Sage stories

Yesterday, while I was nursing Kolby in our dining room, Sage was in the living room playing. Suddenly, he starts crying/whining (not unusual). But he keeps crying and I am yelling "Sage, what is the matter?" "Yeah." He yells back (his response to most questions). Finally I walk in the living room. He has the foot rest popped open on the recliner and has managed to get his arm stuck in between the boards with the foot rest half open. He had big tears running down his face but as soon as I got him unstuck, he was done crying.

Last night, he was outside in our "backyard" otherwise known as a parking lot in the back of our apartment. But we are the only ones who drive or park there. He was playing with one of those big balls. Throwing it, chasing it, repeat. Over and over again. He threw it, chased it, tried to pick it up, and missed his body twists around and he lands on his forehead on the ground. Immediatly he cries. His forehead and nose are scratched but nothing serious. Not even too much blood. I showed him in the mirror later and asked if it hurt to which he replied "Noo."

Kolby is sitting in his bouncy seat. Sage gives him a hug by laying on Kolby and giving him kisses and his feet are up in the air behind him!

Sage loves music. He loves to play his xylophone and sing! He uses toys as pretend microphones!

I want to start writing more of these because I so quickly forget!

2 Month Check up

Kolbster had his 2 month check up today even though he will be turning 3 months on Friday the 9th. He weighed in at 16lbs. 11oz. which puts him off the charts for weight, height is 25th percentile at 23.5 inches and head is 50th percentile. That is as exciting as the visit was. He got his first shots and screamed!

Sage fell asleep on the way home from the doctors and I carried him in, laid him down, took his shoes off, took his pants off, changed his diaper (which had leaked-pampers, not cloth), took off his jacket and then laid him in bed. I laid with him for about 5 minutes and he is still sleeping. He has been waking up really early lately like 6am. Last night he was up until 10pm. His naps have been getting earlier and earlier like noon. Yesterday morning I noticed he was really tired. He is getting to the age of meltdowns. At the park yesterday, someone brought one of those little cars you sit in and walk around. He LOVES these. And was so upset that he couldn't play with it because it wasn't his and someone else was playing with it at the time. Crying fit. We left. It was a hard park day. He was so excited to be there and we were walking in and he tripped on the bricks right through the entry gate. He smacked his face on the ground and got a bloody lip and nose. Then he was playing on this big see-saw type thing. It was a four seater, two kids on each side. He was by himself on one side and two 3 or 4 year olds were on the other. He decided he wanted to get off and started to slide himself forward under the safety bar. The kids kept going so his little body was getting bucked back and forth, back and forth. I was about 50 feet away with Kolbs in the Baby Bjorn running towards them yelling STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP. I felt like the freaky mom at the park.

Split Personalities

I have two different personalities when it comes to mothering. The first is the laid back, natural mothering style. I breastfeed, in public, where ever I happen to be and rarely with something covering the baby. I have started using cloth diapers. My baby is kind of on a schedule, kind of a nurse on demand baby. He sleeps in the swing for his naps, most of the time. The other mom is scheudled, disciplined, and routine driven. Sometimes I want Kolbster to drink formula from a bottle, take a passy like nobody's business, and wear only disposable diapers. And sleep only in his bassinet. It is like a battle going on everyday. I have given in to some things and others I haven't (like the bottle). Part of me figures, Kolbs is still little, he will settle into more of a routine in about a month and part of me is like it is my own fault, I don't always make him eat, have awake time and then sleep. Why haven't I figured out who I am yet, and why am I not always comfortable in my own skin? Why do I feel the need to try every option? For example, I have tried all brands of diapers, never loyal to one. And now, I had to try cloth diapering. I can't even tell you why I wanted to try. Maybe because I know people that do it and I wanted to try it too and maybe because it has always interested me so why not try or maybe because, if my mom can do it, surely I can too, maybe because it would save us money(?), maybe because it helps the environment, maybe because I wanted to try it.

Cloth diapering and saving money. I am not sure I buy that any more. We were doing the math and for the money I have invested I would have to cloth diaper exclusively for 6 months to make them break even with disposables. And that doesn't even get me enough diapers to do it full time. I have 12. (1 is defective and they are sending me another one) I have used 7 today by 3pm although one was because Kolby peed when his diaper was open and got the clean one wet. So, I am doing a mixture of cloth and disposables. Cloth around home and for short trips out and about. Disposables to fill in the gaps and when we will be gone for extended periods of time. And I am not brave enough to try cloth for overnight.

Kolbs has only poohed in one cloth diaper and it held it all in! This was going on the third day of no pooh action from him, so with that I am impressed.

Target diapers have worked great for Kolby. No leaks and they seem to fit great. Why didn't I try the ultra cheap brand of Target diapers before I bought cloth and why didn't I do the cloth math correctly before I bought cloth?

What is up with the weather? I can't keep up with it, first really hot shorts and t-shirts now we are back to low 60's.

Kolby's clothes. I need one piece outfits that snap in the crotch for him. I can't pull pants on and off because that requires taking his shoes and bar on and off and that takes too long and he doesn't especially like it. Although today after he peed on his socks and I changed them and put his shoes back on, he didn't cry at all! And now with this weird weather, I only have 2 long pants with short sleeve option for him. And that particular combination with snaps all along the legs is kind of hard to find.

A lot of times as I write, I think who cares about this stuff in my life, does anyone read this?

First Time For Everything

First ER Visit: Kolby fell off Sage's bed. I irresponsibly and stupidly laid Kolby at the foot of Sage's bed while I changed Sage's diaper. By the time I was done, Kolby was crying on the floor. The hardwood floor. He isn't even 3 months old. He is crying. Sage is crying. I am praying. I try to nurse him, he cries, he latches on, he falls asleep, immediatly. I try calling the doctor, Drew. No one answers. I put him in his car seat. He stays asleep. He always crys when I put him in his car seat or put him down. He prefers to be held. I decide to go to the ER. I call Drew approximatly 8,000 times. He finally calls. He will meet me at the ER.

The nurse takes Kolby back to get him started. Sage cries. He doesn't want his brother to leave. Drew walks in. We all go back with Kolby to get him weighed and looked over. We sit in the waiting room. We get taken to a room. He is doing better. Wide awake. Looking around. Smiling. We call our parents. They order a Cat Scan. We decide Drew and Sage will go home. I stay with Kolby. Cat Scan done. I finally nurse him. Cat Scan read. They see a small spot on one of the hundreds of pictures. They might want to keep him overnight to be safe. They take some blood and put in an IV. He screams. They want to watch him overnight. We wait for a room on the pediatric unit. I talk to the nurse and the doctor. Kolby sleeps. Cell phone keeps ringing. Finally, I can sleep. Kolby wakes up. Nurses one side. Falls asleep. Won't wake up. Rub water on his face. Call the nurse. Says she isn't worried since he ate on one side. Kolby wakes up every couple of hours. Long night. Drew calls at 7:15 and wakes me up. Kolby wakes up. He nurses. We get discharged by 10.

Long night, Kolby is back to normal. He is supposed to avoid activities that might cause head trauma.

I remember one or two, now three!

Disappointment: I wish that I could carry Kolbster in a sling. There, I said it. That is one thing I am disappointed about with his club foot. Silly, huh? I think he would like it because he loves to be held and always wants to be held. But having a metal bar in between his feet is a little cumbersome. And I am not going to apologize for being disappointmed about this because he could have something else wrong and this isn't that big of a deal, this is just something that I am still having a hard time with. And I do use the Baby Bjorn and am glad to wear it and use it but man the thing can hurt my back! I have a heavy baby! But man is he cute!

He has learned to kick with his bar on. Which means sitting on my lap, his bar is rubbing up and down on my thigh. Not too great with shorts on!

Beach: We went to the beach this weekend and had so much fun! Kolby was happy most of the time, laying on the blanket looking around and Sage wanted to only be down by the water, picking up the sand and throwing it into the ocean. He even ran in to the ocean up to his waist and liked it! It was cold water though!

Dipaers: Ever tried the Target brand? I will let you know. I am trying them for Kolby next. And I am going to try cloth diapering. Yeah, you read correctly. I ordered some from Motherease. My biggest scared factor is the laundry (doing it all the time). I'll let you know how that goes too.


I have the two cutest boys in the whole world! Yes, they are both sleeping, why do you ask?

BIG BOY BED: Sage sleeps in one! We started this weekend with a nap and the next day put him to bed for the night. He does okay. He wasn't excited to sleep there but he is doing pretty good. The worst part is that now I have to get him up right away or he starts playing with the window air conditioner unit. He can reach it from the end of his bed. He knows he isn't allowed to get off his bed unless one of us comes to get him. Last night was the hardest so far. We host a Bible study at 7:30 and try to get him to bed before people arrive. But we were late eating and then late getting his bath and late getting him to bed. At one point, Drew went in and put him back to bed because he was crying and we just wanted to be sure that he was in bed. After he laid him down again, Sage kept crying, so I went in to check on him and he was laying in the middle of the floor with his arms in his pajamas but the neck was behind his neck. He was stuck in his shirt with his arms straight above his head! It was a funny sight. I brough him out with me and then laid with him until he fell asleep.

I told him that in a few months, Kolby would start sleeping in the crib and they would share a room and he shook his head no.

I had a whole list of things I was going to write but of course now that I am sitting here, I can't remember them. I'll get back to you if I remember.

New Look

I needed a new spring time look, maybe this will stick for a little while. For some reason, black is my favorite color in the winter but not so much come spring and summer. I need color and something to spice up my world!

