Thursday, July 10, 2008

How to not make a new friend

-Go to a playgroup where you know no one and try to speak to the other mommies.

-Sign your child up for swimming lessons and strike up a conversation while watching the kiddos sink or swim.

-Go to the neighborhood pool.

-Go to a playgroup at a bounce house place and watch your children.

-Go to the library story time and try to strike up a conversation with a mom who just moved here.

Drew is going to make me some mommy cards. Will I be brave enough to pass them out after being shunned?!

Two illustrations: I took the boys to the story time at the dive of a neighborhood library and noticed another mom getting a library card. I deducted that she just moved here also and maybe she would be interested in talking to me. You know when you try to strike up a conversation but the other person doesn't add anything? That is how it went. I gave up and we left story time early. End of story.

I went to a playgroup at a church (a very large church which we have attended- know which one it is?) this morning. It is advertised in the bulletin as Let's Play! an indoor playplace (think McDonalds) and a place to meet up with other moms out of the heat. That sounded right up my alley. So I went. I said hello to some other moms who were obviously all there together. They said hello back. And never talked to me again. Oh, except when I asked them if they were going to an outside park after overhearing them talk about it. Maybe I should have invited myself out to lunch too. But ya know, we had swimming lessons to get to!

15 comments:

  1. Awwww... that just sucks! The playgroup sounded like highschool. :)

    hope you make some new mama friends soon.

    brittany

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  2. I am bummed for you. Isn't sad that the place we should feel most welcomed ends up feeling the most pushed away. I have felt the same thing! Keep pushing in!

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  3. Just keep being you, Kiki! They don't know what they're missing. We'll be praying. ;)

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  4. Oh, this makes me sad! You can come hang with me ANYTIME!

    Steph

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  5. Oh man, making mom friends is so hard... I think it was a little on the easier side in New Haven because SO many people were transient and temporary and maybe thus more willing to chat or whatever. Anyway, hang in there through these early, kind of lonely times. It feels exhausting, but keep chatting people up! I joke that it is kind of like dating, and makes me feel more sympathetic to guys who are opening themselves up to rejection when they ask girls out. :)

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  6. Aww that's no fun! I hate that women can be so clicky in their little groups. Hang in there, I'm sure you will find a perfect fit soon, for friends, church, etc.

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  7. YEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!

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  8. that reminded me of a time,I moved and went to a moms morning out program in my town, i smiled and tried to introduce myself but they were too busy talking to care, until I won the door prize 2 hours later...a recipe book they all wanted...they piped up, "there's no Andrea here, pick another name"...i cried inside and walked away but not without the book! i'd find friends later, and God has answered my prayers, and is blessing me with wonderful, dear sisters in Him. Take care, for He cares for you!

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  9. Your post brought tears to my eyes because I think, for the most part, we've all been there. I've moved more times than I'd like and meeting new "Momma" friends is always soo difficult.

    Where were you when I was getting MY library card here in a new city?! I would have LOVED the conversation!

    I've also been on the other side of the spectrum when you finally get out of the house and have "chat" time with your friends that it doesn't dawn on you that a newbie was there and you didn't even say more than a hello. I went home feeling PURDY cruddy after that day, but made up for it the next meeting.

    I'm still in the "no friends" mode since moving and as I go through more incidents like yours I'll keep in mind that God has the most wonderful friends in waiting. *Hugs*

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  10. Oh, man.

    You are doing everything right. Keep at it. Eventually, you'll run into other people doing the same thing!!

    Are you anywhere near Chicagoland??? You'd be welcome at my playgroup anytime. And I don't even know you. But isn't that the point of playgroup?? Supporting and building friendships with other moms?

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  11. What about a MOPS group? The whole goal is relationship building. http://www1.mops.org/web/web_group_search.php?srctype=menu&PHPSESSID=f63006fa6bd32e41f1aac9422f300d55
    Here's the link to search by zipcode for a group nearby. Let me know if you need any help. Praying for you :)
    Kers

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  12. I know how disheartening this can be. Just keep trying - eventually you'll meet someone you really click with. Be yourself!

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  13. Hope you've had some positive encounters since this post. Thanks, by the way, for the monster cookies (James shared)!

    hugs from,
    kim

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  14. gretchen from lifenutThu Jul 17, 06:47:00 AM

    Chiming in late to say I'm sorry it didn't go well. I remember moving to Denver when we had just the two oldest kids. I went to a MOPS group at a church nearby, but never really clicked with anyone. Those were lonely days.

    I have faith you'll find a great group of women in time.

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  15. oh, sister, we're new too, and it's been terribly hard to meet new people- and i've stepped out there MANY times. i feel ya! some moms, you can be sure they're probably "nice", but man, they are either clueless or just inconsiderate. when i get shunned lately, i just try to focus on being even more LESS like that to people i meet, and teachin' my kids to NOTICE other people!

    Megan

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