crying.

What is it with purple?

Sage just ate a purple crayon! I think I am so clever letting him color while I type and he thinks he is so clever eating markers and crayons! I was thinking of buying play doh, but maybe I will wait!

The other day I told Sage to go put his pajamas in his room. Later, I went in his room and didn't see them on the floor or his bed. I checked his pajama drawer and to my surprise, there they were! I didn't know he knew where to put them in his dresser. He learns so much by watching!

He doesn't like to get his diaper changed. He won't fight me changing it, but when I ask him if he needs it changed, especially when poopy, he says no and runs the other way. The other day, I thought I smelled something but he claimed he wasn't poopy and we played on. He was running and walking funny and I decided we needed to change his diaper. He had the worst rash ever! Now, I just have to say, we don't want you to get another diaper rash and he comes running for the change!

Every night, he wants the same two books read to him before bed. and My Big Book of Animals and Love You Forever. Neither Drew or I can read the second one without tearing up.

Kolby is getting so big and he is so happy and so smiley. He is waking up happy in the mornings now. He will look around and coo and smile. He still wakes up screaming from his naps, though. I worry that his head is getting too flat in the back, so I bought the Boppy Noggin Nest that is supposed to help prevent that. We use it in the swing, stroller, car seat and ssshhh, don't tell, but his bed too. Last night, we caught on video how Kolby pulls his knees in, kicks his legs staight up in the air and plops them down. It is pretty funny to watch since he wears the Dennis Browne Splint.

Sage just demonstrated that he can now open the garbage can with his foot! It is one that you step on the lever and it opens the top.

Drew has been working long days, like from 6 to 6 or there abouts, but he doesn't go back in the evenings unless it is completly necessary. I am loving having him home so much!

Sage got Drew a bat and ball for Fathers Day that we got to use at the park last night. Okay so maybe the bat and ball were for Sage and Drew gets to play too! Sage was getting the hang of it after about 10 minutes. His favorite part was chasing the ball while yelling, BBBBAAAALLLL!

Kolby had his appointment yesterday morning and the doctor said his feet look perfect. Everything is straightening out just like it is supposed to. They did the first x-rays of his feet. Kolby didn't like those so much. They have to hold his feet a certain way with plastic boards to get the picture right. We go back in 3 months when Kolby will get to stop wearing them during the day and wear them at night only.

I am going to get a pedicure tonight and Drew will be home with the boys. We'll see how Kolby does taking a bottle...

Non-Toxic

Good thing crayola makes non-toxic markers, Sage just bit the tip off the purple one.

I think we will put the markers away for a while, maybe until he is 5!

Sage stories

Yesterday, while I was nursing Kolby in our dining room, Sage was in the living room playing. Suddenly, he starts crying/whining (not unusual). But he keeps crying and I am yelling "Sage, what is the matter?" "Yeah." He yells back (his response to most questions). Finally I walk in the living room. He has the foot rest popped open on the recliner and has managed to get his arm stuck in between the boards with the foot rest half open. He had big tears running down his face but as soon as I got him unstuck, he was done crying.

Last night, he was outside in our "backyard" otherwise known as a parking lot in the back of our apartment. But we are the only ones who drive or park there. He was playing with one of those big balls. Throwing it, chasing it, repeat. Over and over again. He threw it, chased it, tried to pick it up, and missed his body twists around and he lands on his forehead on the ground. Immediatly he cries. His forehead and nose are scratched but nothing serious. Not even too much blood. I showed him in the mirror later and asked if it hurt to which he replied "Noo."

Kolby is sitting in his bouncy seat. Sage gives him a hug by laying on Kolby and giving him kisses and his feet are up in the air behind him!

Sage loves music. He loves to play his xylophone and sing! He uses toys as pretend microphones!

I want to start writing more of these because I so quickly forget!

2 Month Check up

Kolbster had his 2 month check up today even though he will be turning 3 months on Friday the 9th. He weighed in at 16lbs. 11oz. which puts him off the charts for weight, height is 25th percentile at 23.5 inches and head is 50th percentile. That is as exciting as the visit was. He got his first shots and screamed!