We love parks at our house! We go to a park almost everyday and everyday I am amazed at how long we can spend at a park. Sage is really good at climbing everything and sliding and swinging. Yesterday, was his first experience in a sand box. He really like shoveling and dumping! I can't wait to take the boys to the beach! (Except that requires me to be in a swim suit.)

We had two rough nights with Kolby adjusting to his splint. Last night was more normal, but man am I tired! 6 hours of total sleep with getting up every 2 is not my idea of a restful night. And the hubby wonders why I am addicted to Coke! I keep it at one a day. Yesterday, I gave Kolby his second real bath of his life! He loved it. He is so cute! And getting so smiley. He really likes to be held. I remember Sage at this age not really caring. I could set him in the bouncy or swing for hours and he was happy. At least long enough to get a shower. Kolby cried while I showered this morning and then right as I was finishing, he stopped!

What a boring post. I will have to think more creatively. Any suggestions?

Dennis Browne Splint

Yesterday, Kolby got his casts off for the last time! He is now wearing a Dennis Browne Splint 23 hours a day, 7 days a week until he is 6 months old. So, until December. His feet are super sensitive since they have been in casts 10 out of 11 weeks of his life. Yesterday he wanted to be held all the time. If he wasn't in someones arms, he was screaming. Hopefully today will be better. He is actually sleeping in the swing and I got to take a shower so already the day is off on a positive note.

Putting the shoes on his little feet is hard. Yesterday, his right foot slipped out twice. Two moms who were in the office with kids who had bilateral club foot said that if Kolby can keep these splints on then we should be golden. They had trouble with their kids getting them off and so one foot didn't correct like it should have.

Last night was rough with Kolby waking up every 2 hours. It was hard to know when to feed hime and when to try to comfort him, I ended up comforting him with nursing! And it is more difficult for him to nurse laying down next to me now. The first time, it made him very angry and the second time he got it. Everything is an adjustment right now and I know this is for the best for the future but it is hard! Especially when he is screaming and hard to console. Yesterday afternoon, I did nothing but hold him.

It will be interesting taking him out in public and hearing comments/questions. One mom said adults didn't say anything about it and didn't comment on how cute he was or anything. It made her feel bad. I don't know if I would say something if I didn't know what it was. There is always a balance between being rude on either side.

Solution or lack thereof

I took Kolby to the dr. this morning, it has finally stopped raining so we got out and walked there and back. With stops on the way back at Starbucks (love me some java chip frapaccino), the library, and the bank. The walk was wonderful. I feel so much better today. And I love getting out and using our stroller which I love!

So, the dr. basically confirmed that it is reflux and that it is very normal in babies until 7 months of age. She said we could try zantac but she does not love to give medication to such little babies. I am not a fan of that either. She also said we could try thickening his meals which would require pumping and adding cereal. I am not a fan of that either since giving babies solids too early can cause problems later on like diabetes and allergies or so the purists say. Anyway, I am also not a fan of pumping and then giving a bottle, that sounds very time consuming when I am with him all the time. She also said that there is not a formula that would be gentler on his stomache than breastmilk. So I am going to continue nursing and do nothing about his reflux except try to comfort him. My time at the dr. seems like a waste but it was encouraging to hear that he will grow out of it... in 5 months! Sounds short and long all at the same time!

Thanks for everyones comments and posts. Rach, talking to you yesterday really lifted my spirits! Sorry, I seem to have scared people with talking about how sad I have been. Honestly, today things are looking up. Maybe a brisk walk every morning would do us all some good! And i am looking forward to updating the blog more often. And get back to some lighter topics, like spanking! Just kidding. I can not handle mean emails right now!

Fussy Baby

Kolby is a fussy baby. I don't know if I would classify him as high needs like Dr. Sears, but fussy. He is the fussiest during and after I nurse him. It has been this way since about 2 weeks old, right after my mom left (of course). Sometimes while nursing he will pull off, arch his back and scream. There is no way to console him, just hold him until he is done screaming. Sometimes, he will latch back on and sometimes he will bop his head around and act like he wants to get back on but won't really then start crying again. I switch sides and sometimes he will latch on there and sometimes will bop his head around and not really nurse again. Sometimes he will suck a couple more times and start crying again. Needless to say, this is very frustrating for myself, Kolby and Drew. I had taken him to the pediatrician for his cradle cap and mentioned it to the resident pediatrician then and he advised to cut milk out of my diet. But he didn't ask any questions about it and didn't seem to care too much. Anyway... we are going tomorrow and hopefully they can watch him nurse and hopefully it will be one of the bad times and they can help us. The triage nurse I spoke with seemed quick to diagnose him with reflux although uncommon in nursing babies. She suggested they might have me bottle feed him expressed milk and add rice cereal to help keep it down. She said what might be happening is the milk is coming back up into his esophagus and causing him pain. His cry definitly seems like a pain cry but at the same time, he will often fart or burp and then quit crying also. It seems to me like it would be more of a gas issue than reflux, but I am not a nurse or doctor. I hope the dr. can help us tomorrow because I am feeling at the end of my rope with nursing. I don't want to quit, I would feel like a failure but if his stomache can handle a formula better... It would make for a happier household. I don't know. Then I start second guessing myself and tell myself his fussiness is normal, which is why it has taken me so long to call the pediatrician in the first place. As a mom I feel guilty and depressed a lot lately. I feel like everything that I do for my kids is not good enough or enough. I feel like if I give up nursing, I am a failure to me sweet baby. I feel like I fail Sage everyday by not playing with him enough. I am having a hard time and can't put my finger on why. I wake up with headaches everyday.

Mom, if you are reading this from Florida, please call. I know you are busy with your parents, but I need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing. And I might just need to cry...again.

Happy Mama

That is what Sage tells me today. So cute.

I am thinking about using gdiapers. Has anyone used them? I have always considered cloth but am put off by the amount of laundry. These seem like a good alternative. They look like a cloth diaper but you flush the liner and all that goes with it. It interests me because it is better for the environment. Not sure the hubby will go for it though.

Kolby is one week and 2 days away from being cast free! Then he will wear a brace all the time until he is six months old.

It seems like I will have posts floating around in my head and I finally get a moment to sit and type and poof they are gone. This blog has been relatively boring lately and with few and far between posts. I had a post the other day that then got lost in cyberspace.

I have been having a hard time adjusting to two babies. On one hand, I feel like I have things under control and on the other, I feel like I am drowning and struggling to get one more breath and somehow I get one more breath and start sinking again.

I celebrated my birthday last week, I am now in my upper twenties, 27 to be exact. We went to dinner last night just me and hubs to celebrate. Ruby Tuesday for an awesome burger and fries. That is one of my favorite meals. Ice cream would have made it complete but it was chilly so we opted for a hot chocolate from Starbucks, another favorite! It was so weird not putting babies into car seats or feeding anyone else but myself. Kolby was good so I feel more comfortable/confident leaving him. And I had such a great time with Drew. We laughed and talked about our future and what that might look like. And we laughed. It was a great birthday dinner.

Ahhh Breath out

Both boys are sleeping. I feel my body relax as I tell myself not to think about what I should do and do what I want to do while they sleep.

Kolby is a great nurser but he seems to have a lot of gas. Sometimes while I am feeding him, he will pull off and scream and poop or fart. It makes nursing him not relaxing and not always a comfort thing for him like it should be. It kind of worries me and kind of not. I asked the dr. and he said stop drinking milk because I don't have to drink it to make it. Idiot. Duh. I haven't really done that because I have still been eating dairy.

I met a friend at the mall for lunch today. In the elevator, I rode with a couple who had an 18 month old girl and a 6 week old boy. She looked amazing! Anyway, later, I wished that I had talked to her more, asked her name, maybe for her phone number so we could have a mommy date. Is that weird? I just don't have many mommy friends here and I would love to have more and don't know how to meet/find them. I am in a moms club but haven't really clicked with anyone.

I feel guilty a lot. Guilty because I don't do things enough or right. I didn't feel this way with just Sage but now I feel it a lot. I haven't written in Kolby's journal that we bought for him. I haven't even put together his baby book. Sage stays in his crib for an hour in the morning before I get him up, because I want more sleep. I am always behind on the laundry. Making dinner is hard. Kolby cries a lot. I don't hold him enough. Sage doesn't get enough one on one attention. Will I ever feel less guilty? I also feel selfish. I want time for myself. I want Kolby to sleep through the night. I want to switch Kolby to formula, maybe that would help his gas issues. It is almost like I look for reasons to quit breastfeeding. And on the other hand, I love it. It is so conveniant, easy and always ready. But I am the only one who can feed him. I want to leave my boys with a sitter for the night. But I feel guilty that Kolby might cry a lot. And he will need me. And I don't want someone else to have to deal with his crying.

I don't feel like myself lately. I feel different. I don't know. It is weird. I feel like I want to be somebody else. But who? I feel tired and lonely.

My friend might move this summer. My one good friend here. Then what will I do? Why is having/making friends so hard? I have an awesome friend from third grade. She understands everything. Why can't we live in the same place?

Kolby has started to smile. He is so cute and so chubby! His cheeks are huge. We get lots of comments on his cheeks. He gets these last casts off on the 23rd. There are so many unknowns with the brace that will come. I don't know how often I can take it off. To change his diaper? How easy will it be for him to wear socks, shoes, pants, feeted pajamas? Does it have to be on his feet or over socks? I just need to be patient but have so many questions. And I know we will get a lot more questions with the brace than we do with the casts. A lot of people don't notice them. Especially since he wears pants all the time or is in his car seat with his legs covered. Can I still use the Baby Bjorn with him?

Now I better go do...

