Needs No Words

Due Nov. 23

An Exciting Evening to a 3 Year Old

Ikea and a hot dog.

That's it. Sage is so excited that we are having a family date to Ikea and he gets to eat a hot dog.

We are so lame.

But I am looking forward to the hot dog.

Confessions and Random Thoughts

The Cadbury eggs did not make it into the Spring Baskets as planned.

I do not like my hair cut. I have been trying for 2 weeks now and keeping a good attitude and yesterday, I realized, I just don't like it. The main thing that I don't like is the layers. They are all long layers and they must be styled. They must be straightened and flipped under or they must be curled. And, I don't like the way it looks either way. The bangs, I am still not sure about. They look okay, but they kind of make me look like a 12 year old girl who tried to cut bangs herself. I keep chanting, it will grow, it will grow.

I think I want to cut it all one length to the shortest layer. Drew is against this.

I am attempting to fill out a preschool application that is 6 pages long and asks to describe your child as objectively as possible and to describe why I want him to attend this preschool.

When I fill out why I want him to attend, I can't help but think, I don't! I want him home with me.

Sage wants to go to preschool.

I kind of want him to go to preschool.

He's napping right now, so I want him to stay home!

How do you objectively describe your child? He's perfect, he's smart, he's eager to learn, he has a soft heart, he is learning to be a good friend and brother.

I go back and forth between wanting to home school or not.

Then I try to teach him to write letters.

And I want to send him to preschool.

I am excited to move.

These are going to be the hardest weeks of all of Drew's school career.

We have already started getting rid of stuff.

Okay, so Drew did. He listed stuff on Craigslist. And it was sold within 2 days.

Except our washer.

Anyone know of anyone who wants a little washer that hooks up to the kitchen sink?

I kind of don't want to use cloth diapers anymore.

Kolby's poo has been especially tarish lately.

Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs are so yummy.

They did make it in the basket, barely.

Special Night

Drew took Sage on a Special Night tonight. Sage's pick. McDonalds with a play place. Ronald loves to hear that.

Drew asked Sage "What can I do to be a better dad?"

Sage answers, "You can play with my cars with me. And drive me to Cubbies."

Drew, a little bit taken aback, laughs a little.

To which Sage replies, "I'm being silly aren't I?"

Isn't it amazing how much of an impact we have on our kids? All day, every day, I spend with them, and I wonder what impacts them? Do they remember that I pray before we eat? Do they notice if I don't read my Bible at the breakfast table? Do they notice if I spend more time on the computer than I do with them?

Sometimes, I think I am failing miserably. I spend too much time reading blogs, searching for new blogs to read, or browsing stores.

I used to have a rule, no internet when the kids are awake. I think I need to go back to that rule. I know I need to go back to that rule.

I don't want to realize as I am dropping them off at college that I missed their little years reading about other kids' little years.

Drew's going to start driving us to Cubbies too.

Sickies

My mom watched our boys while we were searching for a house. This is the third time this year that she has traveled, stayed in our home and unfamiliar city and taken care of our boys. This is the first time that she ventured out in the city in the car!

What can I say, she is my mom, so I trust her completely. The first time, was for our anniversary trip in May, the second was for a quick weekend trip for us to check out a job possibility and the third was the longest, almost a week, Monday morning before the kids woke up to Saturday night after the kids went to bed.

The first trip, my mom got sick the first half of the stay, so the boys watched a lot of dvds, just like they would if I were sick. The second trip, the boys got colds, so the watched a lot of dvds, but nothing serious, just the laying around variety of a cold. The third trip, Kolby got sick.

On Thursday, mom told me he was coughing a little, but it didn't seem to be a big deal. On Friday, mom called and said he was coughing, raspy and wheezy and had been up in the night. I told her to go ahead and give him a breathing treatment and he probably had an ear infection. She decided to call the pediatrician and take him. Like a good mom, I had left her google directions to the pediatricians office. And then to Target to get prescriptions, thinking that if I left them, surely, she wouldn't need them. They gave Kolby another treatment at the office, less than 3 hours after his first, sent her on her way with prescriptions for anti-biotics and more nebulizer treatments. I had discontinued his daily nebulizer because he was doing so well, apparently, I should not have done that. The instructions they gave her were for every 3 hours, around the clock. So, Friday night, like he is a newborn, Kolby wakes up every 3 hours for a breathing treatment and then from 1 am to 5 am "were not good" according to mom. She calls the ped. in the morning who wants her to bring him in to check his oxygen levels and such. So, she's tired, Kolby's sick and Sage feels slightly left out. She tells Sage that they have to take Kolby to the doctor again. He looks at Kolby and tells him that he ruined all the plans. Kolby burst into tears. Mom tells Sage that wasn't nice, he didn't mean to get sick, Sage burst into tears and I think I called about 10 minutes after that.