Sage fell asleep on the way home from the doctors and I carried him in, laid him down, took his shoes off, took his pants off, changed his diaper (which had leaked-pampers, not cloth), took off his jacket and then laid him in bed. I laid with him for about 5 minutes and he is still sleeping. He has been waking up really early lately like 6am. Last night he was up until 10pm. His naps have been getting earlier and earlier like noon. Yesterday morning I noticed he was really tired. He is getting to the age of meltdowns. At the park yesterday, someone brought one of those little cars you sit in and walk around. He LOVES these. And was so upset that he couldn't play with it because it wasn't his and someone else was playing with it at the time. Crying fit. We left. It was a hard park day. He was so excited to be there and we were walking in and he tripped on the bricks right through the entry gate. He smacked his face on the ground and got a bloody lip and nose. Then he was playing on this big see-saw type thing. It was a four seater, two kids on each side. He was by himself on one side and two 3 or 4 year olds were on the other. He decided he wanted to get off and started to slide himself forward under the safety bar. The kids kept going so his little body was getting bucked back and forth, back and forth. I was about 50 feet away with Kolbs in the Baby Bjorn running towards them yelling STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP. I felt like the freaky mom at the park.

Split Personalities

I have two different personalities when it comes to mothering. The first is the laid back, natural mothering style. I breastfeed, in public, where ever I happen to be and rarely with something covering the baby. I have started using cloth diapers. My baby is kind of on a schedule, kind of a nurse on demand baby. He sleeps in the swing for his naps, most of the time. The other mom is scheudled, disciplined, and routine driven. Sometimes I want Kolbster to drink formula from a bottle, take a passy like nobody's business, and wear only disposable diapers. And sleep only in his bassinet. It is like a battle going on everyday. I have given in to some things and others I haven't (like the bottle). Part of me figures, Kolbs is still little, he will settle into more of a routine in about a month and part of me is like it is my own fault, I don't always make him eat, have awake time and then sleep. Why haven't I figured out who I am yet, and why am I not always comfortable in my own skin? Why do I feel the need to try every option? For example, I have tried all brands of diapers, never loyal to one. And now, I had to try cloth diapering. I can't even tell you why I wanted to try. Maybe because I know people that do it and I wanted to try it too and maybe because it has always interested me so why not try or maybe because, if my mom can do it, surely I can too, maybe because it would save us money(?), maybe because it helps the environment, maybe because I wanted to try it.

Cloth diapering and saving money. I am not sure I buy that any more. We were doing the math and for the money I have invested I would have to cloth diaper exclusively for 6 months to make them break even with disposables. And that doesn't even get me enough diapers to do it full time. I have 12. (1 is defective and they are sending me another one) I have used 7 today by 3pm although one was because Kolby peed when his diaper was open and got the clean one wet. So, I am doing a mixture of cloth and disposables. Cloth around home and for short trips out and about. Disposables to fill in the gaps and when we will be gone for extended periods of time. And I am not brave enough to try cloth for overnight.

Kolbs has only poohed in one cloth diaper and it held it all in! This was going on the third day of no pooh action from him, so with that I am impressed.

Target diapers have worked great for Kolby. No leaks and they seem to fit great. Why didn't I try the ultra cheap brand of Target diapers before I bought cloth and why didn't I do the cloth math correctly before I bought cloth?

What is up with the weather? I can't keep up with it, first really hot shorts and t-shirts now we are back to low 60's.

Kolby's clothes. I need one piece outfits that snap in the crotch for him. I can't pull pants on and off because that requires taking his shoes and bar on and off and that takes too long and he doesn't especially like it. Although today after he peed on his socks and I changed them and put his shoes back on, he didn't cry at all! And now with this weird weather, I only have 2 long pants with short sleeve option for him. And that particular combination with snaps all along the legs is kind of hard to find.

A lot of times as I write, I think who cares about this stuff in my life, does anyone read this?