SAHM

Why is it that I love being a stay at home mom but I don't like to stay home? In the morning, I think about what I am going to do and where I am going. I am not usually content to stay home. I joined a moms club that plans activities for us to do with our kids. There are usually 2 mornings or afternoon events per week. Since I moved here a year ago, that has been a great way to meet people and an easy way to get out of the house. It was easier when I only had Sage. Now, it seems like every event is at exactly the same time as when Kolby needs to eat. This morning, I plannned to feed him when we got there, except, I got lost and we never got there. So, I ended up driving around for an hour. That doesn't exactly count as getting out of the house to me. Sage fell asleep so maybe it was worth it!

Some days, I love to stay in my pajamas and clean the house but then by the afternoon, I am ready to get out and sometimes it doesn't work with nap schedules, nursing and needing to figure out and make dinner.

Some days, I feel so lazy because I don't want to clean or cook and then I remind myself that if my kids are clean and fed I am doing my job and most everything else can wait until tomorrow! Except dinner, dinner can never wait for tomorrow and I dislike having to plan and cook for it. I don't know why. I think because it is at the end of the day and I am ready to be done for the day. And I hate grocery shopping and figuring out what to make all the time.

Some days, when it is finally sunny instead of raining, I want to stay inside and not go anywhere. Why? I am just weird. I feel lonely so I stay home and type on the computer.

Some days, I feel so guilty for not playing with Sage more. I should be teaching him and playing with him all the time. I try but at the same time he plays by himself a lot and that is good too. Every kid needs to learn to play by themself too. So many things to make me feel guilty. Guilt to be a better mom and wife. Keep the house cleaner, make better dinners, give healthier snacks, healthier meals, not drink Coke, the list goes on and on.

Internet in da house

Kolby pictures! The far left we were at a park and the only way he wasn't screaming was in his car seat being bounced. The second is sleeping on mom and dads bed!



We finally have our computer back! It is a long story, but thanks to Geek Squad we are back up and running.

Kolby had his surgery yesterday. They cut his heal cords and recast his legs. He will wear these casts for 3 weeks and then we start the brace treatment. The surgery went perfectly. We took Sage with us and he did great with all the waiting. Grandma had sent some tools for him to play with and we got him some of his own keys which were a big hit! I highly recommend them, they are Parents brand and he loves them!

Kolby will be 8 weeks, Thursday. Time flies! He was weighed yesterday before surgery with casts on and he was 15 lbs. 2 oz, so probably without casts, 14 lbs. He is chubby! It will be funny to see him without casts, they just seem a part of who he is! And his legs will be so skinny! His top thigh chubs out around the cast, it looks pretty funny!

Hopefully now I will get to post more, but still keep my house as clean. Funny how clean it has been since we haven't had internet!

Places I want to visit

This will in no way be a comprehensive list, but I need to write them down or I will forget.

Maine
D.C.
Boston
Seattle
Hawaii

For some reason, I have been thinking about trips that I want to take with my family. The top 3 are places that we should go before we move away from the east coast. Which brings me to another question, where do I want to live? Ideally, I don't know. There are so many factors. Family being the biggest factor. Both of our families live in the midwest. We both grew up there. We like it there, but we will probably not live close enough to either family for them to babysit for us on a regular basis. So, do I decide that driving distance is good enough? Or do we want to live farther away and then make our vacations to see relatives? Not that those aren't good vacations, there are just more places that I want to see and experience and places I want my kids to see.

I still feel lonely some days. But then I think about the fact that we probably wouldn't live close enough to family that I could call someone and say meet me here or come hang out at my house for the afternoon. It puts a different perspective on things and makes me realize that I have to be content no matter where we live. I wonder if we will live in the same city for many years like our parents did. Benefits are family friends. I have family friends who are like family. You know the kind that you are so comfortable around? You look forward to seeing them and you don't even have to talk although most of the time, you have so much to say about nothing because you pick up where you left off last time. Will we make our own family friends? Have we already made some? Probably yes to both questions. We will make some in each place we live, and have already made some that will remain friends forever. Friends, you drop in on when you are in town.

My baby is crying so I better go. Last night, he went from 9:30 to 3:30! I don't think Sage did that until like 4 months! Maybe Kolby will be a good sleeper at night.

My in-laws leave tomorrow so I will be off line until our computer is fixed. Good-bye outside world! I hope to be back up and running soon!

Patience

Sage is learning patience. The hardest time for him is when dinner is in front of him, his plate is fixed, but we haven't prayed yet. We have recently started to make him wait to start eating until after we pray. This particular evening, he was very hungry. Sage was sitting in his chair waiting for us. He pointed to his plate and said peas (please). I told him he needed to wait for the rest of us and we needed to pray first. He promptly folded his hands babbled some Sage babble and then said "Men!" (amen) meaning he had prayed and was ready to eat! So cute and so funny! He still had to wait for the rest of us.

I'm Back!

So, I am back in the blogging world. Our motherboard in our computer fried and hasn't been fixed yet. Fortunatly, my in-laws are here visiting and brought a lap top!

Kolby is doing great. He is a pretty good baby. His fussy time is in the evening, from about 6 to 10. He cries a lot and I usually end up nursing him a lot. He seems pretty gassy and I have cut back on chocolate, thinking that might help. I haven't noticed too much of a difference.

His feet are healing very nicely. He has been cast every Tuesday for the last 4 weeks. We skipped this week since the doctor is on vacation. He will be cast next week and then May 1, will have his heal cords cut in surgery and then wear the last cast for 3 weeks. Sometime around the 21st of May, he will get those off and start wearing the brace all the time until he is 6 months old and then at night until he is 4. The doctor said the brace is the hardest part of the treatment since it is so easy to take off. It is amazing to see the difference when his casts come off, his feet are straight and look more normal. I still can't post pictures since they are all on our hard drive. But someday, I will show you before, during and after pictures.

Sage is doing really great. He is such a sweet boy. He likes to give Kolby hugs and kisses and sometimes requests to hold him. He gets a little jealous when I am nursing Kolby but gets over it when he can watch tv. So, now he watches too much tv! He is talking more and more. Not all words are understandable, but he is trying. Last night, he was sitting in his chair for dinner and I had his plate fixed so the food would cool down. He asked for it and I said we need to wait for everyone and pray first and then we can eat the food. He promptly folded his hand, said some undecernable words, said men for Amen and looked at me like okay, I prayed. It was so cute. He understands so much of what we say it is amazing! And he loves to hide from us. He will go into the dark bathroom and hide behide the shower curtain when it is bathtime. And he will go in our closet and shut the door so we can't find him. He also really likes to hide under blankets but he thinks if his head is covered, we can't see him, so usually his body is uncovered. He also covers his eyes with his hands and then uncovers them and says boo! Too cute.

Anyone have a great diaper bag? Mine is too small for two kids. It has to be a messenger or back pack style.

Also, a swing? Ours is the cheapest one from Target and it keeps coming apart. It makes me nervous that Kolby is going to fall out!

It is good to be back and hopefully our computer will be up and running soon!

Update

I tried posting pics of Kolby again and again, blogger is failing me.

I feel so behind in everything, email, phone messages, blog, everything.

Kolby got his first casts on his feet for his club feet on Friday. We went to the Yale Hospital and decided that we probably won't go back. It is a teaching hospital and we have poor people insurance so Kolby would see a different resident and a different doctor every week to get recasted. So, we are going to go to Connecticut Childrens Hospital about 45 minutes away. But, there, Kolby will see the same dr. and one whom we understand to be an expert in the Ponsetti method for treating club foot.

The ironic thing, Dr. Ponsetti has done all of his studying at the University of Iowa. We moved from Iowa right before we got pregnant with Kolby. For about 5 minutes, we considered, me and the boys going to Iowa and staying with my parents while Kolby was treated there. It could be 3 months of weekly castings. Probably not such a great thing for our family. We also decided that God has us here for a reason and we want to trust Him and be wise in our decision making.
Sage is doing really well with Kolby. He likes to get in front of his face and say hi, hi, hi in a high pitched voice. And of course, shove the passi into his face. He will gently and sometimes not so gently pet Kolby's head. He makes a funny face when Kolby makes a squeak or cries.

Kolby is a perfect baby. He eats every 2 1/2 to 3 hours during the day and will go 4 or 5 hours at night. He rarely cries and he seems to be doing really well with these casts. Right now, his casts only go up to his knees but on Wed. he will get recasted up to his thighs. I cried as the dr. put them on. I don't know why. I know it is best for him, I guess just seeing my small, sweet boy with casts makes me sad.

Well, I want to write more, but I need to go hang some laundry and 8 million other things that need to get done.

March 9, 2006

Kolby entered the world weighing 7lbs 14oz and 20 in. He was born at 11:15pm after they broke my water an hour earlier. I had INTENSE contractions for 45 minutes and pushed for 6 minutes. It was the longest hour of my life so far! But, I have to say, if I had to choose a short, hard labor or a long, hard labor, I would choose the first!

He is so sweet and perfectly healthy. He has a birth defect called club feet. The treatment is castings beginning this Friday. He will have to get castings every 1 to 2 weeks for 6 to 12 weeks. We don't know a whole lot. We have read some on the internet, but are trying not to drive ourselves crazy with too much information. It is very correctable.

So far, he is such a good baby. He sleeps really well at night and wakes up about every 3 hours to eat. We are having issues with where he sleeps at night, but it could be a lot worse, like not sleeping!

Pictures to come soon, blogger isn't cooperating!

37 Weeks and 5 days

Still pregnant!

Weight: 173.5
Dialated: 6cm
Effaced: 80%

I asked her to check me, she wasn't going to but I thought I would be too curious later. I was nervous that I would be disappointed. I did dialate another cm, but she had a really hard time saying what she thought it was because the baby's head is right there. She was trying to measure around the baby's head to see how dialated I am. She said this baby is going to slip right out and I shouldn't even push.

