Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Kolby is a fussy baby. I don't know if I would classify him as high needs like Dr. Sears, but fussy. He is the fussiest during and after I nurse him. It has been this way since about 2 weeks old, right after my mom left (of course). Sometimes while nursing he will pull off, arch his back and scream. There is no way to console him, just hold him until he is done screaming. Sometimes, he will latch back on and sometimes he will bop his head around and act like he wants to get back on but won't really then start crying again. I switch sides and sometimes he will latch on there and sometimes will bop his head around and not really nurse again. Sometimes he will suck a couple more times and start crying again. Needless to say, this is very frustrating for myself, Kolby and Drew. I had taken him to the pediatrician for his cradle cap and mentioned it to the resident pediatrician then and he advised to cut milk out of my diet. But he didn't ask any questions about it and didn't seem to care too much. Anyway... we are going tomorrow and hopefully they can watch him nurse and hopefully it will be one of the bad times and they can help us. The triage nurse I spoke with seemed quick to diagnose him with reflux although uncommon in nursing babies. She suggested they might have me bottle feed him expressed milk and add rice cereal to help keep it down. She said what might be happening is the milk is coming back up into his esophagus and causing him pain. His cry definitly seems like a pain cry but at the same time, he will often fart or burp and then quit crying also. It seems to me like it would be more of a gas issue than reflux, but I am not a nurse or doctor. I hope the dr. can help us tomorrow because I am feeling at the end of my rope with nursing. I don't want to quit, I would feel like a failure but if his stomache can handle a formula better... It would make for a happier household. I don't know. Then I start second guessing myself and tell myself his fussiness is normal, which is why it has taken me so long to call the pediatrician in the first place. As a mom I feel guilty and depressed a lot lately. I feel like everything that I do for my kids is not good enough or enough. I feel like if I give up nursing, I am a failure to me sweet baby. I feel like I fail Sage everyday by not playing with him enough. I am having a hard time and can't put my finger on why. I wake up with headaches everyday.
Mom, if you are reading this from Florida, please call. I know you are busy with your parents, but I need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing. And I might just need to cry...again.