It's Not My Season

I want to do it all.

I want to be everywhere.

I don't want to miss a tweet.

A party or a girls night out.

A blog post.

Or an opportunity to serve someone.

I want to be the best wife and mom.

For the last thing to happen, the others, can't, not all the time.

And which of those things are the most important to me?

The last.

Hands down.

God has put a calling on my life. To be a wife and a mother. I know that is what I'm supposed to do, it's what I've always wanted.

And He gave me the desire of my heart.

I don't want to squander it.

So, for now, my mantra is "It's not my season."

I'm quitting my bunco group.

I'm saying no to training and running a half marathon.

I'm saying no to mentoring a girl in the public school down my street.

Because I have a super, duper, most important job.

I have 4 souls to raise, 4 people to pour Jesus' love into, 4 kids to read to, do homework with, answer questions, and a million other things.

And I don't want to miss a second.

I get each of them until they are 18 years old. Sage is already 7. I only have 11 years left with him.

I used to think (still kind of do) that this is a cop out. I should be able to do the things listed above and pour into my family.

I can't. Maybe you can.

I'm calling my bluff.

I'm giving myself an out.

I'm shaking off the guilt.

And it feels freeing.

This season won't last the rest of my life. Maybe it will be shorter than I think. However long it lasts, I'm going to enjoy it.

I choose to enjoy it.