I am a little nervous since I am not in labor and so dialated. She said to call them when I am having contractions 10 minutes apart. How does she know that I will even have contractions? I haven't yet. And she implied that we should be pretty speedy about getting to the hospital or we might be delivering at home. If the baby comes at home, we just need towels and then wait for the ambulance to come, right? There is a fire station like 2 blocks from our house, so they would probably arrive first. Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh. Just the unknowns of delivering a baby drives me crazy.

We are planning on going walking at the mall tonight to see if we can get things going. I feel so nervous for this baby to come. I want to live my life normally and go places like always, and then wonder if that is foolish because this baby might just slip right out. But at the same time, I could walk around like this for another 2 weeks. I wish they would induce me. Just break my water.

Hard at Work

Drew and Sage are putting the dresser together for the baby. It is the last thing that needs to be done, besides, transferring the clothes into the dresser.

I cleaned the apartment today, so tomorrow I need to go grocery shopping then we will be completly ready at any moment and I will feel okay about coming home to a semi clean home and some food. And Drew and Sage will have food to eat while I am away!

37 Weeks

Here it is... the latest belly picture.

Nothing much is going on. Yesterday morning, I had quite a few Braxton Hics but unfortunatly, it turned into nothing. Today there has been little to no activity.

36 weeks and 6 days

Weight: 169
Measurement: 34
Dilation: 5cm
Station: +1

Pretty uneventful dr. visit. I was hoping to get sent to the hospital, no such luck. She was pretty amazed that I was 5cm and not in labor.

On another note, my H's are doing a lot better. Not completly better, but a lot more liveable.

And a completly different note, Sage no longer colors, he eats the crayons. I have noticed lately that his favorite book is "My Big Book of Rescue Heros" so we bought him "My Big Book of Animals". And he has suddenly developed cradle cap or dandruff. And the cradle cap treatment by Baby Orajel stinks. Literally and figuratively. It hasn't helped and it makes his hair really greasy.

What a random post. The things on my mind? Having this baby, getting to the hospital (Drew still doesn't know how to get there, do you think that is going to be a fun conversation when I am in labor?) and Sage. He is so sweet. He gives kisses without being asked. And when I say can you say love you, he gives me a kiss.

New words: apple, banana (naaaa), and more (moooo) For some reason, most of his words are only the first sylable.

Surprise!

Today, a package arrived from FedEx for Sage and Baby. The outside said Phil & Teds. I couldn't believe my eyes. I knew it was the double stroller we have been looking at but hadn't purchased yet. I called Drew and asked him what he did. He was very confused and said nothing. I asked again, what did you do. He said nothing. I told him we just got a package that says Phil & Teds on it. He said "what?" I said did your parents do this? He said "I know nothing." I opened the packing slip and it said bill to a friend from church (but her name was actually printed). We are both shocked and incredibly grateful. It is amazing. Drew called her husband, and he said, how did you know it was us. They had tried to get their name taken off the packing slip so it would be annonymous. It is really cool because Drew and I saved some money that we received for Christmas to put toward the stroller and were hoping to be able to buy the entire stroller as a gift. And then it landed on our door step! Why does God take care of the silly material possesions that we want?

Ultrasound says...

36 weeks and 2 days along. Which everyone here says is full term.

6lbs. 14 oz.

Everything looks good and since he could still gain 1/4 to 1/2 lb. per week, no problems with a small baby.

Next appointment is Friday, hopefully, I will be more dialated and closer to delivery. Everything would be fine to wait longer but the fact that I can't sit, stand or walk without being in pain is getting really old. Sage is restless because we have gone so few places, as am I. But if this is the worst thing in my pregnancy, I should be grateful. Should be and being grateful, two different things!

Baby Update

Weight: 169
Measured: 32
Heartrate: 120

So, there are some things going on this time. First of all, I am measuring small with no growth from last time and a drop in my weight. She said by what she can feel she would estimate I have a 7 lb. baby right now. To be on the safe side, we are doing an ultrasound on Monday to make sure there is no reason that the baby might have stopped growing or anything. She didn't seem too concerned but wanted to be sure.

Secondly, she checked me since she did the group B strep test and said that I am 4 cm dilated and 40% effaced. So, I went and bought diapers and all the little stuff that I had been putting off. We could now bring home a baby and have everything, I think!

Thirdly, I have hemroids. Really bad. She had a surgeon come look at them and he said it might cause more complications to do anything to them now since I am so close to delivery and prescribed Lydocaine, a numbing medication. But my diagnosis on this med is that is a joke and not helping at all. So, basically, I am going to be in pain until I deliver. I was also told that I need to be laying down on my side as much as possible. Since that is the only position that offers a little relief, that is what I have been doing. But, I also need to get things done around here. Like caught up on bills, laundry and cleaning. I don't want to come home to a disaster of a house!

Unfortunatly, Drew is super busy at school until next Thursday when they have the midterm review. That said, it would be difficult if the baby is born this week because he really can't slack off. I know that God will have this baby born in His perfect timing, and we will pray and ask him to have the baby come in our perfect time! He answers prayer, but sometimes, the answer is no and we will just deal with whatever the answer is.

He so rarely falls asleep on my lap anymore, I cherish every time it happens. This picture is also serving as a belly picture, at 34 weeks, I think, maybe 33.

Nothing exciting has been happening lately. Monday, my midwife called and asked if I had gotten my Rho-gam shot yet. I said no, and she said somehow it got missed and you need to get that today. So, I said I would come in today and get it. 3 hours after arriving, we left with one Rho-gam shot completed. Sage is so good. I had taken some snacks and we ate lunch in the cafeteria but he was so tired by the time we left. And he never cries or complains. A few protests and then he gets distracted with more food.

My washer has finally been fixed! I can now do a full load of laundry again, which in a normal washer is a half load, and I had been doing a half load in our machine, which is 1/4 of a normal load!

I forgot Thankful Thursday so here goes.

1. A working, non-water leaking washer!
2. A surprise Valentine rose (from Drew)
3. Sweet kisses from my sweet boy- unasked he has started giving kisses
4. a good nights sleep
5. eating out
6. a free baby bassinet that can be hooked next to my bed also

Do you ever get tired of food? Not that I am not hungry, I just get tired of always fixing food, cleaning up and shopping for food. How much time would I have in a day if I didn't have to feed myself and my family? It would be amazing.

Sage has figured out that he can carry his step stool anywhere, therefor making him a lot taller and able to reach everything. Nothing is safe in our house anymore. Nothing. If the stool isn't good enough, get a chair!

He colors!

He actually sits at his chair and scribbles on paper. He is getting quite good if I do say so myself! It is nice to have an activity that he will sit and do for a while. I can pay a bill while sitting next to him and actually try to get something done while he is awake!

But we did have our first non-paper coloring incident. He was sprawled on the floor coloring. That's right, on the floor. Thank God for washable crayons!

In other news, the washing machine repairman is supposed to come and fix the washer. Last time, he was just seeing what it was that needed fixed. So, hopefully, today I can do a full size of laundry which is about half of a normal load. I have been doing 1/4 of normal loads. I hope it works because I really need to get caught up on laundry!

Firsts

Today was a day of firsts.

It started out this morning with my first call to Poison Control. Apparantly, my prenatal vitamin cap is not so child proof. Sage got the cap off and spilled a bunch and put two in his mouth. I read the bottle and it says "WARNING: Accidental overdose of iron containing products is a leading cause of fatal poisoning in children under 6. Keep this product out of reach of children. In case of accidental overdose, call a doctor or poison control center immediatly." Since I didn't know how much would constitute an overdose, I called poison control. I had him spit them out and it looked like he had only sucked off the coating and didn't get too much of the actual vitamin, which must have been pretty disgusting. She asked me how much he weighs, did a calculation and assured me he would be fine. I should have him drink an extra sippy of liquid today and he might have a stomache ache but she was doubtful.

The second first is that Sage took a 3 hour nap! Did I get anything done? No. I watched the rest of Herbie Fully Loaded, laid around and shopped on Ebay for nothing in particular. This nap thing makes me wonder a little if these two firsts are at all connected? Doubtful. He is probably just going through a growth spurt which would also explain his large eating habits lately.

I am looking for the perfect diaper bag for two children. For Sage, I carry what he needs in my purse currently, but realize that will change with an infant. I would like a messenger style and something that I can throw my wallet, phone, keys, lipstick etc. into as well. I like shopping the internet but I want to touch and feel before I purchase. There is nothing worse to me than wasted shipping money. Any ideas?

I am considering making my own towels for the baby and Sage. I want to make the ones with a hood. I remember Sage's baby towels being so small so quickly. He was a big boy! And I don't know where they are! I think I could figure it out, but the other side of me says, just buy them, if they don't turn out, then what? And to buy a decent towel and hand towel (to make the hoodie) would be around $10 plus my time. But, I would feel pretty domestic making my own towels and then I could make them for gifts and sell them on ebay and... Hey, do I have Sage's baby book done yet? No, oh. Maybe I have other places to spend my time.

I have been doing some thinking lately, on semi related topics.

