It's Not You, It's Me

Dear John,

Just kidding!  I'm not writing a break up later two months after I stopped postin.  See, I didn't mean to stop posting.  I just don't know what happened.  I wrote and then I didn't write anymore.  I wrote one post and then got overwhelmed with trying to add pictures, so I stopped. 

I keep over thinking it.  How do I start writing after 2 months?  What do I say?  It has to be spectacular.  I need to have a reason as to why I haven't written.  But, I don't have a reason.  The reason is, I just didn't get on my computer to write.  I guess the words haven't been there.

And I started thinking about my blog and what I should want it to be.  I would love for it to be a record of our family and the things we do, the places we go, the stuff we see.  And it is, but then I compare it to others and think I'm not doing that great of a job.  And then I think I should be making money with my blog, after all, I have been writing on it for nearly 5 years.  Is that right, 5 years, maybe almost 6.  Yikes!  And I start comparing myself to other bloggers who have been blogging for that long.

See that nasty word up there?  It isn't a 4 letter word but it should be.  Compare.  When I compare myself, my blog, my decisions, my looks, my clothes, my kids' clothes, even my relationship with God, I fall short of everyone.  Lies run through my head like a little kid on a merry go round.  It starts out slow, with one or two lies and then the lies just keep spinning around and around and around and around in my head.  And when I finally jump off, the merry go round of lies doesn't stop, it just keeps spinning and I'm left laying on the side with my balance messed up.  I try to shake off those lies and walk away but I don't walk straight.  I sway to the left and to the right, I stumble, I might even trip.  And those lies are still swirling around right behind me.  They are at the top of my mind, but worse, they have sunk into my spirit.   

Whew, that feels better!  See, I write to find out what's going on in my head.  And there it is.  Kind of ugly, huh?  

Just pretend this last sentence is a pretty little bow on top of this jumbled post.  I'm going to post it and try to get back to writing.  As always, not everything will be serious and not everything will be pretty and fun, but it's me and my life.  And you're welcome to come along for the ride if you want!