His levels were fine, she just needed to continue every 3 hours.

We are at every 4 hours, which means I am still getting up once a night around 3 to give him a treatment. Last night, Kolby and I were both wide awake while he took his treatment. Then, when I thought he was asleep, I heard some banging noises. I go to check on him and he is snoring away. It must have been his shoes hitting his crib bars.

Yesterday, we were driving home from the grocery store and Sage was telling me how Grandma pretended to be his mom last week because she took care of him. I asked if she did a good job, to which he replied, "Yeah, except, she goofed on the roads and she said Oh shoot, Oh shoot." He kept saying "Oh shoot. Oh shoot."

I'm still hearing little stories about Grandma!

A Not So Surprising Announcement

We bought a house! A townhome, really. It will be the first place we have ever lived that we own. How exciting. We are committing to living there 3 - 7 years. It is such a great location to downtown and almost everything that we need to do. And it is in a great school district.

Life will be changing again with such a big move, to a different city, a different part of the country, adjustments will be made to weather, townhome living, Texas living. But we are excited! The next few months will be filled with packing, cleaning out and daily life.

Tomorrow, the story of how my mom survived watching my boys!

House Hunting

Tiring

Stressful

Tiring

Stressful

Tiring

Stressful

Eating Lots of yummy Mexican food

Not so great on the digestive

I miss my boys

I feel on the verge of tears a lot during the day

And I am never sure why

Tiring

Stressful

My Baby

So, he's not so much a baby anymore. He's 2 today!

Happy Birthday Kolby!

Before and After Shots

I'm nervous

I have a haircut today.

Check back later this afternoon for before and after pics!

Babywearing Boys

Ode to the Cheeks

These Cheeks

Squishy
Kissable
Can't stop kissing
Everytime I pick you up
Your cheeks I must kiss
Not just one
Can satisfy
I must kiss
And squish my lips to your cheek

I compare your cheeks to the clouds
Soft
Bouncy
Beautiful
Big
Pink

I kiss one side
You point to the other
As if to say
"Don't leave my other cheek out"

Melt my heart

You throw a fit
I pick you up
Cannot resist the URGE
To Kiss Your Cheeks!

Strangers comment
Women resist the natural, obvious desire
To pinch
To kiss
To stroke
To squeeze
The soft, squishy skin

I eat them up
I can't get enough

The Day I've Been Waiting For

I'm featured on Hair Thursday.

Do you wonder what it is? I don't know how I found her, Whoorl, but I did. And she started Hair Thursday. I would check her site every week looking at what she suggested for other people and decided, she knew what she was talking about. So, I emailed and asked her to sign me up. That was September. She emailed back with Feb. 28, 2008. Um, that was forever away! But, I waited. In December, I did get it cut and low lighted, trying to get back to my root color. (I refuse to say "natural" because in my mind, I am still naturally light blonde.) I kept waiting for a style. A magically transformed style. But, I didn't know what to do. And I knew Whoorl would.

Go. Click on Hair Thursday. Vote! This might be the most important vote you will make in 2008.

Isn't there something else we have to vote for this year?

Sage Funnies

Last night at dinner, we were talking about having a little brother or sister (no announcement) and Sage said he wants another brother and we should name him Toby. Then, I asked him how we would get a little brother. He told me that we will go to the hopitable and get one in Houston. I asked if the baby had to be in my tummy first and he said no, just go to the hopitable.

We won't be taking his advice.

Later, at bed time we were talking and asked him how we got him. I said we just went to the hospital and picked him up. He got really mad and said he was in my tummy. And Drew chimed in and said, no we just went to the hospital, you weren't in mommy's tummy. And Sage told him to stop lieing, that he was in mommy's tummy.

Oh, to be convicted by a 3 year old.

Today, his zipper was down and I told him. He looked up at me, smiled and said "I like it that way!"

He is really into knowing what letter words start with, making the *smooching noise*, he said what letter does that start with? I said Kiss? Kiss starts with kuh kuh kuh K. Then he sang Every letter makes a sound *smooching noise* says K!

I didn't correct him.

So, when Drew and I were at Iowa State, the football quarterback was named Sage Rosenfels. We didn't name our Sage after him, but that is where we heard the name. Guess who is the second or third string quarterback for the Houston Texans? Yep, Sage Rosenfels. We were looking at schools last night online and he was on the homepage meeting some kids. Have I told you how much Sage is into football? He loves the movie Facing the Giants. He quotes it. We watch it almost every Friday night, pizza night. And if Friday Night Lights is what Texas is really like, we are in for a world of trouble.