Materialism: I would say that I am a materialistic person trapped in a cheap persons body. Does that make sense? I like nice things, but don't like to pay for nice things. However, I do believe that if we are going to buy something, it is going to be quality. I would rather pay for quality than quantity. For example, last Christmas, our phone pooped out on us. I had it since high school so it wasn't a huge surprise. We went to Sam's Club and decided on the $40 vtech model. This Christmas, the rechargeable base pooped out on us. Now, instead of having 2 phones, we only have one and feel like we should replace it at some point but we are both too cheap to spend money on a stupid phone. But for our double stroller, we are willing to spend a large amount of money, because we believe we are buying a quality product. And we are saving Christmas money and have asked our parents for money towards the stroller so most if not all will be a gift, and that makes us not feel bad for spending so much money. Clothing, I am more likely to go the cheaper route, sales. When we lived elsewhere, I would go to garge sales but here that has proved more difficult and now with two boys... doubtful that on a Sat. morning, I am going to pack up and haul around two babies.

In general, I am content with what I have. Of course, I do suffer from the wants occasionally. Like this morning with my maternity clothes. I hate most of them. A lot of them are borrowed and don't fit quite right. The shoulders aren't broad enough and the sleeves not long enough making me feel like a giant. Back to being content. The apartment that we live in is great. It is just the right size for our family and even adding one more person, doesn't seem like it will be a problem. Yes, sometimes, I wish we had a backyard to set up a blow up pool, but then I can go to a friends and use theirs. Sometimes, I wish we had a full size washer and dryer, but I am so glad that I don't have to go to a laundrymat. And I have friends who have offered their washer and dryer in case I ever get behind! All, in all, I am content, life is good and can only get better!

Confession: We use government programs. I am embarressed to admit that. My husband is in grad school and our income is very low. We live off student loans. Sage and I are on state health insurance and we get WIC. We qualify for a lot more programs. I haven't paid one dime for any of my pre-natal care or Sage's well baby check ups. The only thing I pay for is parking. $2 an hour. Which isn't much. WIC gives us checks for certain items at the grocery store. We get milk, eggs, peanut butter, juice, beans, and cereal. It really helps our grocery budget. I don't know why I am embarressed to be on these programs, but I am. It is something that I want to hide from people and not tell them, which makes me think that I should tell them. BUT, we will celebrate the day that we can get off all government assistance!

Sage is sleeping so long today that I am sure if I get up to do something useful, like swiffer my floor, he will wake up. So, off to do something useful!

Thankful Thursday

1. Only 6 more weeks of pregnancy (unless I go past my due date)
2. The maternity belt my friend gave me, holds up the belly and takes pressure off my pelvis!!!!
3. We decided on a name (at least for the last 3 weeks, we take no responsibility if it changes)
4. Sage can say the name (if you know what he is trying to say)
5. NAPS!!! for me and Sage
6. 8 oz. cans of Coke
7. 3 Musketeers and Twix

33 Weeks 4 Days

Weight: 172
Heartbeat: 120
Measure:33

Weight gained in two weeks, 2.5 lbs. I am getting closer and closer to the 178, gained as much as I want to mark. That will be a total of 35 lbs. Nothing else exciting, just another long wait at the office. 3:30 appointment, get home at 6:00, spent 15 minutes with the midwife. Another appointment in two weeks.

More updates on life to come. I've been doing some thinking...

Hide and Seek

Today, I was in our bedroom putting stuff away and Sage was in there with me and then he left. I didn't think too much about it and then noticed that I wasn't hearing him in other rooms. So, I walked out to the kitchen/dining area calling his name, no response. I walked past the bathroom and noticed I forgot to close the door, but no Sage. Still calling his name, I go into his bedroom and then back to the kitchen to check the space between the cabinet and the wall where he fits perfectly. No Sage. I walk to the living room still calling his name and see the blanket that is always out on the couch with 2 legs sticking out. I call his name again and he is quiet! I go over to the blanket and pick it up and his face erupts into a huge smile with a great big laugh to follow! I couldn't believe that he hid from me! And he was quiet the entire time I was calling his name! We had a good laugh!

Free Flights!

Did anyone hear about the Wendy's and Airtran promotion? Collect 64 coupons on a Wendy's medium or biggie cup, send them to Airtran and get credit for a free roundtrip ticket? Well, my brother and sister-n-law were collecting them and slowly but surely getting free tickets. Christmas break, my brother suggests that he and Drew go dumpster diving for Wendy's cups. They went two nights to a total of 6 Wendy's and got like 550 cups. Drew and I each got enough for 2 free roundtrip tickets plus 32 more coupons for a one way ticket. What were we going to do with a one way ticket? We decided to sell them on Ebay. It has been a nightmare. Apparantly, there are some weird travel and ticket rules on Ebay and our auctions kept getting pulled. Finally, we got it right and sold 2 packs of 16 coupons each for $39! We made $80 plus the 4 free airline tickets! It will be slightly annoying to travel Airtran since we have to fly out of NY and through there hub in Atlanta, GA. But, it will only cost us the amount of tax so, we will just deal. Beggars can't be choosers!

Emergency?

The other night, I was laying on our couch watching tv when I heard some shouting. I muted the tv to hear what they were saying and then all of a sudden there was banging on the door to our building. My living room, is right next to that door, so it was loud and scary. There were several voices and I heard something about money being shouted. I ran to the kitchen to call the police, couldn't find the non-emergency number, tried dialing 911, got cut off, called Drew who gave me the number and finally called the police. By that time, my neighbor had come out of her apartment and yelled through the non-locked door for the man to go away, you don't live here (benefits of living in a small building). She is an older woman and I told her she was brave to open her door. She told the police that there were 3 African American boys beating up a 50 year old white man. He had cuts and blood on his face and he was the one pounding on the door. Thank God he didn't try to open it and come in. Our front door locks, but has to be relocked each and every time someone unlocks it to come in. I am going to start locking it every night. I think I will also talk to the other tenants and ask them to try to remember to start locking it after they enter.

My thoughts probably scare me the most. When I ran out of the living room, I thought that I should crawl so I don't get hit by any bullets. I hadn't heard any shots. And then I thought maybe I should get my son out of bed and hold him while this got figured out. He didn't make a peep. But he seemed safer with me than without. I didn't get him out of bed, by the way.

My question is this: What constitutes an emergency? When should I call 911 and when just the non-emergency number? I tried calling 911 on my cell, but should have called it from my home so they could trace the call. Not that I was under such stress that I couldn't remember my address.

Just another difference of living on the east coast versus the midwest. The one time my husband called the police in the midwest, we were apartment managers and there was a very loud, drunk party going on across the street. Nothing scary, just loud and annoying. We have each called the police once so far while living here. I forget why the first time, but I don't remember being scared, but Drew was here that time.

Room Time

I started something new with Sage about a week or two ago. Room time. He gets a snack and juice and I turn on the music in his room and I keep some toys in there and he plays by himself in his room for about 30 minutes. It started out that he would cry for like 30 seconds when I shut the door and then it went to a whine but he was always agreeable about going in for room time. Today when I shut the door, and said love you, he looked at me and smiled! I am glad that I am establishing this room time before the baby is born. It is time for me to get some chores done around the house that aren't easy to do with him around or blog or shower, whatever I want to use it for.

He is a really good little boy. We definitly have our moments but overall, he is sweet and loving. He says juice very clearly and everything in his sippy cup or a cup is juice, even a water bottle is juice. He also says bye, ball, bath, on or off (not sure) and others that I can't think of. Many are b words and they tend to sound alike. But we can usually understand because of the context in which he uses them. This morning while coloring, I was telling him the colors and then saying can you say ..... And it sounded like he said blue but again, it is a b word, so I wasn't sure and he wouldn't repeat it. He asked to go bye this morning. I think he is bored. I slept terribly last night, waking with braxton hics and an aching lower back so I cancelled our museum plans. I slept for a couple hours on our big, comfy, black chair in the living room. It is similar to a lazy boy and it really helped my back to sleep sitting up somewhat. Drew came out worried about me at 5:30. I didn't wake him up to tell him what I was doing. I figured he might as well get some good sleep.

Tonight Drew and I are going to the Yale vs. Harvard basketball game. Yep, for free. And then I think we will go out to eat. Should be fun. Hopefully, it is a fun game!

Are braxton hics supposed to wake you up in the middle of the night?

Week 31 and 4 days appointment

Weight: 169.5
Belly: 32 cm
Heartrate: 140

Everything looks great and is going along normally. I asked the policy on breaking water if I was dialated and she said they will not break my water even if I am in active labor. They like it to break on its own because once it is broken, the risk of infection goes up. Bummer. I was hoping that things would go similar to my first, dialted to 3 at 36 weeks and to 5 at 38 weeks, get my water broken a few days later and four hours later, have a baby! Now, I think I might be pregnant longer than with Sage. I am hoping and praying that this baby comes during spring break for Drew so he won't have to miss any classes. My mom is planning to come as soon as possible after the baby is born. We will call her when labor starts or we have a hint the baby could be coming soon and she will buy a ticket and come! There are so many small details that I pray go well with this delivery. Sage. I hope we can get him somewhere he and we are comfortable with him staying. I hope that we don't take him with us to the hospital but if worse comes to worse that isn't the worst option. Drew. School. My mom. Getting a flight and getting from the airport to our house. But I have faith that God will work everything out in His own perfect way and I am excited to see how he does it! My mind tends to think of the dramatics of everything. Like maybe my labor will be not horrible like it was with Sage before they broke my water and then whoosh here comes the water and Drew has to ride his bike home from school and I am ready to push and we have Sage and nothing packed and we have to hurry to make it to the hospital and Drew ends up pulling over and the baby is born in the car! Whew.

Guess what Sage and I did today?!

We walked to the scary grocery store. Come to find out, not that scary and actually quite nice! There are verses on the walls of the grocery store as are the Ten Commandments. The bags say, "Smile God loves you!" The walk there is the scary part and even that, not so scary. It just looks scary because you walk under the interstate where it is darker and there is a lot of broken glass. I stand out in the neighborhood with my bright blonde hair, but no one batted an eyelash at me. So, I probably won't be buying regular groceries there, it is nice to have for things I have forgotten or need to fill in like milk, bread and eggs. And it is nice to be able to walk there.

