My Heavy Heart

I don't know where to begin or how to explain.

It started with sweet Stellan going back to the hospital last Friday.

We had a busy busy weekend and I was not online. I prayed for them whenever the Lord brought them to mind. Which seemed to be often. I woke up today and found out that he had gotten worse. And continued about my day praying.

We went to eat lunch with Drew downtown. Got home, tried to get everyone down for naps. Levi thought his 15 minutes in the van was enough. Got on the computer. Stellan is being airlifted to Boston. I don't know what the plan of action is or if there is one. Lord be with them.

I checked my email. And read an email from my husband about a 9 month old boy who had fallen from his high chair, been taken to the hospital to be checked and everything looked fine. The next day, he just wasn't right. They took him back again. Pneumonia from food being lodged in his throat for too long. It came back up causing him to choke and be without air despite CPR. They took him off life support today.

My mind and heart are trying to process. Except my mind can comprehend but my heart hurts. My mind knows that the Lord is good. My heart sobs.

Psalm 117
Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord.

My mind feels guilt.

My heart cries.

Psalm 115:1
Not to us, O Lord, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness

Psalm 86:6-7
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you,
for you will answer me.

Psalm 61:1
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.