Sage will often pretend he is playing football and tell Kolby that he is the coach. Then he tells Kolby what to say. (Kolby still doesn't talk, I don't know why!) But, really he just quotes random lines from Facing the Giants. It is pretty funny.

Watch out Sage Rosenfels!

Shaelynn

I just received the email with news of Shaelynn's passing. I have written about her family before. She was two years old and had a brain tumor. She died yesterday morning.

Again, I don't have the words. I just wrote about my shirts. And I don't know what to write in the message board to her parents. My words seem meaningless.

It is hard to live in a world where the joys and depths of sadness all come in the same wave for different people.

I don't want to be a person that stares at tragedy or looks away. I want to offer comfort. I want to offer hope. I want to have just the right words to say. I don't want to say something out of ignorance. I don't want to offend anyone. My response is silence.

It isn't the right response.

I wouldn't want to be met with silence.

I am silenced by fear. Fear of not saying the right thing, fear of saying something dumb.

Sometimes, I think my whole life can be surmised by fear. I don't like it. This fear that holds me back. Fear keeps me away from loving people.

I can't conclude these thoughts. They are ongoing. I pray I change. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.

It's February

February is the month that I get sick of my winter clothes. Specifically, my shirts. Maybe it is because I have about 5 that I wear. I own more than that, I just don't wear them all that often. They don't fit quite right or something. I open my shirt drawer every morning and reach for a black or gray shirt, usually a turtleneck, 3/4 sleeves. I only have two of those, so the other days, I kind of feel at a loss but manage to wear something.

I think ahead to March and all that will open up to me. Short sleeves. But in reality, short sleeves are more April or May. Because even if I venture into my short sleeve drawer, I always put somthing from the long sleeve drawer on top because I am cold.

And short sleeves? Really, they aren't my friend. They are more of an aquantance. I don't mind them, but I don't love them. They just are. They just open up different options. Short sleeve black and gray shirts.

Scattered Thoughts

So, we're moving. And with moving comes a job. And with a job comes a salary. And with a salary comes a house with a mortgage. And lots of responsibility.

I'm not talking about paying our bills on time kind of responsibility. I am talking about what we are going to do with our new found resources. Our money. It is going to be more than we have ever had before. Did you know this will be Drew's first full time, non-internship job? Except for that one in college, before we were married. So, our lives are going to change. And already, we feel the pressure of the Jones'. But, more I feel the pressure of Christ. I wonder and think how are we going to be faithful with much? I don't want to fail this test. I want to use our resources to give to the glory of God.

I don't know what it all looks like yet and obviously I am not the only one making decisions.

I see how easy, how tempting it will be to settle into a house and start accumulating things. Of course, I would like a new couch, king size bed, bigger table. And I am not saying that getting those things would be bad decisions. I want to know when is enough. I don't want to keep exchanging and upgrading. I want to be satisfied with what I have and where I am now.

I am making some changes in my life. I have decided to stop buying new clothes. Oooohhhh. Breathe in, breathe out. I don't really neeeeed neeeeed them. I know there are some things that I would like to have in my wardrobe. Cardigans, black, white, navy and gray. Denim pencil skit. Black pants that fit. I am going to stick with what I know that I want to add. No more aimlessly wandering the mall, looking for a good deal. I will be doing more shopping at Goodwill or other consignment stores, for myself and the boys. Now, I am not going to be hardcore about this, if I find said items in my size, for a great deal, I won't pass it up. And I will be purchasing all under clothes new, with tags. And shoes, for the boys will be new. I have feet fetish issues with my kids.

I am going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. I have done better about going to bed earlier but my mind and body do not like to get out of bed before 7 am. But when I do, I don't regret it. I get time to read and pray without answering questions in the middle of my prayers. Somedays, I might get to go running if Drew doesn't leave too early.

I am going to do a better job about sticking to our cash budget. Credit cards are very easy to use, especially when I have gone over budget and have to buy something like milk, then to add something else little in is so easy for me. I will not do that anymore.

I am excited to have a house and get new to us things for said house, slowly. I am excited to look around at consignment stores and find things that will work for us. I am excited about my new outlook on life.

And, today I went to Goodwill. No denim pencil skirt. No cardigans. No black pants. No jeans for Sage, size 5. But! I found 5 green cloth napkins for $1.99 and a book for Drew for $1.99. The boys were very good while I looked. Stroller + snack = browsing time for mom.

Know how much I wanted to hop online and order something when I got home? Black pants on sale?! Banana Republic! Still $60? Guess I'll keep looking.

I think I am becoming cheaper. Hmm.

Forgot to Mention...

We are back in the housing market. Drew has found 3 very happy lenders to lend us a large sum of money so that we can buy a house!