Guess what else I did today? Nearly finished Sage's month by month book. I have journaled all but month 12. I need a picture for month 9, 10 and 12, add some stickers and journal on month 12 and all done. Now, he will know that I love him. And I can show him this book when the new baby comes and say see how tiny you were? Now, for the one year scrapbook, maybe I should try to do a few pages a day instead of watching tv in the evening.

I haven't been sleeping all that well. Not surprising. I wake up every couple of hours and have had trouble falling asleep at night. But I shouldn't complain because I know there are others who sleep a lot worse than me. I have started sleeping with a pillow between my legs and under my belly and that has helped. I also have had a lot of dreams. I don't like dreaming, it makes me feel unrested. My husband says the opposite.

Baby Book

Am I the only first time mother out there with her first sons baby book of his first year not done and he is now 18 months old? I feel pretty guilty about this. I am the fourth child. My baby book consists of my name, maybe how much I weighed. I won't go into it because I know my mom feels guilty about this. Do you think there is more pressure on us as moms today with the whole scrapbooking world? I mean, a lot of baby books, you fill things in and then add a few pictures. Scrapbooking and journaling is a whole different story.

I got Sage's out today to work on. I also for some idiotic reason decided I would do a small month to month book. It is a 5x7 album that I took a picture of him each month by the same bear that his nana bought for him as a newborn. And then on the other side of the page, I write about what he did that month, new things he learned, his first airplane ride etc. The problem is, months 10,11, and 12, I didn't write anything down. Not that he stopped growing, learning and doing new things, I just didn't write them down. In my defense, we moved month 10 across the country and well that is my excuse. Today, I am trying to finish that book. I am also missing 3 pictures, months 9, 10 and 12. Those just need a run to Target or a quick send off to clarkcolor.com (11 cent Kodak prints!).

And then there are the 1000 pictures we have of him and I already sorted through those and printed off 300 for his album. 300 pictures are not needed nor will they fit. It is ridiculous. I have to remind myself that his life is well documented and I can't fit them all in one book, but he will have them on cd's forever.

Have I mentioned that my mom sells Creative Memories? So, all of my supplies (until Drew gets a real job) are free. Looking at everything that I have, I feel more guilty. She has invested a lot of money into me and scrapbooking. Not only that, I can't go the cheaters route and buy the pre made baby scrapbook and stick in my pictures and add some journaling. Nor can I buy the albums where you just stick your pictures in and say nothing! I am trying. I just wish she could come for a week and all we do is work on this baby book. Because having someone by your side while you do it, telling you good job, that looks good, good work, and having ideas for when you feel like every page looks the same, really, really helps. But she is planning on coming for the birth of the baby, not the finishing of the first baby's scrapbook. Maybe another time.

And now, I need to be done with this blog so I can finish that book!

New baby, New ways

I have been thinking more about how I am going to be with this new baby. And I think I am leaning toward a mixture of attachement and scheduling. Does that make sense? For example, Sage slept one or two nights in the same room as us besides when we travelled. This baby is actually going to be sleeping in a co-sleeper right next to me. (A friend is giving it to me after her last baby outgrows it.) I am excited for this and concerned all at the same time. I am excited to try it but am worried about such things as my husband waking the baby early in the morning. It isn't uncommon for Drew to set the alarm for 5:30 or 6:30 and I don't want to start my day at that time. And I wonder how well I will sleep. I will probably get used to all the baby noises but I do wonder. I am also going to try swaddling this baby. Sage was born in July and it always seemed too hot and I ended up letting him sleep on his tummy because he would wake himself on his back by flailing his arms. I bought this cool Kiddopotomus swaddler that is the right size and uses velcro to keep the baby tight. And I have a Baby Bjorn carrier that I imagine I will use a lot more with this second baby than I did the first. Errands such as grocery shopping and trips to Target will be made easier if Sage can continue to sit in the seat which means to have room to buy anything, I can't put the carrier in the back but need to also have my hands free to grab my purchases. It sounds so exciting and new and scary!

I have decided not to take Sage out of his crib. Maybe we will try around his two year birthday which would make the baby 4 months old. Then we will see about making the transition fromour room to Sages room. The co-sleeper can be used until he is 6 months old and then if we have to, he can sleep in the pack-n-play. Sage does so well in his crib and he seems so little for a huge bed. Not to mention that he stands up and jumps in his crib and talks to himself which usually buys me a bit of time in the morning before I get him out of bed. I wonder too about how I am going to feed both boys right away in the morning. Sage still gets a sippy cup of milk warmed up right away in the morning and I always hold him while he drinks it. It is like our cuddle, wake up time. I don't want to give that up. I am just not worrying about it and hoping it works itself out!

I am also going to try desperatly hard to get this baby to take a pacifier. I just like the idea that it will calm the baby, reduce the risk of SIDS, and when I think he is too old, I can throw it away. Have I mentioned that Sage has just recently started wanting a pacifier? Only in the car, but I am thinking I should throw them away so that habit gets kicked before the baby comes. Silly that at 18 months, he all of the sudden is interested in a pacy.

I am getting more and more excited to see what this baby looks like. I think I have been so preoccupied with how I am going to handle two kids that I haven't thought too much about how sweet it will be to have a newborn and change 10 - 12 diapers a day and to nurse every 3 hours and to not get a full night of sleep and to be spit up on and to see his first smile and to watch him grow and develop and interact with Sage. There will be good times and bad and I am guessing that the good will outweigh the bad!

I am 31 weeks yesterday, down to single digits for how much time is left. I bought the changing pad mattress today for our dresser. We still need a dresser and I need to wash the clothes, and buy the double stroller. Not too much to do. After we decide about a dresser, that will help so I can organize Sage's room. Currently, he has a stack of clothes on top of his dresser. Some for next winter for him and some of the babies and the babies are scrunched into half of his dresser. I also need to buy a storage container and put away Sage's t-shirts from last summer that don't fit anymore. It won't take that long, just waiting for a dresser decision. We thought about buying plastic drawers from Target but that will be a temporary solution for a long term problem. Anyway... I need to give Sage a bath and put him to bed!

Thankful Thursday

I almost forgot!

1. For my friend, Tasha, who buys me lunch at the mall. Unnecessary but sweet. And she makes me laugh while we are together!

2. Sage being nice to the other kids at the play area at mall today. Exept for the one he smacked in the face. But then he was nice and petted his head!

3. Sage giving me random hugs, kisses and snuggles!

4. Drew sending me a very sweet text message (since he has been at school for 15+ hours today).

5. People who are kind enough to tell an 8 month pregnant woman that she looks great! Liars, but it makes me feel good!

18 Month Well Baby

I took Sage to his 18 month well baby check up yesterday. He weighs 28 lbs 11 oz and is 33 inches tall. I forgot to ask where that is on the growth chart. He was really good. He wouldn't say any words for the dr but he did let her examine him without crying and he did cry during the shots but not for very long.

I felt like a bad mom. I didn't change his diaper before we went. We got there and his diaper had leaked. His onesie was all wet as were his jeans. He had to wear wet jeans home. He could have cared less. He never cares if his diaper is wet or poopy. He would stay in it for as long as I would let him, which isn't long when I figure it out! Oh well, I am sure they have seen worse.

He is still into coloring except the most fascinating parts are taking the marker caps on and off and putting the crayons into and out of the bag. Not much coloring actually takes place. Why does he put crayons and markers in his mouth? At least they are non-toxic.

We were at the mall today and he was playing in the playland and smacked a little boy on the face. Then he started "petting" him on the head since that is how we taught him to be gentle. Maybe petting the head wasn't such a great idea.

I am loving buying matching shirts for the boys. The other day I got excited because I will be able to buy them matching shirts for Easter! What a dumb thing to get excited about. But Drew even piped up and said yeah, all 3 of us could match! How cute!

Not much to say

A random family picture taken at Rockefeller Center.

I missed delurking week last week. I don't know why. I delurked on some of my favorite sites. I have also found some new blogs to read daily. I haven't figured out how to make a blogroll but have thought about trying to figure it out.

30 weeks and counting now. It has gone really fast. He moves a lot and is starting to not just kick but stretch and push against me. I have braxton hics daily. I counted 3 during church on Sunday, so nothing to be worried about, but I definitly notice them!

Drew is going to London for a few days next month. I must admit that I am a little jealous. I would love to go to London! Normally, I would try to figure out how to get out of here but by that time, I will be 34 weeks pregnant. I don't know what the cutoff is for flying but I decided that I would be uncomfortable enough that it wouldn't be worth it flying with 2 infants in my lap! I think I will go stay with a friend for a few days who lives about an hour away. Hopefully, we can make it to a mall in NY that she has been telling me about! The loneliest part of the day will be dinnertime without Drew. I don't love cooking so making dinner for Sage and I seems boring. Of course, I will feed us, it just won't be gormet or anything, not that it ever is.

Tonight we had taco soup and corn bread. I have declared Sunday nights a "no cook" night for me so everyone (except Sage) is on their own. Drew isn't usually home anyway, so it means I feed Sage either leftovers or something that I would normally give him for lunch. Speaking of lunch, any ideas for a toddler? I am not too creative. He gets peanut butter sandwiches, cheese and crackers (whole wheat), macaroni and cheese, and sides of varying fruit. Any ideas? I would really appreciate them.