First Time For Everything

First ER Visit: Kolby fell off Sage's bed. I irresponsibly and stupidly laid Kolby at the foot of Sage's bed while I changed Sage's diaper. By the time I was done, Kolby was crying on the floor. The hardwood floor. He isn't even 3 months old. He is crying. Sage is crying. I am praying. I try to nurse him, he cries, he latches on, he falls asleep, immediatly. I try calling the doctor, Drew. No one answers. I put him in his car seat. He stays asleep. He always crys when I put him in his car seat or put him down. He prefers to be held. I decide to go to the ER. I call Drew approximatly 8,000 times. He finally calls. He will meet me at the ER.

The nurse takes Kolby back to get him started. Sage cries. He doesn't want his brother to leave. Drew walks in. We all go back with Kolby to get him weighed and looked over. We sit in the waiting room. We get taken to a room. He is doing better. Wide awake. Looking around. Smiling. We call our parents. They order a Cat Scan. We decide Drew and Sage will go home. I stay with Kolby. Cat Scan done. I finally nurse him. Cat Scan read. They see a small spot on one of the hundreds of pictures. They might want to keep him overnight to be safe. They take some blood and put in an IV. He screams. They want to watch him overnight. We wait for a room on the pediatric unit. I talk to the nurse and the doctor. Kolby sleeps. Cell phone keeps ringing. Finally, I can sleep. Kolby wakes up. Nurses one side. Falls asleep. Won't wake up. Rub water on his face. Call the nurse. Says she isn't worried since he ate on one side. Kolby wakes up every couple of hours. Long night. Drew calls at 7:15 and wakes me up. Kolby wakes up. He nurses. We get discharged by 10.

Long night, Kolby is back to normal. He is supposed to avoid activities that might cause head trauma.

I remember one or two, now three!

Disappointment: I wish that I could carry Kolbster in a sling. There, I said it. That is one thing I am disappointed about with his club foot. Silly, huh? I think he would like it because he loves to be held and always wants to be held. But having a metal bar in between his feet is a little cumbersome. And I am not going to apologize for being disappointmed about this because he could have something else wrong and this isn't that big of a deal, this is just something that I am still having a hard time with. And I do use the Baby Bjorn and am glad to wear it and use it but man the thing can hurt my back! I have a heavy baby! But man is he cute!

He has learned to kick with his bar on. Which means sitting on my lap, his bar is rubbing up and down on my thigh. Not too great with shorts on!

Beach: We went to the beach this weekend and had so much fun! Kolby was happy most of the time, laying on the blanket looking around and Sage wanted to only be down by the water, picking up the sand and throwing it into the ocean. He even ran in to the ocean up to his waist and liked it! It was cold water though!

Dipaers: Ever tried the Target brand? I will let you know. I am trying them for Kolby next. And I am going to try cloth diapering. Yeah, you read correctly. I ordered some from Motherease. My biggest scared factor is the laundry (doing it all the time). I'll let you know how that goes too.


I have the two cutest boys in the whole world! Yes, they are both sleeping, why do you ask?

BIG BOY BED: Sage sleeps in one! We started this weekend with a nap and the next day put him to bed for the night. He does okay. He wasn't excited to sleep there but he is doing pretty good. The worst part is that now I have to get him up right away or he starts playing with the window air conditioner unit. He can reach it from the end of his bed. He knows he isn't allowed to get off his bed unless one of us comes to get him. Last night was the hardest so far. We host a Bible study at 7:30 and try to get him to bed before people arrive. But we were late eating and then late getting his bath and late getting him to bed. At one point, Drew went in and put him back to bed because he was crying and we just wanted to be sure that he was in bed. After he laid him down again, Sage kept crying, so I went in to check on him and he was laying in the middle of the floor with his arms in his pajamas but the neck was behind his neck. He was stuck in his shirt with his arms straight above his head! It was a funny sight. I brough him out with me and then laid with him until he fell asleep.

