Thursday, May 04, 2006

SAHM

Why is it that I love being a stay at home mom but I don't like to stay home? In the morning, I think about what I am going to do and where I am going. I am not usually content to stay home. I joined a moms club that plans activities for us to do with our kids. There are usually 2 mornings or afternoon events per week. Since I moved here a year ago, that has been a great way to meet people and an easy way to get out of the house. It was easier when I only had Sage. Now, it seems like every event is at exactly the same time as when Kolby needs to eat. This morning, I plannned to feed him when we got there, except, I got lost and we never got there. So, I ended up driving around for an hour. That doesn't exactly count as getting out of the house to me. Sage fell asleep so maybe it was worth it!

Some days, I love to stay in my pajamas and clean the house but then by the afternoon, I am ready to get out and sometimes it doesn't work with nap schedules, nursing and needing to figure out and make dinner.

Some days, I feel so lazy because I don't want to clean or cook and then I remind myself that if my kids are clean and fed I am doing my job and most everything else can wait until tomorrow! Except dinner, dinner can never wait for tomorrow and I dislike having to plan and cook for it. I don't know why. I think because it is at the end of the day and I am ready to be done for the day. And I hate grocery shopping and figuring out what to make all the time.

Some days, when it is finally sunny instead of raining, I want to stay inside and not go anywhere. Why? I am just weird. I feel lonely so I stay home and type on the computer.

Some days, I feel so guilty for not playing with Sage more. I should be teaching him and playing with him all the time. I try but at the same time he plays by himself a lot and that is good too. Every kid needs to learn to play by themself too. So many things to make me feel guilty. Guilt to be a better mom and wife. Keep the house cleaner, make better dinners, give healthier snacks, healthier meals, not drink Coke, the list goes on and on.

2 comments:

  1. J. (Keller) Stagg)Thu May 04, 09:14:00 PM

    Kiki,
    I've been struggling with guilt over not doing things "good enough" either. My mom said that the only true guilt is guilt produced from sinning against God and all other guilts are self-imposed that Satan then uses in most cases to cripple us and make us ineffective.

    I have to literally tell myself that many times in one day. But I can usually make a concious decision to reject the guilt line of thought when it comes. I don't want to give Satan any ammo to use against me!

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  2. I go in spurts...some days I'm just ready to stay at home, other days I want to get out and do stuff! IT's hard with the two mobile-but-not-walking kiddos.

    Remember - in 20 years the onlyt hink you'll think about is how you were with the boys - all 3 of them. Make THAT your priority and you can't go wrong!!!!!!!

    Kolby looks like Drew.

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