Pregnancy Update Week 29

Weight: 168

I had my dr. appointment today. It had been 6 weeks since my last visit and my weight gain was 14lbs! Yikes. I knew that was coming. I measured 30, but technically I will be 30 weeks Saturday so that doesn't seem like a big deal to me. My total weight gain is 25lbs so far. My goal was less but, what can you do? I would really like to see myself not go over 178, that would be 35lbs total. Think I can do it?! We'll see. More fruits and less crap for me! Well, for today.

I told her about some wierd movements that I have felt. It feels like a spastic movement. All of the sudden I will feel a rapid fast movement. I haven't felt it for 2 days now but it is something that I have noticed again and again. She said it is probably just a weird movement that my baby does! All his other movements are normal and getting stronger. Also, I asked about braxton hics and she said up to 8 an hour is normal but if it starts feeling like the beginning of labor to call. I don't think I get that many an hour, just more than I did with Sage.

I now start going to the dr. every 2 weeks. And my appointments are later in the afternoon like 3 which means a longer wait because she has had all day to get backed up. Bummer. But it means I am closer to the end of pregnancy! Today, they told me she was 2 hours behind but then I got called about an hour after my scheduled appointment and ended up seeing someone else. I saw a midwife (which I normally see), but this one could actually deliver me. I also asked about what to do when I go into labor, who to call etc. and who might deliver me at the hospital. The run down is since I am a midwife patient, I will most likely be delivered by a midwife. Currently, there are 3 midwives at the hospital whom I won't meet before delivery and two that deliver and see patients in the office. I have met one. Unfortunatly, they are 1 person short, so if I go into labor on a Sunday or Monday night, I will be delivered by a resident midwife.

A first year med student is "shadowing" me to learn more about pregnancy. He is about 21 or 22 and his knowledge of pregnancy is very limited. Anyway, he is very nice and has been coming to my appointments. He will also try to be at the labor and delivery. It is strange, especially after the first week and I saw him at church! Kind of weird, but he is learning and I am glad to help. He told the midwife and me today that until last week, he didn't know what a tampon was! Kind of funny. Too bad, he can't shadow me for a day and I could relay all the aches and pains and other no fun stuff that goes with pregnancy! He was curious why I prefer a midwife to deliver me. I said because typically, midwives are more apt to let things take a natural course which is what I prefer. I don't want to have drugs and I don't want to be offered them, making it easier to take them. I did it with Sage, so why not try again. With Sage, I started dialating at 36 weeks and by 38 weeks was 5cm dialated at my office visit. I went in one night with consistent contractions but by the time I got to the hospital, they stopped. I was sent home with instructions to come back in if anything started again and they would break my water. That night at about 10 I went in, they broke my water and Sage was born at 2:18. I am not saying that was the easiest 4 hours of my life, but it was bearable. By the time, I said I can't do it anymore, I was dialtated to 9.5, so no turning back. Anyway, since he asked me that, I thought I better write a birth plan and take it to one of my next appointments. I also need to set up a time to tour the hospital so we can figure out where we go during the day and after hours.

New Bib

Since Sage has started to feed himself more and more, I noticed a step up in a bib might be necessary. Food tends to spill more easily. I bought a Baby Bjorn soft bib. You know the ones with the big pocket to catch dropped food. He has used it once and it is great! I didn't have to pick food out from in between and beneath his legs. It was a little pricey, $7, but so far seems to be worth it. If only I had it this morning for breakfast when he kept dropping cheerios off his spoon. There is always tomorrow!

I have a dr. appointment today so will post later all the exciting details!

Sage was sitting on my lap and I was showing him how to put his hands on my belly to feel the baby move. Of course, the baby didn't move but then Sage looked at me and put his hands on his own belly! It was so cute! He is so funny!

Not going to throw in the towel yet

Today has been better. I don't want to quit and leave... as much.

Sage and I went to a playgroup this morning at Timbertown. It is a store that sells outdoor play equipment and have a bunch set up in 2 big rooms. For $5, you kid can play on all the equipment. Sage stayed very entertained for an hour and a half! Pretty good. I would always want to go with another mom to talk to but wouldn't mind taking him myself either.

Sage is getting so independant. He really likes to feed himself all meals. He is still sometimes okay with me spoon feeding him, like at lunch when I forgot his bib and didn't want applesauce all over his shirt! It takes him forever to eat, which makes me eat slower or do other things while he is still eating. Sometimes, I read or get on the computer, or shower. And his spoon abilities have improved a lot. I now understand why people spend $10 on the baby bjorn bib because it looks like it will actually catch the food he drops, his bib now has a pocket but food pretty much slides over the pocket.

It has been very warm here. Yesterday, we took a walk outside and I let him play at the playground. It was 50 degrees! Not the winter I am used to or was expecting! I wish I had taken my camera but of course didn't think about it!

A day I want to move back

Today is a day I want to move back to IA. And there is one main reason and it isn't my family today. Today the reason is the church we left. We left an incredible, awesome, thriving church. Cornerston Chruch of Ames. It is a bigger church with 3 services and a meeting room that holds 650 people. It has an awesome band making worshipping Jesus so easy. The people there are real and genuine sharing real sin struggles and making it easy to relate to them whether they are the pastor or just a member. It was so easy to be involved there. The women's ministry had Bible studies during the day with childcare provided. I had to pay for childcare, but I didn't have to find it myself. There were also connection groups that Drew and I would attend together. They were in the evening, after dinner and again,, they would help find childcare. The only one that we were in after Sage was born, we would take him with and he would play in the basement with a 13year old watching him. That was good since we were right upstairs and were able to hear him if he was crying. I was always challenged at church. Challenged to deepen my faith and grow my relationship with God.

Since moving here. I haven't felt those same challenges. Our pastors style is not as relational, more stories and ancedotes. And I have a hard time following him. And getting involved has been difficult. The nursery is less than stellar because of lack of space. Currently, we share a building but will be moving buildings somewhere at the ten of the month. There isn't much for young married couples but they are starting to develop that area more. Drew and I had offerred to host a young married Bible study at our house beginning in Feb. It would have been a win win situation for us because we could put Sage to bed and then have the study. Which would take care of child care issues. Drew didn't want to lead the group because he is so involved in school and was afraid he didn't have the time to do a good job. So, it is going to be at someone elses house and they are going to lead. THey are actually our good friends and I really want to go but what do we do with Sage? He is too old to take. He won't just sit on our lap and listen. And I have written about babysitters previously. Drew says we will work it out. I just feel so defeated. I have already been struggling with my relationship with God because I don't have as much support here as I did there and now it seems like this is just one more strike against me. I read my Bible and pray most days but not everyday and I don't get as much out of it as I would like and it is always good to be in a study and hear others thoughts and just get to know people.

Plus today is Monday and Mondays are hard for me for some reason. I usually don't have much planned to do besides clean and I feel a little down. Going to church used to be such a joy and I would look forward to it, now I feel like I go because I know it is good for me and I should. I am sure all thiese crazy pregnancy hormones running through my body aren't making things easier for me. It makes me want to start looking for a different church again. And then I think that we already know so many people and the fellowship is good. The church is good, I just feel lost and worn down and sad.

Making Life Easier

We made life a little easier this weekend by removing the keyboard tray from our computer desk and setting the keyboard higher where Sage cannot reach. Our computer is in our dining room, which I like because it is in the open and it is where people aren't napping or sleeping. We want our computer in the open and where the family is so that when our kids are old enough to be on it, they can be easily monitored by anyone who happens to be in the room or walks by. So, we might as well get used to it and keep it out now. The problem is that Sage is fascinated by the keyboard and loves to touch it. I am sure this isn't uncommon. So, he was getting disciplined a lot for touching and personally, I was getting tired of it and probably too relaxed and would say Do not touch and then not follow up. My question is, is it bad to remove all temptation from his life? I mean there are other things we don't want him playing in or with so we have eliminated those things too. For example, the bathroom, I don't want him getting toilet paper and kleenex by himself or getting into the dangerous chemicals that are stored under the cupboard so I put a doorknob cover on and shut the door. What is the line between keeping him safe and not allowing him to learn self control? And can self control be learned at 18 months?

The other day, he brought his blankie out of his crib after his nap. Later, when he had dropped it, I asked him to pick it up and take it back to his crib. He picked up the blankie and threw it back down on the floor and yelled. I told him no that isn't the way we behave and asked again. Same thing. I spanked him. He cried. I asked again but changed it to ask him to put it in his room. He picked it up walked to his room and dropped it into his room. Man, I was so happy that disciplining worked and once again, amazed at how much he understands!

He said juice the other day too! A couple of times. Today, he was playing with his new alphabet Leap Frog refrigerator game and had pushed the P and made the puh sound when the song said every letter makes a sound and p says puh. Drew and I both heard it and looked at him in amazement. Will we be this amazed when the second child does something or learns something? I hope so. I hope we can always be amazed at our children and what they are learning and doing. However, this second pregnancy hasn't been as talked about as the first. I have still been reading the week by week book and still am amazed at the movements but I feel like this is more of a countdown to unknown and with Sage it was a countdown to excitement of when we bring the baby home. I do feel excited about bringing the baby home but I feel a lot more nervous too. Funny, since I already have the newborn experience under my belt. Maybe that is what makes me more nervous, I know what to expect and I wonder how I will handle it with an older child also.

I know I will figure it out and life will go on, it has to! I am telling myself to be more relaxed with things. I think I am so into my routine of keeping the house this clean, the dishes done, groceries bought, meals planned and made, and myself showered everyday that I don't want that to change and if it doesn't change after the baby is born, I would be superwoman! I have to relax with things more. But that scares me because if I don't do it, no one will so it just won't get done and then we won't have food to eat! RELAX. Things always get done somehow, food gets eaten, dishes get cleaned up, dust bunnies get swept... eventually! I need to change my mindset and let myself adjust to life with two kids. Okay enough, there are plenty of women who have done it before me so it can be done and it will get done.

