Saturday, April 16, 2011

It's Not You, It's Me

Dear John,

Just kidding!  I'm not writing a break up later two months after I stopped postin.  See, I didn't mean to stop posting.  I just don't know what happened.  I wrote and then I didn't write anymore.  I wrote one post and then got overwhelmed with trying to add pictures, so I stopped. 

I keep over thinking it.  How do I start writing after 2 months?  What do I say?  It has to be spectacular.  I need to have a reason as to why I haven't written.  But, I don't have a reason.  The reason is, I just didn't get on my computer to write.  I guess the words haven't been there.

And I started thinking about my blog and what I should want it to be.  I would love for it to be a record of our family and the things we do, the places we go, the stuff we see.  And it is, but then I compare it to others and think I'm not doing that great of a job.  And then I think I should be making money with my blog, after all, I have been writing on it for nearly 5 years.  Is that right, 5 years, maybe almost 6.  Yikes!  And I start comparing myself to other bloggers who have been blogging for that long.

See that nasty word up there?  It isn't a 4 letter word but it should be.  Compare.  When I compare myself, my blog, my decisions, my looks, my clothes, my kids' clothes, even my relationship with God, I fall short of everyone.  Lies run through my head like a little kid on a merry go round.  It starts out slow, with one or two lies and then the lies just keep spinning around and around and around and around in my head.  And when I finally jump off, the merry go round of lies doesn't stop, it just keeps spinning and I'm left laying on the side with my balance messed up.  I try to shake off those lies and walk away but I don't walk straight.  I sway to the left and to the right, I stumble, I might even trip.  And those lies are still swirling around right behind me.  They are at the top of my mind, but worse, they have sunk into my spirit.   

Whew, that feels better!  See, I write to find out what's going on in my head.  And there it is.  Kind of ugly, huh?  

Just pretend this last sentence is a pretty little bow on top of this jumbled post.  I'm going to post it and try to get back to writing.  As always, not everything will be serious and not everything will be pretty and fun, but it's me and my life.  And you're welcome to come along for the ride if you want!

17 comments:

  1. It's tough not to compare, isn't it!! Thanks for being real.

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  2. Kristy, Welcome to the new world of comparing. I've talked to so many women about this same issue. Women struggling to keep their head above water b/c of Satan's lies of inadequacy after feeling their minds with the writings of other women. Remember first, that we CHOOSE what to write and how to portray ourselves.
    Ps.62:5-6 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from HIM. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken.
    In your imperfections find Christ being glorified. I can't imagine a better way to be sanctified then through our children, our worn out bodies, our messy houses, our baby birthing bodies. To HIM be the glory! Love you girl.

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  3. I've really missed you Chunk :) How about starting with just a picture of each of your darling kiddoes so we can see how much they've grown up this spring? Any trips to the homeland planned for the summer? Love you, Kers

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  4. I want to come along for the ride! Glad you're back...I've missed you!

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  5. Loved the analogy. Truly one I can relate to myself. We all fall short. I have done it several times just today! I am thankful for God's grace and His unconditional love, regardless of blog, clothes, kid's manners (or lack there of!), societal pressures, or any other worldly distraction. Keep bloggin, my friend. I can confidently say that you are an inspiration to us all!

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  6. yay! Glad you are writing again :)!!

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  7. Oh Precious,
    I am so glad that others are saying to you what I have said and you just say: "But you're my mom, of course you have to say that..." God IS doing wonderful things in your life and I am most grateful!
    Phillipians 1:6
    Mom

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  8. Oh how I've missed you. Your honesty, realness, beautiful self :).

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  9. hooray, you're BACK!! :) I say write if you're feelin' it and don't if you're not...it's so easy to get mixed up in what we 'think' we should be saying but if it comes from the heart, that's all that matters!

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  10. Kristi, I love you for you. I love your honesty, your genuineness (that's not a word, right?), your humor, your straightforwardness...everything! I love reading your blog because I know I will be inspired to be a better mother or will be reassured that I am not alone in this mothering thing! Please never, ever give up your blog! I think we all compare ourselves even though we know we shouldn't. You are gorgeous inside and out and I would be sad if your blog wasn't here anymore. :(

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  11. Glad you're back, Kristy! It felt like "groundhog day" every time I pulled up your blog! =) I always appreciate your honesty, it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

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  12. I'm glad you're writing again! And don't believe those lies.

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  13. Holy cow, can I relate?!?!
    Thanks for this and the reminder that I needed to day!
    Love and miss you!

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  14. Nice to see ya!

    I think it was kind of funny that your title, for so very long, was Groundhog Day.

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  15. I was wondering where you were!

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