I told him that in a few months, Kolby would start sleeping in the crib and they would share a room and he shook his head no.

I had a whole list of things I was going to write but of course now that I am sitting here, I can't remember them. I'll get back to you if I remember.

New Look

I needed a new spring time look, maybe this will stick for a little while. For some reason, black is my favorite color in the winter but not so much come spring and summer. I need color and something to spice up my world!

We love parks at our house! We go to a park almost everyday and everyday I am amazed at how long we can spend at a park. Sage is really good at climbing everything and sliding and swinging. Yesterday, was his first experience in a sand box. He really like shoveling and dumping! I can't wait to take the boys to the beach! (Except that requires me to be in a swim suit.)

We had two rough nights with Kolby adjusting to his splint. Last night was more normal, but man am I tired! 6 hours of total sleep with getting up every 2 is not my idea of a restful night. And the hubby wonders why I am addicted to Coke! I keep it at one a day. Yesterday, I gave Kolby his second real bath of his life! He loved it. He is so cute! And getting so smiley. He really likes to be held. I remember Sage at this age not really caring. I could set him in the bouncy or swing for hours and he was happy. At least long enough to get a shower. Kolby cried while I showered this morning and then right as I was finishing, he stopped!

What a boring post. I will have to think more creatively. Any suggestions?

Dennis Browne Splint

Yesterday, Kolby got his casts off for the last time! He is now wearing a Dennis Browne Splint 23 hours a day, 7 days a week until he is 6 months old. So, until December. His feet are super sensitive since they have been in casts 10 out of 11 weeks of his life. Yesterday he wanted to be held all the time. If he wasn't in someones arms, he was screaming. Hopefully today will be better. He is actually sleeping in the swing and I got to take a shower so already the day is off on a positive note.

Putting the shoes on his little feet is hard. Yesterday, his right foot slipped out twice. Two moms who were in the office with kids who had bilateral club foot said that if Kolby can keep these splints on then we should be golden. They had trouble with their kids getting them off and so one foot didn't correct like it should have.

Last night was rough with Kolby waking up every 2 hours. It was hard to know when to feed hime and when to try to comfort him, I ended up comforting him with nursing! And it is more difficult for him to nurse laying down next to me now. The first time, it made him very angry and the second time he got it. Everything is an adjustment right now and I know this is for the best for the future but it is hard! Especially when he is screaming and hard to console. Yesterday afternoon, I did nothing but hold him.

It will be interesting taking him out in public and hearing comments/questions. One mom said adults didn't say anything about it and didn't comment on how cute he was or anything. It made her feel bad. I don't know if I would say something if I didn't know what it was. There is always a balance between being rude on either side.

Solution or lack thereof

I took Kolby to the dr. this morning, it has finally stopped raining so we got out and walked there and back. With stops on the way back at Starbucks (love me some java chip frapaccino), the library, and the bank. The walk was wonderful. I feel so much better today. And I love getting out and using our stroller which I love!

So, the dr. basically confirmed that it is reflux and that it is very normal in babies until 7 months of age. She said we could try zantac but she does not love to give medication to such little babies. I am not a fan of that either. She also said we could try thickening his meals which would require pumping and adding cereal. I am not a fan of that either since giving babies solids too early can cause problems later on like diabetes and allergies or so the purists say. Anyway, I am also not a fan of pumping and then giving a bottle, that sounds very time consuming when I am with him all the time. She also said that there is not a formula that would be gentler on his stomache than breastmilk. So I am going to continue nursing and do nothing about his reflux except try to comfort him. My time at the dr. seems like a waste but it was encouraging to hear that he will grow out of it... in 5 months! Sounds short and long all at the same time!

Thanks for everyones comments and posts. Rach, talking to you yesterday really lifted my spirits! Sorry, I seem to have scared people with talking about how sad I have been. Honestly, today things are looking up. Maybe a brisk walk every morning would do us all some good! And i am looking forward to updating the blog more often. And get back to some lighter topics, like spanking! Just kidding. I can not handle mean emails right now!