I think we have solved our double stroller dilema. We are going to save money that we receive as gifts and put it towards the stroller that we both think solves all the stroller issues the best and it happens to be the most expensive one that we were looking at! It is a Phil and Teds Most Excellent Buggy. I would link it but don't know how, so google away if interested. It is a three wheeled stroller with the front swivel wheel. It can be a single or double stroller. It can be used as a jogger or at the mall or around town. We have many things to look for in a double stroller. The first being, can it fit in our Saturn? Graco duoglide? Tight, maybe, maybe not. If it does, it is our whole trunk. Maclaren? Yes. Those were the top 3 strollers. Phil and Ted's? Yes and it takes less space than our current stroller, Graco metrolite. Those are the top 3 strollers. We considered a sit and stand and then thought that Sage is still a little too little for that and when you put the carseat in the front so an infant can sit there, the child in back is forced to stand and not sit, making it a bad fit for our family. Second question. Is it a good stroller for at a mall as well as navigating bumping sidewalks and using it to take walks for exercise? Graco. It seems to handle those situations well. Maclaren. Mall, yes sidewalks and for exercise not the greatest. It has small wheels making it easy to get caught on bumps. Phil and Teds. Yes. And it can be used as a jogger. I would like to say that I will definitly use that feature but don't want to make a liar of myself or use it only once. I imagine that I will jog and be oh so fit and cute this summer, but I know walking is probably what I will end up doing the most. As you can see, the three most important questions only one stroller answered yes to all three with an exceptional yes. The only concern is the NY subway. But in all actuality all three of these strollers would be a concern riding the NY subway and since we don't live there and just go visit, we will have to make it work. So, if anyone wants to contribute to our double stroller fund, we accept paypal, debit only =) Just kidding.

What about Levi or Augustus? Levi is my pick for the day and Augustus is Drews. Then again...

Randomness

Sage has added two new words to his vocabulary this week. Bible and baby. Bible was all on his own. Every night before bed, we read to him from a Bible story book while he drinks his milk. One night this week, he pointed to it and said Bible! Today, I was looking at the magezine, American Baby and he pointed to a baby and I said baby, can you say baby and he said baby! But only once.

Sage's favorite word is dada. All day long, everything is dada, dada, dada. Walking through Target, he is yelling dada. Dada is at work Sage. DADA. Dada is at work Sage. DADA, DADA. All day long. Everything he points to is dada, dada. Cute, but come on, what about mama?! Yesterday, it sounded like he said nana and the day before, papa. But when he only says things once, I wonder if he really meant to say them?

This baby growing inside me is a mover and a shaker. Sage was a non-mover kind of baby, and his personality has shown that to be true. He is laidback and pretty easy going. Very flexible and goes with the flow. If he misses a nap, no big deal, he usually isn't any worse off. Back to the subject at hand. This baby moves and kicks with such intensity. It will catch me off guard. The other day, I was walking into a playgroup and almost said ow outloud twice in a row!

Naming the baby, we are at such a loss. We ordered a book and it should be coming soon. But I don't know if we can find something that we like. We would like our kids names to have meaning. Sage means wise and we want him to be wise and his middle name is Andrew after his dad. We also want something unique. No name from the top 100 baby names for us. That is more me than Drew. I don't want my kid to be Aiden S. in his kindergarten class. Although, I like the name Aiden. And on the other hand, we don't want to have to explain his name for the rest of his/our life. So, we don't want something totally normal or totally weird. What a quandry!

Yesterday, I was thinking about how much I love Sage and love to kiss his cheeks and hold him and hug him all the time. Do you think I, as a parent will feel that same love toward him when he is a teenager? I don't think my love for Sage will diminish, but does it? I hope not. It will just change forms in how I show my love.

This pregnancy, I have had so many more aches, pains and braxton hics. Yesterday was especially bad. I went to the mall to walk and it had been a couple of weeks because of the holidays and being gone. Well, I only walked for 20 minutes and felt very tired and achy. I had some returns and a little shopping I wanted to get done then we ate lunch and Sage played in the playground for about a half hour. We were both exhausted and as soon as we got into the car, Sage settled in to fall asleep. We both took naps when we got home, but that didn't help or ease my achiness or tiredness. I went to bed at nine last night, got up at 12 to go to the bathroom and eat two choc. chip cookies (first time I have been hungry in the middle of the night) woke up at 6 when Drew woke up Sage by coughing in the bathroom right next to Sage's room. But we both went back to sleep until 8! Today, we are taking it easy. Maybe a little housework, maybe a trip to Target, we'll see how much I feel like doing! It is getting harder and harder to carry Sage. I let him walk quite a few places, but it also makes me so nervous. Especially walking in a parking lot out to our car. We have a basic Saturn. No auto locks. So, I have to hold his hand, get my keys, unlock the front door, hold his hand, while not dropping my purse or bags on his head, reach in and unlock the back door while not letting go of his hand, once his hand is let go of, he is gone. It is very challenging!

Sage's newest favorite activity is coloring! He will color twice a day. He prefers markers, not crayons! He can take the lids on and off by himself! And thinks it is funny when he "accidently" colors on his hands and thinks it is amazing when the marker washes off! If we talk about coloring, he will look at his hands to see if there are any marks on them from before! He did color on a pair of pants, on purpose. I bet it will happen again!

As you can see by this blog, my life is Sage and being pregnant right now! They are the top two things on my mind and what is on my mind comes out in this blog!

Something New

I am starting something new that I read off someone else's blog. It is called Thankful Thursday.

1. I am thankful for an incredible son who has been a huge blessing in my life.

2. I am thankful for an incredible husband who is so supportive of me staying home with our incredible son!

3. I am thankful to be pregnant with a second son and having the pregnancy going so well.

4. I am thankful that we found such a great apartment when we moved here.

5. I am thankful for the mall playground so Sage can burn some energy and I can sit!

6. I am thankful for goldfish to keep Sage quiet while I shop and walk!

There are really so many things to be thankful for and I could go on and on but dinner needs to be made and I need to figure out how to make potato soup!

Another post on the pregnancy later...

The Smartest Toddler Award

And it goes to...

SAGE! Of course! Today I had a conversation with him Sage style. I asked him if he would like a snack, he answered by signing hungry and nodding yes. I gave him a bowl mixed with cheerios and ginger cookies (they really are decently healthy). He picked through the bowl eating only the cookies. When they were gone, he signed more please. I said you don't want the cheerios? He shook his head no and I said oh only the cookies, he shook his head yes and signed more please. I gave him more and he signed thank you!

I can't believe how much he understands and then it frustrates me that he doesn't speak. He always gets his point across. Usually by signing or pointing. He does say dada, ba (bath), ba (ball) and those two really do sound different, and mama. He signs or has made his own signs for hot, water, music, more, hungry, banana, please, thank you, and milk.

He doesn't drink much water. He asks for milk and if I give him water he makes a yucky face. But I think he drinks too much milk and I don't want to give him too much juice. I tried having him drink a cup of water today and he only drank about half.

Anyway... he is so much fun. It is hard to believe how much and how fast he has grown over the last 17 months.

I leave you with a picture of Sage and all his cousins at Christmas. Yes, there are 7 boys under the age of 5 and I will add another boy to the group this March! And yes, my child is the one screaming his head off!


Back Row: Samantha and Britta
Front Row: Chase, Tate, Ethan, Noah, Sage, Daniel and Caleb

Something Changed

All 3 of us were in IA, Drew was getting ready to come home and work for a week before classes started again. And I had an unexplainable desire to be home. I didn't want to stay in IA for a week longer, I just wanted to come home. There were many reasons, I didn't want to be away from Drew, I was exhausted from so much traveling and living out of a suit case for 2 weeks, and I just wanted to be home. Home is CT, not IA.

We got home yesterday and guess what, I was sad. Sad because the much anticipated trip of going to see our family is over. Sad because, our apartment is so lonely with only us three. Sad because our families are so far away. Sad because even though we saw everyone, we didn't get to spend time with everyone. Especially my family. The time with my family was chaotic. I didn't really get to talk to my brothers or sister or in-laws. We all have kids and time was short. I love being with them all but I wish I could spend more time just talking. Not about anything deep just being together and talking and laughing about nothing at all.

The big trip is over. The next big thing coming up is the birth of the new baby. And I am scared. Scared that I won't be able to hack it as a stay at home mom of two. Scared that I am going to be so tired. Scared that Drew will be in the middle of his semester and won't be able to help me adjust. Scared that I will be stuck at home, and all my feelings of lonliness will come back. Scared. But I do know that God will help me and I just have to ask. Asking is the easy part, it is believing that he will help that is hard. I know he will help but truly believing is difficult. I know too that I am borrowing worries about tomorrow when I need to concentrate on today. I need to get back into a routine and get my apartment in order. I feel tired and overwhelmed. But I just have to take one small step at a time. Everything will get done and put away eventually.

Sage was such a good traveller. He woke up some in the night but usually went back to sleep himself and his naps were mostly non-existent. He did great on the plane trips there and back. I was thankful to have Drew with us. My belly is getting bigger and harder to hold Sage. Amazingly, we didn't use as many toys like when I travelled alone with Sage. Drew held him, let him get between his legs, showed him the air buttons and I don't know. The flight home was at 7:30 so we got up at 4:30 and woke Sage at 5:30. He actually fell asleep on Drew! That is a rarity with a 17 month old. I think they both enjoyed sleeping on the plane together.

We had a great trip and wouldn't change. We definitly wouldn't want to stay home!