We are excited to not have to move twice and have been researching which areas to live. School districts and housing prices being are priorities. It has been a roller coaster of emotions getting to this point. And we haven't even actually looked at any houses yet!

I say roller coaster because, somedays, we feel on top of our game, we found the right area, schools are good, we can afford a house. And then the next day, the area isn't quite what we thought and the schools aren't either. It is hard to decide where and in what type of place you want to live. With lots of diversity? With little to no diversity? And some things end up looking better on paper than they do in real life.

So, our prayer is that God will find us the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the perfect school district for our family. We prayed that the job would be a no brainer for us to pick and it was, it basically boiled down to a no decision, decision. We were and still are thankful for that. We know that God will put us where he wants us.

But, man it is hard. Already, I have felt that need to keep up with the Joneses, and I don't even know the Joneses! From some articles that we have read, there is a preschool that is THE PRESCHOOL to attend, like if your kids don't go there, they won't get into the right magnet school and their life is OVER before it has begun in kindergarten, at the right school.

And, the houses in the wrong school district, totally affordable and look great. The houses in the wrong school district, totally not affordable and look exactly the same as the other houses. But, we were told just today about this perfect place where the houses are affordableand the school districts good. Please, Lord let us find a house there.

Wouldn't it be funny if I decided to homeschool?

Compassion and Kindness

I am not by nature a compassionate, kind, loving person. Drew and I used to kind of laugh about this because both of us have to work at these traits and neither of us are very good at working at them. We would both rather be snarky and sarcastic. But, God must be trying to get my attention. And, I am going to listen. In all honesty, I have been trying not to listen, and now he just keeps smacking me in the face with it, not in a mean way, in a humbling way.

Like this story. I was walking with my boys and my neighbor and her two girls, we were on our way to Blockbuster just leaving our houses, still on our street. There was a mamma outside with a baby in a bjorn, raking leaves. I push my stroller around said piles, smile and say hello and continue on my way. I thought I was being friendly because I smiled and said hello. My neighbor, stops, smiles, says hello, introduces herself and proceeds to invite them for dinner or just to get together sometime.

I am an ass. I have no excuse. I ask God for opportunities to show people his love and I smile and walk on by. I want to change that. I don't want to be an ass any longer.

My prayer for myself is to love my Lord more and for His love to come pouring through me.

Today, I was in a bit of a grumpy mood this morning. And of course, it could all be blamed on Drew. He told me I could do something myself, I could fold up that stupid Playhut tunnel (thanks, Mindy the kids love it!) and then he told me I could go to Sam's and get gas and milk and then go to Target to get overnight diapers for Kolby, and just check for a Wii (no Wii). He was not being mean to me, I just took it that way. I wanted to go to Super Wal-Mart and get everything in one stop and then still have time to take the kids to the library and let them play. He probably didn't really care where I went, he did think that it would maybe save us $5 to go to Sam's but maybe the time wouldn't be worth it. As we were leaving Target at 11:10 and arrived at the CLOSED library at 11:40, Sage had thrown a fit because I told him we didn't have time to go to the promised library, I was fuming at Drew for "making me go to Sam's and Target on the other stinkin side of town." Did you catch that the library was closed, for Lincolns birthday? Yeah, I was humbled. I tried to laugh about it with Sage. Silly mom and Sage, crying over it, getting mad about it.

And then I started thinking.

I am choosing to be grumpy. Is that what I want to do? No. I am choosing to make myself miserable. I want to choose joy. I prayed as I was driving home. Lord, help me to choose joy. Choose joy for me, because I can't do it for myself today. I am making my kids grumpy and showing them a horrible example. I decided to change my attitude. Just like I tell Sage to do.

As we got home, and Sage and Kolby started fighting over who knows what, I reminded myself that they hadn't chosen joy, so I needed to help them. I held Kolby for a while and got him interested in something then I went to talk to Sage about why he had hit Kolby and then dealt the appropriate discipline. Then, all three of us talked about how to choose joy. And then Sage put me in jail and we all felt better.

In our house, if you are grumpy, you go to jail! Watch out!

Back to Compassion. I have been reading Rocks in My Dryer for some time now. This week, she is blogging from Uganda. She is there with Compassion, an organization that helps kids in poverty. You or anyone can sponser a child, the money that you sponser them with each month is used for education, health and personal development. I seem to be fumbling with my words. Please read this. He says it far better than I ever could. I'll wait.





Kind of convicting, huh? Yeah, and we are in the midst of looking for a 4 bedroom house in a good school district. Maybe God is trying to change my heart. I think I need to listen.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

And We're Moving to Texas:

Me: "Donkeys say heehaw."

Sage: "Just like cowboys! HeeHaw!"

Me (giggling): "Cowboys say Yeehaw!"

Sage: (starts lauging) "Yeehaw!"